Chapter 38
Thirty-Eight
I awoke on Wednesday morning, sore and exhausted.
Alfie and I had slept in short bursts between bouts of passion.
I’d pass out, spent and replete, only to be woken again by Alfie needing to seek solace in my body.
By the time dawn came, I felt like I was going mad, like there must be something wrong with us that we couldn’t stop touching, that I couldn’t get enough of having him inside me.
Alfie’s alarm went off but he didn’t wake, so I leaned across him and switched it off.
He reached for me in his sleep and pulled me into his arms. I nudged him and he sighed softly, his arms tightening and, as he’d done so many times during the night, he rolled onto me, spreading my legs with his thighs, sliding gently inside me.
I bit my lip and moaned at the feel of him pressing against my sore flesh.
He stilled, his nose pressed in my hair, his arms holding me so tightly.
His grip could be so strong sometimes, I couldn’t help but notice my fragility in comparison to his strength.
He could squeeze the life out of me if he wanted to.
Alfie made love to me in so many different ways.
There were times when the focus was solely on my pleasure, where he delayed gratification to the point where it tortured him.
Other times he was like a wild animal, taking me so hard I felt like I was being pushed into a state of being where I had no existence outside of that bed, no purpose except to give him my body to sate his needs.
Other times, like this one, he was just still.
Holding me in his arms wasn’t enough. He had to be inside me and, in those moments, I had to wonder at the psychology behind it.
He couldn’t just hold me, he had to possess me too.
He began to move, lazily, fucking himself awake. He came almost in silence and I relished the feeling of his seed inside me. I held him as he caught his breath, contenting myself with tracing light patterns along the planes of his back.
“Time is it?”
“I’m not sure, you slept through your alarm. I was trying to wake you but you sidetracked me.” He leant up on his elbows and gave me a sheepish grin.
“I didn’t hear you complaining.”
“And you never will.” I tilted my face up and he obliged me with a kiss. “Do you have to work today?” As soon as I asked the question, his gaze shuttered and all trace of the relaxed, content Alfie from a moment ago was gone.
“Yes. You know that time off isn’t an option, Lola.”
“You’ve been missing work in order to spend time with me.
” It wasn’t a question. I already knew it was true.
“You hate it don’t you? Being the head of that company?
” I asked, knowing I was pushing Alfie into a conversation he didn’t want to have.
He sighed and withdrew himself from me, frowning when I winced as my sore folds released him. He leaned in and kissed my forehead.
“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand.”
I couldn’t help but bristle at his words.
“I could understand if you talked to me.” It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him about Charles, but I held back, too scared of his reaction. Whatever was behind that door, I knew it wasn’t good.
“I don’t want you to understand. You are the only clean thing in my life. Let me keep you that way.”
We ate breakfast downstairs as usual and I discovered that my peach dress had been dry cleaned and magically returned in a dress bag, hanging from a coat hook.
I shuddered to think what some poor maid might have heard during the night when she dropped it off.
I put the dress on, grateful to put off exploring the wardrobe Alfie had bought for one more day.
Alfie was unusually quiet. I did my best to cajole him out of his mood.
I told him about Keira’s new job and how my plans were coming along.
I pulled faces at him in the mirror as we brushed our teeth, and when we were dressed I launched myself at him, forcing him to carry me caveman style down the stairs.
By the time we were heading out the door, he’d thawed a little.
He pressed the button for the lift and wrapped his arm around my waist as we descended.
“Make sure your weekend is clear. I want to take you back to L’Amour, seeing as we didn’t get to finish our dinner last time.” His mouth quirked slightly and I groaned at the memory of our disastrous first date. I wondered if Jean would ever forgive me for running out on his food.
“I’m free on Sunday but I’m going out with Keira on Saturday night.” He looked down at me, one eyebrow raised.
“Why didn’t I know that?”
“I’m sure I told you. We’re celebrating her new job, remember?” I was, in fact, certain that I hadn’t told him as I knew he wasn’t going to like it, not after what happened the last time I went out without him.
“Fine, I’ll come with you,” he said and I let out a theatrical sigh. The lift doors pinged open and he strode out across the lobby.
“Alfie, you’re not coming with me,” I hissed, keeping my voice low. “It’s a girls’ night, meaning no boys allowed.” I had enough time to wince at the twitch in his jaw before he rounded on me. I stumbled to an abrupt stop, barely avoiding crashing into him. A few people were already staring at us.
“Do you remember what happened the last time you went out without me? You got wasted and ended up getting manhandled by your ex.” His voice was a low, menacing growl that would have had anyone else trembling at the knees.
I, however, had been on the receiving end of that tone so many times that I was becoming accustomed to it. “I’m coming with you, Lola.”
“Why? So that you can just sit there brooding at me all night?”
“Yes. I’ll bring Riley. We can brood together.” There was a half-smile playing around his mouth now and I held back a frustrated groan. A second ago it was all out war, now he was being playful. It exhausted me. It exhilarated me too.
“Alfie…”
“Put it this way, O’Connell. If I don’t come with you, then I’ll be working late, on a Saturday night, in my suite, with Angie. It’s your choice.”
I gaped up at him. He’d just won the argument and he knew it.
Once again I was reminded of why he was a business tycoon and I just ‘did the filing.’ I opened my mouth to put up another argument, but the stubborn part of me seemed to have wilted.
She was tired, and each day she seemed to become more resigned to the reality that he would always win. Always.
“You’re a sly bastard, Alfie Tell,” I grumbled, but he just chuckled and pulled me to him, pressing me close despite my arms still being folded firmly across my chest.
“I’m just a businessman, O’Connell, and you are my most important business.” He tucked a finger under my chin, tilting my face so I was forced to look at him. As it always did, the world around me dissipated when I looked at him.
