Chapter 16 Protection #2
He pointed toward me, and I was so stunned I couldn’t respond. His boldness coupled with the stares from the table made everything feel ten times more intense than it needed to be.
“I paid for your dinner tonight because I will be taking Elliot home with me. My apologies if it ruined any of your plans. Say goodnight, Elliot.”
I couldn’t believe this was happening. My mouth was dry, and I couldn’t even process what he had just said. Esther’s jaw dropped so low it was practically hitting the table. Her date looked overly entertained, and Ethan—oh God, Ethan—looked like he’d just seen a ghost.
“Wait, are you like her boyfriend or something?”
El grinned, that damn smug smile on his face as he looked over at Ethan.
“Just a friend.”
Ethan wasn’t done. He glanced at me before turning to El. “She doesn’t have to go with you if she doesn’t want to.”
El chuckled at his ignorance, then repeated. “Say goodnight, Elliot.”
I didn’t know what to do or how to feel, so I grabbed my purse, still processing everything, and I just… said it.
“Goodnight, everyone. Get home safe. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay, Es?”
I barely registered their shocked looks as I turned and walked with El out the door. His hand still holding onto mine, like he’d claimed me as his.
As soon as we were outside, I couldn’t keep the words in anymore.
“I can’t believe you made me do that.”
El didn’t even glance at me. “I can’t believe you actually did it.”
“I didn’t have a choice.”
El smirked and turned to me, eyes glinting. “Of course you did. You chose me. I’m not forgetting that.”
I rolled my eyes. “Whatever. Get the car.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
?
The ride to El’s place was quiet. I was still too pissed off to say much, and he must’ve known it because, for once, he didn’t push. The tension sat between us heavy, but he just kept driving, one hand on the wheel, the other resting on his thigh.
Finally, he broke the silence.
“I talked to the board about sponsoring the shelter. They’re interested.”
This was obviously a trap. He was baiting me, trying to soften me up with good news so I’d forget how pissed I was.
I shrugged it off. “Okay. That’s great. Thanks again.”
His face pulled down at my response, clearly unsatisfied. So, he tried to bait me again.
“I think we should go to my place. I don’t want any awkward run-ins with Esther.”
I huffed, crossing my arms. He wasn’t wrong. Still, that didn’t mean I wanted to go home with him. Especially since I knew he was trying to get back on my good side. But at this point, I was too exhausted to argue. So I nodded, staring out the window, and let him take me there.
The moment we walked into his place, I had to admit—it was nice.
Clean, but not in a way that felt staged or cold.
The kind of clean that came from habit, like he wasn’t the type to let things get out of control.
The walls were lined with bookshelves and canvases, a poster of Megan Thee Stallion.
Interesting. Art supplies were scattered in an almost organized chaos, with paintbrushes in jars and sketchbooks stacked on the coffee table, along with charcoal smudges.
It smelled like cedarwood and something distinctly him.
I would’ve taken more time to appreciate it if I wasn’t still annoyed.
“Ellie?” He began, but I cut him off. Instead, I dropped my purse at the door and turned to him.
“Where’s the bathroom?”
El looked taken aback by my bluntness and sighed as if he wanted to say something else, but he didn’t. “It’s in the room. Come on.”
I followed him down the hallway, still keeping my distance.
When we got to his room, he went straight to his closet, pulled out a small box, and handed it to me.
“I got you a care package. Just in case you slept over one day.”
I raised a brow. “Just in case, huh?”
He rubbed the back of his neck. “I promise, I did not intend for tonight to end like this.”
“How did you intend for it to end?” I cocked an eyebrow.
“Ideally, you’d be less upset with me.”
I rolled my eyes. “Honestly, El. I don’t want to deal with this tonight. I just want to shower and go to bed.”
He pouted, like what I said actually got to him. Usually, he brushed off my annoyance, but this time, his gloominess was on full display. I looked away from his disappointed expression and opened the box he had gifted me.
Inside, I found my usual brands of feminine products neatly packed. My jasmine body wash, coconut-scented bar soap, lavender lotion, a bonnet and so much more sat neatly in pastel pink packaging, waiting to be opened. Now, it was my turn to wear my emotions outwardly.
“How’d you know I used these?” I questioned with a gasp.
El ran a hand over his beard, looking a little smug again. My reaction must have lifted his spirits. “I saw them in your bathroom when I went to wash that face mask off. So I just picked them up in case you came over.”
