16. JENSEN
16
T he next morning, I feel as shitty as when I went to bed last night.
She stomped out of the bar like someone lit a fire up her perky ass, with heavy shoulders, and I regretted my words the second they were spoken out loud.
I enjoyed the carefree posture she’d been giving us all evening, and I saw it dissolve in a split second because I decided playing safe was the right thing, for once. Even though I think it was the smartest thing to do for both of us, my mind kept thinking about her disappointed face and how much I wanted to kiss her. She said she agreed, but I could detect the hurt in Rae’s eyes, and it’s been haunting me the entire night.
I’m such a moron.
For hours, I glared at the ceiling, wondering what my life would look like if I didn’t have the pressure of my family resting on my shoulders. They think I’m the rebel child, always wanting more than the privileges my family provides.
A selfish piece of shit.
One of the things thrown at my face many times. I guess when I grew up, I decided to act the part, doing whatever the fuck I wanted. When I moved to LA to skate for the Knights, it was like I felt somewhat free for the first time. Yeah, I still attended most of my parents’ events, and yeah, I agreed to date Emily when my mother arranged it, but other than that?
I did whatever the hell I wanted, whenever I wanted, no matter the collateral. I guess it compensates for all the times my parents still find a way to make me play my part in our happy family.
“You look tired, mate,” Bodi points out, as we step into the elevator. “Late night?”
I take a deep breath, pushing the button to the ground floor.
“Nah, just stuff on my mind.”
“Stuff? Cryptic,” he replies skeptically.
Placing my sunglasses over my eyes to hide the fatigue, I ignore my best friend, knowing he’s gonna bring it up sooner or later anyway. Bodi isn’t the one to keep his mouth shut about anything. He’s the one who keeps telling me to take the damn plunge and tell my parents to go fuck themselves.
Trust me, I want to.
But I can’t risk my parents moving their attention to my little sister, and I can’t risk my father taking away the one thing I live for. They’ve got connections anywhere, even in the NHL, and playing hockey is the only thing I love to do. I have never told anyone how my father threatened to kill my career, keeping it tucked away as deep as possible.
But really, it’s been hanging over my head like a thundercloud ever since. Wondering if he’s really that powerful.
Part of me has been flirting with the thought of breaking free. I’m a grown ass man. And my parents shouldn’t be able to dictate what I do or don’t. But Della makes me endure it all. She’s only seventeen. I can live being disowned and going completely rogue. I’m dying to. But if I take charge of my future, I don’t know what they will do to Della’s. I have my suspicions and I love my sister too much to find out.
She’s in high school, for crying out loud.
When the elevator doors open, my heart stops as my eyes land on the pretty girl that kept me up last night. She’s wearing jeans and a hoodie, swaying around on her sneakers to a country song in the foyer with a foam cup in her hands. Her blonde hair shines bright from the morning sun coming through the windows, like her personal spotlight.
She looks stunning.
“Oh, let me guess. It’s Goldilocks that’s been keeping you awake, is it?” Bodi snickers as we walk toward our third traveler.
“Shut up,” I snap, right before Rae’s brown eyes lock with mine.
They glitter like gold, her smile reserved as if she’s back to professional Rae, and I clench my jaw in response. I’ve been enjoying a relaxed, happy Rae, and I’m not ready to see her go just yet.
“Good morning, Goldilocks.” Bodi holds up his hands, shooting her a friendly smile when he notices her discomfort. Before she can reply, his phone rings, and he mutters something to excuse himself.
“Good morning,” I say, taking a step closer to her when Bodi walks away. I want to fold my arms around her and take in the sweet scent of her shampoo.
But instead, I shoot her a coy smile.
“Morning.” She looks at me in anticipation, holding her cup in front of her lips as if she’s hiding from me, though I can see a ghost of a smile lingering under the surface and relief twists inside me.
“You okay?” she asks, taking a sip.
A whim of cinnamon and honey enters my nose, a scent that is the exact sum of how I look at her. The perfect mix between spice and sweet, filled with sass.
“Yeah. Are you?”
“I’m good.”
“What are you drinking?” I ask, curious.
“Ginger tea with pumpkin spice.”
Quirking up my eyebrows, my lips curl. “Tea with pumpkin spice?”
“Do you want a taste?” She doesn’t mean to flirt with me, but the question has me glancing at her lips nonetheless, desperately to know if they taste like cinnamon too. “They don’t sell it everywhere. I had to go and ask the chef if he had pumpkin spice.”
“Bet he didn’t mind giving into your request.” I smirk.
