Chapter 11 #2
I shook my head and smiled. ‘No. You haven’t embarrassed me; Auntie Kay has. I told her just this morning not to set me up with y—’ I tailed off and bit my lip, desperately wishing I could retract my words.
Nick laughed, a warm and infectious sound. ‘It’s okay. You can finish the sentence. I promise not to jump off Lighthouse Point if you don’t want to go out with me.’
‘It’s not that. I mean it’s not you. It’s… it’s complicated. Tea or coffee?’
‘Coffee please. White. No sugar.’ Nick leaned against the worktop.
‘You don’t have to explain. I know you’ve only just split up with your boyfriend.
Kay managed to slip that into our brief conversation, which was another big clue that perhaps she was playing Cupid.
You probably need some time to yourself. ’
I sighed and shook my head. ‘It’s not that either.’ I stirred his coffee. ‘Things with Jason had run their course a long time ago. It’s just that…’
When I didn’t finish the sentence, Nick prompted gently, ‘I’m a good listener.’
I sighed. ‘Believe me, you don’t want to hear my woes.’
‘Try me.’
I handed him his drink and studied his face.
It would be useful to hear a male viewpoint.
It would also be useful to have someone completely independent to tell me whether or not I was being crazy with the whole searching for Steven thing.
Auntie Kay had been as much use as a chocolate teapot.
But could I really open up to someone I’d only just met?
‘I’m not sure,’ I said, eventually. ‘You might laugh.’
‘I promise I won’t. If it helps, I volunteer as a youth counsellor and, believe me, I’ve heard it all over the years.
I don’t judge. I don’t laugh. I just listen and occasionally offer a few words of wisdom.
But I can also drop the subject, shut up, and we can talk websites with no pressure. Or I can go.’
I finished making my tea and took a deep breath. ‘You’re on.’
‘Websites, woes or leave?’
I laughed. ‘Woes. If you’re absolutely sure you don’t mind spending the next hour or so listening to me wittering on.’
‘It would be a pleasure. But can I make a suggestion?’
I nodded.
‘Might your woes be better shared over a beer rather than a coffee? Is it too early for a swift half in Minty’s?’
‘Best idea I’ve heard all day and my favourite bar too. Are you sure you’ve got time? You don’t have any other appointments?’
‘No. No plans. I’m yours for as long as you want me.’ Nick held my gaze and my stomach did a back-flip. Was that a loaded statement?
‘There you have it,’ I said. ‘Pathetic eh?’ I took a swig from my third glass of wine.
Nick had been right. He was really easy to talk to and a great listener.
Feeling relaxed – especially after the first glass of wine on an empty stomach – I told him all about Uncle Alan, my Life Plan, Jason, the clairvoyant CD and Clare’s suggestion to start online dating.
I left out the window cleaner and plasterer episodes.
They were definitely on a need-to-know-only basis.
‘Not pathetic at all.’ Nick touched my hand lightly, making my heart flutter. ‘Thanks for sharing.’
‘Thanks for listening.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘So, what do you think?’ I asked.
He took a deep breath. ‘First thing to say is that I don’t think you’re mad for believing in the reading.
At some point in their lives, I’d say that most people have something they desperately want to believe can happen.
I bet 99 per cent of people have dreams of packing in the day job to become a pop star, winning the lottery or simply meeting the man or woman of their dreams.’
I smiled. ‘Which one is it for you?’
‘All three. Give me a few beers and a karaoke machine and I think I’m Tom Jones. There’s nothing like a good rendition of Delilah.’ He laughed. ‘And my attempt is nothing like a good rendition.’
I laughed too. Ooh. I’d like to see that. Especially if it involves some Tom Jones hip gyrating.
‘I never buy lottery tickets,’ he continued, ‘so that kind of scuppers the first two.’
‘Which just leaves meeting The One?’
‘I’m in the same boat as you there. Always hoping but it hasn’t happened yet.’ He took a swig of his pint. ‘Actually, that’s a lie. I was engaged once. I thought Lisa was The One for me but it turns out I wasn’t The One for her.’
‘Oh. That sounds like a story. What happened?’
‘The classic cliché. She ran off with my best mate. Could have been worse. At least she did it the day before the wedding instead of leaving me at the altar a best man and a bride short of a wedding party.’
