CHAPTER 9
As I sit in front of the adorable house I’ve been trying to make into a home, without a whole lot of luck because it’s far too empty without my men there, I can admit I’m scared. What am I going to find inside? Are the men who I gave my heart to without really thinking about the consequences or the possibility I would need to walk away going to be mad at me?
They would be within their rights to be pissed. I left without warning. It might have been hard for me to walk away, nearly impossible, but I still did it. Then I didn’t look back except for late at night when I could cry myself to sleep while nursing the ache in my chest that I was so sure would never go away.
Now they’re here, in Sweetwater Valley, with determination wafting off them so strong I swear I can feel it even as I sit in my car.
Hell, even Taylor could feel it and she had no problem letting me know. The moment we got inside of the office, she whirled around and plastered her face to the glass of the door trying to get another look at them. I giggled behind her because she was doing exactly what I wanted to do.
When she turned toward me, she amusedly demanded, “Talk.”
So, I did. I didn’t tell her about being an angel, but I said I worked for the club, which was only a mild lie. It’s not like I was a proper angel considering I was never with anyone other than the men I considered mine, even if they weren’t. I told her about how going from a prospect to a member worked and how we kept it quiet and casual between us.
Her eyes filled with tears when I told her about how I dreamed about the future even though we never talked about it. My voice broke a few times as emotions tried to pull me under, but it also felt good to get everything off my chest.
When I finished by telling her about finding out I was pregnant and not wanting to bring drama into their lives or being accused of something like trapping them, her face became furious. I knew it wasn’t directed at me from the way she kept glancing at the door like she was going to march back out to the sidewalk and give the three men she just met a piece of her mind.
I assured her, “I don’t think the problems would have come from them, but that doesn’t mean there wouldn’t have been problems.” I shrugged and admitted, “I was scared, and I ran without really thinking everything through. I probably made it out worse in my head than it would have been.”
Taylor hugged me and swayed me slightly, giving me comfort I didn’t even realize I needed or knew how to ask for. Honestly? Best fucking boss ever.
“I can’t say that I understand why you ran, but I do know that those men out there looked at you like you are their reason for breathing,” she assured me gently.
I nodded because that’s always how they made me feel when I was with them. But then there wasn’t any talk about tomorrow or next week or next year. Doubts would start to creep in, ones planted there because of my past no matter how much I wanted to forget it.
I didn’t tell Taylor that, though, it felt too big and too personal.
“Give them a chance,” she said gently. She pulled back and looked at me, pain flashing in her eyes for a moment before it was gone so fast that I wasn’t sure if I saw it at all. “They might be worth it.”
Give them a chance.
They might be worth it.
Those words have been circling my head over and over the rest of the day. The thing is, I know they’re worth it. I know it down to the depths of my soul.
I just don’t know if they want what I want and not knowing, not trusting they’ll always be at my side, is scary as hell. While they didn’t give me the impression that they came here to get me because of the club, seeing me pregnant probably threw them completely from their original mission. I don’t want them just because I’m pregnant either.
I’ve spent the last three months resigned to going on this whole parenting journey alone. I’ve come to terms with it.
I can’t believe they just showed up today. I almost didn’t believe it at first, but the longer I stood in front of them, their wide eyes fixed on me and my pregnant belly, the realer it became.
They came for me.
I’ve been going back and forth between being relieved and happy, and annoyed and sad. I understand what Zach, I mean Scope, was saying about waiting for him to get his cut, but it’s hard to hear at the same time.
I’m all over the place and I know I need to just go inside and face it head on.
I don’t even get to the front door before it swings open to reveal Zach, I mean Scope, his eyes a darker gray than normal, as he looks me over. “I was a little worried you weren’t going to come in,” he admits with a sheepish smile. His eyes soften as he reaches for me and pulls me into the house and against his chest. “You don’t need to be afraid of us, Cherub. We’ll never hurt you.”
“But I hurt you,” I whisper after burying my face in his chest.
He sighs, his fingers running through my hair in the way I’ve loved from the first time he did it. “I think I lied just now because we hurt you too, even though we didn’t do it intentionally. We should have been more upfront with you about a lot of things, but that changes now.”
“Because I’m pregnant,” I surmise and feel my cheeks heat a little with the implied accusation.
“No,” he snarls, “because you’re ours and we should have made it known from the start instead of trying to hold you at arm’s length while hiding behind a misguided attempt at protecting you. We made assumptions and decisions we shouldn’t have. It hurt you and it didn’t allow you to trust us when you should have been able to.”
“We fucked up,” Gray, I mean Viper, says from right next to me.
I jump almost out of my fucking skin because I had no idea he was right there. I hit the top of my head against Scopes chin so hard it causes him to stumble back a few steps, and my hand immediately flies to the top of my head.
