Chapter 22
22
Harrison
“Oh shit.”
The room falls silent as I watch Tatum’s expression fall with it. The sound of the sticks bouncing across the floor grabs everyone’s attention. Turning toward the living room, I see the crowd is silently staring. Natalie’s front and center with her hand over her mouth.
When Tatum tries to breathe, it comes out rapid and uneven. Still holding her, her body gets heavier, so I tighten my grip and then start moving her toward the bathroom. I’m not sure if she’s going to faint or not, but I need to get her out from under the wide-eyed glare of the others.
Rushing forward, Natalie picks up the sticks and squeezes in behind me before the door is shut. I set Tatum on the lid of the toilet and crouch down in front of her, not sure how to tamp down my panic. “You’re pregnant?”
Her eyes are glassy, her cheeks flaming red. Her tears break the barrier of her lower lids and roll down. “I’m pregnant.” Looking at Natalie, she asks, “Who are those people?”
“It’s a surprise party.”
Tatum drops her head into her hands, and her mortification is seared into her face before it’s hidden from view. “Oh my God. Everyone knows now.” She looks back up, and her anger takes over. “A surprise party for who?”
“You,” Natalie replies, half-heartedly. “I’m so sorry. We were trying to surprise you, and I thought it would cheer you up. Harrison was in charge of getting you here.”
A hard glare hits me, and Tatum says, “You knew? You knew, and you let me make a fool of myself.” When she stands up, we all shift around the small space to give her room. Poking me in the chest, she says, “You knew, and you let me announce to the world that I’m pregnant?”
“How was I supposed to know you were in here taking a pregnancy test? I thought you just had irritable bowel syndrome from the fish.”
“What fish?” Natalie asks.
“Langley’s on 10 th ,” I reply.
“I love that place. The tilapia is chef’s kiss,” she says.
Tatum crosses her arms over her chest and looks away as though she can’t stand the mere sight of me. “It was off, okay? It was tasteless.” Indignant in her stance, she has her chin raised to the ceiling, even refusing to make eye contact with her friend.
I recognize the signs of her walls going up.
By how Natalie moves closer, she does, too. “Tate, you’re pregnant.” Taking her wrists from their crossed position, Natalie holds her hands. Her smile is kind, and her eyes are full of some understanding I’m not privy to. “Look at me.”
Envy courses through me when Tatum follows through with the request. I don’t know if she’d do the same for me. Tatum asks, “What?”
“You’re pregnant,” Natalie repeats, sounding it out even slower this time as if Tatum needs to let it sink in.
Maybe she does. I do.
Maybe she’s in shock. I am.
When Tatum turns to me instead of Natalie, she says, “I’m pregnant.” Her tone is hard to read, but I’m sure she’s feeling a million different emotions like me. Even though she’s said it a few times now, I’m still lost to how I’m supposed to feel and find myself waiting for her to give me some indication. “Harrison?”
“Yeah,” I say, numb at the moment.
She comes to me, wrapping her arms around my middle and resting her cheek on my chest. “Are you all right?”
Natalie moves to the door. “I’ll leave you two to talk.”
When the door closes behind her, I lean against it thinking I might need the support. “Harrison?” she asks, her voice quieter than a whisper.
I look down into her soulful browns, the tears not so prevalent now. She caresses my face, and I close my eyes, leaning into it. “I need a sec.”
“Me too, but I didn’t get it.”
When I open my eyes, I see the smallest of smiles before she hugs me again. I hold her, embracing her and keeping her as close as I can. “I’m sure that was shocking to experience, especially alone.”
“I chose to be alone. I wish I hadn’t.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she asks, resting her chin on my chest and looking up.
“The surprise and not warning you.”
“If you would’ve warned me, it would have ruined the surprise.” She laughs humorlessly and then leans against me, this time facing the mirror. “I guess we were both surprised.”
“Tatum,” I say, shifting to the side to put space between us. Not to push her away but I need room to think. “I don’t know what to say or ask. I’m confused. You’re on the pill.”
“I am. I missed a day but made up for it the next. I just . . .” She sits back down on the toilet again. “I don’t have an explanation, Harrison.” Picking up one of the sticks, she stares at it a minute before breaking down in tears.
Quick to kneel before her, I bring her to my shoulder, holding her and letting her comfort me. “It will be okay, Tate. I promise it will be.”
It takes another minute before she swipes toilet paper to wipe under her eyes and looks up. I hate that her makeup is messed up, knowing that will only add to her upset.
“There’s a house full of people out there waiting to see me, and I’m a mess—my face and my emotions,” she says.
“We don’t have to stay. We’ll go. Everyone out there will understand.”
“They’ll understand because I just announced to everyone that I’m pregnant. Oh God.” She drops her head into her hands again. Speaking through her fingers, she says, “I can never leave this bathroom again. Just have my mail forwarded. Do you think I can get food delivery in here?”
