Chapter 28
28
Drew
“It’s settled then,” Natalie announces. “Cookie’s coming shopping with us tomorrow.”
Normally, I wouldn’t think anything of it until I realize the “us” includes my girlfriend. Girlfriend? That’s the second time that’s snuck into my vernacular. Is it wrong? I guess that’s something I need to discuss with Juni. In addition to making it up to her from the earlier conversation.
I scrub my hand over my face not looking forward to spending the night trying to explain my side of things. Standing behind her chair, I lean down, thinking I’m going to need some time to make things right if we’re going to have makeup sex after. “You ready to go?”
“Sure.” She stands and starts to give hugs. Tatum loops her arm with hers as they start for the coat closet.
When I go to hug my mom, she stands and says, “I should ride with you. Do you mind?”
“No, of course not.”
Nick’s at the door already. We slap our hands together and then bring it in. “I never got to thank you properly for doing Mom’s dirty work and delivering that list at work.”
“You don’t have to thank me, brother. It was my pleasure.”
“I just bet it was.”
We have a good laugh about it because the whiskey’s kicked in, and I care a lot less about that list right now. Juni’s my priority. Kissing Natalie on the cheek, we say our thanks and make our exit.
Cookie and Juni are wrapped in their jackets. It’s not cold but has gotten chilly. I could say the same about the temperature between Juni and me just as easily. No eye contact is the first clue. When she spends the car ride chatting with only my mom is the second. The third, Juni putting my mom between us.
I hate to interrupt their conversation about the garden club my mom used to belong to, but we’re getting close to my apartment, and I don’t want to backtrack. “Where are you staying, Mom?”
“With you.”
“What? What do you mean?”
When she raises an eyebrow, she asks, “Did you not see my stuff in the spare bedroom? I went to the apartment when I landed this afternoon and got dressed before heading to Nick’s.”
“No. I never go in there.” My eyes catch Juni’s grin when a light from outside slides through the back of the vehicle.
Worry crosses my mom’s face. “Hope it’s not a problem. I just thought it would be one of the few ways I’d get to see you.”
I tap her hand. “It’s not a problem, but I would have picked you up from the airport or sent a car.”
“I got here just fine. Thank you though.”
“I’m glad you’re staying there. It’s better than a hotel. I get concerts late at night, and the night’s special wafting through the vents.”
She looks at Juni. “I must be tired because I’m not sure what he means.”
Giving her forearm a gentle pat, Juni says, “Andrew has annoying neighbors.” I catch the use of Andrew. She’s definitely mad. “Lucky for him, they’re in the loop and know better than to bother him.”
By the bewilderment seen in the scrunch of her brow, I’m thinking my mom won’t touch that one, but then she says, “That’s too bad.”
The car pulls to the curb, and I help the ladies out. Mike is already at the door with his hand ready to pull. “Nice evening?” he asks.
“Fine,” I reply.
“Dandy,” Juni adds.
My mom says, “That’s such a handsome-looking uniform. Have you thought about adding a star right?—”
“Mom?” I stop inside the lobby.
She looks up and then enters the building. “Sorry. I’m coming. Have a good night, Mike.”
He tips his head for her. “You too, Mrs. Christiansen.”
In the elevator, I push the button for my floor. As if it couldn’t get more awkward, my mom asks, “Are you sleeping over, Juni?”
“Mom, please.”
“Geez, Andrew. I’m just wondering if I should set the table for two or three for breakfast.”
I want to hide. So embarrassing.
Juni reaches across the front of us and punches the sixteenth floor while giving me the evil eye. “No. I’m staying at mine. I’m the annoying neighbor.”
By how my mom takes a step back, so we’re not standing in a line, I’m thinking she’d like to disappear about now. When I look back, she’s now very busy digging through her purse.
The floor dings, and Juni takes a step forward. “It was nice to meet you, Cookie.”
“You too, dear. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I get a half-assed backward glance. Just before the door closes, I say, “Good night.”
“What did you do?” The accusation comes hard off her tongue, making me feel twelve again.
“ Me? Why do you think . . . Fine, I fucked up.”
The elevator opens on my floor, and we don’t take two steps before she says, “Then why are you here and not there making this right?”
“Good question.” I step back inside the elevator and punch the button. “I’ll be back later.”
“Don’t rush home on my account and stop with the F-bombs. Love you.”