She shrugs with a straight face. “He wanted a kiss in return.”
“A kiss?” My jaw ticks. My eyes blink, I think .
“Oh yeah. He wanted a real one, you know? Tongue, hands in hair. The whole charade. I mean, I thought it was a little much for a bit of pumpkin spice, but I really like my tea with pumpkin spice, and he was kinda hot. Old, but hot.”
“Hot?” I parrot, my eyes narrowing.
“Yeah, like George Clooney hot? Anyway, I just went for it. We only live once, right? So I went like—” Her lips part, her eyes hooded as her tongue darts out, accompanied with a soft moan. “And then, he went like—” Her head twists, completely going for it as she kisses the air.
Pressing my tongue against my cheek, I watch her public display of affection for the sky as she reenacts her morning activities.
“Rae?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you fucking with me?”
She presses a hand to her mouth to stifle her giggles. When her hand falls back down, a smile from ear-to-ear sits on her face, her eyes mischievous.
“Yeah, but the look on your face was fucking worth it. Were you jealous, hockey boy ?”
Yes.
If I could turn green, I’d probably be the damn Hulk right now.
“No,” I lie, as she keeps looking at me with that sassy look that tells me I’m full of shit. Holding her gaze, I gently pull the cup out of her hand. A shiver runs through me when our fingers connect, and I straighten my shoulders, keeping up an unaffected stance as I bring the cup to my lips.
My senses hit a peak when the spice lands on my tongue, followed by the sweet taste of honey. “Not bad.”
“Not bad?” she huffs, incredulous, pulling a face. “There is no other way to drink tea.”
Defiance laces her face as I watch her, amused. My pulse quickens as I look into her eyes, examining the freckles sprinkled on her nose. Her face looks fresh, clean from make-up, and it hits me once more how beautiful she is.
Since the first time she introduced herself to me, I was captivated by her beauty, always desperate to get a glimpse of her. I’ve always seen her in work clothes, with make-up on her face, and her hair perfectly styled. She has always been gorgeous.
But having her standing in front of me with the morning sunlight making her glow, I realize that was an understatement. Rae in her pure form is mesmerizing.
An enigma I want to crack.
My train of thought is broken when she frowns, waiting for me to say anything.
“Look, Rae. I’m sorry about last night, okay?” I blurt.
Her cute face turns serious before she mockingly rolls her eyes.
“Don’t be such a drama queen, Jensen. We’re cool.”
“We are?” I ask, slightly confused.
I walked out of the elevator, hoping she wouldn’t be uncomfortable around me. That we could keep going as we have been for the past two days, keeping the bickering to a minimum. Though I enjoy the banter we throw at each other, I like her better when she’s smiling rather than scowling. But seeing her unaffected about what happened last night leaves me more disappointed than I expected.
“We are, hockey boy .” She pats my chest, then turns around. “Come on, Memphis is waiting for us, and I’m desperately in need of some good fried chicken.”
I stare at her, speechless, as backs away from me with a smug smile. My breathing speeds up, and I’m wondering if I should be stupid and kiss her just to throw her off or be happy that nothing changed.
Rolling my lips, I take a step forward, having every intention of being stupid and kissing her numb. But then, before I can act on it, my phone buzzes in my pocket at the same time Bodi walks back inside.
“Change of plans,” he tells us, tugging his phone back into his jeans. “I need to be in Atlanta today.”
“Today? Why?” Rae asks.
“There is an author I want to sign, and he’s only in the states until tomorrow. That was his assistant. He wants to meet with me today at KPI. Can you drop me off at the airport? I will meet up with you tomorrow when you get to Atlanta.”
We both nod, and he pulls the key fob out of Rae’s hand.
“I’ll go and get the car.”
I keep my eyes trained on Rae, excitement building in my body like a little schoolboy when I realize I’ll have her to myself for the next twenty-four hours until my phone buzzes once more.
Pulling it out of my back pocket, I then dip my chin to look at my messages.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: It’s Em. I miss you. Can we talk? Call me.
UNKNOWN NUMBER: I’m sorry. I was a bit drastic. I love you.
Shit.
“Are you coming?” Rae’s voice snaps me out of my trance, and I look up to her cheery grin, waiting for me at the entrance of the hotel.
Without any hesitation, I delete the message, no fucks given.
It’s postponing the inevitable, but I’m not giving a shit today.
In a few days, Rae will walk out of my life, leaving me with nothing more than a faint memory, and I want to make the best out of it. I want to make memories that will have me smiling when I’m eighty and sitting on my damn porch.
