Thirty-One
Kaleb
I’m stiff and sore after a weekend of scrims, and the only thing I want is my bed and about thirty ice packs covering every inch of my body. Seeing as that’s the closest I’ll get to happiness, I’m eager to shower, get my shit together, and get the hell outta Dodge.
I’m just about there, too, quickly tidying up my space when I notice my glove is missing. I swear I grabbed it when I left the field, but from its lack of presence in my cubby, bag, or anywhere else I look, I obviously didn’t.
Hoping one of my teammates might’ve grabbed it by mistake, I start asking around. There’s still quite a few of them lingering in the locker room, Keene included, but none of them have seen it either.
Well, shit.
With one last person in mind, I head down the hall to Coach’s office and rap my knuckles against his open door.
“Hey, Coach. You didn’t happen to see my glove lying around, did you?”
His eyes lift briefly before falling back to his desk. “There may have been one in the dugout when I left, but I can’t be sure. The field’s still unlocked if you wanna double check, though.”
Damnit.
“Okay, thanks,” I reply, and with a long sigh, I grab my bag and set out on a scavenger hunt. Luck seems to be on my side, at the very least, because the second I’m through the tunnel that leads into our dugout, there it is, sitting on the bench against the back wall.
Annoyed with myself, I grab it and start back the way I came, only for movement on the field to catch my eye. Specifically, someone in street clothes standing out on the pitcher’s mound.
What the hell?
I’m about to call out to whoever it is—threaten to call security or something if they don’t get lost—but as he turns enough for me to catch his profile, recognition slams into me like a freight train.
Avery.
My stomach clenches at the sight of him standing alone on the mound; a place I’ve seen him many times before but somehow is so unfamiliar now.
Instinct calls for me to go, slip out the way I came unnoticed and forget I saw him. My brain agrees, logically knowing that nothing good can come from an interaction.
But, damn, my heart won’t fucking listen.
The stupid thing is shouting at me to remember what Keene said a few days ago, pleading for me to get my head outta my ass and go to him.
Clearing my throat, I force myself to speak.
“Hard to believe they’d let you within a hundred yards of this place.”
His body stiffens at the sound of my voice, and he slowly turns to face me.
He looks good. Better than anyone should dare when they’re in the presence of the person whose heart they pulverized beyond recognition. His blond hair is swept back off his forehead, looking as if it were recently cut, and he’s wearing the same gray Foltyn Baseball hoodie he’d spent most of the summer in. Pairing it with some dark-wash jeans that cling to his muscular thighs, and he’s the most beautiful, heartbreaking thing I’ve ever laid eyes on.
“Kaleb. Hi.”
Jaw locked, I offer him a small nod in greeting.
We stare at each other, the ten feet separating us feeling more like a thousand miles, and it has my heart aching in my chest. Squeezing painfully behind my ribs. Pleading for me to close the distance and finally have him in my arms again.
But I don’t move.
I don’t speak either, despite wanting to ask him what the hell he’s doing here, standing on the field, with no one around. After the weeks I’ve endured without him, I suspect that’s not the question that would come out. Or maybe it’s the worry that my emotions will betray me, cracking and breaking every word as it leaves my lips.
Wariness paints Avery’s expression as he looks at me before he glances away and offers the most ridiculous opening line I’ve ever heard.
“How are you?”
A disbelieving laugh leaves me, and I shake my head.
How the hell do I even answer that?
Part of me wants to stick it to him by saying I’ve been great. Yet the majority of me wants him to know just how fucking miserable I’ve been because of him. Without him.
“I really…” My voice sounds grated and raw, just like I feared, and I clear my throat again. “I’m not interested in doing small-talk with you, Avery.”
“Kaleb—”
I shake my head, cutting him off with a sharp, “No.”
There’s no part of me that wants to do this; wants to stand here and pretend that I’m okay or happy or anything other than heartbroken by his betrayal. Because that’s what it was—a betrayal of himself, and of me—when he decided to walk away.