The thought of him looking through my bathroom cabinets gave me pause. The lengths this man would go through to have as much information as possible about me was…fascinating. The fact that he thought this far ahead about me staying at his place was just another indicator of an undeniable fact.
He was plotting on me. Heavily. If I let my guard down for even a moment, he’d strike.
I dug a little deeper and found a folded pair of new pajamas.
“Let me guess, you went through my dirty clothes hamper to get my size, too?” I quipped.
He chuckled briefly, allowing his gaze to sweep over my body once more. “No. Not at all. I just guessed the size based on how you felt in my arms.”
My breath caught.
The room suddenly felt smaller. The air, warmer.
His words settled into my chest, heavy and soft at the same time, and for a second, I just stood there.
My fingers skimmed over the fabric, my mind replaying every time he’d ever held me—how he always pulled me close, his warmth, his strength, his scent.
Just as I took him in, he was memorizing me.
He knew my body well enough to guess my size based on one night in his arms, and that gave me chills.
A familiar thought rang through my head.
This man was dangerous.
“Ellie?” he lightly brushed my jaw as he tried to get my attention, and I flinched.
He took note of my reaction, but I spoke up before he could question.
“I’m gonna shower, then I’m going to bed,” I repeated, then stepped back.
El studied me before nodding.
“Okay. Bathroom’s through there.” He pointed behind me to the cracked door across his room. I just turned and walked away without another word.
By the time I came out of the bathroom, feeling slightly more human, he was already in bed.
The lights were off except for the soft glow of a lamp in the corner, casting shadows across his face.
He was lying on his back, hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought, when my footsteps drew his attention to me.
“Ellie…”
I cut him off before he could start. “We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”
A pause. Then, softly, “Okay.” Before he flipped off the lights.
Relieved to push this conversation off, I slipped into his bed, careful to keep my distance.
The sheets were so soft compared to mine at home, making me almost jealous.
I snuggled up against one of his pillows that smelled like him, hopeful this alone would grant me the comfort I needed to sleep through the night.
“Can I hold you, Peanut?” He piped up after a few moments passed.
I guess I wasn’t the only one needing comfort.
I swallowed hard. My body wanted to say yes before my brain could even process the question, but I needed space. I needed time to think without him clouding my judgment. I turned to face him, our eyes meeting in the dark space.
“Not tonight,” I whispered faintly.
He nodded in forced comprehension, but I could hear the disappointment in his voice when he said, “Okay, I understand. I have a guest room upstairs I can sleep in if you want the bed to yourself.”
The way he said it made it sound like it was the last thing he wanted to do.
“No, it’s fine. Just go to sleep.”
He sighed, shifting slightly but not closing his eyes. “I can’t sleep without you in my arms, Elliot.”
“Then how’d you sleep before me?”
His lips quirked into a sad sort of smile. “I don’t remember how I did anything before I met you, Peanut.”
My heart was pounding in my chest. The honesty in his voice was enough to make me stop breathing for a second. We held each other’s gaze in the dim light, anxious about the next move.
After a moment, he exhaled. “It’s fine. Let’s just go to sleep.”
I stared at him, his body so obviously tense with restraint, and before I could second-guess myself, I whispered, “You can hold me.”
His eyes lit up and flickered with something unreadable before he shook his head.
“No, Peanut. It’s okay.” He reassured me, dropping his gaze to my lips.
Still, I wiggled closer, reaching for his arm and guiding it around me. “Please?”
He didn’t hesitate this time.
Immediately, his arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his chest. He breathed me in deeply, his grip firm but comforting, as if he was afraid I’d slip away if he let go. “Thank you.”
I sighed, letting myself relax into his warmth.
After a while, he spoke again.
“Can I ask you something, E? It’s a little personal.”
I glanced at him, surprised by his tone. “Um. Okay… What’s up?”
He hesitated, then looked down at me seriously. “I’ve noticed that sometimes, when I touch you in certain places, you flinch or pull away. Why is that?”
I didn’t answer right away, and he didn’t rush me to. He just laid beside me, quietly letting me gather my thoughts.
Finally, I found the words that I had carefully chosen.
“In my last relationship, he had this habit of touching me in certain places as a signal that he wanted sex. After the breakup, the feeling of being touched in the same spot feels… wrong. Like my body still remembers what it meant, and my brain reacts accordingly.”