“Your business? You want stocks and shares or something?” I meant to sound angry but Alfie just got that hazy look he sometimes got when he was thinking about fucking me.
“Stocks and shares, baby,” he said lazily and I swear my knees went weak. How had he taken my argument and turned it into a line?
“What is this, Alfie? You were too vulnerable last night so now you need to exert your power over me again?” The look on his face told me I’d hit the nail right on the head.
I sighed. “Fine. You can come, but bring Riley to distract you. Having a guy on a girls’ night is awkward as hell.
Also, you need a new PA,” I added as an afterthought.
“I don’t need a new PA. You need to get over it.” I opened my mouth to argue but he took hold of my chin, placing his thumb over my lips. “Enough, Lo. No more arguments this morning.” He held my gaze until I gave him a small nod.
He led me out of the hotel lobby and I didn’t miss the fact that he completely ignored the doorman who held the door for us. I gave the jolly faced man an apologetic smile and he returned with one that told me he was used to being ignored.
As soon as we stepped outside there was a low rumble of an engine. Of course Alfie Tell didn’t have to wait for his car to arrive.
My jaw dropped as an ecstatic valet pulled up in what appeared to be a Lamborghini. For God’s sake. How many toys did this man have?
“You got bored with the Aston Martin?” I joked as he helped me into my seat, ignoring the valet as easily as he had done the doorman.
“I get bored with everything eventually.”
Just like that, my heart plummeted to the very pits of my stomach.
He’d spoken so casually that I knew he had no idea that he’d just given voice to my very worst fears.
I tried to steady my rising panic as he slid in beside me.
He started the beautiful machine and revved the engine, his face lighting up the same way it had when he’d revved the engine of the Aston Martin the first time I’d been with him.
He wore pure excitement on his face, thrilled at the enjoyment of having something new in his hands.
By the time Alfie dropped me at work, I’d managed to give myself a thorough talking to. I was being ridiculous. He wouldn’t get bored of me, he wouldn’t. Alfie cared about me and I needed to have faith in that.
Our future, though, that I had a little less faith in.
Everything seemed so uncertain, and Keira’s new future was throwing my own into consideration.
I could no longer hide from it or pretend that change wasn’t coming.
Change was already here, I just needed to figure out what form it was going to take.
On Friday morning, I breathed a sigh of relief when I got into the cabin and found that Mark wasn’t there. I kept wondering what I’d done to upset him. So far, my best guess was that he didn’t like the idea of me having my own project.
My computer made its ‘I’m awake’ noise and as it whined itself into consciousness I shook all thoughts of Alfie to the back of my mind.
My inbox pinged a dozen or so times and I got started on tackling each message.
There was one from Mark telling me he wouldn’t be in today, no explanation why.
A few were orders to be filled, several queries I dealt with directly.
There was a knock at the door and I was greeted by the same small, plump woman I’d come to see quite a lot of recently.
She gave me a knowing smile as she handed over yet another arrangement of bleeding hearts amongst an assortment of wild flowers.
I carried them to my desk with care and leaned forward, inhaling the gentle aroma of the blooms. My mercurial man seemed to simultaneously adore me and hate that he adored me.
Why? How could a man be so cold sometimes and so gentle at others?
I was jolted out of my thoughts by another ping of my inbox. I sighed, leaving the mental space that contained Alfie, and returned to my computer. When I looked at my screen my heart just about stopped. The email was from The London College.
I bit my lip, my finger hovering over the button of my mouse.
Did I really want to open this and deal with rejection all over again? If I just deleted it without looking, it would be like I never got it at all.
No, that’s stupid and cowardly. It’s just a rejection letter, Lo, you’ve had one before. Put your big girl panties on and deal with it.
I gripped my necklace, and, after encasing my pride in bulletproof armour, I was ready for the death hit.
I clicked on the small envelope and scanned the email for the words that I received every year— “We regret to inform you” “My sincerest apologies” “We wish you luck next year should you wish to apply again.”
I scanned the email twice, but couldn’t find them anywhere.
My heart began to beat a little faster and my grip tightened on my necklace as I read and re-read the words I did find.
“We are delighted to inform you,” “Congratulations,” “If you wish to take up your place with The London College, you will need to contact us to confirm within the next 14 days. If you decide to go ahead, then we look forward to your enrollment on the 1 st of September.”
There was other information too, a hoard of it within that life altering email, but I couldn’t take it in. I could only sit there, staring at my screen.
It wasn’t possible…
There was no way…
My first thought was my mum. The necklace heated in my hand and I rubbed my thumb over the glass. “I did it,” I whispered to her. Excitement bubbled up in my stomach—an overwhelming joy that threatened to burst out of my lungs.
I’d gotten in. I, Lola O’Connell, was good enough.
Then, like a rock thrown in a river, my joy plummeted and fear set in.
London. Leaving Natalie and Ryan. Leaving my home.
I’d applied in hope but I hadn’t ever thought I’d actually get in.
Now, I was faced with the reality of going through with something that scared the hell out of me.
But staying here wasn’t an option…was it?
Staying in my safe zone isn’t what my mum would have wanted for me. It wasn’t what I wanted for myself.
What about Alfie?
A world of fear and uncertainty suddenly unfolded at my feet.
He had an office in London, it would probably be easier to see him regularly there than here.
But college meant being stuck in one place for three years.
We would have to do a lot of long distance, the thought made my heart ache.
Long distance seemed inevitable though, whether I was here or in London.
My gaze landed on the delicate petals of the bleeding hearts. I fingered them gently, feeling their soft velvet against the pads of my fingers. I wished they would give me wisdom.
I had a hell of a decision to make.