Chapter 34 #2
‘Come on, Sarah, you’ve got a brain. You should be fast-tracking your career in London, not wasting away in a piddly little shop in some past-its-best northern seaside resort.’
‘I can’t believe you just said that.’ I slammed my mug down on the coffee table before I really did empty it in his lap.
‘That “piddly little shop” as you so delicately put it was started by someone who means the world to me – as you very well know – and I’ve put a lot of time, thought, and effort into developing the business.
Could you be any ruder? And Whitsborough Bay isn’t some “past-its-best northern seaside resort”. It’s my home.’
‘It’s a shit hole. You know it and I know it. But we can leave soon.’
I wanted to slap him. Looking at the smug grin on his face, I saw again the self-assured arrogance he’d displayed all those years ago when he put his career ahead of me.
I pictured myself that day outside his office when things ended.
Back then, I’d been falling apart inside.
Now, I was so much stronger and I wasn’t going to take the same old crap from him again.
I shuffled round on the sofa so I could face him fully, arms folded. Taking a deep breath, I said calmly, ‘Please forgive me for being a bit slow, but am I correct in thinking that you want me to close the shop, move down to London with you and get a marketing job again?’
‘Of course not! You don’t have to close the shop.
’ He plumped a cushion and swivelled to fully face me too.
‘You could sell it. Or you could get a manager in to run it for you. Yeah. That would be perfect.’ He downed the remnants of wine from my glass.
‘Anyway, you don’t need to decide right now.
I think we’ve done enough talking.’ He put the glass down and smiled seductively.
‘I’m sure we can awaken Little Andy…’ He leaned towards me, lips puckered, but I put my hand out and pushed him back.
‘Not so fast, Romeo. I’m not quite done with the talking.
’ My voice sounded strong and confident – a contrast to the nervous butterflies in my stomach.
‘I know you said I had a brain and I should use it, but I’m having a real thickie moment so please bear with me.
Did I or did I not tell you this week that moving up here came at just the right time for me because I didn’t enjoy living in London anymore, that I hate the thought of ever working for another big company, and that the shop is the best thing that’s ever happened to me? ’
‘You said all of that stuff but I know you didn’t really mean it. You love London. You loved your job. You just lost your way a bit.’
‘Lost my way? Have you not listened to a word I’ve said?’
‘Of course I have.’
‘So what would make you think I’d ever want to leave the shop and go back to exactly the same life I had before? The life I hated.’
‘You didn’t really hate it, though. You just came to your senses about that loser Jason then panicked and changed everything else.’
‘What?’
Andy wagged his finger at me. ‘I think this floristry malarkey is like a gap year for you – a chance to find yourself before you return to normality. Anyway, when you move back to London, it won’t be exactly the same. You’ll have me instead of Jason.’
I closed my eyes and covered my face with my hands. ‘We split up because you put your career ahead of me. Agreed?’ I lowered my hands on the last word and looked at him.
‘You know I was at risk of losing my job.’
‘Just answer the question. Did you or did you not put your career ahead of me?’
‘Yes. I did. And I’ve said I’m sorry.’
‘And are you now telling me that you’ve changed so much that you’ll never work late and you’ll always put me ahead of your career from now on?’
Andy hesitated, the smug expression slipping.
‘Of course you’ll always come first,’ he said.
‘But my career’s really important. You know that.
I’ve come back from Dubai with a promise of a great promotion.
It will mean long hours at first, but it’ll calm down when my boss can see I’m settling down and getting married like he told me to. ’
WTF? ‘What did you just say?’
The expression on Andy’s face told me he’d just revealed something he hadn’t meant to. ‘I said it will calm down and we can get married. You know you’ve always wanted to get married.’
‘Not that,’ I snapped. ‘The bit about your boss.’
‘Erm… You’ll love the apartment. The kitchen’s fantastic.
You’ve always said you’d like to do more cooking and you’ll be able to do loads when we entertain my boss and our friends.
They’ll be so impressed, although you may have to step up the sophistication level from lasagne and shepherd’s pie.
Might help you shed a bit of that lard too if you lay off the comfort food.
If you’re going to be a director’s wife, you need to look the part. ’
Ouch! As I stared at Andy, I realised I didn’t know him anymore and he clearly didn’t know anything about me either.