“Holy shit,” Viper’s hands grip my shoulders to steady me. I look up at him with tears in my eyes to find his green eyes are wide and wild. “I didn’t mean to scare you, Cherub. I’m so fucking sorry. Are you okay?”
I narrow my eyes at him and huff, “Were you always that silent or have you been practicing your stealth skills?”
He chuckles and shakes his head before his big, strong arms wrap around me. It feels so damn good, but part of me is afraid to trust it. Could this all be ripped away from me?
I’ve been doing so well on my own and I’ve made my peace with not having these men in my life. Sure, my heart is broken, and my soul feels like it’s only partially there, but I’ve managed.
“I’ve missed you so damn much,” Viper murmurs into my hair.
I tilt my head back and look up at him as Scope steps up against my back, sandwiching me between them in the most delicious way. I heat up instantly which is kind of a surprise because my libido took a big nosedive over the last three months. I had always heard it can increase with pregnancy, but I found the opposite to be true.
Maybe it was just because I didn’t have my men with me.
I try and shake off my desire to climb Viper like a tree and grind my pussy against him, but it’s difficult to do. The way he’s smirking down at me tells me he knows exactly what I’m thinking. When he leans down toward me, my eyes flutter closed expecting him to take my mouth in a kiss that’ll leave me breathless. He doesn’t.
His lips press against my forehead, and I melt against him.
Tears burn the backs of my eyes, but I push the feeling away. Now is not the time to become a blubbering mess.
Not yet anyway.
I force myself to pull back from the man in front of me and look over my shoulder at Scope. I wince slightly, my voice hesitant, “How’s your chin? I’m sorry about that, he just scared the hell out of me.”
Before Scope can answer, I hear Bedlam’s voice calling out and getting closer as he does, “Is she here yet? Dinner is almost…,” his words trail off and I look over to find him standing where the living room flows into the dining area which leads to the kitchen.
Relief passes over his face when he looks at me and the position that I’m in. When he holds out a hand for me, I slide from between them and walk over to him, unable to refuse him because it feels so damn natural to give in. Just like it feels natural to be between Scope and Viper…or the three of them.
My body is awake in a way it hasn’t been since the last time I saw them. I had almost convinced myself it wasn’t real. Before I met them, I had never reacted to someone else the way I do them. It could have been a fluke, or I had built it up in my head to be more and better than it really is. Now I know it’s just them.
It’ll always be just them.
Bedlam wraps his arms around me, and I find myself clinging to him and soaking up his strength. All three of my men are strong and each one gives me something different. Poe has always given me a sense of serenity. Gray quiets my mind and Zach grounds me.
I need the three of them equally. It’s one of the reasons I had to leave. If they didn’t want the same, since we never talked about making us permanent, I don’t think I would have survived it. Staying with the DSMC would have become impossible, especially if they started spending time with the other angels or even found their old ladies one day.
Bedlam grips the hair at the back of my neck and tilts my head back so he can look down into my eyes. His brown eyes are full of something I’ve never allowed myself to admit is there—love. His head lowers slowly, maybe giving me time to tell him to stop even though I never would. When his lips touch mine, the kiss is soft, sweet and everything I need.
“Come on, Cherub,” he murmurs against my lips, “dinner is ready. We need to feed you and then we can talk.”
I nod even though my stomach twists up in knots. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to eat. Poe must be able to read my distress because he wraps his large hand around my hands where I’m twisting my fingers together.
He walks me to the dining room where the table that came with the house is already set. I’ve never eaten there. It felt too much like something a family would do which had me thinking about my men, our baby, and everything I didn’t have.
Poe leads me to a seat, kisses my forehead, and then works with the others to bring in the food. It’s a simple meal of spaghetti, but it smells delicious, and I didn’t have to make it which means it might as well be a five-star meal in my mind.
The conversation around the table starts out slowly, but it’s nowhere near as awkward as I thought it would be. The knot in my gut starts to unfurl a little as I find myself smiling and get to look at the smiling faces of my men. When I first saw them today, there was pain and shadows in their eyes, but the longer we spend around each other, the more I see those fade away.
As we’re finishing up, Poe looks at me with a small smile on his face. “We met Lark and Maverick at the grocery store.” I can’t help but smile because they’re both nice people who I’ve come to care about and who seem to care about me. Lark has been very supportive about my pregnancy over the last three months, and I don’t know where I’d be without her friendship and everyone else who has supported me in town. “Lark recommended we get some ice cream. Would you like to have some while we talk in the living room?”
I pat my belly and shake my head as I groan, “I think I’m full enough for right now, but I’m looking forward to that ice cream later. I’ve been craving it at the worst time of night lately.”
I swear the man lights up brighter than a damn Christmas tree. And he’s not the only one. All my men have bright smiles on their faces but knowing that our talk is imminent has that knot starting to kink and twist in my gut again.
