10. JENSEN
10
N othing could have prepared me for the feeling of Rae Stafford in my arms and how good it fucking feels.
I wake up from the warmth that’s glued against my chest, cracking an eye open and squinting at my surroundings. My lips are being graced by a pile of hair as I turn my head to the side with my eyes still halfway closed.
Sucking in the scent of her hair, my body lingers in the blissful stage of awareness, but I’m still too sleepy to move a muscle.
It took her a while to fall asleep. I’d been listening to her breathing, anxious to hold her against me as I thought about how fucked up my world is right now.
I’m on a road trip to hide from the paparazzi, bolt from my expectation, and definitely avoid my mother. I have a relationship I’m expected to fix, yet all I can think of is the blonde lying next to me. The one that stirs more feelings inside of me than anyone ever has, good or bad. When her breathing slowed, and I knew she fell asleep, I turned on my back, looking at the ceiling with a weird lump forming in my stomach, doing my best to not pull her into my arms.
But in our unconscious state she apparently thought otherwise, and now I can never recover from this level of comfort.
I feel like a hurricane has stormed through my life the last few days, and now I’m looking at the debris, knowing I have to fix it all.
But I don’t know if I want to fix it.
I don’t know whether to fix the old house or just build a new one.
I fully enjoy my arm wrapped around her warm body and when I fully open my eyes. I’m in so much shit.
The morning is starting to kick in, the room now a little less dark than before. Rae’s head rests on my chest with even breaths while her slender arm is draped over my stomach. Without thought, my hand reaches up, running my fingers through her silky blonde tendrils, enjoying the comfort it brings me.
My mind argues with me. Telling me I shouldn’t get this comfortable. That I shouldn’t feel this comfortable.
That the whole reason I’m staying the night in a hotel in Arizona is because I need Rae to help me get Emily back. I need her to get my mother off my back until I figure out what I’m gonna do with this whole marriage thing. Or what I’m gonna do with my parents trying to control my entire life. I’m not like my brother Finn. He falls in line effortlessly because that’s who he is. He’s a well-known and respected lawyer, attends all the right events, hangs out with the best connections, supports more charities than I can remember, all while being the perfect all-American son without him even trying. And my sister… well, she’s a senior, so other than showing her face at events, she’s still off the hook. At least as long as I still show up, dressed like the politician part, to play my part.
But me?
Fuck, man. I just wanna skate and chill. When I think about marriage, I think about watching a movie on the couch, going skiing on Christmas, heading out for a Sunday drive without a destination. Not showing our faces on every red carpet and posing for Instagram pictures every five minutes.
That’s not me.
The truth, though? I’m not sure what is me .
All I know is what is expected of me.
But I know one thing for sure: holding a woman in my arms like Rae Stafford is definitely not expected of me.
.
***
I open my eyes again, a couple hours later, morning has fully arrived, lighting the room with a heavy dose of natural daylight.
My head is resting against Rae’s, and I brush my lips over her hair, giving myself a minute to wake up. I clear my throat before I exhale loudly, a sense of peace still settles in my chest. A smile creases my face, and I turn to the right, glancing around the room. But my eyes grow big when I meet the smug grin of Bodi, sitting fully dressed on the edge of his bed.
“Christ, what the fuck, Bodi?” I hiss as my heart starts to race.
It’s not like I was hiding Rae in my bed, but having him stare at us for God knows how long, like a creep, it gets me fired up. Or maybe it’s the bucket of reprimanding that I know is going to be thrown in my face any minute now. Pretty sure it’s both.
“Good morning, sunshine ,” he softly sings, then leans on his knees with his eyes still trained on me. “What’s this, mate?”
He circles his finger in the air with his thick Australian accent.
I rub my hand over my face while pushing out a breath. “She got scared. I offered to share my bed.”
“Oh, wauw.” He dramatically grips his heart. “Such a gentleman. The cuddling? Was that required too?”
“Shut up.”
“No, you shut up, mate. ” He now glares.
There it is. One bucketload, coming right up.
“What are you doing?”
I hold his gaze, keeping my mouth shut.
“I’m serious!” he continues. “This is the one and only time I’m pointing this out, because I honestly don’t care what you do. But we are here to fix things with Emily, right? Keep your parents happy?”
“Right.”
“That isn’t Emily!” he whisper-shouts.
“I know, okay?!” I huff, rolling my eyes.
“Do you? Because you’re playing with fire, Jensen. And as much as I’m dying to watch you play with fire, or better yet, burn the whole house down, I need to make sure you know what you’re doing before your mother starts stalking me again. And I love you, but truth be told, I’d rather be a live target for the army looking like Pikachu than have another discussion with your mother.”
“I’m dying to see that.” I blink.
“Shut up.”
