Chapter 4
FOUR
“You look incredibly hot in a cowboy hat.” Candace looped her arms around Ryan’s neck and lifted up onto her toes to drop a light kiss on his mouth.
“Yeah?” That spark in her eyes had him imagining him on top of her, wearing nothing but the hat.
“Mm-hmm. And your beard makes you look the part even more.”
She liked it when he grew a beard, which was pretty often for his job. And he loved rubbing it all over her bare skin.
Grasping her hips, he pulled her into his body.
“Hmm, maybe I should skip the hunting trip and stay here with you instead.” Things seemed better between them today, which was a relief.
He’d expected her to say the dreaded words “we need to talk” as soon as they’d come back to the room late last night, but she hadn’t.
Maybe it was the champagne, but she’d curled into him when he’d pulled her onto the bed and taken everything off her but those sexy red heels.
She’d been anything but cool with him after that.
Afterward, holding her in the darkness as they drifted off to sleep, he hadn’t brought up the issue, because hey, he wasn’t stupid.
She laughed, the husky sound going straight to his groin. “You’d rather get a facial and pedicure?”
“I’d rather tie you to the bed again and make you come over and over.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Like you’ve been sex-deprived since you got here.”
He shrugged. “I just can’t get enough of you.” His sincerity must have registered with her because the look in her deep brown eyes softened.
“That feeling is mutual,” she murmured, and kissed him gently once more before pulling back.
She was pretending like nothing was wrong, but something was definitely still off.
She’d been gone again when he’d woken up this morning and had only come back to the room a few minutes ago, right before he had to leave to meet the others.
She was going out of her way to avoid talking about the issue between them.
He didn’t know why she couldn’t let it go, but he was getting to the point where he just wanted to confront her and get the damn conversation over with.
Now wasn’t a good time, though, not when he was about to go away for the better part of two days.
Because if things got heated, he didn’t want to leave things worse between them and give it time to fester.
Not that he was a genius with shit like that, but he knew that much.
“We’d better get a move on so you can get acquainted with your horse,” she said, and moved to the door like she couldn’t get out of the room fast enough. Like she couldn’t wait to escape him.
His patience snapped.
He stopped her with a hand on the shoulder and spun her around. “All right,” he said, staring down into her face. They’d avoided this long enough. “What’s the matter?”
Her expression shuttered and she broke eye contact. “I don’t want to do this right now. Not right before you’re about to head off and we won’t see each other for a couple days.”
Normally he would leave it, but it was driving him nuts that she was holding back. It also surprised him, since Candace had never been one to mince words when she had something on her mind. “No. Tell me what the problem is.”
Her dark eyes flashed up to meet his, and a spark of resentment burned there. “Pretty sure you already know what the problem is.”
Nope. “If this is because I snapped at you on the phone that time, I already apologized.”
Her lips thinned, outrage flashing in her eyes. “You seriously think that’s what’s been bothering me all this time? That you snapped at me?”
Releasing her, he took a step back and folded his arms. “Okay, fine. Then tell me what is bothering you, so we can deal with it.” They would resolve whatever it was, move past it, and then make the most of their time here together.
“I’m not doing this right now. We don’t have time,” she muttered, and turned back for the door.
Her response pushed his frustration even higher.
“When are we going to talk about it then? Tomorrow night after the big dinner with Erin’s and Wade’s families?
Between the wedding and the reception? Or were you planning to wait until we were on the way to the airport on Sunday morning?
” Because as far as he could see, basically there was no good time for this discussion, and they couldn’t leave things the way they were.
Her spine stiffened. She spun around to face him, her jaw set. “I don’t need or appreciate the attitude. I’ve been biting my tongue since you got here, trying to keep things peaceful.”
“Is that what you call it? Avoiding me whenever you can is keeping things peaceful?” He raised an eyebrow. “For who? You, or everyone else?”
Anger sparked in her eyes. “For everyone. And you know exactly what’s wrong, so don’t stand there and pretend you don’t.”
They were both strong-willed people, and neither of them backed down when they felt strongly about something. Thankfully, they didn’t fight all that often. “Okay, then let’s hear it.”
