Chapter 25
Twenty-Five
“ Y ou don’t belong in here, baby.” His voice sailed to me through waves of sleep, coaxing me back to consciousness. His arms were under me, lifting me from the hard, uninviting couch I’d crashed out on.
“Time is it?”
“Midnight or so. We’re going to bed but you need a bath first. I think there’s more paint on you than there was on those walls.
” His feet padded lightly on the carpet as he carried me to his bedroom.
His cheek pressed against the top of my head and for a moment I felt safe in his arms. Then the memory of what he did came surging back.
“Put me down.” I was still half-asleep but I did my best to wake up. “I don’t want to be in your bed.” He didn’t bother to respond. I pushed feebly at him even though I knew it was a wasted effort.
He kicked open a door, then another, and the sound of running water greeted me.
I jumped as he set me down on the cold counter top in his bathroom.
It was then I realised he was completely naked, his gloriously smooth skin bare, his cock hard for me even though I looked like hell.
The V of his hips, his strong arms, his broad chest all called to me, but right now, mad as I was, even his bare flesh couldn’t win me over.
He knelt in front of me to pull off my Converse. I kicked him away weakly but he yanked them off before I could stop him. He threw them away with a disgusted grimace. Next, his hands went to the buckles of my dungarees and he undid them with deft fingers.
“Stop.” I batted his hands away. “I’m still mad at you.” I scowled at him and flipped the straps of my dungarees over my shoulders.
He sighed and stepped backwards, watching me with tired resignation as if I was a teenager throwing a tantrum. He didn’t try to stop me though, just watched me undress myself with ragged, angry motions.
“Can you step out, please? I don’t want you seeing me.” He didn’t budge. Fine. If he wanted to see me naked, let him look. Let him torture himself with the sight of me.
I slid off the counter and let my dungarees drop to the floor. I pulled my top over my head and stood in front of him in my mismatched bra and knickers. His nostrils flared when his eyes landed on the bruise forming on my hip. I must have gotten that when I fell off the ladder.
I stalked past him to the huge tub, undoing my bra on the way and tossing it aside.
My underwear followed suit and I heard his harsh intake of breath as I stepped out of them.
I pulled the hair tie out and shook my hair free, letting it fall down my back.
I ran my hands through my scalp, massaging it back to life.
He uttered the lowest of groans and I decided I’d done enough.
I climbed the three marble steps to the tub and he was there, offering me his hand to help me in. I ignored it. The water felt so good on my sore hip that I groaned and sank backwards into the welcoming warmth.
The water sloshed and rose, teasing the tips of my breasts as Alfie joined me. I kept my eyes closed, shutting him out. He stayed at the other end of the huge tub, maintaining a safe distance.
“Look at me.”
“No. If I look at you, I won’t be able to stay in the tub.” Silence filled the room, the tension growing until I couldn’t stand it any longer. I could feel him watching me, willing me to do as he’d commanded. I sighed and gritted my teeth, then forced myself to look at him. Stay calm, Lola.
“ I know that you’re angry that I stepped in tonight, but you were drunk. I was concerned about your safety.”
“I told you I was at Keira’s. This wasn’t about my safety, Alfie. This was about you not getting what you wanted. Just like with the school garden, you couldn’t stand the idea of me having a good time with anyone who isn’t you.”
“Is that really what you think?”
“It’s what you prove to me,” I snapped. He ran a hand over his eyes like he was getting a headache. I started to ask if he was alright before my stubborn side jumped up and clamped my mouth shut. “How did you find me anyway?”
He gave me a blank look, like he was preparing for a new wave of conflict that was about to hit. It only took a second before it hit me, and when it did, I rubbed a hand over my eyes just like Alfie had done. I was getting a headache too.
“Fucking trackers,” I growled. “I want them gone, Alfie.”
“No.”
“Why not?” I don’t know why I bothered asking, I knew it was pointless. Before he could spout more excuses, I sank and submerged my head under the water, drowning him out. I wanted to purge myself of him.
I stayed there until my ears popped. When my lungs felt like they were about to burst, I caved and rushed back to the surface with a gasp.
He was still there. His strong arms rested on the sides of the tub. His cold eyes focused on me, trying to figure out his next move.
Everything between us was always such a battle of wills, a test of wits. The nights we’d spent together had made me forget that as perfectly as our bodies aligned, the rest of us was at war.
My gaze fell on a low porcelain table sitting by the tub, holding every kind of toiletry I might need.
My heart softened at the sight of it. They hadn’t been there yesterday.
He could have had me make do with the male toiletries but instead he’d gone to the trouble of making sure I had my own things.
He watched me as I reached for the shampoo bottle. I didn’t recognise the brand but it looked expensive. My store-brand hair was going to be in heaven. I squirted more than I needed into my hand and massaged it into my scalp.
He took a breath. It was tense and uncertain, like he wasn’t as sure of his ability to win me over as he once was. “What is it going to take to fix this? More jewellery for you to throw away?” His eyes followed a trail of shampoo as it snaked its way over my shoulder and down my right breast.
“Apologise,” I said, shocking him back into the moment.
His eyes narrowed at me but I didn’t back down.
