Chapter 32
‘I can’t believe we’ve only got three days left before we’ll all be going our separate ways. I’m going to miss you all and these morning swims so much,’ Mandy said, as the four of them ran down the beach on Thursday morning. ‘I might try to find somewhere to swim at home, but it won’t be the same.’
‘We’ve had a late-night paddle – anyone up for a midnight swim tomorrow as a finale to the retreat?’ Lorraine asked.
Helena and Mandy said yes instantly, while Liz hesitated. There were only three nights left for having a nightcap with Guy. Could she forgo one? Or could she somehow manage both? She nodded her agreement. ‘Sounds like a plan,’ she said. She’d find a way to do both.
After their swim as they all lazily floated or trod water in a group before making their way back to shore, Helena gave a contented sigh.
‘I’ll never forget the birthday I spent on the French Riviera,’ she said.
‘Antibes will always have a special place in my heart, as well as you three, and Isobel and Becky of course. I’m so happy. ’
‘I think we’ll all have our own special memories of Antibes and the Villa Celestia,’ Liz said quietly. ‘I know I will. Of course, the fact that it inspired my new book will be a main memory as well. Have you all done lot of writing in the last ten days or so?’
‘I’ve done some writing, quite a lot actually,’ Lorraine said.
‘But the main thing I’ve got from the retreat is new friends and lots of insider publishing industry information from Sandy, Isobel and you, Liz.
How things actually work in the traditional publishing world.
’ She paused, and turned so she was treading water rather than floating.
‘I’ve written fifteen thousand words of my romcom, needs about another two thousand, which hopefully I’ll write between now and Sunday,’ Mandy said.
‘I’ve written about the same as Mandy, but my birthday and now Leon’s has upset the routine a little,’ Helena said. ‘But having my mum and brother here has been wonderful, so I’m not complaining. I’m getting a bit cold, race you back to shore.’
Walking back up the beach with Lorraine, Liz said, ‘Last night, Becky asked Isobel and me what we thought about her book. It seems the three of us told her the same – AI doesn’t work in fiction.’
‘I’ve tried to persuade her not to even look at AI, to get her own words down but…’ Lorraine shrugged.
‘She said something to us about giving up, not being cut out to be a novelist, which made us feel guilty for dashing her hopes,’ Liz said.
‘Don’t feel too guilty because writing a novel is not something she’s dreamed of doing for years like the rest of us,’ Lorraine said.
‘She’ll carry on creating content for her social media platforms, which is something she enjoys and is good at.
A real expert actually. She has given me some tips for making better content for Instagram and Facebook. ’
Liz glanced at her. ‘You’ve clearly got to know her better than any of us.’
Lorraine nodded. ‘I have and I like her. Okay, she’s got this hyper personality and a fear of missing out in general, so she dives into things head first, but she’s very kind.’
* * *
Joan had a leisurely breakfast in the hotel and spent some time in her room before getting ready to go out, visiting the market and finding a restaurant to book a table for Leon’s birthday dinner.
She was looking forward to Helena joining her for lunch and spending the afternoon with her as Leon couldn’t get away until the evening.
Sitting waiting for Helena and enjoying a coffee at Felix Cafe near the archway leading to the ramparts, Joan tried to relax.
Being back in Antibes for the first time ever was proving to be harder than she’d anticipated.
Telling Leon Antibes had changed so much she didn’t recognise the place hadn’t been totally true.
The more she wandered around, the more she remembered.
There were certain hidden corners, a certain boulangerie, the very cafe pavement where she was currently sat, they all brought the memories flooding back.
Seeing that old black-and-white photograph last night in the hallway at Villa Celestia had stirred up even more memories.
Memories of that long-ago summer banished deep into her subconsciousness for so many years kept slipping into her present-day thoughts.
Conjuring up what-ifs and what-might-have-beens.
She had often headed to Felix Cafe for a quick coffee or snack when her spare time was limited.
There was always yacht crew enjoying a glass of wine or a beer, always someone willing to strike up a conversation with her.
Felix Cafe itself had been different in those days, the memory of Graeme Green and the legendary tales of his women were still spoken of even though the man himself had left for Switzerland years ago.
Joan smothered a sigh. It was all a lifetime ago.
* * *
Leon strolled through the foyer of the hotel his mother was staying in that evening and found her and Helena waiting for him in the bar. ‘Happy Birthday,’ they both chorused.
After enjoying an aperitif, the three of them walked through town to the restaurant where Joan had booked the table for dinner.
‘I checked out the restaurant we’re going to on TripAdvisor and it has wonderful reviews and a good menu,’ Joan said to Leon as they turned down a small side street in the centre of town.
Leon, looking down the street and seeing the restaurant sign, nodded. ‘Some of the crew came here the other evening. Said it was good.’
As they tucked into their starters, Leon said casually to Helena, ‘Did you know Mum has been to Antibes before?’
Startled, Helena looked at Joan. ‘Have you? Why didn’t you say?’
‘It was a long time ago.’ Joan shrugged. ‘Coming with the two of you makes it a special time in itself.’ She smiled at them both.
‘I must admit I’d quite like a proper holiday down here. How long were you here?’ Helena asked. ‘Did you come with Dad?’
Joan shook her head. ‘It was before I met your dad and I wasn’t on holiday. I was working.’
This time, both Helena and Leon gave her a startled look.
