Chapter 20 #2
His brows knitted together as he considered my words. “No, that hadn’t occurred to me.”
“Have you done this before? I can’t imagine you’ve worn a condom every time. You must have slipped up once or twice.”
He scowled at me. “No, I don’t slip up , Lola. I’ve been with women without a condom before but those women are vetted first.”
‘Vetted’. How romantic.
“So, why didn’t you wear one with me? If it was so important you should have said. I wouldn’t have minded.”
“I didn’t want to.” He shook his head as if he didn’t understand his own actions. “I wanted to feel you, I wanted you to feel me. I trusted you.”
“Apparently not.” If he’d trusted me, he wouldn’t have done this.
“I did trust you, I just...” He pushed away from the door and I let out a breath, my body both relieved and pining for him to come back. He ran his hands through his hair, smoothing it, trying to keep his cool facade in place.
“I woke in the night and I was watching you while you slept. I started thinking about you breaking your word to me. I’ve never cared about any other woman betraying me before.
But the thought of you being the one to try to fuck me over.
..the thought of it was intolerable. So I had Elliot take care of it. ”
I stared at this man, this mercurial, complicated man who couldn’t even look me in the eye.
“Alfie, why didn’t you just talk to me?”
“I don’t know,” he murmured.
“What’s that? The great Alfie Tell doesn’t know something?”
“No. I don’t,” he snapped, the venom in his tone shocking me. “You’re becoming a real fucking problem for me, O’Connell. I don’t do this. I don’t behave this way. I don’t make these irrational, foolish decisions.”
“Then why are you chasing me? If I’m such a problem for you, why did you sleep with me?”
“Because I was trying to get rid of you!”
I was too shocked by his outburst to process the words or how much they hurt. Alfie Tell didn’t shout. It was beneath him. He snapped his jaw shut, pulling back his control.
“I wanted you out of my head. Last night, I was awake long after you’d fallen asleep, waiting for this feeling to be gone, but it just got worse, and when I woke up this morning, it was still there, growing. It didn’t work.”
“You thought you could fuck me out of your system,” I said, surprised at how calm I sounded. He just nodded. I stood there, my arms folded over my towelled chest. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel. “Out of interest, what would you have done with me if it had worked?”
“I would have sent you home. Obviously.”
“And the project? Would you have taken that away?”
He considered that for a moment. “That would have depended on how reasonable you were. If you were going to be unprofessional then yes, I would have taken it away. I can’t have anyone compromising my business.”
I closed my eyes and took a steadying breath. This wasn’t how I thought this morning was going to go but, then again, I’d gone to bed with a notorious playboy with no promise of commitment. Had I really thought we were going to spend the morning eating pancakes and reading the paper together?
“I think I should go,” I said quietly.
“Stay.”
“Why?” I asked, flicking my gaze up to his. “So you can finish working me out of your system?” He opened his mouth, then closed it again.
“I don’t know why I want you to stay.” I watched his brain working a million miles a minute, trying to make sense of colourful me in his monochrome mind.
“You’re freaking out,” I said and his head snapped up.
“What? No I’m not.” His eyes narrowed as if the very idea was a grave insult. Despite how dire this conversation was, I found a smile growing on my face.
“Yeah, you are. You’re having a freak out.
” I let out a small giggle and his eyes widened.
“You’re always Mr Control-Freak and you thought, ‘Hey, I’ll just multiple orgasm this girl into the solar system and get her out of my head.
’ But ha! I’m stuck in there and you’re freaking out like a malfunctioning robot. Cannot. Compute. Human. Emotions.”
He scowled at me, eyes glistening. “I don’t appreciate being laughed at.”
“Well, I don’t appreciate you hacking my medical records, tracking me via GPS, or treating me like I’m some pest to be fucked out of your system.”
He opened his mouth, closed it again, and let out a small sigh.
“Fair point.” He sat on the bed, looking up at me. “I’ve never had a relationship, O’Connell. I’ve never met anyone that I wanted to spend more than a few nights with. Just because I didn’t get you out of my system last night doesn’t mean that I won’t tonight. I can promise you nothing.”
“I know. I’m not exactly promising you anything either.”
“Why did you come with me last night, Lola?” He sounded genuinely curious and I was surprised he didn’t just assume it was because I couldn’t resist a night with the infamous Alfie Tell.
“I don’t know. Maybe I was trying to get you out of my system too.
” It was true, he had seduced me. I’d wanted him beyond rhyme or reason and even now, being with him just felt so inevitable.
I knew the pain of separation was coming, whether it was today or tomorrow or whenever, yet I couldn’t make myself leave.
Maybe a part of me had hoped that going to bed with him just once would just get him out of my head.
“It’s going great, by the way. I’m completely cured of you now.
” The corner of his mouth twitched and he clenched his jaw, suppressing the smile.
“Is there a reason you aren’t allowed to smile around me?
” I asked and his eyes flashed in surprise.
“You always stiffen your face before you let yourself smile.”
“You know, for someone who has accused me of being psychic, you’re rather perceptive yourself.” He looked away from me and waved a dismissive hand. “Being overly emotional is a bad habit.”
My anger over what he’d done to me seemed to melt into the box at the back of my head—the box that held all his other crap that I hadn’t been able to resolve yet.
I walked my overly emotional self towards him.
My instinct was that he needed something from me.
My instincts told me to go to him. Alfie Tell was a multi-layered enigma.
I wasn’t going to solve him in one conversation.
I cupped his cheek and tilted his head up to look at me.
“You’re a big faker, Alfie Tell.” I searched his handsome face, though I wasn’t sure exactly what I was trying to find. I lifted my fingers to trace the small scar that ran through his eyebrow, the only thing that dared to mar his beauty. “How did this happen?” He took my wrist, halting my touch.
“Enough talking.” He flipped me onto my back, his weight pressing me into the bed, leaving me breathless. My body was awash with warring emotions and, looking in his eyes, I could see his was too.
“Trying to fuck me out of your system again?”
He didn’t answer, only stared down at me, clearly trying to gauge my thoughts.
I wondered if he really wanted me out of his system.
I wondered if I wanted him out of mine. It would be a lot safer without him in it, but did I really want to slip back into the slumber I had been in before I met Alfie?
I didn’t know, but I could already feel his tendrils twirling around my bones, deep inside me.
If he wanted to fuck himself free of me, let him try.
I shifted underneath him. The towel fell open. My cheeks heated at my nakedness but I didn’t try to cover myself. Holding his dark gaze, I spread my legs—an invitation. A challenge.