Chapter 70
Seventy
H ours later, after watching Alfie and Angie hammer out every minute detail of the Milan build, I breathed a sigh of relief as Alfie finally stood. It was time to go.
Watching them together had churned up a burning pool of lava in my gut but I couldn’t deny that it was fascinating. I’d always thought Alfie was impressive but Angie…how she was still a PA I didn’t understand. That woman should be running her own company.
We left Angie to pack up the office and, in silence, Alfie led me out of Harrington’s ghostly halls. The house, once an empty shell, was now a model without makeup, a cadaver without skin. It was evolving with us and I couldn’t help but wonder if it would ever be finished.
In the car, Alfie slid into the driver’s seat beside me and sped us off into the night. I risked a glance and found his mouth fixed in that same firm line. I waited for his expression to soften but it didn’t. Last night he was so tender. Why did he have to become like this? Did I cause it?
“I don’t know why you treat me like this when it makes you so unhappy,” I murmured into the quiet.
Neither do I. I could see the words on the tip of his tongue but he didn’t speak them.
“Lola, you’re moving into my world now. Your behaviour has to change, especially when it comes to my business. I’m not going to fight with you about it.” He took a sharp turn. “You’ve had a difficult few days. You weren’t thinking clearly.”
“Don’t gaslight me, Alfie. You and that woman have history.” I scowled at his profile. “Lie to me, I dare you.”
“Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason you’re so paranoid about Angie is because of your own duplicitous behaviour?” Bradley. It was a smart move on his part to bring that up, except for one thing…
“I haven’t trusted Angie since the day I met her.”
“And of course that has nothing to do with your own issues.” My stomach twisted at his callousness.
I hated this. “It’s understandable, Lo. Your father abandoned you, then you lost your mother, your grandmother, then Adam hurt you and now Keira has abandoned you too.
It’s no surprise that you’re insecure.” I could feel his tendrils creeping inside my head, tightening their hold every second.
“Please stop manipulating me,” I whispered. I felt so damned tired, right into my soul. We slowed to a stop at a red light and he turned to face me. I hated how relieved I was to see a hint of kindness in his eyes.
“Lo, you don’t need to worry about this right now.
” He slipped a hand into my hair, his thumb gently stroking my cheek as he leaned in.
“Just let it go.” His lips pressed to mine and Angie melted away, stripped from my psyche as his mouth enveloped mine.
Was he right? Was this all in my head? I couldn’t deny I had my own demons.
Abandonment and loss weighed heavy in my bones and as for Angie…
what did I actually know about her? Nothing.
Except that I didn’t trust her. He was right about his business—my behaviour was unprofessional and immature.
It didn’t matter that she had bated me, I’d behaved like a child.
“I’m sorry.” The words didn’t feel like my own, but his. He’d put them there and made my tongue his puppet. He could make it dance however he wanted.
“Tell me what you’re sorry for.”
I didn’t know how to answer but my new mouth did. The new mouth full of his words.
“For taking my issues out on you.”
He nodded and part of me preened, proud of herself. I hated that part of me, but I wanted Alfie more than I wanted to win the fight.
“What else?”
“For embarrassing you at work.” He nodded again, but he didn’t smile. I gazed into his eyes, trying to find some semblance of myself in their reflection. I saw nothing of me and little of him. What is happening to us? “Aren’t you happy that you can get inside my head?”
“It’s a necessary evil.” Evil, yes. Necessary, no. Headlights flashed behind us and I looked in the mirror to see Mike following us.
“Is he a necessary evil too?”
“Yes. I’ve tried to respect your independence, Lola.
I’ve wanted a security team with you for weeks now but out of respect for your wishes I decided against it.
” In the dark, his thumb gently stroked my swollen cheek where Adam had struck me.
“Look what happens when I listen to you.” His words echoed, reverberating in my chest. The lights changed, the green glinting off his alabaster skin, but he didn’t move and the deserted streets didn’t bother us.
“This wasn’t my fault, Alfie. Or yours.” Alfie pulled away from me, but I took his hand.
“Is that why you haven’t asked me about Adam yet?
About what he did?” Alfie was a man of details, especially when it came to me.
It didn’t make sense to me that he hadn’t tried to wrench every detail of that awful scene out of my head yet.
