Chapter Seven
CHAPTER SEVEN
MARIE
Opening the door to my house, I let out a sigh of relief. It’s been a long day, and I’m exhausted. I think having Garrett in the library for the last few weeks has gone well… I haven’t acted too awkward. I hope.
All I want to do right now is sit down with a glass of wine, put my feet up, and relax.
Dumping my purse next to the door and kicking off my shoes, I shuffle down the hall and into my kitchen. My house is small and outdated, but it’s cozy and the appliances in the galley kitchen are all shiny and new. When I moved in, I painted the wood cabinets white to make the space appear a little lighter and more open, and the tile floor and laminate countertops are all clean and in decent shape. I grab an unopened bottle of wine from the little rack on top of my fridge and set it on the counter. Humming to myself, I pull out a glass and the bottle opener, but just as I’m about to pop the cork free, my phone buzzes.
Pulling my phone from my pocket, I roll my eyes. Step-Monster flashes across the screen. Meredith. No, thank you…
However, as I set the phone on the counter, ready to ignore it, guilt immediately slams through me. Shit… what if something’s really wrong? With a frustrated groan, I pick the phone back up and answer the call.
“Hey, Meredith. What’s up?”
“Marie, the little ones got home from school today sick with the flu,” she says without preamble. “We need you to let Ally stay over there until the kids are better. She has so much happening at school, plus her SAT test is coming up. Your father and I don’t want her to get sick too, so she has to stay with you.”
It’s not a question or a request, but it never is. This is the fourth time just this week she and Dad have had me take care of the kids—one morning, I had to drop the twins off at school, then I had to keep the youngest with me in the library, pick up groceries, and on and on.
“Meredith, I…”
“Your dad is on his way over to drop Ally off,” Meredith says, as if I wasn’t speaking at all.
“What?” I gasp. “But how did you even know I’d be home? What if I had plans?”
“Do you?”
I hesitate, “Well… no.”
“Then there’s no problem.”
That’s not the point, but of course, Meredith doesn’t get that, or she just doesn’t care. Still, I think of Ally. I want her to be successful and go to a good college, and I’ll help her however I can. None of this is her fault, so… I’ll suck it up for my sister’s sake.
“All right,” I murmur. “She can stay here.”
“We’ll let you know when the little ones are feeling better,” Meredith says. “Make sure Ally does her homework. She can’t fall behind.”
“Got it.”
Meredith hangs up without so much as a goodbye or a thank you.
I set my phone down and finish opening the bottle of wine, pouring myself a big glass. Meredith is such a… no. No, I can’t think that. She’s my father’s wife and the mother of my siblings. Even if she doesn’t give a shit about me or respect me, I need to respect her—for them.
Even if she is a narcissistic bitch.
Meredith has never liked me. At first, she tried to be nice for my dad’s sake, but she’s not the type of woman who likes to come in second place. That she’s Dad’s second wife has always been a thorn in her side, even if she won’t admit it out loud. She’d rather forget that my mom ever existed, but I’m a constant and unavoidable reminder that Meredith wasn’t my dad’s first love. I don’t know how someone can be jealous of a dead woman, but Meredith is.
Irritated, I take a long drink. The wine is fruity and warm as it slides down my throat and into my belly. It’s nice, and it helps me relax a bit.
I take another drink just as my doorbell rings. That’s probably Dad and Ally. Setting my glass down, I trudge to the front door and open it, forcing a smile.
My dad is a tall man, and he used to be bulkier, but he’s lost weight over the years and is long and lean now. He has graying brown hair and those dark green eyes that haven’t held the same warmth for me since my mom died. He’s looking at me now with the flat, cool expression he seems to reserve only for me. Ally stands next to him, her hazel eyes—just like Meredith’s—wide and apologetic as she gazes up at me. She’s got her backpack slung over one shoulder and is also holding onto a small duffle bag.
“Meredith called?” Dad asks.
“Yep, she did.”
“Good. Hopefully, it’s only for a few days, but we don’t want to risk Ally getting sick.”
“Dad, I’m fine…” Ally protests.
He shakes his head and tells her, “Sweetie, you’ve got too much happening right now. This is an important time for you, and your mom and me want to make sure nothing gets in your way.”
Watching them, I see the father I knew when I was younger. Warm, concerned, caring. He’s like that with all his children with Meredith, which is good. With me, though… I’m not sure what I ever did to lose his affection. I think it’s mostly because I look so much like Mom and he can’t handle that, but I know Meredith has influenced his attitude toward me. He was always eager to please her when they first got together, and she’s been so critical of me that her opinions slowly bled into his own. I think he got tired of the strain I apparently put on their marriage, though I never did anything significant to cause that. Between the kids and the pressure from Meredith, at some point he just decided it was easier to keep me at arm’s length. I don’t have the heart to tell him how much that bothers me.
I keep my expression neutral as he turns back to me, careful not to let him see the hurt I’m feeling.
“We need you to run some errands for us as well,” he says, his expression going cool again as he glances at my wine glass. “I’m going to text you a list of things we need from the grocery store and drugstore for the kids. We’ll be fine for tonight, since you’ve decided to start drinking already, but we’ll need everything picked up and dropped off in the morning. Meredith is going to stay home from work, but I have to be in the office early.”
I clench my hands into fists, digging my fingernails into my palms.
“Dad, I have work too…”
He scoffs. “I’m sure the library can handle itself without you for an hour or two. The books aren’t going anywhere, and your family needs your help, Marie. Get your priorities straight.”
I bristle at the dismissive tone he uses to discuss my job. He’s never taken my career seriously and even has called me a glorified babysitter since I work with a lot of the children’s programming at the library. The disrespect isn’t anything new, but it always pisses me off.
