Chapter Nine
CHAPTER NINE
MARIE
I stare up at my bedroom ceiling, completely exhausted after a night tossing and turning. Groaning, I press the palms of my hands against my eyes. A headache builds in my temples. It’s going to be a rough day, and it’s all Garrett’s fault. Him and his heart-stopping kiss. I haven’t been able to get it out of my head. The little sleep I got was overwhelmed with dreams about Garrett and that damn kiss, but also of him running away right after.
Fuck, that was humiliating. He was the one who kissed me first! What gave him the right to flee like I was trying to jump him in the middle of the library? Talk about mixed signals. I’m more confused about his feelings for me than ever. Maybe if I had better insight into how his mind works… only one person who knows Garrett better than me.
Rolling over, I grab my cell phone off my side-table and shoot a text to Haven.
Marie: Hey! Are you free today after work?
Haven: Sure am!
Marie: Do you want to meet up? Brew Ridge?
Haven: Sounds good.
Thank God. Haven will give me some advice for handling Garrett. To understand exactly what happened yesterday.
Why did he run away? I thought the kiss was great—intense and arousing. When his lips touched mine, it felt like a fire blazed to life deep in my belly. The kiss felt so right, so perfect, better than I had ever imagined. I hadn’t wanted it to end. I’d thought that, at last, he was seeing me as the woman I am and not the little girl he seemed to hold on to his mind.
But, apparently, I’d been wrong.
Throwing my blanket aside, I climb out of bed and shuffle into my bathroom to get ready for the day. Ally has already left for school for the day. I try not to think of Garrett, but I can’t erase the image of him running away out of my mind, no matter how hard I try. It’s going to be so awkward seeing him today… if he even shows up. Maybe he’ll decide he doesn’t want my help anymore after all. I mean, it’s not like it’s essential that I help him. He’s got a week until his next paper is due—it would be slow going with one hand, but he could write it all by himself. I don’t know how to approach this situation.
I head into work with a knot in my stomach. It’s going to be okay. We’re both adults. We can talk about this. Handle the fallout of that kiss and him running away with all the maturity and grace of a teenage boy. Yeah… yeah, that’s what we’ll do. It’ll be fine. No problem at all.
Walking into the library, I’m afraid my heart is going to burst because it’s racing so fast. I make my way to the reception desk, give Kathy a quick hello, and plop down behind my computer. Determined not to worry about Garrett, I do my best to focus on work for the morning. Garrett shows up early in the afternoons to do his schoolwork, but about noon, I get a text from him.
Garrett: Hey, sorry, I can’t make it today. I’ll see you tomorrow, maybe.
Oh… shit.
Slumping back in my chair, I release a long breath of disappointment. Things are now so awkward, he doesn’t even want to be around me anymore. I can read right through that ‘maybe’… I don’t think he’s going to come back to the library.
I make it through the rest of the workday despite my glum mood, doing my best not to let it show around Kathy or the kids who come in for story time after school. When I get done, I collect my stuff, say goodbye to Kathy, and head to the coffee shop to meet Haven.
She’s already there when I arrive, sitting at a table in the corner, two drinks in front of her. When she sees me, she smiles and waves. I hurry over to her.
“Hey!” I say, reaching the table. “Thanks for meeting me.”
“No problem, girlie.” She pushes a cup toward me. “I got you your latte.”
“You’re an angel,” I sigh, sliding into the seat across from her. “What are you drinking?”
“Tea.” She holds up her cup and takes a sip. “God, I miss coffee.”
“I can’t imagine,” I grumble. “I think I’d die.”
Haven grins and rests a hand on her belly.
“Yeah, it’ll be worth it in the end,” she says.
“I have no doubt about that.” I gaze at her, warmth spreading through me. She looks tired, but happy. Really, really happy.
“So,” she says, looking up at me and arching a brow, “what did you want to talk about? Don’t get me wrong, I love having a spontaneous girl hang out, but I get the sense that there’s something else behind this coffee date.”
God, she knows me so well.
I hesitate, choosing my words carefully before I decide to just yank the bandage off and get it over with.
“All right, so you know that I’ve been helping Garrett with his schoolwork,” I say, and she nods. “Well, something happened yesterday…”
Haven’s eyes go wide. “What? What happened?”
“We… we kissed.”
“You did!” she exclaims so loudly that other customers turn to look at us.
My cheeks burn with embarrassment, and I try to hide my face with my hands. “Hey! Will you chill out, psycho? I don’t need the whole town knowing about this.”
“Okay, okay,” Haven says in a much lower voice. “Sorry, but tell me more.”
I give her a breakdown of what happened at the library. How Garrett and I argued and then he pulled me into that heart-stopping kiss. Of course, I also tell her how he turned tail and ran right afterward, then sent me that text with the ‘maybe.’ I’m positive it's just his way of blowing me off in a polite way. Haven rolls her eyes at that.
“Garrett, you moron,” she grumbles.
“You can see why I’m confused and cautious. I don’t think he enjoyed the kiss as much as I did, which really sucks. How am I supposed to act around him now?”