I looked at my hands. Sometimes, it felt like my trauma had taken up permanent residence in my muscles.
Like no matter how much I’ve moved on from the past, my nervous system never got the memo.
And it was an exhausting feeling to know I’d done the work, only for my body to drag me back into the worst parts of it.
I swallowed hard, then continued.
“It’s like a muscle memory. My body feels like someone’s trying to sleep with me, and my brain panics. I don’t know how to stop it.”
It was his turn to fall silent now, and I could feel him processing my words.
“So… when I touched you before, at the event—” he said quietly. “Did I trigger you?”
I stared at him before nodding. “Only a little.”
He looked away, jaw clenched. “Fuck.”
“Stop it.”
“No wonder you pull away from me.”
I pouted. “It was small, El.”
“A trigger is a trigger, Ellie. I’m so sorry I did that to you.”
“You didn’t know,” I said softly.
“It doesn’t make it right.”
“I promise, I’m okay.”
“I’m an idiot.”
“No, you’re not, El. You’re patient and kind and so considerate. Any woman would be lucky to have a partner like you.” I paused, my voice dropping. “It’s just… I’m not there yet. And I’m scared you’re wasting your time.”
His eyes met mine, unwavering.
“Time spent on you is not wasted, Elliot. I knew what I signed up for, and I still want to know every single detail about you. Don’t worry about me. I’m just enjoying the ride you’re taking me on.”
I gave him a tired smile. “Then I won’t feel sorry for you when you get your heart broken in the long run.”
“I wouldn’t get my heart broken.”
“We’ll see.”
“I guess we will.”
We locked eyes for a moment. Then he leaned forward slightly.
“Can you tell me where it’s safe to touch?”
I studied him, heart thudding. He wasn’t asking out of curiosity or entitlement—he was asking out of care. Respect, even.
I sighed. Fighting against his determination was pointless.
“It’s hard to say. I don’t have all the spots memorized. But I know them by touch.”
“I see,” he uttered. “Well, if you don’t mind. I want to uncover the spots with you.”
He wanted to do what?
“Huh?”
His eyes softened. “I’ll be careful. I don’t want to hurt you or cause a panic attack. Let’s just focus on simple words for areas. ‘Safe’ for what’s okay. ‘Not safe’ for what’s not.”
The touch of his hands on my body had me warming up. Every part of me warned that this was a bad idea. Still, it was best he knew. Since he was hellbent on remaining in my life, laying down the boundaries now would save us in the long run.
Fuck. I said us.
Hesitatingly, I nodded. “Okay.”
“Let’s start small.”
He reached out and ran his fingers lightly over my hands, sliding gently across my knuckles.
“Safe,” I whispered.
“Okay.” He moved to my wrist, then up my forearm.
“Safe.”
“Good.”
When he reached my shoulders, I stiffened slightly. He slowed near my neck.
“S-safe.”
“Don’t force yourself,” he said gently. “I want you to be honest about what makes you comfortable.”
I nodded again. He moved down, his hand gliding carefully to my collarbone and then down my side, ghosting along the sides of my torso. His touch was soft as he traced my ribs, like he was memorizing my shape with reverence.
“Safe,” I said, this time more confidently.
“Good,” he murmured with a smile. “Now I know where to hold you.”
I poked him playfully, causing him to chuckle. When he returned to his quest of discovering my weak spots, he hovered his hands over my hip, uncertain.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I don’t want to upset you.”
I looked at him for a moment. Then I took his hands in mine and guided them gently to my hips.
“Safe.”
Then to my outer thighs.
“Safe.”
He paused, watching me motion toward my inner thighs.
“Not safe.”
Then, I motioned to my lower back, ass, and between my legs.
“Not safe.”
He nodded, voice quiet. “Noted.”
“Knees, calves, and feet are safe,” I added. “But I don’t like the soles of my feet being touched.”
He tilted his head. “Not even for a massage?”
“No.”
“Alright. Okay.”
“And I hate being tickled.”
He cracked a small smile. “I’ll keep that in mind.”
He kept his hand on my hip, circling his fingers in a calming motion, though I wasn’t sure if it was for me or him. I leaned into him again, exhaling. “Anything else you want to know?”
He looked down at me, gaze soft. “I think that’s enough for tonight. Let’s get some rest.”
“We’re talking about what happened earlier tomorrow.” I reminded him.
His lips brushed the top of my head. “Yes, ma’am.”