Chapter 37
Camila
My condo looks like something straight out of a bridal magazine, even if I made most of Selena’s shower decorations myself on a Target budget.
A pale-pink balloon arch stretches over the walkway.
Little tea sandwiches, fruit skewers, and pastel macarons stacked like jewels line the table.
The centerpiece is my favorite—a tower of cupcakes with tiny gold rings perched on top.
Let’s be honest, none of this would’ve been possible if I still had a job and without Hess’s help.
But Selena seems pleased, and that’s the most important thing.
She sits in the center, cheeks flushed as she opens her presents one by one. A crystal vase. A set of monogrammed towels. A lingerie box that gets oohs and ahhs.
There’s a glow around my sister today. Actually, she’s been glowing ever since Landon came into her life.
And sitting here, watching her blush and laugh with her friends, I feel something I haven’t let myself feel in a long time.
Hope. Hope that maybe Selena will get it right.
That she’ll be able to rise above the example we grew up with and create something lasting.
That she’ll have the kind of marriage that Landon’s parents built, solid and steady.
Or like Hess’s parents, who still can’t get through making dinner without kissing in the middle of an argument.
If these last few months have taught me anything, it’s that love like that does exist, and if anyone can achieve it, it’s my optimistic baby sister. Maybe she could even show me a few things about trusting in love and having faith in your partner.
Because I wish I had that part of her. That unfailing trust.
By the time the last of the guests leave, we’re surrounded by empty plates and discarded wrapping paper. Mom, Selena, and I gather it all up, tossing ribbons into a trash bag.
Selena’s eyes flick to my mom. “I can’t believe how thoughtful your gift was. Gathering all your old family recipes, typing them up, and making it into a cookbook for me and Landon. We’ll treasure it always.”
My mom grabs Selena by the cheeks and plants a kiss on her forehead. “I just want you to get your marriage started off right. I want you to build the family I never could. And all of that starts with cooking a good meal and sitting down and having family dinners.”
I purse my lips, thinking about what my mom said versus how I was raised. “I didn’t know family dinners were important to you. We never did them.”
Her brown eyes shift to me. “We never did them because I was always working, doing the best I could to provide for my girls. I know it wasn’t perfect, but it was enough to give you both a better life.
Look at where both of you are today.” She smiles between us.
“Selena has her own booth at a fancy salon, and even though you just quit your job, you have a bright future ahead in law. I couldn’t be prouder of my girls and all that you’ve accomplished. ”
“And we’re proud of you too, Mamá. You did so much for us so that we could have a better life.” Selena wraps an arm around my mom’s shoulder. “Thank you for working so hard.”
There’s a small lift of my lips, but inside, my mind spins.
When I think of my mother, I always focus on the negative.
The things she did wrong, the dumb choices she made, the men she trusted, the ways I had to bail us out.
I never think about the sacrifices she made and how she lived to provide a better future for us.
But in two seconds, Selena easily praised her for things I’ve never given her credit for.
Being a single mother is hard, especially when you add to it being a minority.
Maybe I’ve been too harsh on my mom.
“And, Camila, even though I know you don’t like to cook”—she walks to her purse and pulls out another recipe book—“I made one of these for you too, so you and Hess can start making your own family traditions.”
I stare down at the recipe book before taking it out of her hands. “I don’t know what to say.”
“I know. I’m sure you think it’s silly.”
“No.” I glance up. Her eyes are hesitant, as if she knows I judge her more harshly than Selena does. My sister is all gooey and full of love. I want to be more like that. “I think it’s great. Thank you.”
“Well, you know, I can’t afford anything fancy, but sometimes it’s the simple gifts that we really treasure.”
My eyes sweep across my mother’s beautiful face. I’ve always maintained that I’m not like her and never would be, but today I realize how misguided those thoughts were.
I am like my mother.
She taught me how to work hard and never give up, how to stand on my own two feet when life knocks me down, and how to take care of myself and the people I love.
I always believed I was responsible for those good traits in me, but I see now they all came from my mother. Everything I am, I owe to her.
I pull her into a hug, shocking not only my mom but Selena too. “I love the recipe book. I will treasure it.”
She hugs me tightly, as if the embrace means more to her than anything. And although these realizations won’t change everything overnight, I vow to try harder with my mom from here on out, to see the good instead of focusing on the past.
“Well,” she says as she pulls back, discreetly wiping at her eyes, “maybe you and Hess could have me over for dinner sometime when you make something.”
“I’d love that.”
Selena freezes mid-fold of tissue paper. “What’s going on with you and Hess?”
“What do you mean?” I ask, gathering up a few plastic plates and throwing them in the garbage. “We’re living together until the judge makes a judicial declaration on the validity of our marriage.”
Selena presses her hand to her hip, tilting her head. “I’m not talking about that side of your marriage. I’m asking how you feel about him.”
I swallow, suddenly too aware of the heat in my cheeks. “I like him a lot.”
“I like him a lot?” Selena snorts. “Come on, Camila. That’s how a person describes their dentist, not their husband.”
I shrug, unsure of what to say.
Mom throws away a stack of plates then turns to me. “So are you staying married? Or are you going to divorce him after all of this over?”
That’s the big question that everyone, except for me and Hess, keeps asking.
I force myself to seem nonchalant. “I don’t know.”
“How do you not know?” Selena asks. “The end is right after the wedding. That’s only a few weeks away.”
“I don’t know. We just haven’t talked about it yet. We need to get the next court hearing out of the way first and then we’ll talk about it.”
“Then let me help you.” Selena’s tone softens. “Hess is a good guy. You can’t string him along. You need to be honest with him about how you feel.”
“I have been honest.” Kind of. I don’t express actual feelings for him like he does for me, but I reciprocate in other ways.
“You’re not even being honest with yourself.” Mamá’s eyes soften. “It’s time you admit how you feel about him. Don’t run away from the best thing that ever happened to you.”
“I’m not going to run,” I bristle, my voice sharper than I mean it to be. “This time, everything is different.”
I say the words, and I believe them. I really do.
But despite my belief, there’s always a twinge of doubt in the back of my mind.