“Love you.” The door closes and reopens one flight down.
I knock, but there’s no answer. I feel like we’re repeating the same pattern. I could sit here for an hour or more, or I could go look for her. I take the stairs and check my floor. When I don’t see her or hear any talking inside my apartment, I take the elevator to the lobby. “Hey Mike, have you seen Juni?”
“No. Have you checked the rooftop?”
Holding the elevator door open with my hand, it tries to close three times before it rings in alarm. “What’s on the roof?”
“She planted a community garden up there, and sometimes that’s where she takes Rascal.”
“Thanks, Mike.” Letting the elevator have its way, I punch the top floor button when the door closes.
I vaguely remember something about the roof when I was reading the amenities guide sitting on the bar when I first arrived. I’ve taken advantage of a few of them—the gym, the on-call barber, shoe shining, and the dry-cleaning service but I don’t remember anything about a community garden.
The elevator arrives, and I walk down the hall to the glass door and push it open. I stop just outside to take it in—the lights strung like personal stars for our building, the garden to the right that’s large enough to spend some time in, and the potted trees that give the feel of being in a park.
The woman beyond the garden holding a leash is the most beautiful feature of it all. “It’s amazing,” I say, not sure if she can hear from there.
She looks up, and I see a heavy breath wash through her body. “How’d you find me?”
“Mike.”
“Never could trust him.” I can’t see her smile as I work my way across the rooftop, but I hear the teasing in her tone.
“What about me?”
She’s dressed the same as earlier but is wearing black flip-flops instead of heels. “Remains to be seen, Mr. Christiansen.”
“I much prefer Drew from you.”
“Me too,” she adds, sounding resigned to the notion.
Rascal doesn’t notice me until I get closer, and then he yaps before tugging on his leash to reach me. I squat down, letting him jump up on my knee. “He’s got good balance.”
She sits on a bench, allowing the wind to sweep her hair from her shoulders. “He’s little enough.”
I pet him as he leans his front paws on my shoulder and tries to get a few licks in around my neck. Setting him back on the grass again, I move to sit next to Juni. “I screwed up, and I’m starting to wonder if that’s all I know how to do with you.”
“Maybe, but instead of going down that path, have you wondered if I’m worth the effort?”
“You are.”
“No, Drew. I don’t need your confirmation to build my self-esteem. I’m good in that department. What I mean is am I, are we , worth fixing misunderstandings, worth fighting to get to a resolution, worth trying harder to understand each other instead of jumping to conclusions? I don’t want an automatic answer. I want you to consider each one and come up with your own thoughts on the matter.” Juni’s a straight shooter. But right now, I don’t know if that means she doesn’t think it’s worth the while to resolve whatever I did wrong.
“Have you?”
“Yeah,” she replies, her smile coming easy. “Too much and I’m not mad at you. Well . . .” Reaching over, she slips her hand in mine. “Not anymore anyway.” Thank God. Because I’m realizing that I want this. Her. Us. And I think I finally understand what went wrong tonight.
“I know I let you down. I’m not a romantic guy. I’m numbers and facts, and don’t run my life off hunches, emotions, or notions.” I hold her hand between both of mine. “If you can have patience with me, I’m learning.”
“I don’t want you changing for me.”
“But I’m willing to.”
“Why?”
“Because the last two weeks have been the best I’ve felt in years, and I owe that to you. It doesn’t matter how this job or Seattle or even New York wears me down because you make me feel alive. You make me feel like me again.” She wants romance and she deserves it, so I step out of my comfort zone and stand before her. “May I have this dance?”
She looks around. “There’s no music.”
Taking her hand, she stands before me, shorter than ever. I place her hand on my chest, and say, “There is. It’s just in here.”
We begin to sway to the music inside us when she says, “This is so spontaneous, Drew.” A smile cracks her expression. “And I freaking love it.”
“I’ve learned a thing or two from you.”
She briefly looks down, but then on the end of an exhale, she says, “I feel like we’ve got the odds in our favor. We’re two for two, after all.”
“Which two are we speaking of?”
“Number one on your list since that’s how we met and the science fair project that connects us.”
I think she’s right. The odds are in our favor. “I wouldn’t be opposed to taking you to Vegas.”
She stops abruptly. “To get married?” she asks, her voice pitching.