“Fine.” Her chin came up. “I want out.”
He went still, his gut tightening. She couldn’t mean them. Their marriage. “Out of what?”
“The Air Force.”
He frowned, his insides relaxing. That’s what all this was about? “I thought we already decided that would be a mistake.”
“No, you decided it would be a mistake, and at the time, I was only talking about the possibility of leaving.” Her dark eyes speared his, and he was actually glad to see the anger there because it meant they were going to have this out here and now.
Her leaving the military made absolutely no sense to him whatsoever. Bewildered him, actually. “You’ve worked so hard to get where you are. Now you’re saying you want out? To do what?”
Some of the anger faded from her gaze, replaced by a vulnerability she rarely let anyone see, even him. “I don’t know, Ryan. That’s the problem, and why I tried to talk to you about it before.”
“So then why not stay in until you do? Why the huge rush to get out, lose a steady paycheck and benefits?”
“Money’s not everything, Ryan.”
“Easy for you to say.” As soon as the words were out of his mouth he felt like a total dick and wanted to take them back. “I didn’t mean...” Yeah, he had. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
To her credit, rather than exploding at him, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly before speaking.
“Look, I know things were really tight for you when you were growing up, and I realize I had a privileged childhood. But we’re both good with our money and we’ve saved a lot since we’ve been in.
Financially we’re fine, even if I take a few months to find another job. ”
That lifelong specter of financial anxiety took hold. “And while you’re doing that, we’re going to eat up a good chunk of what we’ve saved.” She didn’t understand what it was like to not have money. How stressing about finances triggered him.
She hadn’t grown up living off canned goods and boxes of mac and cheese every day for months while his dad stretched the money he brought home as far as it could go so he could still cover his monthly alimony payments and the mortgage.
She’d spent her summers at a beach house in Cape Cod, while the highlight of his summers was the single trip to the ice cream shop he’d made with his dad on Labor Day each year.
He’d be damned if he allowed them to struggle like that now, even for a day.
“We need to be smart about this, save for the future, because you said you want to stay home for the first few years if we have kids.” Yeah, her family was filthy rich and would probably help them out if things got tight, but he’d rather die than take a handout from them.
Something she knew perfectly well and thus far had respected.
“I do, but you’re not hearing me. I want out, and I’ve made the decision to leave as soon as my contract’s done. I’ve already sent in the paperwork.”
He put his hands on his hips. “So I get no say in this at all?” Not that he was a marriage expert by any means, but weren’t decisions like that supposed to be made together? Especially when it affected their financial future.
“Sure you get a say, but that doesn’t mean you get to decide what I do with the rest of my life.
” He opened his mouth to argue, but she cut him off.
“I also want to have kids before I hit thirty-five, which isn’t too far away.
And I have to admit, the idea of being a single mom while you serve continual combat deployments overseas doesn’t sound so awesome either. ”
He blinked. “What does that mean? Now you want me to get out too?”
“No,” she said, frustration clear in her voice.
Her whole argument made no sense to him at all. It wasn’t logical. “Then what? Why do you want out so bad?”
“Because I can’t do this anymore, okay? I can’t.” Guilt punched through him at the tremor in her voice. She was one of the strongest people he’d ever known, so seeing her this upset took him off guard.
“Do what?” he asked, not understanding why she seemed so emotional about this, but she spun away and ripped the door open before he could stop her.
He rushed out into the hallway after her. Thankfully it was empty. “Candace.” This was crazy. “Can’t do what?” Fly the aircraft she loved? Serve the country they both loved?
She shook her head and kept going, marching for the elevator, back ramrod straight, head held high. He pushed out a frustrated breath and followed.
Goddamn it. This was bullshit and there was no way he was letting this go until he understood what was going on.
What the hell had she meant? What couldn’t she do anymore?
She loved flying the Spectre. She was proud of her job and rightly so. Wanting to leave the Air Force without a clear plan in mind was totally unlike her. He tamped down his irritation and got into the elevator with her without a word, giving them both a few moments to rein in their tempers.