Chapter 32 #2
Tucked away in the toilet cubicle, I sat down and rested my head against the cool wall while the tears flowed.
I was genuinely delighted for Jade but devastated at another reminder that it was always someone else, never me, who was getting married.
Someone else who wouldn’t be all alone like my Uncle Alan.
My shoulders sank even further at the terrifying prospect of being alone.
Maybe I should forget about Nick and give in to Andy?
If he loved me as much as he said, maybe a proposal was just round the corner?
But did I want to marry him? I sighed as I dabbed my eyes then blew my nose.
If I said yes to trying again with Andy, would it be like Jason all over again, together because it seemed we should be rather than because he really was the only one for me?
‘What are we doing here?’ I asked. ‘It’s freezing.’ Andy had picked me up at half six as promised, checked I was wrapped up warm, then drove me down to South Bay.
‘Patience,’ he said. ‘You’ll like it, though. I promise.’
He took my gloved hand as we crossed the road and guided me towards Lighthouse Point – a stretch of rocks with a wide path on the top that led to the stripy lighthouse at the entrance to the harbour.
It was where that photo of my grandma was taken.
And it was where Nick would be throwing roses into the sea on New Year’s Day.
Of all the places he could have brought me, why did it have to be there?
I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply.
Stop thinking about Nick. Focus on Andy.
‘It’s a bit cold and dark,’ I moaned, wishing I was back at Seashell Cottage in front of a blazing fire. Without Andy. And ideally with Nick.
‘It’s not that cold and I did check you were wrapped up warm before we left the cottage. It’s not my fault if you’re not wearing enough layers.’
‘I didn’t know you were bringing me down to the seafront.’ I thrust my gloved hands into my coat pockets.
‘According to the temperature gauge in the car, it’s a couple of degrees warmer down here than it was in town.’
I could well believe it. It was a still evening and I actually felt quite toasty, but I also felt irritated and the weather seemed like a good thing to moan about. Saved me from addressing the real issue.
Andy offered his arm but I shook my head. ‘Warmer in my pockets.’
‘Are you okay?’ he asked, stopping. ‘You don’t seem yourself tonight.’
‘I’m fine.’ Except I really wasn’t. And what I was doing to Andy wasn’t fine either.
It wasn’t his fault about Nick… well, ultimately it was, but it wasn’t his fault how I was feeling so I needed to either be nice to him or be honest and tell him that getting back together was never going to happen and he should go back to London.
I took a deep breath. ‘There’s something I need to tell you… ’
My phone beeped in my pocket. Happy to postpone the awkward conversation, I reached for it, muttering my excuses.
?? From Elise
Just seen Nick and Blonde hugging. Sorry xx
‘Everything okay?’ asked Andy.
‘Sorry. Just a bit of bad news but I’ll get over it.’
‘Anything I can help with?’
‘No. I don’t think anything can be done about it.’
We walked in silence for a while. ‘You said there was something you wanted to tell me…’ Andy prompted.
‘Did I?’ What was the point? I’d blown it with Nick.
I wasn’t sure if Andy was right for me but he’d extended his booking at The Ramparts and was around for a few more days.
Maybe that was enough time to fall in love with him again.
It wasn’t like I didn’t enjoy his company or find him attractive.
I’d loved him once before. With time, it might happen again.
‘Sorry,’ I said. ‘I’ve forgotten what I was going to say. Couldn’t have been that important.’ I took my hand out my pocket and linked his arm.
‘Wait here a moment,’ he said when we’d almost reached the lighthouse. He took several steps forward, put his fingers in his mouth, and whistled loudly. A couple of teens appeared. He handed them something, then they ran past me down the pier.
‘What was all that about?’ I asked when Andy returned to my side.
‘They were keeping an eye on something for me. Come on.’ He took my hand and led me to the side of the lighthouse where a picnic blanket covered the ground. There were some cushions on it, an ice bucket holding what looked like champagne, two glasses and a box of expensive chocolates.
‘Andy! When did you do this?’
‘Just before I collected you. Would the pretty lady like to take a seat?’
He took my hand again as I lowered myself onto one of the cushions. ‘I’ve got something else too.’ He rummaged under the blanket and produced a pan with a big red bow tied to it. He held it out to me. ‘For the one I killed.’
I laughed as I accepted it. ‘You didn’t have to do that, but thanks.’
Andy looked a little lost as to what to do next. Feeling my impatience with him ebbing away, I patted the blanket next to me. He looked grateful as he plonked himself down. ‘Champagne?’ he asked.
‘Are we celebrating something?’
‘Every day I get to see you is a celebration.’
I looked at him, shocked, and we both started laughing. ‘That was one of the worst lines I’ve ever heard,’ I said when the laughter subsided.
‘I promise you it sounded better in my head. I’m so sorry.’ Andy hung his head in shame. ‘Can you forgive me for being so cheesy?’
He reminded me of a naughty puppy desperately seeking approval.
Poor Andy. He was trying so hard. I had to stop thinking about myself and think about him and how tough it must be giving everything and getting so little in return.
I felt an overwhelming desire to kiss him again but decided to go for a hug instead.
When I pulled away, Andy poured the champagne and offered me a chocolate. Both were icy cold and delicious.
With the champagne bubbles going straight to my head, I finally felt myself relax.
As I emptied my third glass in the space of about twenty minutes, there was a momentary pause in our small-talk about what we’d done that day.
I looked towards the seafront where the illuminations around the cinema, the theatre, and various amusement arcades twinkled invitingly.
It was all very romantic. Gazing back at his profile as he looked up towards Whitsborough Bay Castle, high on the cliff top beyond the harbour, I willed myself to feel something for him.
I didn’t need fireworks to go off, but I did need a little spark.
‘Are we going to sit here for long?’ I asked, starting to feel the cold.
I thought he tutted but surely not; that would be rude. He looked at his watch and said a little too brightly, ‘Any minute now. Look up towards the castle.’
I did as instructed and jumped as a loud bang resonated and the air filled with red sparks followed by blue then green.
‘Oh my God! Did you organise this?’
‘Yes.’
‘For me?’
‘Of course.’
‘I love fireworks.’
‘I know.’
Despite the cold, a warm fuzzy feeling enveloped me.
‘You’re amazing,’ I said. And I realised I meant it.
‘First the balloon flight and now all this.’ I moved in for another hug but he unexpectedly caught me in a kiss instead.
As the sky filled with explosions, I completely surrendered to the moment, kissing him back passionately.
But as he drove me back to Seashell Cottage half an hour later, a feeling of uneasiness took a hold again.
Did I only kiss him because I’d drunk half a bottle of champagne on an empty stomach?
Therefore, was it genuine desire for Andy or yet another ill-advised alcohol-soaked decision spurred on by the arrival of Elise’s text and the excitement of the fireworks?
As I stared out of the window, I heard Clare’s voice in my head from our phone call after the balloon trip: ‘I think the only thing he missed out was some fireworks, which was a missed opportunity because he must remember how much you love them.’ Oh my God!
Was she right? Was it all contrived? And was that a bad thing?