Chapter 35
35
Drew
Did she just beat me to the punch?
Don’t get me wrong. Juni did what I couldn’t. I give her full credit for that. I had a lame ‘can we talk’ sitting in our text box for three days and didn’t have the balls to send.
After staring at her message for hours, I still don’t know how to reply. Am I missing something? Well, other than her. I’ve tried to read between the lines, but it might just be that she misses me.
It’s a big leap from not talking to me to missing me, but she was brave enough to take it. I text: I miss you, too.
And then send before I can second-guess my decision. It’s gone. Sent. It’s the truth, and that’s what we need to share right now. I’ve been more miserable than the weather. Whiskey’s become my friend in this pocket of the Pacific Northwest. It does what she used to do—keep me warm and my mind off how unhappy I am.
Juni was softer, sexy as all fuck without even trying. She made me laugh and threw me mental curveballs. Whiskey fails to do that pretty much on all levels. I’m thinking drinking my troubles away doesn’t suit my type A personality.
It’s not my friend. It’s happy to remind me of all my failings. How pathetic, Christiansen. I get up and empty the glass I just filled.
Liquor won’t help me get over the woman I lost . . . not lost. I didn’t lose Juni. She was right there in my arms and in my bed, at my work, and filling my head with destiny. No, I didn’t lose her. I put her second to my work.
Work—something a person has to do. Has to do.
Juni— what I want to do. Okay, besides having great sex, I want to spend time with her. It wasn’t about entertaining me or stepping out of the box anymore. It was about her.
My day.
My night.
My life.
My world had begun to revolve around her sun.
Even now, I feel lighter just thinking about her, so why the fuck am I texting her when I should be calling. I grab my phone and do just that.
The worst thing I did was to put space, time, and distance between the woman who made me realize I deserve to be happy and me. Cliché as that might sound, it’s true.
The company will not fold, the clients’ business may or may not be salvaged, but CWM will stay strong. And so will I.
I run my hand over the top of styled hair, a quick check to make sure every strand is in place. It’s a bad habit. She can’t even see me, so I hold the phone to my ear.
Ring.
Ring. Why am I getting nervous?
Ring. Come on.
Ring. Please answer. Please answer.
Ring. My chest begins to deflate.
Ring. “You have reached my voicemail. Leave a message and have a great day!”
If a voice matched her beauty, that was it—sunshine and a pretty melody. My Juni.
Mine.
I pull up my chat box again and read the message two times over. My stomach is full from my heart sinking to the bottom of it, and for the first time in years, I have no fucking clue what to do.
Yes, I do. I know. I pick up my phone again and call the one other person who can help me through this. The call is answered on the second ring. “Andrew?”
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hey there. I’m surprised, pleasantly, to hear from you.”
“I just wanted to hear your voice, talk to you about this miserable weather, or whatever else.”
“You don’t sound like your usual self. What’s going on?”
“I’ve been thinking about you, Dad, and Nick and Natalie.” I don’t care about my hair. I shuffle my fingers over it until bangs hang down. “I never saw myself getting married.”
“Not everyone does. Not everyone feels that need. Some people prefer to live alone, and some have partners. The beauty of life is that you get to decide how to live it. Do you remember what I used to say to you boys when you hit your teens and were driving?”
For as laid-back as Cookie is now, she worried a lot back then. “Don’t do anything illegal, be kind to others and yourself, and?—”
“Live the best life you can. Are you living your best life, Andrew?”
My fear of failing grips me, and I hold my tongue. Truth and honesty are the pillars of my friendship with Juni and the words that give me strength right now. My mom only wants the best for me, even at the expense of the company. “No.”
Her sadness comes through in a sigh. “How can you change that?”
“I don’t want to let you guys down.”
“You never have. Your happiness isn’t a disappointment to us. Being miserable because you think you have to sacrifice that happiness is. We never wanted one or the other. As parents, we all fumble the ball now and again, but we still want to help you reach the end zone, whether that’s carrying the ball or the team. It’s all a win if you’re happy.” It’s funny when my mom throws the random sports analogy into our conversations. She never grew to love the games, but as long as we were having fun, she loved watching us play.
She adds, “You’ve carried the team for a long time now, even before your dad retired. How about you let someone else run the plays for a while?”
“How so?”
“Leave Seattle, Andrew. Get out of there and go where your heart is happy. You always said it was LA, but I think that might have changed.”
“I never thought I’d like New York . . .” I leave that there to lie between us.
“You sure it’s the city you’re liking?” I knew she’d pick it up and run with it. And maybe I wanted her to. “I don’t know what it is with that city, and the women making the Christiansen men give it all up for them, but your heart knows its way home.”
That’s a big statement coming from her. My mom always wanted us near, even setting us up to always have a place to come back to—Nick got the beach bungalow when he got married, and the Beverly Hills home, the place where I grew up and where they live now, is in the will for me.
But she’s right about cities, and women, and the place we call home. She knows if I get on a flight tonight, I’m going to the East Coast.
“Mom, I have another confession.”
“Do I need to sit down?”