Haven shakes her head. “Marie, I love my brother. He’s a wonderful man and was my rock when Mom got sick. However, that doesn’t mean I can’t acknowledge when he’s being a total idiot. I’m sorry he left you like that, and trust me, if I thought it’d help, I’d go hunt him down and chew his ass out for doing it. We both know that’s not going to change anything, though.”
“What do I do?”
“I think you just need to give him some time,” she answers. “Garrett’s always been reserved and serious. When Dad died, he thought he needed to take on the role of man-of-the-house, even though he was still a kid. In his mind, he had to take care of me and Mom and make sure our needs were always put above his. When Mom got sick, that sense of responsibility he felt only intensified. Now I’m afraid he doesn’t really know how to take care of himself. It’s like he thinks if he ever dares to want something for himself, he’s somehow letting everyone else down.”
I consider her words and murmur, “Do you think there’s really any chance for me with him, Haven? Be honest. Am I just wasting my time with him?”
“Marie, I honestly think that you and Garrett would be so good together.” Haven gives me a sympathetic look and reaches across the table to take my hand. “I think your personalities complement each other and I would love to see two of my favorite people happy and settled. Garrett is… well, he’s fucking stubborn. I think what you have to figure out is whether you’re willing to risk him never realizing just how great you could be for him. If he were to acknowledge that and let you in, I’d put money on you two going all the way. However, if he can’t get past whatever is blocking him from seeing that—seeing you—I… I don’t know, Marie. I don’t want you to get hurt.”
It’s not exactly the reassuring pep talk I was hoping for, but Haven isn’t going to blow smoke up my ass just to make me feel better. That’s one reason she’s my best friend. I can trust her to tell me the truth.
I drum my fingers against the side of my coffee cup and consider her words.
“Part of me thinks I should just give up. I can’t help but wonder if I’m pathetic for still wanting him after all these years, or just desperate. When I think about being with someone else, though, it just feels… wrong. I’ve wanted Garrett for so long now. No one else has ever caught my attention like he has.”
“You’ve dated, though,” Haven points out. “You’ve had boyfriends. So, at least you know you can be with someone else.”
Chuckling sadly, I shake my head. “No, if anything, those relationships have only proven that I can’t make it work with anyone else because I can’t get over him.”
“Why him?” Haven asks, tilting her head and studying me closely. “I know you’ve liked him forever, but you’ve never really told me why you’re so obsessed with him. Why can no other man measure up to my brother?”
I rest my elbow on the table and lean into my hand, pinching the bridge of my nose.
“When Dad and Meredith got married, I was really hopeful that I’d finally have a family again,” I softly explain, the memories pushing forward and warming my heart. “Dad was never the same after Mom died, and if it weren’t for you and your family, I’d have been totally alone and miserable. Even after marrying Meredith, Dad didn’t really change, and she obviously didn’t want to be a real mother to me. You and your mom stepped in and made me feel loved and accepted… but Garrett, he made me feel safe. I looked up to him and wasn’t so afraid of the world because I knew he was in it, looking out for me.
“I remember when I was dating this guy who was older and a real jerk. We’d met at Carson’s and I really only started seeing him to try and get over Garrett. One night, I was with this guy and it was a bad date. He was being rude and pushy, and I just wanted to go home. I tried to call my dad to come get me, but he didn’t pick up, so I called your house instead. Garrett answered and immediately came to get me. When my date tried to guilt me into staying out with him, Garrett got in his face and told him to back off. He defended me when my father couldn’t be bothered to even answer the phone. After he chased the guy off, he took me to get ice cream and then drove around until I felt better. It was that night, I think, that I actually started to love him.”
Haven gazes at me with a concerned frown. “I never knew that. You didn’t tell me that story before.”
I shrug. “Yeah, I know. I was embarrassed, and think I wanted that night to be between me and Garrett, something that was just ours. That sounds stupid, I know, but…”
“It’s not stupid,” Haven assures me, offering a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “I get it. It’s kind of an anchor moment for you.”
“That’s a good way of putting it.” Leaning back in my seat, I gaze up at the ceiling before continuing, “But maybe I’ve been holding onto that too tightly. Maybe I’ve built all this up in my head and it doesn’t actually mean anything to Garrett. "
“Hey, stop that,” Haven orders, giving me a stern look that reminds me of how her mom would look whenever we got into trouble. “Don’t give up yet. You and Garrett kissed, and he got freaked out. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel anything. If anything, I’d say that shows that he does feel something. He might not understand it yet, but if you give up, he never will.”
I stare at her, surprised by her sudden vehemence. What she’s saying makes sense, but I’m almost too scared to hope.
Still, knowing she believes in me and thinks there’s a chance…
“I won’t give up,” I promise her. “Not yet.”
She smiles, clearly satisfied.
“Good,” she says. “You’re not the type of woman who gives up on what she wants, and I’m not going to let my brother be what breaks you of that.”
I grin and chuckle, shaking my head as I pick my coffee up and take another drink. She’s right. I’m not the type to give up that easily, and I won’t give up hope that someday Garrett will finally see me as more than just his little sister’s best friend.