He made the choice then, and it’s the same one I make now.
Tears of longing and heartache threaten to spill over, but I blink them back as I turn toward the dugout. My feet carry me away from him, my heart screaming at me to go back and hear him out, but I don’t listen to it. The last time I did, it ended up shattered on the floor beneath his feet.
I can’t do that again. I fucking won’t—
“I came out to my dad.”
The admission has me grinding to a halt, my back going ram-rod straight before I slowly turn in place. His throat bobs when he swallows, and those blue eyes gleam as he watches me, waiting for my next move.
“You came out to your dad,” I echo, blinking a couple times as the statement really registers in my brain.
“A couple months ago.”
If he wanted my attention, he has it now. That was the one, sure-fire way to get it.
In spite of myself, I take a couple steps back toward him, my approach slow and measured while I force out a question I’m not sure I want the answer to.
“How did that go?”
He lets out a little huff before a sardonic smile appears. “At first, about how I expected. Told me he’d get me into therapy to sort out my confusion, asked if something unseemly happened at camp.”
A sinking feeling tugs at my stomach, because this is what I feared. Or something worse, like him kicking Avery out, disowning him, God knows what else. I wouldn’t put anything past the asshole at this point.
My teeth scrape over my lower lip, a hollow feeling taking hold.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. It had to happen.” A wry sort of scoff slips out, and he shakes his head. “Believe it or not, he actually…apologized.”
Now that, I wasn’t expecting. My face must show it too, because a soft laugh leaves Avery.
“Yeah, that’s pretty much the look I had when it happened. But he did, and… I don’t know. It feels like he means it. I think it took me breaking down and screaming at him for him to really understand just how deeply his words sank into me, you know?”
The hollowness in my chest starts to dissipate, however slightly, at the hope tinting his tone. Despite the evidence his father’s given previously, I find myself having hope too. Maybe he really has seen the light, even if it’s only a pinprick right now. There’s a chance it’ll grow.
For Avery’s sake, I hope it does.
“Good. You deserve it,” I tell him earnestly. “Hearing you out is the least he can do after all the pain he’s caused.”
His gaze holds mine for a few heartbeats, so many unspoken things swirling in his eyes, before his attention drops to the ground.
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t just him. I’m just as responsible for my own suffering.” He shoves his hands in his pockets and kicks the rubber beneath his feet. “Guess you can add that to the ever-growing list of things you’ve been right about.”
Emotion catches in my throat, but I clear it away. “I didn’t want to be right about it.”
“Doesn’t mean you weren’t.”
Stifling silence surrounds us, his admission hanging in the air like a dark cloud.
I should go, I know that. But now that I’m right here, so close to him, I can’t move.
So instead, I speak.
“So, uh.” I swallow hard, “I assume you being here means they really did let you back in?”
I know it’s why he left camp early—his father wouldn’t have yanked him if there was even the slightest chance he was unsuccessful in his mission—but I haven’t seen him on campus since the fall term started. And believe me, I’ve been looking.
In spite of myself. At every turn.
“Yeah, they did.” A wry smile pulls at his lips and he drops his gaze to the ground. “But I didn’t accept their offer.”
“What?”
“The dean offered me a spot back at Foltyn, and after thanking him for his consideration, I turned him down.”
I can’t control my eyes from bugging out of their socket at the statement. “ Why?”
Getting back into school was exactly what he wanted. Hell, it was the entire reason he ended up at Alpine Ridge in the first place, and now he’s just turning it down? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think he fell ill with some sort of disease that made him lose all common sense.
Yet, from the look on his face, this decision was made with a sound mind.
“I know you’re probably thinking I’m crazy, but…I couldn’t take another easy way out.”
“What are you gonna do, then?”
“Haven’t quite figured that out yet, but I’ve got a few options. Not that it really matters anymore.”
I blink a few times, still a little in shock. “Of course it does, Avery. It’s your future we’re talking about. That should matter more than anything else.”
How is he being so cavalier about this?
But when I truly study his face, I realize it’s because he’s at peace.