“Your controlling bullshit is a problem, Alfie. I thought I could ignore it until you left and this was over, but I can’t.
Not when you’re pulling stunts like that in front of people I care about.
Apologise and promise you’ll never do anything like that again. ”
“I can’t.” He lifted his chin at me and, despite how angry I was, I had to admire his honesty. He didn’t lie or try to placate me just to get out of the argument. I took the shower head out of its holder and Alfie watched in silence as I rinsed the suds from my hair.
By the time I was done, there was a crease between Alfie’s brows. “I didn’t like seeing you like that, Lola.”
“I was just a little tipsy.”
“It—” He clamped his mouth shut as if he didn’t want to let the words free. “It’s a problem for me.”
I hugged my knees to my chest, looking at him. What was I missing here? There was a secret behind his eyes and if I had any hope of understanding him, I needed to know what it was. “Why?”
“People are reckless when they’re drunk,” he said, looking me dead in the eye. “You should know that better than anyone.” My stomach twisted at his words.
“More manipulation, Alfie? Using the death of my mother to make me feel guilty for having a drink with a friend? That’s pathetic.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?” I asked, but his face had shut down again, becoming unreadable once more. I gritted my teeth in frustration. “I’m really trying, Alfie, but I’m not psychic. You have to give me something. What happened to you?” His cold, steel gaze threw up a big no trespassing sign in my face.
Silence stretched on for what felt like an age before I finally gave in.
Exhaustion hit me in a wave and I felt so much like crying.
He was so horribly far away from me and I hated it.
Why wouldn’t he talk to me? Why did he need to control me all the time?
I wanted to push him for answers, but I knew it was pointless.
I felt the closeness we’d shared over the last week shattering in a thousand pieces.
I caved and picked up the conditioner bottle from the basket, and held it out to him.
“I don’t know what to do,” he said and I shrugged.
“Me neither.” I didn’t know what to do, about anything. The least he could do was figure out how to wash my hair. He reached for the bottle as if it might bite and then took it as if I might snatch it away.
I turned in the tub until I was between his thighs, my back to him.
His movements were slow, slightly awkward, pausing at times, unsure what to do next. He’d never washed a woman’s hair before and the knowledge comforted me. I sighed as he began to massage my scalp.
He rinsed my hair out, taking his time until it was a thick, silken mass down my back.
When he was finished, he eased me backwards until I was leaning against his chest. His heart was hammering against me as if it was about to burst free.
I peeked up at him but he showed no sign of feeling anything, his usual aloof expression in place.
I turned my head to listen to his heart and if it was possible it got faster, louder. He was hiding so much from me.
His fingers begin to massage my shoulders, moving in small, slow circles, working out the tension.
It felt incredible. His hands drifted, his fingertips tracing over my arms and dancing over the skin of my stomach before moving upwards and cupping my breasts.
He trapped my nipples and gave them a tug.
“Don’t,” I whispered and his hands froze in place. I couldn’t do this. Not now. I was too lost.
“Are you refusing me?”
“Yes.” I brushed his hands away and stood up, climbing out of the tub and taking care not to slip on the floor.
“Why?” He followed me, tracking my steps to the towel rack. I pulled off a fluffy towel and wrapped myself in it before grabbing another and wrapping it around my wet hair.
“Because of everything that’s happened tonight.”
“But we just fixed all that.”
“No, we didn’t. You didn’t apologise for your behaviour or explain it.
You shut me out as usual and I…I just need to think.
It’s late. I want to go to sleep.” I turned to the mirror and he watched in cold silence as I brushed my teeth.
I bent and rinsed out my mouth, feeling him behind me as I straightened.
“Don’t deny me, Lola.” His hand dipped into the towel, searching for that place between my legs as his silken lips kissed my neck. I wasn’t giving in, not this time.
I turned sharply and shoved at him.
“I said no. Are you going to respect that or not?” He backed away, stunned by the venom in my voice.
I pulled the towel from my hair, grabbed the brush from the toiletries stand and began untangling it in the mirror.
His gaze speared me but I refused to look at him.
Eventually he stalked out, leaving me alone in the steam-filled bathroom.
I will not cry. I will not cry .
I spent a long time unpicking my hair and towel drying it as best as I could. I told myself it was because I didn’t want to sleep with wet hair, but really, I just didn’t want to face him yet.
When I couldn’t put it off any longer, I opened the door, hoping he’d already be asleep.
I found him sitting on his side of the bed, his feet on the floor, his head in his hands, the muscles of his back working with each steadying breath he took.
He looked like he was trying to calm himself.
He turned when he heard me, his grey gaze finding me in the dark.
“If I go and sleep in a different bed tonight, what are the odds of you leaving me there?” I asked.
“Not good.”
I nodded my head. He didn’t like this, but every time I’d let him closer, he’d hurt me somehow. For right now, the wall I was putting up between us was merely self-preservation.
I crossed to the bed without looking at him and climbed in as far away from him as possible.
Without a word I settled down and pretended like there was any chance I’d get to sleep tonight.
Eventually, I drifted off but I slept fitfully, drifting in and out of consciousness, restless even in sleep.
Peace didn’t come until Alfie’s arms wrapped around me. Only then was my subconscious happy.