Chapter 28
‘The arrogant little shit.’
‘Eloquent as always, Clare.’ I pulled my scarf tighter around my neck as we headed back into town later that evening, brollies doing battle against the wind and rain that had whipped up since meeting Andy. I hoped a storm wasn’t on its way.
‘Well, he is,’ she said. ‘I really liked him while he was at university, but I think that guy is long gone. I think his high-flying career and huge pay packet have gone to his head and he reckons he can get whatever he wants at the click of his fingers. Plus that line about you knowing he’s always been and always will be The One?
I think you may need a paramedic to get his head out of his arse. ’
‘I liked it. It felt romantic at the time. You really think he’s arrogant?’
‘And you don’t? It takes some major arrogance to turn up unannounced to see your ex and book yourself into a hotel for a week while you try to worm your way back into her life without even checking whether or not she’s single. I hope you told him you were seeing Nick.’
I stopped walking.
‘Sarah! Why the hell not?’
Because I’ve dreamed of that moment for years and saying nothing was a million times better than jumping on him and dragging him home to bed for old times’ sake.
But, of course, I didn’t say that. ‘Lack of opportunity? I felt sorry for him? I thought he might judge me for moving on so quickly? And…’ I paused.
‘And?’ Clare glared at me.
‘He’s called Steven.’
‘How many times? He’s not called Steven. He’s called Andrew.’
‘But Steven’s his middle name.’
‘So what?’ She grabbed my arm and started walking again. ‘If he’s the one for you, why didn’t your clairvoyant say your future husband would be called Andrew? She was very specific on that point. If you’re going to believe it then you have to believe it all. A middle name is too tenuous.’
‘Maybe, but I can’t stop thinking about that and the fact that, even before I knew the clairvoyant CD still existed, I always believed we’d get together one day.’
‘Even during your first year with Jason when things were going well?’
‘Well, maybe not then…’
‘You want to know what I think?’
‘Do I have a choice?’
Clare gave me ‘the look’. ‘I think you loved Andy at uni. He was your first serious boyfriend and you were good together, but you both changed when you graduated and it fell apart. Instead of remembering why it fell apart, you’re remembering all the good times to a point where you’ve built him into this perfect being who you somehow believe you’re meant to have a second chance with.
You’ve been thinking about this second chance for so long that you’ve made it a fait accompli.
The fact that his middle name links with your search for Steven just adds credence to your beliefs and now you’re willing to jeopardise your new relationship with someone who could be your future for someone who was your past and should remain in your past for all the reasons it ended in the first place. Am I right or am I right?’
Was she?
‘I’ll take your silence as a sign that I’m either spot on or I’m close. Is this the pub?’
I nodded and started to lower my brolly.
‘Your lovely new man, from what you tell me, is in there waiting for you. Keep remembering that you’ve been swept off your feet by him.
You think that much of him that, until a few hours ago, you’d completely given up your search for Steven to be with him.
I’ll emphasise again that Andy’s in your past and he should stay there, but Nick could be your future. If you don’t screw it up.’
Before I could say another word she pushed me through the door of The Old Theatre.
‘You’ve already met?’ I was surprised to find Nick at a table with Stevie and Rob, half-empty pints in front of them all.
Nick stood up and gave me a quick, but very soft and lovely peck on the lips, setting the butterflies away again. ‘Stevie and I have met before,’ he said.
‘No! How come?’
‘I’m a mate of Stuart’s,’ Stevie said.
‘Skye’s fiancé? Small town.’ I shook some rain off my brolly and leaned it against the table.
Clare coughed behind me. ‘Sorry. Clare, this is Nick. Nick, Clare.’
Introductions over, we shed our coats and scarves while Stevie headed to the bar for another round. I sighed shakily as I sat down next to Nick.
‘Sorry we’re late. Did you get my text?’
‘Yes, thanks. It’s been good to catch up with Stevie.
Are you okay? You look a bit stressed.’ He tenderly touched my arm, making my heart race.
I wanted nothing more than to cuddle him tightly and remove the last few hours from existence.
But it wasn’t that simple. Andy’s reappearance had stirred up a whirlpool of hidden emotions and I had no idea what to do next.
‘I’m fine.’ I was aware that my voice sounded high and squeaky. ‘Busy day and you know how much I hate being late.’
Nick gazed into my eyes but I couldn’t hold eye contact.
‘I’m not going to push you, but I’m here for you if you want to talk about it, whatever it is.