I wasn’t sure who was sat on the end of the sofa but it certainly wasn’t the Andy I’d fallen for twelve years ago.
I’d really thought he was back but Clare had been right all along; it was the charm offensive and not the true Andy that had wriggled under my skin.
The drunken gibbering idiot issuing orders and insulting my weight was the real Andy.
He certainly wasn’t my Charlie. He wasn’t my Tim either.
‘Christ, Sarah, what’s up with you now?’ he spat. ‘You’ve got a right face on you again.’
‘I think you should leave.’ I gave him my stoniest look then stood up, marched to the door, and flung it open.
‘Why?’
‘Why?’ I was shouting but I didn’t care.
‘Because you don’t need a girlfriend. All you’re after is someone to cook for you.
Call a bloody agency. And if the other thing you want is sex, call an agency for that too.
’ I pointed into the hall, indicating for him to leave, but he stayed exactly where he was, grinning inanely.
‘What are you wittering on about? I do want a girlfriend. I want you. Sarah. I already told you you’re the only person I’ve ever loved.’
I blanched at the use of the past tense and a reality hit me. ‘Oh my God! Loved? You don’t love me now, though, do you?’
‘I… erm… I could.’
‘Andy! What the…? Why did you come here?’ I shouted. ‘Why the balloon trip and the fireworks and all that other stuff if you don’t still love me?’
‘I’ll ask you the same thing. Do you love me?’ he shouted back.
‘No.’
‘Then why have you been all over me in the past few days?’
‘Why? Because I was confused by your sudden reappearance. Because I took years to get over you and I wasn’t sure whether I really had.
Because I always believed we’d get back together one day.
Because I wanted to believe you’d changed and it could be perfect between us again. ’ Because you’re a Steven.
When Andy stared at me blankly, I decided to press on. ‘Given that we’ve both admitted we don’t love each other anymore, you may as well be honest about that comment about your boss. What was that all about?’
‘What comment?’
‘Don’t play with me. You owe me an explanation.’
He met my stare again.
‘Okay. You win,’ he said eventually. ‘Will you sit down first?’
I felt a bit silly standing in the open doorway but I couldn’t bear to be close to him so I sat down on the armchair instead. ‘Go on. This had better be good.’
He picked up my empty glass and, frowning, put it down again. I wasn’t going to offer him a top-up. He ran his fingers through his hair and stared into the fire for an excruciating minute or so.
‘I don’t know if you remember, but I work for a Japanese firm where the top guys have very strong family values that their senior team must uphold.
To become a director, they expect you to be married with kids in private school and living in a nice property.
A few comments were made that left me with no doubt that, if I didn’t get married soon, I wouldn’t be promoted any further. ’
I shook my head. ‘Please tell me you’re kidding.’
He looked at me and shrugged. ‘I know. It’s a bit primitive, but it’s their culture and I need to embrace it if I want to be a director and earn the really big salary.’
‘Not about that. I meant please tell me that you’re kidding me about that being the reason you came here and messed up my life all over again.’
‘You’re the only person I’ve ever loved.
I haven’t found anyone since who I can bear to be around for longer than a few months.
I don’t have time to keep looking. I’ve never got bored in your company so I thought we could make it work.
I thought I might have a struggle if you were still with Jason, but when I found you here working in a shop, I thought it would be easy. ’
‘You thought wrong.’ I shook my head. ‘I didn’t think you could stoop much lower than that day outside your office, but you’ve just descended to a whole new level. Trying to win me back just to secure a promotion and a bigger salary? You really think a relationship could work on that basis?’
He nodded vigorously. ‘With the right person.’
‘And I suppose I’m that person?’
‘Yes.’
‘Then you’re deluded. You really think I’d be with you for those reasons? If I get married, it will be out of love, not to secure a bigger pay packet. Seriously, Andy, what sort of person do you think I am?’
He just stared at me blankly again.
‘I think it’s time for you to go back to London. Without me.’
‘You can’t mean that. Not after all the effort I’ve put in to win you back. My boss has spent a fortune on you, you ungrateful—’
‘Your boss paid?
Andy wouldn’t catch my eye. ‘No. I did. I didn’t mention my boss. It was me. My money.’