When we’re all settled, my men side by side on the couch while I sit across from them, I take a deep breath, knowing I need to get this out of the way first. “I’m sorry,” my voice catches on my words, but I can’t stop now. “I should have told you when I found out I was pregnant, but I panicked. I didn’t think you all would be mad or think the worst of me, but I was worried about how other people would view me and the pregnancy. That’s where I went wrong. I know it and I’ve had a lot of time to think about it while I’ve been here. We might have never talked about forever, but keeping a child a secret wasn’t the right thing to do. The longer I was here, the surer I was that I shouldn’t have run, but then I wasn’t sure how to reach out anymore and not have you hate me.”
Scope’s eyes soften as he looks at me, his gray eyes intense as he assures me, “We could never hate you, Cherub. We love you.”
I gasp and try to blink back the tears filling my eyes. Maybe this is an alternate universe or a dreamland because my dreams since I’ve been here are eerily similar to what is happening right now. I hope wherever the real me is that she’s okay.
“You’re not dreaming, Heather,” Gray’s voice is soft, and I slap my hand over my mouth so I don’t say anything else I shouldn’t. “Scope is right, though, we do love you. We should have said it a long time ago. You should have never doubted what you mean to us or what we saw for our future.”
“Our future?”
“Yeah,” Poe’s voice is thick with emotion, “the only future worth living is one with you as our old lady.”
The tears I’ve been fighting start to slide down my cheeks so fast that I’m unable to wipe them away before more are already there. I’m not usually a crier, but between my men showing up and telling me everything my heart has been yearning for and the hormones, I’m a mess.
Scope is up and striding across the room as I gasp, “Your old lady?”
As he crouches down in front of where I’m sitting, Scope’s eyes rove over my face. “You should know we claimed you at the table before we came here.”
I cover my face with my hands as the tears come even faster with his words. It’s almost too much to be offered my greatest wish and deepest dream. He picks me up and cradles me against his chest before taking his seat again in the middle of the couch while Viper and Bedlam’s hands reach for me, touching me wherever they can. It’s strange how a touch can be soothing and arousing at the same time.
Now is not the time to get turned on. I focus on how safe their touch makes me feel and how the rough edges of my hurt seem to melt.
“We shouldn’t have waited,” Gray admits, his eyes solemn. “At first we decided to wait because we couldn’t claim you before earning our cuts and we didn’t want our relationship to be a problem for you.” I frown a little bit at his words, but they do make sense. “Then when you left, I convinced them to wait to come after you until after we were patched in so we could offer you more.” His voice drops, his next words for himself more than me, “We shouldn’t have waited, we should have gone after you right away.”
I reach out and run my fingers through his hair. “I understand what you were trying to do and why you made the choice to wait. I just wish,” I look away from him, the remorse and guilt in his green eyes almost too much for me to bear, “I just wish I had known that’s what you saw for our future. I wouldn’t have left. I would have stuck it out.”
“We’re so fucking sorry, Cherub,” Bedlam chokes out.
I reach for him and grip his bicep, giving it a squeeze. “I’m sorry too. For running. For hiding. For not telling you about the baby.”
I smooth a hand over my belly and the baby gives a kick which has me letting out a gasping giggle. My men still as they look at me and try to figure out what’s wrong.
I grip Scope’s hand first since he’s already holding my hip and he doesn’t have far to go. I press it right over where the baby just kicked, and they do it again which doesn’t surprise me because they are very active at night. His gray eyes are wide as he stares down at my belly.
When the baby shifts a little, I grab Bedlam and Viper’s hands, pulling them to my belly and giving it a push with their hands to encourage some movement. I get a punch on one side and a kick to the other, or at least that’s what I think it is.
“Holy shit,” Bedlam breathes out and I watch in fascination as his face transforms into pure bliss.
My men have always been attractive, beautiful even, but seeing their faces filled with wonder and awe as they feel our baby move in my belly makes them otherworldly.
Bedlam’s voice is soft, like he’s afraid our little one will stop moving if he talks too loudly, which is silly, “After Viper was patched in, we started building a house on the compound.”
“Which, by the way, I just learned about,” Scope cuts in with a glare at his brothers, but it doesn’t hold any real heat.
“We want you to come back with us,” Viper gently prods. “We want to make a home with you, a place where our family can thrive.”
I’m shocked by their words, even after they told me they love me. I should be jumping up and down and grabbing the chance with both hands. Isn’t this what I wanted? What I’ve been dreaming about?
“I’m not saying no,” I blurt when I feel like I’ve been quiet for a little too long. “I just,” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, “this is all kind of overwhelming. I don’t want us to jump into something and then regret it down the road.”
“Never,” my three men say in unison.
I believe them, I do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t need a little time to come to terms with them knowing I’m pregnant and offering me the world.