’ He gave me such a warm, reassuring smile that my heart melted.
Damn Andy for re-appearing and throwing a spanner in the works.
And damn him for having the right name. Nick didn’t deserve this. Neither did I.
‘Thanks, Nick.’ I squeezed his hand. ‘I may take you up on that offer later.’
‘Oi you two, stop canoodling and pay attention to your friends,’ called Clare across the table. Her eyes caught mine and the expression asked if I was okay. I nodded and smiled weakly.
‘Is Stevie brewing these drinks himself?’ I joked, craning my neck to see him trying to get served at the bar. ‘A girl could die of thirst in here.’ Or of guilt.
Despite the emotional turmoil presented by Andy’s reappearance, I still managed to have a great evening.
Nick met with Clare’s approval, which was a relief after her contempt for Jason.
‘I can’t believe you’d even consider Andy when you’ve got a man like Nick,’ she said on a visit to the toilets.
‘Nick’s a keeper. He clearly idolises you and I can tell you feel the same.
If that eejit Andy hadn’t shown up today, you wouldn’t even be questioning your relationship.
You were so right to ditch the Steven search for him.
Don’t let Andy back into your life. I beg you. ’
Nick walked us home. The rain had eased a little but the wind hadn’t. I felt a storm brewing, physically and metaphorically. Clare announced she’d make drinks then head up to bed with hers and several rounds of toast to soak up the alcohol.
Left alone in the cool lounge, I curled up on the opposite end of the sofa to Nick and pulled a throw over our legs for warmth. Twenty-four hours earlier we’d been snuggled on the sofa and I’d felt like I hadn’t a care in the world. What a difference a day could make.
I looked at Nick’s concerned expression. I didn’t want to hurt him but I had to tell him. ‘Something happened this afternoon. I don’t know what to make of it but I think honesty is really important in a relationship so I’m going to tell you even though it might hurt you.’
Nick sighed. ‘This sounds ominous. Should I be worried?’
I couldn’t reassure him. ‘I don’t know where to start.’ My eyes filled with tears.
‘The beginning?’
Clare poked her head round the door, passed me two mugs of tea, then headed upstairs, leaving the enticing aroma of toast hanging in the air.
Bloody Andy. The three of us could have been laughing and joking over tea and toast instead of Clare feeling banished to her room while I had one of the hardest conversations of my life.
‘When we went to the pub after Auntie Kay tried to set us up, do you remember me telling you about Andy?’
‘Your boyfriend at university? The one in Dubai?’ Nick blew on his tea.
‘I haven’t seen him for about fifteen months, but he emailed me recently to say he was coming back to the UK for good. I told him I’d split up with Jason and moved back home. He turned up at the shop this afternoon.’
Nick put his tea on the coffee table. ‘I’m guessing he wasn’t after mate’s rates on a bouquet?’
‘No. He wants to try again.’
‘And you said…?’
My cheeks flushed. ‘I said it was out of the blue and I didn’t know what to say or think.’
‘Did you tell him about us?’
‘No,’ I admitted in a small voice, hanging my head in shame.
‘Any reason?’ He didn’t sound mad, just hurt.
‘Clare asked me the same thing. She’s furious with him, by the way, for thinking he can just walk back into my life.
I don’t know why I didn’t mention it. We only had a brief conversation and I couldn’t think how to throw it in.
I mean, he travelled all the way here to tell me he loves me.
I didn’t want to hurt him by throwing it back in his face. ’
‘He told you he loves you?’
Too honest, Sarah. Why did you have to say that?
‘Not in so many words,’ I muttered. I knew I was doing the right thing in telling him about Andy.
I also knew that Nick meant the world to me and, if the pained expression in his eyes was anything to go by, I was breaking his heart.
What I really didn’t know was how I felt about Andy anymore.
Half of me was screaming that it felt so right with Nick and he really could be The One despite being a non-Steven.
But the other half was screaming that I’d always believed Andy was The One and, here he was, begging me to get back with him… and he was a Steven… well, sort of.
‘How did you leave things?’
‘He’s staying at The Ramparts. I didn’t ask him to. He’d already booked himself in. I guess I’ll meet him at some point to talk.’
Nick studied my face for what felt like a lifetime. ‘There’s something else, isn’t there?’
How could he possibly know?
As if reading my mind, he said, ‘Remember that I volunteer with children who have seriously messed up lives. I’m not saying you’re seriously messed up or anything. I just mean that I can spot when someone’s not telling me everything.’