CHAPTER 14
Being back in New Orleans feels good. It feels right. Maybe it’s because I feel more settled with my guys, but I’m not afraid of what anyone thinks of me, especially not the people in the club. I haven’t gotten to spend a lot of time around the brothers yet and I haven’t seen any of the angels over the last few days, but I know that won’t always be the case.
It’s not like I’ve been hiding out, I’ve just been busy. I’ve been making lists and going through things we have packed, while not unpacking anything. I think it’s the beginning stages of nesting. I’m not sure.
I’ve spent some time in the common room and Lucifer has made it a point to seek me out, hug me, and welcome me home. He didn’t even look surprised to see my baby belly which tells me the guys had already told him. I’m more than okay with it.
There’s a party this weekend which is when I’m going to have to face everyone, including the angels. I’m not really looking forward to it, but I also can’t run from it. This is the life I want and I’m going to fight for it this time.
It’s what I should have done before, but I was too much of a coward.
One thing my guys insisted on making for me, almost as soon as I got back into town, was an appointment at my old OB/GYN. I’d been seeing them for a while before I left and I really like my doctor, so it wasn’t hard to agree to the demand, even though it was a little high handed.
Luckily enough, they were able to fit me in. All three of my men wanted to come with me, but the club needed them to get back to work since they were out of town for so long. I promised them if there was an ultrasound that I would take a video but told them there probably wouldn’t be one. I figured the appointment today would be mostly about getting my records transferred and a check-up so I can be updated in the system. I was right and now I’m set up for the rest of my pregnancy.
I’m glad there wasn’t an ultrasound done today. Not only would my men have been all pouty because they missed it, but I’m sure I’ll accidentally find out the gender of the baby every time I have one.
I avoided it at first because it felt wrong, but now not knowing is exciting and I’m looking forward to being surprised on the day this little one arrives. Is there any better surprise than that? It’s completely pure.
When I step out of the doctor’s office, the smile on my face freezes in place and then crumbles. Standing in front of me with his hands in his pants pockets like he doesn’t have a care in the fucking world is my stepfather. I haven’t seen him in a long time, not since I left Dogwood Ridge a little over six years ago.
I graduated high school, and I got the fuck out of there.
I almost didn’t have the money to run because even though I worked, the money was never supposed to be mine. My stepfather made sure to take every single dime I earned, but what he didn’t know was I had more than one job and got paid under the table at the other one. I made sure he never knew.
Living in fear for years was enough, I wasn’t going to let him take even more from me. That doesn’t mean it was easy. I was waging a war inside myself where I didn’t know if I could stand strong or collapse under the weight of everything that he would do to me.
I was 16 the first time he squeezed my ass, a promise of more in his eyes. By then my mom was so blitzed all the time she had no fucking idea what was going on. As much as I had tried to ignore it before then, I knew the timer on how long I would be safe was counting down. My own personal doomsday clock.
How sweet.
The resentment I felt for him, and my mom grew every day.
I was treated like a maid and the expectations were extremely high. I had to keep my grades up, I had to work, I had to keep the house clean. I could never talk back, I could never go out with friends, I could never have the simplest things I needed.
Hell, the only reason I had a cell phone was so my job could get in touch with me. If they needed a shift covered, I was expected to say yes, no matter what else I had going on. Richard relied on my money because he couldn’t keep a job and mom was utterly useless.
It was the hardest time in my life. I craved some sort of stability, but it was never there. I was floundering and no one seemed to notice. I’m sure some of my teachers would have cared, maybe, but I made sure to keep my mask firmly in place at school.
I was afraid of the unknown and what would happen if anyone found out how bad it was. I was also afraid of the reality of my life. I guess I chose the devil I knew by never speaking up. It became a motto in my life.
I ran as fast as I could from Richard and my life in Dogwood Ridge. I attached myself to men who didn’t give a shit about me and had no problem using me.
I often wondered if it would have been better to stay with Richard and give into the depravity his leering looks and wandering hands promised. I just couldn’t stomach it because I had known the man since I was four.
He was the only father I knew since mom got pregnant from a one-night stand. She didn’t even know the man’s name.
Quite the legacy.
Now he’s standing in front of me, his eyes filled with appreciation as he looks me over.
“Wh-what,” I stumble over my words, “are you doing here?”
Richard takes a step toward me, but I back up fearfully and hate that I’m showing him any weakness. His eyes snag on my pregnant belly and I desperately wish I had something to shield my little one from him somehow.
“Funny story, Heather,” he sneers my name and I try to stop myself from shrinking in on myself, “but a friend of mine saw you not long ago in Sweetwater Valley.”