“You know, I believed that at one point too,” he starts, slicing through my thoughts. “I believed graduating on time and making my dad proud of me and all the other noise should be my top priority. I was miserable as hell living like that, but it was all I knew. Then I ended up at summer camp, of all places, with the one person who took those things away from me.”
My skin heats, both from his words and the way he’s staring straight into my soul, as he takes a few slow steps toward me, closing the distance between us to nothing more than a foot.
“The funny thing is, somewhere in the midst of all the blisters and sunburns and outdoor activities with our group of chaotic gremlin children, I realized there are far more important things than what brought me to camp in the first place. Like allowing myself to be free of the shame and fear that have been controlling me. You’re the one who gave me that.”
“You did the work—”
“But you gave me the strength to try. The means to succeed. You silenced the deafening screams, taught me how to lock up the darkness and finally let in the light.” He pauses and wets his lips before glancing around the stadium. “So while trying to get back into Foltyn might’ve been the goal when all this started, it’s not worth it anymore. It’s not important, and I sure as fuck don’t want it.”
My disbelief can’t be contained, leaving my body in the form of incredulous laughter. “Then why are you here? If this doesn’t matter, why come back? Why tell me all this—”
“Because I love you.”
The words are a hundred volts straight to my heart, reviving the organ instantly; filling it with new life and pumping warmth to the rest of my body.
My head, on the other hand, isn’t convinced.
“Avery…”
“No, just let me get this out,” he murmurs, his eyes pleading.
One hand reaches up, slipping around my neck to cradle the back of my skull, and I shiver with the feel of his skin against mine for the first time in what feels like a lifetime.
“I’ve fucked up a lot, I know that. And, honestly, I know I will again. I can’t promise you perfection; I’m a work in progress at best. There will be moments when I revert back to those old habits or when shame creeps in, and it’ll be hard to witness. But never will I ever turn my back on the person you helped me become; the person you saw all along.”
A somber smile pulls at his lips while his gaze maps my face. “I’m so fucking in love with you, Kaleb. So I’ll give you my all—every shameful, imperfect part of me—and I can only hope it’s worth a fraction of you.”
If I thought I was shot up with warmth before, it has nothing on how I’m feeling right now. Hearing him bare his heart and soul to me, handing me every piece of who he is—every flaw he has and misstep he’s yet to make—has my entire being consumed in heat. In hope.
In love.
And God, I love him.
I’m stupidly head over heels for the guy, having fallen in spite of myself. So while I know loving him won’t be easy, I do know there’s no one I’d rather guide through the hardest parts.
My eyes rake over his features, mapping every line and freckle on his tanned face while he waits, ever so patiently, for an answer. The one I knew all along, despite fighting it at every turn.
But I’m done fighting for anything but us.
“Don’t make me regret this.”
It’s a plea, dragged over the broken shards of our past, and barely recognizable to my own ears. But Avery hears it perfectly, his blue eyes shimmering when a promise falls from his lips.
“Never will I ever.”
And then his mouth is on mine, stealing my breath, my thoughts, my heart. Taking everything I am and offering himself in return, knowing neither of us are willing to stand in the way of what this has become. What we can be.
That’s the difference in this kiss from all the others.
It’s a hello and goodbye all in one.
It’s us leaving the past in the past, ready to start on an entirely new chapter. One that doesn’t erase the pain and shame and hurt but uses those things to shape what comes next. Shaping our story into something even better. And as I lose myself in the feel of his fingers sliding through my hair and my tongue teasing the seam of his lips, I can’t wait to find out what that is.
We break apart far too soon, chests heaving and hearts racing as I drop my forehead to his. My emotions are still in the clouds, lingering among the stars as his soft breaths coast over my lips, and it’s a high I’ve never experienced.
Because what I feel for him doesn’t happen every day.
“I love you, baby,” I whisper, the words I’d been terrified of before now leaving with ease. “And I’ll never ask you for perfection. All I want is to be the hand you reach for when things get difficult.”