“What are you doing?” His green eyes peer down at me, filled with—I don’t even know what? It’s not judgment. It’s not disapproval. It’s a look of interest, as if he’s trying to make me aware of something, waiting for the coin to drop.
“I don’t know,” I admit, scratching my head.
I have no goddamn clue. My mind tells me I crossed a line last night. A bigger one than ever before. Yeah, I talk to other girls. I stand a little too close, and I twitter in their ears. But spending the night cuddling is a whole other level.
I know that. It makes it harder and harder to pretend and keep up appearances with Emily, and it’s wrong.
But then why does it feel so damn good?
“Yeah, well, you have a couple more days to figure it out. That is, if the paparazzi won’t find out you’re driving across the country with a girl that isn’t your girlfriend. I got your back.” He folds his hands together. “I really do. But you have to figure it out. Five days, Jensen. Do you hear me?”
I let his words run through my now dazed head, knowing he’s right. I can’t keep avoiding my life forever. At some point, I need to make decisions instead of bluffing out of anything that is supposed to be part of my future.
“Do you hear me?” Bodi repeats.
“Yeah. Yeah, I hear you.”
“I’m gonna get us some coffee and save her the embarrassment of waking up hugging you like a damn koala with an audience. I’ve brought her bag to our room.” He points at the weekender now sitting on the floor. “I’m gonna see if I can buy us some clothes. I’ll be back in thirty minutes, yeah?”
He gets up, then gives me a mocking salute before he disappears through the door. The door closes with a heavy thud and Rae startles before she slowly stirs awake, now twisting and turning in my grip.
Her golden-brown eyes look up at me in confusion, then take in the room, before she quickly sits up, her cheeks turning pink.
“Oh, shit. I’m so sorry!” She pulls the sheets to her chin, even though she’s dressed, and a chuckle comes from my throat when I look at her flush of embarrassment.
She looks fucking adorable.
“Hey.” I place my hand on the small of her back. “It’s okay.”
“No. No, it’s not. You shouldn’t be cuddling with other girls! Your mom will hate me if she finds out. And Emily.” She shoots me a look full of doubt.
I smile. “True. But there were ghosts, Rae. I couldn’t leave you unprotected, could I? Besides, my mom hates pretty much everyone.”
She snaps her head, meeting my gaze, before slapping my chest. “Shut up, asshole, ” she scolds, though I can see a smile trying to creep in.
“Look, don’t worry about it. Just let me pick the hotel tonight, okay?”
Her lips purse, looking at me like they need to be kissed, and I move my attention back to her eyes to distract myself from the desire that’s lurking inside my body like the Big Bad Wolf, dying for a taste of Little Red Riding Hood.
“Yeah. Okay, that’s fine,” she complies, then gets out of the bed, making the sheets send a cold breeze over me. “Where is Bodi?”
“Getting coffee. It’s almost time to hit the road. He brought your stuff.”
I point to the bag, and a grateful smile slides into place on her face.
“That’s so sweet of him!” She grabs the bag from the floor, beaming.
Her hair is messy, and her face free from makeup, like a blank canvas. My dick appreciates her modest curves being hugged by her dark blue pajama shorts, and I flex my hands hard to get rid of nerves that run through them.
“I’m gonna go and take a shower, okay? I won’t be long.”
I nod my head, absently. “Yeah, of course.”
I watch her prance toward the bathroom, shamelessly checking her out.
Fucking hell, if this is how the rest of the week is going to be, I’m in serious trouble. She’s hot as fuck, and her perky little attitude only makes it more fun to get under her skin. But as much as I try to get under hers, I’m pretty sure it doesn’t compare to how badly she’s getting under mine without even trying.
Bodi is right.
I have a lot of shit to figure out. And I’m not sure if having Rae Stafford around me for the rest of the week is going to help me find peace—or if she will unleash the fury that might be waiting for me at the end of the road.
She might become the death of me.
But looking at her right now, it makes me believe I’d die a happy man.
“Jensen?” She twists her body around, meeting me with her fiery eyes, and I swear my heart stops for a split second when our gazes lock.
“Hmm?” I muse, licking my lips.
“Thank you,” she says, shyly, “for last night. I owe you one.”
My mind instantly goes into the gutter, wanting to take her up on that with her naked body pressed to mine. I tilt my head, narrowing my eyes at the thought of having her at my mercy.
“You know I’m gonna collect that, baby.”
“Shut up.” She rolls her eyes, the corner of her mouth raised in half a smile as she opens the door to the bathroom.
“Rae?”
She halts, the doorknob in her hands. “Yeah?”
“You’re welcome.”
With a straight face, she stares at me until her eyes soften and she gives me a radiant smile. It’s one I haven’t seen before, making a pang go through my chest as she goes into the bathroom, and I let out a frustrated grunt.
I’m in some serious shit.