‘Oh, Nick, I’m so sorry. Was this recent?’
He shook his head and gave a weak smile. ‘Years ago. I was twenty-one. She was only nineteen. I’d say we were too young but it seemed to work for her and Alex. Last I knew, they’re still together and have two kids.’
‘That must have hurt.’
He nodded. ‘Like hell. Not only did I lose my fiancée but I lost my best mate too and, over the years, that’s been harder to deal with.
Alex and I had been inseparable since nursery and, even though we were only ten at the time, he was so supportive when my dad died.
I haven’t thought about Lisa for years but I still really miss Alex. He was like a brother to me.’
‘I’m sorry,’ I said again.
‘Don’t be.’ He smiled. This time his eyes smiled too.
‘Water under the bridge. The main lasting impact is that it’s made me cautious about male friends.
For the first few years, I wouldn’t introduce any male friends to girlfriends in case it happened again.
My closest friend now is female – Skye – and I like not having that threat. ’
I tried to imagine how I’d feel if Elise or Clare had run off with Andy or with Jason in the early days when it had been good. The betrayal didn’t bear thinking about. ‘Poor you.’
‘Thank you, but we’re meant to be talking about you. You wanted my verdict?’
I nodded, feeling silly for making such a fuss after what he’d been through with his dad then Alex and Lisa.
‘Here goes,’ he said. ‘From what you’ve said, it sounds like most of what your clairvoyant predicted has already happened plus that stuff about your uncle is pretty compelling. I’m therefore with you when you say why wouldn’t she be right about Steven.’
‘Exactly. That’s what I’ve been trying to tell Clare.’
Nick screwed his nose up.
‘There’s a “but” isn’t there?’
He nodded and pulled an apologetic expression.
‘But I’m also with your friend Clare in that your clairvoyant could be wrong.
She could be wrong about the timescales of you meeting The One or she could be wrong about the name.
I’d hate you to close yourself off to other possibilities and spend years expecting Steven to walk into your life, feeling disappointed every time you meet someone you’re attracted to who has the wrong name. ’
‘So what do you think I should do?’
‘It’s entirely up to you but, if you really want my opinion, I think you should do what your friend Clare suggests and register for online dating.
It sounds like a great way to find several Stevens, but you’re completely in control as to whether you meet them or not.
That must be better than hoping Steven will walk through your door wanting a bunch of flowers for his mum. ’
‘What if she’s wrong about the name? How would I know?’
‘Give it a timescale. How does three months sound? If you don’t find Steven in that time, widen your search and go on a few dates with Neil, Mike or Dave or whoever you like the sound of.’
‘You talk a lot of sense. Three months of searching for Steven it is. Or maybe four.’
Nick laughed. ‘If, in the meantime, you find a non-Steven who you find yourself attracted to, maybe you should just go with it and accept your clairvoyant was wrong about the name.’ He looked at me again with that same intensity I’d felt in the shop.
Did he mean him? The idea gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling.
Nick smiled then nodded at the glass I’d just drained. ‘Another?’
I looked at my watch. ‘I’ve kept you for over two hours. Don’t you need to do some work?’
‘I’ve had four pints and it’s not even dinnertime. I don’t think I’d be capable of doing anything that I wouldn’t have to re-do sober tomorrow so I’m all yours if you want me. But don’t let me keep you if you need to do something in the shop.’
I stretched and breathed in deeply. ‘I think I’ll be pretty useless too so I’m all yours if you want me too.’
We held each other’s gaze. We’d both said, ‘if you want me’. What was going on? Were we testing the water? Were we flirting? It felt like it.
‘Looks like we’re stuck with each other then,’ Nick said. ‘I’ll get them in.’
I gently touched his arm. ‘Before you go, answer me one question.’
‘Anything.’
‘Do you have a middle name?’
He smiled. ‘Yes.’
‘I don’t suppose it’s Steven, is it?’ I chewed my lip.
Nick laughed. ‘Sorry. It’s John after my dad.’
I twiddled with a strand of hair. ‘Just checking.’
His eyes seemed to drink me in as he said, ‘I wish it was Steven. I really do.’