Chapter 31 #2
‘I can’t work that out either. Nick was so new and exciting and stirred something I hadn’t felt in so long.
I keep thinking about him. A text from him on Christmas Day had my stomach in knots and I found myself checking out his Facebook page in the evening just to have some contact with him.
But Andy is familiar. I know it’s been eight years but kissing him felt like we’d never been apart.
And, yesterday, my thoughts only drifted to Nick a few times.
I was far more focused on Andy. But was that just because I was with him and he’d organised the dream date? ’
‘Then I put a question to you,’ Elise said. ‘If Andy had just taken you to The Old Theatre or The Purple Lobster for lunch and a bracing walk around The Headland, would you have kissed him?’
I thought for a moment. ‘You’re thinking the only reason I kissed him was because I was swept away with the romance of the balloon flight rather than because I’m falling for him again?’
‘Could it have been? I think it would take a pretty strong person not to be moved by such a massive gesture.’
‘Possibly. Oh, I don’t know. I’m confused. Help!’
Elise slurped on her herbal tea for a few moments. ‘How about we play a little game? I saw something like this on Friends once. Don’t laugh at me but I want you to lie down on the sofa, close your eyes and try to relax.’
‘Seriously?’
‘Have you got a better idea for solving your current dilemma?’
‘No.’ I figured anything was worth a try so I did as I was told. Elise dimmed the lights and waited for me to stop fidgeting.
‘When I ask you a question,’ she said, ‘I want you to give me the very first thing that comes into your head. Okay?’
‘Okay.’
‘What do you enjoy most? A shower or a bath?’
‘A bath.’
‘Which is best? Poldark or Outlander?’
‘Outlander.’
‘What do you prefer? Chocolate or crisps?’
‘Crisps.’
‘What’s stopping you from telling Andy to leave?’
‘He might be the Steven.’
‘Do you prefer summer or winter?’
‘Winter.’
‘Night out or night in.’
‘Night in.’
‘Jeans or PJs?’
I laughed. ‘PJs. Definitely.’
‘London or here?’
‘Here.’
‘What’s stopping you from going for it with Andy?’
‘Nick.’
‘Toast with butter or jam?’
‘Butter.’
‘Cinema or DVD?’
‘Cinema.’
‘Why’s Nick stopping you?’
‘I love him.’ I opened my eyes and sat up. ‘Oh my God!’
Elise smiled knowingly at me. ‘Finally!’
I frowned at her. ‘You don’t look surprised.’
‘I’m not. When you told me about Nick, your face lit up and your eyes sparkled. When you told me about Andy, you had a wistful look on your face, as though it was all about the memories.’
‘Why didn’t you say that?’
‘You needed to realise it for yourself.’
I shook my head, my stomach churning. ‘That’s it, isn’t it? I love my past with Andy and he’ll always be special to me because he was my first love, but I want my future to be with Nick.’
‘What about Steven?’
‘Obviously not as important as being with Nick,’ I said.
‘It mustn’t be. Let’s face it, the ex who I always thought was The One has walked back into my life, told me he loves me and he happens to be called Steven.
He takes me on the date of my dreams and it’s all lovely and romantic, yet I’d still rather be with Nick. ’
‘Then you need to tell him,’ Elise said. ‘When?’
‘Now.’ I stood up. ‘Right now.’
‘Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend with Andy.
I’m so grateful to you for being such an amazing person in putting your own feelings aside to give me the time to work mine out.
As you rightly said, I’d always have wondered “what if?” if I hadn’t spent time with Andy but I know now that he isn’t right for me.
I now know why things ended so I’ve finally got closure.
I had to give Andy a chance but I realised that, every minute I spent with him, I’d have rather spent with you.
I know I’ve hurt you and I don’t deserve you back but you said you’d be waiting for me, however long it took.
I’m hoping you meant that. Is there any chance you could forgive me and we could try again?
’ I looked at Elise. ‘It’s naff isn’t it? ’
‘No. It’s heartfelt,’ she said. ‘Did you say he lives on Fountain Street?’
‘Yes.’
Elise turned the car right to head across town.