“I don’t need to talk about it, Lola,” he answered, his face a mannequin mask. I didn’t know how to feel about his answer. For once I wanted his interrogation, his determination to have every part of my brain. I felt a wash of rejection, of shame that this was something he wanted no part of.
“What if I need to talk about it?”
“Then I will arrange for you to see a therapist.” I flinched and he sighed, his gaze softening for just a moment.
“What he did doesn’t change the way I feel about you.
You’re still mine.” I searched his eyes, trying to understand.
He was telling me that this was one thing he didn’t need the details on and maybe I didn’t need to share them.
I was still his, so did it really matter what Adam had done to me?
No. It really didn’t. I’d survived worse.
Compared to losing my mum, a slap in the face from an idiot boy was a fucking cake walk.
“Tell me why you were at the sexual health clinic today.”
It took my brain a moment to catch up with this new subject change. My mind felt bent out of shape from his relentless manipulation of it and it was making me sluggish.
“To get more pills. I’ve put one pack in my car, another in my room, and one in my bag so I wont lose them again.
I’m sorry, I’m not meaning to be so careless.
” He nodded, seeming satisfied. I guess he still trusted me.
My stomach clenched. What if the damage was already done and I was pregnant? Would he think I’d done it on purpose?
We finished the drive in silence and when we arrived at The Carlton, I followed him wordlessly to his suite, both of us consumed by our own thoughts.
He switched the light on, the room bursting into abrasive light.
I switched it off. I was awash with every emotion I hated and it all felt easier to handle in the darkness.
Moonlight poured through the balcony windows and it occurred to me that I’d missed dinner, yet I wasn’t hungry.
Had I eaten anything today? My stomach was a twisted knot of nerves.
I felt Alfie's arms come around me from behind, wrapping me tight.
“I need to get inside you,” he whispered, his breath hot against my ear.
A flush crept over me. “Can you handle it?” His question split me down the middle but I nodded anyway.
He had pushed me so far tonight but I needed him more than I wanted him.
I turned my face up and melted into his kiss, allowing it to erase the day away.
To undo the damage he’d done to me tonight.
It was a cruel position to be in, to be poisoned and then have the antidote dangled in front of me.
When he reached for the buttons on my shorts though, the doctor's warning rang in my ears. I pulled away, breathless.
“I have condoms in my bag. Doctor's orders.”
“Not a chance in hell, O’Connell.” Before I could argue his lips found mine again. He turned me and walked me backwards until I felt the table bump up against the back of my legs. He laid me out and had my shorts and underwear off before I could breathe.
His mouth consumed mine, one hand on my throat as the other worked to release himself. This was wrong but my legs opened up for him as he loomed over me, my body singing with anticipation. Any objection I had stole away as he filled me, opening me to him in all ways.
What are we doing?
This was wrong but I wanted it. It wasn’t safe but I didn’t care…I couldn’t stop.
Against my rationality, my body reacted as he began to move. I writhed, pleasure zinging along my nerve endings as he took me, hard and primal.
We couldn’t do this. I opened my mouth to speak but his lips enveloped mine, cutting off my words as if he couldn’t bear to hear them. Greedy hands shoved at my shirt, desperate to get to my breasts, to consume every part of me.
His length massaged the deepest parts of me and I shivered, sighing at the sensation, crying out. My toes curled as he worked me over, pushing me even further to the edge of insanity, where rationality and logic ceased to exist.
Why is he doing this?
Pleasure and dread crept up my spine as he thrust harder, frantic in his need to fill me. He fucked me like a man running out of time and I took it like a woman losing her mind. He swarmed my senses and I relished every second, every heartbeat of him.
Alfie…
He groaned and bit down on my neck, his thrusts short and sharp as he built up to his release.
STOP!
That old part of me that was all but dormant now suddenly reared up, her voice furious and desperate.
Without thinking, I shoved a hand between us and pulled him out of me.
He let out an enraged growl but it was too late.
He spilled onto my stomach, his body twitching as I moved my hand up and down his length, finishing his orgasm for him in the most heartless way.
We stared at the pool of seed on my stomach, a shocked silence hanging between us. His eyes found mine, betrayal and outrage seething at me behind those steel greys. My heart sank. What had I done?