“No,” I say, my hands flying in front of me. “No. No. No. To the tables. Gambling. We said the odds are in our favor?—”
Laughing, she lowers her hand from her chest. “Yeah, I may need a little romance in my life, but I don’t tempt the fates with that commitment nonsense. So Vegas, Atlantic City, and all the other quickie marriage locations are out of the question.”
One minute I’m not sure how to move forward in the relationship, and now she’s rejecting a marriage proposal that I never intended. I should be used to this craziness, yet I’m not.
Rascal is chasing his tail while Juni watches him. I sit down again, and ask, “What do you mean you don’t tempt the fates with commitment nonsense?”
Her smile fades as she paces to the other side of the grass patch, taking Rascal with her. “Look, I know I have issues. Commitment is one of them. More long-term, to be specific.”
“Then what are we doing?” The question seems to throw her as she shifts her head. “Two for two and all that. How do you believe in destiny and not believe in commitment?”
She moves the leash from one hand to the other, and Rascal lies at her feet.
“My parents showed me that being too passionate about anything always ends badly. They chose their work over me. If I allow every Tom, Dick, or Harry into my heart, where will that leave me? Alone, just like Karl did.”
“What about a Drew? How does a Drew fit into your heart?” When she can’t answer or chooses not to, I add, “We all have our issues. Mine are on full display, but I’m working on them.”
“I took the job to work on mine. It may not seem like much to you, but ten weeks is a long time for me.”
“Who’s Karl?”
“He’s the one who told me my parents were dead. He’s the one who stepped into the spotlight and presented my research and discoveries as his own. And I let him. I stood there at the edge of the spotlight in too much shock to say a word.”
“He won?”
She nods. That someone she cared about could so easily betray her makes me so angry. And perhaps that’s the reason for some of her tears yesterday. But I understand betrayal—not quite to the extent of how that bastard treated Juni though. But I understand how that can skew self-worth. How it stays with you for years after. “My high school girlfriend cheated on me. I was the most popular kid in school and she still cheated. This may sound cliché, but it wasn’t about me. Karl stealing your moment wasn’t about you, but you’ve willingly carried that burden for years. It’s not yours to carry anymore.”
“What happened with the high school girlfriend? Did you make amends?”
“Fuck no. I’m a guy. I started dating college girls my junior year in high school, fucking every one of them, and made sure she knew.”
“That sounds healthy,” she deadpans.
“Yeah, real healthy.” I was only seventeen and had the brain of a gnat. Clearly. I walk over to the side of the patch where she retreated earlier and take the leash from her. “We’re friends now.”
“You are?”
“She was fighting her own demons back then. We ran into each other a few years ago and tried to date again, but we both realized we got it right the first time when we broke up.” Dalen is complicated, but the one thing that’s not is where she stands in my life. “We’re friends now. You know why? Because I didn’t feel about her the way I do about you.”
She comes to my side and wraps her arms around my middle. “I like you, too, Drew.”
Words don’t always come the easiest when emotions are involved. Although I hadn’t told her how much I like her directly, I’m glad she understands my language. I wrap my arm around her, holding her close, and say, “Karl sounds like a real asshole.”
“He is,” she replies, laughing. She bends down to pet Rascal. He’s looking sleepy lying in the grass. Glancing back up at me, she asks, “You know that proposition I made?”
“Trading your help on the list for a date? I think I’m still coming out ahead on that one.”
All sadness is gone, and she says, “The date is an event in my parents’ honor. Karl will be there.”
“Good. I can’t wait to show him how lucky I am. He’s going to regret ever stealing your research, your grant, the scholarship . . .” I stop, too late, remembering the prize she really wanted to win. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I may not have won the money and other stuff, but I know it’s my work that won it for him.”
“Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow, but how you’re looking at it is true.”
She moves to the wall at the edge and looks over the side of the building. “You know what my parents would want me to do?”
“What?”
“Live life unapologetically.”
“I believe they would.”
Coming back over to me, she takes the leash and leads Rascal toward the door. “Come on. I have plans.”
I jog to catch up. “Do they include me?”
“They absolutely include you.”
Holding the door open for her, I ask, “Are you going to tell me?”
She lifts on her tiptoes and kisses me, and in Juni speak, I think that means I’m forgiven. Thank fuck. “I’d rather show you.” Fuck. Yes.