‘What if I’m too late and he’s met someone else?’
‘I very much doubt that. Not if he loves you as much as he said.’
Nick, I’m so sorry for what happened last weekend… I rehearsed the words over and over again in my head. They really did sound naff. Oh God! We’re nearly there. Too late to change it.
‘What number?’
‘Sixty-two.’ I wound down the window for a better look. ‘Apparently it’s a few doors up from a newsagent’s.’
Elise cruised slowly up the street of three-storey terrace houses, all with Christmas tree lights twinkling in bay windows. Shortly after the shop, she did an impressive reverse parking manoeuvre into a space on the opposite side of the road, turned off the lights and switched off the ignition.
I counted up from the newsagent’s. ‘It must be the one with the light outside.’
‘Ready?’ Elise asked.
‘No, but I have to do this. Will you wait for me in case he’s not in? Or in case he doesn’t want to speak to me?’
‘Of course I will but I’m sure he’ll want to speak to you.’
‘Am I hypocritical doing this after spending the day kissing Andy?’
Elise squeezed my hand. ‘Don’t think about that. It’s not like you’ve slept with him or anything. You’ve just been on a journey of discovery and you’ve discovered that Andy isn’t the one for you, but you could only have discovered that if you’d let him in a bit, couldn’t you?’
I smiled. I was so lucky to have a thoughtful and understanding friend like Elise. It was time. I took a deep shaky breath. ‘Right. This is it. Do I look okay?’
‘Gorgeous.’
I’d just put my hand on the door handle when Nick’s door opened.
I retracted my hand. ‘Movement.’ Sliding down in my seat, I stared as a woman stepped out of the house.
Tall and slim with messy long blonde hair, she was casually dressed in skinny jeans with a baggy checked shirt over what looked like a white T-shirt or vest-top.
The lack of a coat suggested that she probably had a car somewhere close-by.
Sure enough, she rummaged in her jeans pockets and dug out a set of car keys.
Maybe it wasn’t Nick’s house. My hopes were dashed as the woman moved away from the doorway to reveal Nick behind her.
Wearing his dressing gown. His hair was all ruffled, as if he’d just got out of bed.
The woman reached into her jeans pocket again and handed Nick her keys while she tied her hair back.
My heart sank with the realisation that she looked like she’d just got out of bed too.
She reached for the keys but Nick pulled her into a tight embrace instead.
I held my breath, heart thumping, while he clung onto her, his head nuzzled into her hair.
They pulled apart and Nick kissed her. It was only a quick peck but I couldn’t see if it was on her cheek or lips.
They spoke and there was lots of nodding, a final hug, then she got into a small silver car and started the engine.
Leaning against the doorframe, Nick waved.
He stood there long after she’d pulled away, looking in the direction in which the car had gone.
He ran his hand through his hair then headed back into his house, closing the door.
Crap. I’m too late. Too bloody late.
‘Oh, Sarah. I’m so sorry.’
Elise’s words told me that she’d read exactly the same into the situation as I had.
He’d moved on. And why shouldn’t he? I hadn’t given him any indication that he should wait for me.
I hadn’t even shown him the courtesy of replying to his Christmas Day text.
Pants. Why couldn’t I at least have done that?
Why did I have to get distracted with the damn turkey and then forget again today because of Andy?
‘You said he had a sister…?’
‘That wasn’t Callie.’
‘You’ve met her?’
‘No, but Auntie Kay says she’s about my height with dark hair. That was definitely not Callie.’
‘A friend?’
‘I appreciate what you’re doing but did that look like a friend to you? Besides, the only female friend he’s ever mentioned is Skye and I’ve met her.’
‘I’m sure there’s an innocent explanation.’
‘He was in his dressing gown. It’s seven-thirty. They hugged for an eternity. They kissed. He stood on his doorstep for ages looking in the direction she’d gone. It didn’t look innocent. It looked more like two people who’d just got out of bed.’
Elise’s silence spoke volumes.
‘Will you take me home please? And would you mind if I had some time alone?’
She squeezed my arm gently then put the car into gear. We headed back towards Seashell Cottage in silence.