“I can’t leave Kathy in the lurch like that,” I snap. “That’s not fair to her.”
Dad rolls his eyes. “I doubt you’ll be busy in the morning, anyway. School is in session. Who shows up at the library anymore?”
This conversation is going nowhere. I know that nothing I say will convince him that my job is legitimate and important. It’s like a punch to the gut, every single time.
I open my mouth to argue further, but he waves his hand dismissively.
“I need to go,” he declares. “Ally, be good, study hard, and call if you need anything.”
He plants a kiss on her forehead and turns to leave, giving me a half-hearted wave. I watch him reach his car, climb inside, and drive off.
There are so many things I wish I could say to my father. I wish I could find the courage to tell him just how much he hurts me. To demand to know when and why he apparently stopped loving me, but that’s what it feels like most of the time. I’m just a thing in his life that he has to put up with. A reminder of the life and family he had before his current one. Sometimes I think that, if he could, he’d cut me off and pretend like there was nothing before Meredith and the kids. That my mom and I didn’t even exist.
The only thing that keeps me from actually hating him is the knowledge that Mom’s death devastated him. He wasn’t the same after we lost her, and I know his treatment of me comes from a place of deep, unending pain. That obviously doesn’t make it fair to me, but I can at least understand the source of his coldness toward me.
“You okay?” Ally asks me, touching my hand, pulling my attention to her.
I force a smile for her sake and nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Dad just being Dad. Come on in. I need to get the guest room ready, but let’s sit and chill for a bit.”
Her expression is sympathetic, but I push down my pain and step aside to let her into the house. We make our way to the living room and Ally drops her bags on the floor before we settle together on the couch. Ally tilts her head and studies me with a slightly furrowed brow.
“I’m sorry,” she says. “I tried to convince them that I didn’t need to come here and that we shouldn’t bother you, but they wouldn’t listen.”
“It’s not your fault.” I assure her. “Don’t worry. You know I love having you here.”
“Still, it’s not fair,” she insists. “Mom and Dad can be so selfish sometimes.”
As much as I appreciate Ally’s understanding and that she tries to stand up for me, I don’t want her to resent Meredith and Dad because of me.
I lean back against the couch, deciding it’s best to steer the conversation away from our parents and into safer territory.
“Tell me about school. And not about your studies or the SATs. Tell me about fun stuff.”
Ally’s face lights up and her lips curl into a big grin.
“Okay!” she exclaims, and I think she might be relieved to focus on something other than her grades, tests, and college prospects. “So, you remember my friend Rebecca? Well, the other day, she…”
I sit back and listen as Ally rattles on, warmth flooding me at her enthusiasm and excitement—as if she’s just been waiting for the opportunity to talk about this stuff. She tells me about her favorite teacher, her plans to audition for the school play, and even a prank war going on in her science class that I make her promise she won’t participate in. Then she tilts her head, giving me a curious look.
“So… what’s going on with you and Garrett?”
I blink, surprised by the sudden change in topic.
“Garrett? Nothing more than usual. Why?”
She shrugs, grinning. “You’ve been spending so much time together, I was just curious if you’d made any progress on that front.”
I laugh. “I wish I could say I have, but no. I’m just like a sister to him, and I don’t think that’s changing now that I’m helping him while he’s hurt.”
Ally giggles, then looks thoughtful. “What was it like growing up around him and Haven?”
Another question I hadn’t anticipated. Ally’s being oddly insightful tonight—not that she isn’t usually. She’s such a smart girl. Observant, witty, and caring. She’s easy to talk to, and we have fun together despite our age difference.
As I consider her question, my thoughts drift back to when I was a girl. How I’d go to Haven’s house almost every day because her mom reminded me of my mom so much - they were best friends, after all, so shared a lot of similar qualities - and I was little and just wanted that love and attention so badly. Their mom had embraced me like I was her own daughter and she made me feel like I belonged with them.
“We were all really close,” I tell her, trying to keep my tone casual. “Haven’s practically my sister, and her family just… became part of mine too, you know? Then there was Garrett. He was always protective of us. Always looking out for us when he was in high school. Even though he was ten years older and had a whole life of his own, he was always there for Haven and me, even when he went off to college. He didn’t have to be there for me, but he was. He always made me feel… precious.”
Ally’s quiet, watching me with a funny little smile, and she raises an eyebrow. “So, you’re in love with him.”
I roll my eyes. Of course, I’m in love with Garrett. I have been since I was eighteen. I’ve always tried to hide the depth of my feelings for him by keeping things light and flirty.
“Keep that up,” I tease, “and I’ll send you right back to the flu den, where you belong.”
She laughs, stretching her arms over her head. “I can handle a cold, thank you very much.”
My brow furrows in confusion. “Wait, what do you mean, a cold?”
Ally shrugs. “The twins just have colds. It’s really not that big a deal. I don’t know why Mom and Dad are freaking out so much. They probably picked it up when we went to the water park for their birthday this past weekend, not the school.”
My stomach clenches. Birthday party? I’d asked if they were doing anything for the twins, and Meredith had told me they were too busy and might plan something later this month. She lied. She fucking lied to me to keep me away. Why am I even surprised? It’s not the first time this kind of thing has happened, and no doubt she made up some excuse to justify my absence or make me the bad guy somehow.
I’m only part of this family when it’s convenient for Meredith and Dad… otherwise, I might as well not exist.
For Ally’s sake, I hide my anger and frustration because this isn’t her fault, but deep down, I’m fuming, hurt, and disappointed.
But most of all, I’m tired. Tired of being disappointed—and tired of having no real place in my own family.