Everything else can fucking wait.
“Yeah. I’m coming,” I respond, tugging my phone back into my jeans.
***
We dropped Bodi at the airport, and a few hours later, we’re well on our way to Memphis while Rae hums along with the radio, her feet on the dash.
Emily keeps calling me, and after the third time, I put my phone on complete silence. I should be pleased that getting her back won’t be a lot of work and that my mom will be happy to hear that her perfect picture isn’t in jeopardy.
But my mind keeps trying to envision my future. Asking myself what life will look like in five, ten, or even twenty years from now. What fate has in store for me. But every time I try to think ahead, think about my future, Emily is not part of it.
To be honest, when I look at my future, I don’t see anything other than all the things that aren’t revolving around me.
My father becoming governor.
My mother planning event after event.
Finn becoming a part of the Supreme Court.
Della going to Yale, like she always wanted.
But when I look at myself? What does the future hold for me?
I’m blank.
Empty.
“Are you close to your siblings?” Rae suddenly asks, turning her head.
A little thrown off, I glance at her. “Why are you asking?”
“I don’t know. I guess because you don’t really get along with your folks. Makes me wonder if you and your siblings get along. Or if you are… well,—”
“Alone.” I finish her sentence.
“Yeah.”
I push out a breath. “We are. We’re really close. They are the only reason I’ve been able to keep up with all that political bullshit. That… and hockey.”
“Did they have a hard time growing up in the public eye? Like you?”
I shake my head. “Finn always wanted to be a lawyer. For him, doing what was expected came naturally. He liked going to events, listening to the grownups’ conversations. Learning the way people acted. I just wanted to play. Climb trees, build huts. One time, I took all the sheets from the house and turned his room into one big fort. Finn was studying for some kind of test, and he just warned me, unfazed about the fact that I was turning his room into my personal playfield. When my mother walked in, she freaked. Finn, being the big brother that he is, took the blame, but my mother didn’t buy it for a second. She knew Finn wouldn’t do shit like that.”
“But you would.” Rae chuckles.
“I would.”
I have never been the model child, even though I tried my hardest. I did my best to do whatever my parents wanted me to do. Shake hands, dress up in a tie and suit, but the truth is, my attention was always drawn to the wrong things.
Having a chat with the smoking server at an Easter brunch. Getting stains on my clothes because I followed a dog into the bushes. I wanted to explore. To go on adventures. But living with my parents was predictable and has sucked the life out of me since the day I could walk.
“What about your sister?” Rae shows me a sparkling smile, leaving me speechless for a second as I stare at her, thankful she can’t see my hunger-filled eyes through my sunglasses.
“She’s the princess,” I say, turning my focus back to the road. “My mother treats Della like her little clone, and I think for the most part Della liked being the favorite of the family. But now that she’s older, the cracks are starting to show. She is more of a rebel than my mother knows.”
“How old is she?”
“Seventeen.”
Rae whistles. “Sounds like the perfect age to piss your mother off.”
“Right. She does it more often lately.” I laugh, thinking about my sister with pride. She’s always been the baby of the family, and I love her more than anything. But over the last year, she’s been reaching out to me a lot, frustrated about our mother, and I’ve been enjoying every minute of it.
“I bet you support her rebellion, don’t you?” She leans against the door, her elbow propped up on the window with her hand supporting her head as she glances at me with amusement. A silly smile tugs on my cheeks, looking at the blonde girl next to me.
“Absolutely. I fucking cheer her on. Giving her all the inside scoop on how to piss her off even more.”
A loud laugh sounds through the car, showering me with goosebumps from head to toe. The ringing of her laughter makes my heart jump for more.
“You’re an asshole, Jensen.”
“I know, babe.”
For a brief moment, we stay quiet, as I linger in the comfortable mood she’s getting me in with a grin splitting my face.
It’s weird how some things work. Last week, I couldn’t stand the girl, thinking she was the most rigid one there was. Hot as hell, but rigid as fuck. And now, she’s sitting next to me as we drive cross-country like we’ve known each other our entire lives.
“Tell me something I don’t know about you.” She bites her lip with a mischievous glint in her eyes that turns me the fuck on, my brows quirking up.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know? Something I can’t google.”
I drop my head back, breaking out in laughter. “You’re looking at me like you want to know all my dirty secrets?”
“Oh my God, if you’re talking about your sex life, then no,” she screeches. “Just tell me something no one knows.”
I think hard, asking myself what I’m willing to share with her.
“I’m not going to be playing for the Knights next season.”