“You already are. You have been since the beginning.”
Unable to stop myself, I pull him back in for another scorching kiss. My hands sink into the soft, golden strands of hair at the back of his head while I mold my mouth to his, wanting to live in this moment for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen, because there’s a loud cough from nearby before a booming voice calls out across the field.
“Not to interrupt, but I’ve gotta lock up and get going.”
Coach.
I freeze instantly. He knew I was heading here to look for my glove, and probably came to see if I was successful. And my dumb ass completely forgot about that tidbit the second I laid eyes on Avery.
God, how could I be so stupid?
My stomach rolls, worrying how Avery’s going to react to being caught like this. But rather than recoiling or freezing like I did, Avery presses one more gentle kiss to my lips and slowly pulls away.
His attention shifts to a spot over my shoulder, and he clears his throat softly before calling out, “Yep, no problem. We’re just about to head out.”
Gnawing at my lower lip, I turn and find Coach staring at the two of us, his expression completely void of emotion. Either he’s got one helluva poker face, or I’m just delusional enough to think we might be in the clear.
Until he goes and ruins it.
“I’ll take care of this, since it seems you got a bit distracted,” he says, holding up my glove. “Have a good one, guys.”
I cough and give him a faint nod. “Yeah. Thanks, Coach.”
With that awkward encounter under our belt, Avery and I make ourselves scarce, heading out so Coach can lock up. My mind spins faster than an Olympic figure skater, whirling out of control by the time we reach the parking lot. Even when Avery takes my hand and leads me to where my car is parked, I’m weighed down with worry and guilt for being caught like that.
It’s definitely not the way I envisioned starting over with him, and I know that’s the thought written on my face when Avery turns in front of me, leaning against my passenger door.
“I’m sorry. I should’ve been more careful,” I say in a rush.
“It’s fine, I don’t care.” He shakes his head, a little smile on his face. “And besides, I already told Coach.”
Told him?
“Coach knows I’m gay,” Avery says calmly, elaborating before I can ask him to.
Of course, the revelation leaves me momentarily speechless before a sputtered, “S-since when?” leaves my mouth.
“Well, I’ve been making my rounds on this apology tour to…” He blows out a breath and laughs. “Well, pretty much everyone? Coach was the stop before yours, and it just kinda came out.”
“No pun intended, I’m assuming.”
“I had to give him a reason to help me talk to you.” The hair on my neck prickles as suspicion creeps in, and my eyes narrow, which only pulls another carefree laugh from him. “What? Did you think I just snuck in there of my own volition?”
Uh, yes?
“Don’t act like you don’t have a habit of breaking into places you shouldn’t,” I reason. “We both know better than that.”
“For once, I went by the rule book, Mr. Goody Two-Shoes. Coach gave me the go-ahead and let me in. And more importantly, gave you a reason to come back to the field after everyone else was gone.”
I’ll be fucking damned.
“This whole thing was a setup.”
He nods. “One Coach was all too happy to assist in if it meant you got your head outta your ass and started playing ball the way he knows you can.”
“They were scrims,” I protest.
“Yeah, well, you take it up with him.”
I’m in the middle of rolling my eyes when Avery’s hand snakes out, snatching the front of my shirt before pulling me toward him. His lips are on mine again, this kiss more consuming than the last as the entire world blurs into the background.
All that’s left is the two of us at the center of it.
“You wanna come back to my apartment with me?” I whisper, tugging at his hoodie. “There’s a bit of lost time we have to make up for.”
He hums, a slow grin spreading over his face. “I love the sound of that. Trust me. But there’s actually one more thing I need to take care of first.”
His attention flicks over my shoulder then, and I frown in confusion before turning to follow his gaze, only for it to land on Keene heading toward Aspen’s Impala.
A sense of pride has my chest swelling with emotion when I turn back to him.
“Do you want me to go with you?”
“Nah. This is something I’ve gotta do on my own.” He grins before stealing another quick kiss. “Text me your address. I’ll be over right after I’m done.”