“I think you’ll be okay. You know your list? I didn’t complete it.”
Gentle laughter reaches my ears. “Oh honey, that list isn’t mine. It’s yours. Whether you complete it or not is up to you. What I wanted the most was for you to open your eyes to more possibilities around you. Maybe you only needed to mark off the items that were most important for your life to change trajectory.”
Two for two. Juni was a part of both of them. Juni’s entry into my life has done exactly that. I just made a wrong turn. It doesn’t mean I can’t turn that back around, though.
It wasn’t just Rascal who knocked the breath out of me when he landed on my stomach; Juni stole it altogether.
Lying next to me after making sure everyone was back in their apartments safely after the fire. Sitting with Mrs. Hendricks telling me that Juni needs to spread her wings. They didn’t know, but she’d been doing that all along with me. From our friendship to a budding romance, she didn’t crack the door. She flung it wide open and invited me into her world.
I won’t discount that she took the job and made it look easy. She committed herself in so many ways that she doesn’t even see it. Is she living on the edge? No, but for someone who’s experienced so much pain, she still took the first steps and raised her wings.
“Mom?”
“Yes?” she replies, leading me to give more.
Pushing off the bed, I say, “I need to go.”
“Oh, okay.”
I grab my suitcase and open it on the bed. “No, I mean, I need to get to the airport.”
“Ah. Yes. I think you do. Have a safe trip, and I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I already have if it’s not too late.”
“It’s never too late to make amends. Love you.”
“Love you, too, Mom.” I toss the phone on the bed and open the wardrobe to grab my suits to pack. But then stop and look at them. They’re suits. I’m not going on a business trip. I’m going to get a life back. Everything I need is already in New York City.
When I was a kid working in this company's mailroom, I remember a quote that hung above the door. Setbacks don’t determine your fate. If you overcome them does.
I always thought it would make more sense if it said how you overcome them does.
But now I get it. Some people will hit an obstacle, and that’s where their story ends. Others won’t let anything stand in their way.
“I’m sorry, sir. There are no available seats on any flights to JFK or LaGuardia tonight. Not in coach, business, or first class. And the standby list is ten people long. We can usually only accommodate three or four. I’m happy to book you on the first available flight in the morning.” Her eyes lower to the screen, and her fingers furiously tap on the keyboard. “I have first class on a six fifteen flight to JFK?”
Setting my card down, I say, “I’ll take it.” Fuck. I need to get to New York. I need to get to her. I need . . . Maybe I need this time.
I stop and think. Why couldn’t I get the flight I wanted?
Maybe it’s time I need right now.
I spend that time putting a new plan in place and attaching an ultimatum of my own. At three forty-seven in the morning, I push send to the advisory board, my parents, and Nick.
At three forty-nine, my phone rings. I know who it is before I see the name on the screen. Makes sense because he’s three hours ahead. “Hello?”
“Brav-fucking-o, brother. That’s the kind of message I like to wake up to.”
I pack my laptop in my travel bag. “So you approve?”
“Not of you quitting. Of your list of demands, that was a CEO talking there. Either way this pans out, you win. I’m proud of you for taking a stand.”
Even I, with the confidence of an elementary school science fair champion, still like to get my family’s approval. “Thanks. How do you think Dad will react?”
“I think he’ll be proud you finally figured your shit out.” Nick gets up early to work out like I do, so it doesn’t surprise me that he sounds wide-awake. “Upside, the plan from what I’m seeing right now is solid. If the account managers can’t do their job and keep their clients happy, then you can take the larger portfolios. But you can do that from anywhere and just fly in a couple of times a year.”
“That’s why it’s there. There’s no need for me to sit in an office to placate a few clients.” I’m proud of the proposal I put together. This had been on my mind all week, but traveling here had its benefits. Seeing where I’m best utilized cemented the direction I need to steer the company. I won’t kowtow to a few clients on their whims. I have a record of success to back why I decide how to run this company, and it’s time I take that power back.
I continue, “The bottom line is, this is not personal. It’s business. If they want the best, I’ll work with them directly. If they want to leave, that’s their choice. But I have a say in my fate moving forward.”
“I agree. I’ll work on updating the client contracts for them and put you as the lead. It will be ready to sign on tomorrow.”
“Thanks, Nick.” Sinking down on the couch, I ask, “Have I told you recently that I think you’re doing a good job?”
“You never tell me that.”
“Probably best,” I say. “It’s good to see you motivated to please the boss.” Laughter bellows from his gut he’s laughing so hard. “Hey, you’re doing a good job.”
“Thanks. You’re not so bad yourself.”
“On a personal note, what do you think about Juni?”
“What I think doesn’t matter, but if you’re asking if I approve, she’s a great girl and way out of your league.”
I chuckle. “I know, but maybe she’ll take pity on me.”
“For you, I hope she does. I hear you’re flying in. Want me to pick you up at the airport again?” His laughter builds. “I’m giving you warning that I’ll be in the car.”
“I think I’m good.”
“I know, you’re fine .”
“Actually, I’m great.”
In fact, it’s as if the stars aligned tonight. And I finally saw them with clarity.