I glance over to watch her reaction, and like I expected, her jaw drops, giving me a dubious look. She pushes her sunglasses lower on her nose, exposing her sparkling eyes.
“You look like a dork, doing that,” I say, even though she looks fucking adorable.
“You’re leaving the Knights? You just won the Stanley Cup.”
“I know.”
“Where are you going?”
I rub the back of my neck, letting out a grunt. “I don’t know yet.”
No one knows. Not even Bodi. I decided before we won the finals that I needed a change. That no matter what happened, I was going to do something different next season. I hoped we’d win, making it the perfect ending of my time in LA.
But regardless, it was time to change it up. To take on a new challenge. Lately, life has grown stale, and I’m desperate for something new. Something exciting.
“You don’t know yet?”
“Nope.” I pop my P with a level of nonchalance that feels good. I’m looking forward to a new city. Maybe that’s why I’m not really making a lot of effort to fix things with Emily just yet. I don’t even know if I’m going to be in LA next season.
“Are you a free agent?”
“Yeah.”
“Any preferences?”
“Any club that isn’t on the East Coast.”
Her brows pull together in question. “What’s wrong with the East Coast?”
“Nothing.” I pause. “Everything. It’s closer to my parents.”
“That bad, huh?”
I shrug, giving her a it-is-what-it-is look. “Right now, it’s a five-hour flight. I can hide behind practices and games, telling my mom I can’t make it half of the time. If I’m residing on the East Coast, that will be an hour, two tops. She will be on my back more than ever.”
She hums in understanding before I change the subject.
“What about you? Tell me something I don’t know about you?”
“Well, since my childhood isn’t public record, there is a lot you don’t know about me, Jensen.” She tilts her head as she looks at me.
Don’t I know it.
This whole trip has been a whole realization of me not knowing her.
“You told me you had a wild side, the other day. How wild?” I ask, wiggling my eyebrows. “Are we talking about skipping class and skinny dipping? Or drugs and getting arrested.”
Her eyes widen, averting her gaze as I notice her cheeks getting flushed.
“All of the above?” I drive the car to the gas station we’re approaching. A hint of amazement is detectable in my voice. And she lets out a grunt when I park the car next to the gasoline pump.
“I just told you something I’ve kept a secret from the entire world. It’s your turn! Share, Rae,” I growl.
I want to hear all the dirty details that will make her fall from her pedestal in my head. Right in the mud where I want her to be. Dirty with that sassy mouth of hers.
But she presses her lips to a smile stripe, shaking her head with her eyes closed.
My head moves to her side before I start to tickle her to get a response.
“No!” She breaks out in a hysterical laughter, trying to push my hands off her body.
“Tell me, Stafford!”
“NO! Jensen! Stop.” Her words come out broken, barely able to speak between her continuous screeches.
My body hangs over the center console, getting closer to hers with every jerk of her limbs trying to hold me off. She lowers into the seat, almost lying down while hands keep tickling her sides, pricking my fingers into her skin as my nose gets closer to her hair. The sweet scent of her shampoo greets me, and I halt, startled when I look into her hooded eyes as she stills underneath me. I hear my heart pounding in my head as my lips part. My breaths grow shallow while a heat builds in my groin.
“Tell me, before I’m forced to use my teeth.”
She gasps, and our connection deepens as she gives me a longing look.
“You’re supposed to say something that will make me talk,” she says, her voice gruff, going straight to my already aching dick. “Not make it tempting to keep my mouth shut.”
Well, fuck.
Her delicate hands move up to my arms, slowly tracing my tattoos with her thumbs in a scorching way. Like magnets drawn together, I lean in, unable to break the magic and determined to finally find out what she tastes like. To find out how her plump lips feel against mine. She closes her eyes when our noses touch, my lips only an inch away.
“Yo!” A knock startles us, and I throw my head up while my heart slams against my chest.
“What?!” I glare at the gas jockey who is peeking through the window with amusement.
Fucking cockblocker.
“You need me to fill her up?”
Rae awkwardly moves her body back up, and I let my head hang, pressing my forehead against her shoulder as I push out a breath. She rakes her fingers through my hair, the sensation making it even harder to straighten my body when the guy knocks on the window again.
“Yes!” I whine, rolling my eyes at him. “Fill it up!”
Getting back into my seat, I rub my hands over my face with a groan, then look at a still smiling Rae.
“You get an A+ for effort.” She smirks, then opens her door.
“I’m going to get it out of you, baby!” I call to her when she gets out, slamming the door before sticking her tongue out at me.
I laugh.
Cheeky little brat.