I start shaking my head back and forth in denial even though I can tell from the look in his eyes that it doesn’t matter where his friend saw me because he’s here now. Bile rises in the back of my throat, and I swallow over and over to get it to go back down. Part of me is tempted to let it rip all over him, but who knows how he would react. Well, and gross, but that’s secondary to being afraid.
Richard was never violent, but I always felt like it was brewing right there under the surface. It wouldn’t come as a surprise to me if he raised his hand and hit me. And isn’t that just fucking sad?
“Well,” he continues, his tone conversational and bordering on jovial, “I had to go and see if he was telling me the truth. I was pleasantly surprised to find out he was.”
“Okay,” I squeak out the word, knowing there’s another shoe ready to drop. “But I’m not in Sweetwater Valley right now.”
“I know,” his eyes darken, and I can see a promise for retribution there. “I had to hire a PI to get more information about you. I was very surprised to find out you became a whore for a biker gang.”
“Club,” I correct him in a whisper and regret it immediately as anger flares in his eyes.
“Do you even know who the bastard in your belly belongs to?” His lip curls into a snarl. “Not like it matters, you owe me and you’re in the perfect position to pay up.”
“I don’t have any money,” I protest.
“I know,” he chirps like he’s happy about it, “at least not the kind of money I’m looking for but the little gang you’re running with has the resources and you’re on the inside.”
He winks at me and my heart fucking sinks. I back up another step and shake my head. “I’m not stealing from the club.”
“You will.” He turns and throws over his shoulder, “I’ll be in touch.” I stare after him, but I’m not really seeing him. “Oh,” he turns and walks backwards, “you should know your mother is doing very well.”
My stomach clenches and my gut churns, but I don’t dare move. Not until I can’t see him anymore. Then I practically run to my car, my mind wandering while I’m driving back to the clubhouse to the point that I should be concerned about how I got home safely. I’m shutting down; I can feel it.
I don’t look at anyone who might be lingering in the common room of the clubhouse and head straight to Poe’s room because it’s the biggest and where we’ve been staying since we got back. I sleep the best with all my men surrounding me. I know they ordered a special sized bed when the house started to be built for this exact reason.
I curl up on the bed, my thoughts racing while I’m not able to latch onto anything. My first instinct is to run. But I promised I wouldn’t. Not again.
I also don’t really want to. I mean, I want to run from the threat of my stepfather being here, but I don’t want to run from my men. I love them and they will be amazing fathers to our child.
Tears are sliding down my face when the door opens, and loud footsteps fill the room. I know without looking over my shoulder that my men have stormed inside. I can feel worry, concern, and anger rolling off them.
Zach is the first one around the bed and he crouches down while pulling the sheet down from where it’s partially covering my face. His face is a mask of pure fucking fear, and it guts me.
“I’m okay. The baby is okay. We’re healthy,” my voice sounds like I’m a two pack a day smoker and my mouth feels like the Sahara. “Why are you here?”
Zach’s voice is concerned, “Lucifer saw you come into the clubhouse not long ago. He called us and told us you were crying and didn’t seem to hear him calling for you. He was worried because he knew you had an appointment today.”
“Nothing is wrong with the baby, I promise.”
Poe and Gray flank Zach, their faces filled with so much worry my heart starts to beat harder against the inside of my chest. How am I going to keep this from them? I’ve never told them about my past. They’ve all shared theirs, but I kept my lips zipped about my own.
How could they really love me if they don’t know?
More tears stream down my face and soak the pillow beneath me.
“Fuck this,” Gray grits out before he’s standing, kicking off his boots, scooping me up in his arms, and sitting back against the headboard.
I bury my face in his neck and my men surround us, their hands smooth over my body, touching me everywhere, but especially my baby bump. I sob, every touch making me feel loved, but also reminding me that I haven’t given them all of me or my trust. I didn’t give them my past.
“Please,” Poe’s voice is soft and afraid, “you’re killing us, Cherub. We need to know what’s going on.”
“This isn’t good for you or the baby,” Zach tries to reason with me.
I nod against Gray’s shirt and know it’s time. Even if it’s something I wish could stay locked in the past. I have to pull it into the light. I can’t hide from it anymore, no matter how much I wish I could.
We all have a past. I don’t want to be defined by mine. If I love these men, and I do, then I need to let them stand by my side and help me. Especially right now because I can’t help myself.
I start at the beginning, and I don’t think they breathe the entire time I’m talking. When I’m done, the silence is still around us.
Zach growls, “I’m going to kill him.”
“Don’t go to jail, we need you,” I murmur, exhaustion from crying and the emotions I just poured out of me too much to fight against.
I slip into sleep, knowing my men will stand in front of this demon and slay it. Because they love me and want to protect me.
I feel their kisses on my forehead and hairline before I’m tucked into bed, but I’m not afraid. Not anymore.