‘Working?’
‘Yes. I was twenty-four, I needed a job and a friend had a contact down here and I got one on a yacht based here in Antibes for the summer. It was great.’ Until it wasn’t, she added silently to herself.
‘What did you do?’ Helena asked.
‘I was called a stewardess, but really I spent most of my time looking after the two young children on board.’
‘I’ve always wondered where my love of the sea came from,’ Leon said thoughtfully. ‘Now I know.’
Joan shook her head. ‘Not really from me. I only did it for one season, not even a whole one, about eight weeks before I returned to England. It was never meant to be more than a summer job. I didn’t plan on a career working in the yachting industry like you are doing.’
‘But you’ve never been back until now,’ Leon said thoughtfully. ‘Never told us about working on a yacht before. Why?’
‘There’s no mystery,’ Joan said crossly.
‘Children rarely know all about their parents’ lives before they became parents.
And once you have children, life is different.
Priorities change. We had busy lives, your dad couldn’t always find a locum in the school summer holidays, and travelling with children is not always easy.
Could you pour me some more wine please. ’
Leon poured the wine and replaced the bottle on the table and glanced at the signet ring on its chain still hidden under her top before looking directly at Joan. ‘Was that the time your friend gave you the ring on the chain you’re wearing?’
‘Yes, it was. It was also one of the happiest times of my life,’ Joan said quietly. ‘Can we please now change the subject.’
Helena, cross with her brother for asking so many questions and wondering why her mother was getting so agitated, nodded. ‘Of course,’ and she started talking about how much she’d enjoyed the early-morning swims. But Leon wasn’t going to give up that easily.
‘As it’s my birthday, you have to be nice to me, so please can you indulge me with something?’
Joan looked at him and waited. ‘Depends on what it is.’
‘Will you talk to me about my biological father? All you and Dad have ever told me is his name and that he died before I was born.’
Joan blanched and closed her eyes. She knew Leon was not going to let the subject drop, but she didn’t have any more details to give him.
A rogue thought slid uninvited into her mind.
Would researching the provenance of a certain photograph throw up some new, previously unknown information? Could she even bear to try?
Joan opened her eyes and looked at Leon.
‘I will talk to you, but not tonight.’ When Leon gave an exasperated sigh, she made a sweeping gesture with her hand, willing him to be quiet.
‘I will talk to you about your father soon I promise you. But tonight is not the right time. Now please, let’s at least try to enjoy our meal. ’
* * *
Back at the hotel after the birthday dinner that in the end had struggled to be celebratory, Joan slowly got ready for bed. She didn’t know what had prompted Leon’s determined questioning that evening, but it was unsettling.
What a couple of days. A lovely evening celebrating Helena’s birthday – followed by the shock in the hallway at Villa Celestia saying goodnight to Helena and Mandy.
And now tonight Leon pushing for answers to questions about the past. Answers she didn’t have to give him.
If she hadn’t come down here this week, would he have asked all these questions the next time he was home?
Once in bed, Joan found it impossible to sleep.
Thoughts chased around her mind on a continuous loop.
Was it only last night she’d almost recoiled from that photograph before deciding to ignore it?
The possibility of it throwing any light on past events was so slight as to be almost non-existent.
But what if there was something to be learned; something that would answer at least one or two of Leon’s questions?
Personally, she wanted to leave the past in the past. But knowing her son, now he’d started to ask questions he was unlikely to stop.
It had become clear this evening that Leon had set his mind to learning more about his biological father, even though he’d loved Harry as his father.
Joan pushed the old guilty thoughts away, blaming herself for not knowing enough about his father to be able to paint a proper picture for Leon.
As much as she resolved there was no way she was going to open up old wounds and that Leon would surely understand if she simply explained her feelings a little more fully, the option of asking questions herself and possibly opening up the past for inspection kept overriding that choice.
Dawn was breaking over the Mediterranean when she finally gave in and decided she had to investigate, not only for Leon’s sake but for herself.
She might have made peace years ago with the death of Leon’s father, but deep down he still possessed a certain part of her heart.
Joan exhaled a deep breath, almost wishing she’d chosen to fly home Friday morning.
Then there simply wouldn’t be time to investigate anything.
Tomorrow afternoon she could have been back in her own bed.
Away from all Leon’s questions. Away from having to ask her own questions of a stranger, to hopefully receive answers she could tell Leon.
Because, like it or not, she knew had to do this for herself as much as for her son.
* * *
Up on the rooftop terrace late on Thursday evening sitting next to Guy, his arm casually along the back of the cane settee gently touching her shoulders, his fingers fiddling with a strand of her hair, Liz sighed happily.
‘I can’t believe tomorrow evening we’re going for a midnight swim as a finale to our time here. ’
‘Does that mean I won’t see you tomorrow evening as usual?’ Guy said.
‘I’ll come up here first but probably won’t have a nightcap so close to swimming,’ Liz said. ‘You could always join us on the beach?’
‘I might as it’s your last swim. I was thinking too – have you been to the Picasso museum whilst you’ve been here?’
Liz shook her head.
‘Fancy going tomorrow afternoon? It will be nice and cool and not too crowded. The terrace with its sea views and statues is wonderful on its own.’
‘Sounds good,’ Liz said.
‘We can walk into town together,’ he says. ‘I’ll see you in the hallway at three o’clock.’