As much as I like that her sense of humor is intact, I worry that she’s not fully processing what’s happening. “If Natalie is the delivery person.” Taking her hands away from her face, I then ask, “Did you know at dinner? Is that what was on your mind?”
“No. If I had, I wouldn’t have announced my pregnancy to a room full of people.” Her arm flies out. “I don’t even know who’s out there. Please tell me not my parents.”
“I don’t know.” I take her spot on the toilet, needing to get my thoughts on this situation together. When I scrub my hands over my face, I feel her standing against me.
She takes one of my hands and opens it to expose the palm. Her lips press to the skin, the kiss unhurried, her lips lingering. I watch her kneeling before me with her eyes closed, taking in everything about me, and notice how our roles have changed.
When she looks up, she asks, “Are you okay?”
“You’re pregnant, and you’re asking me if I’m okay?”
“Yes.” Worry weaves through her eyes as she stares into mine.
How can she even think of me at this time? I caress her cheek, seeing the change in her happening before my eyes. “I’ll be okay. How about you?”
“A little numb. A little okay.”
It’s not what I expected from her. This news is . . . well, not what I thought I’d hear for years. “What do you want to do?”
“I’m thinking I need to face my demons and join the party. They already know, so maybe I should join the party and have a laugh with them.”
“Laugh?” I ask before realizing who they really are to her. “Maybe so. They’re your friends who care most about your well-being.”
A beat doesn’t pass before she picks up on what I said. “Friends, not family?”
“I don’t know, Tatum. I didn’t put the party together.” Angling toward the door, I add, “I can go do reconnaissance.”
Nodding, she adds, “And can you ask Natalie to bring some of her makeup?”
“Sure.” I open the door and look out. Natalie is leaning against the wall with a clear bin in her hands. I still close the door behind me, needing to talk to Natalie alone for a minute. “Are her parents here?”
“No,” she whispers. “I got a card, though.”
Hrm. I’m not sure how she’s going to feel about that. Yes, she’s embarrassed over the pregnancy announcement, but I’d like to know what their excuse is for missing her birthday? That seems like a lot to deal with at this moment, though. “She wants makeup.”
Holding up the small bin, she grins—not full of happiness like it should be on this occasion but sympathy instead. “I got her covered.”
I see Nick across the way. He’s sitting like a nervous soon-to-be dad in a waiting room.
“Is she sure she wants to have this party? Everyone will understand if she wants to leave,” Natalie asks.
“I don’t know. Whatever she wants is probably best.”
I exhale when my chest gets tight. Rubbing over the knot with my fist, I take another breath.
“Are you okay, Harrison?”
“Me? I’m fine.” I hate that she felt the need to even ask. That makes me wonder what clues she picked up on. I move out of her way. “I’m going to talk to Nick while Tatum gets ready.”
Before I slip across the entry into the other room, I feel her hand on my back. When I turn, she says, “It’s all right not to know how to feel. It’s a surprise for both of you.”
My throat feels thick when I swallow, and my mind is muddled. I nod, but I’m not sure why. I just know I need fresh air. When I head for the front door, Nick says, “What are you drinking?”
I could be good and order a bottle of water or even a soda. But I know damn well that I need something stronger. “My usual.” When I step onto the stoop, it feels like a lot of night has passed though it’s still young. I sit on the top step and look down at the sidewalk, trying to wrap my head around the facts of what just happened.
Tatum’s pregnant.
I’m going to be a dad. Or maybe she chooses something else . . . That’s a discussion for another day, or at least, not in the middle of her surprise birthday party. I pull out my phone and flip to a few photos taken before I left California. It was an impromptu going away dinner with just my family.
It didn’t matter that I reminded them I’ll be flying back and forth. My sister took the lead and organized for all of us to get together. A photo of my niece and baby sister smiling like goofballs fills the screen. A lot has happened since Catalina, and I need to figure out how best to handle this.
“Harry, I need your help?” my sister says. It sounds like she’s crying though, which isn’t like her.
“Are you okay?” I ask, already knowing the answer.
I try to shake the memory of that night . . . and let what’s happening right in front of me guide my reaction.
This is about the woman I’m dating being pregnant with mine. We may have been doing it like rabbits, but none of this makes sense. The door opens behind me, and I’m quick to shove my phone back in my pocket. “Was that Madison?” Nick asks, closing the door.
“And Harlow.”
He knows why I was looking. They’d be the first people I’d think of after Tatum in this situation. Handing me a glass of whiskey, he sits on the other side of the landing, leaning against the concrete balusters. I take several sips noticing the soda is on the lighter side. I don’t mind and take another. “So Tatum’s pregnant.” We might as well just get it out there.
A slow exhale then has him replying, “So I heard.”
“Everyone did.” I roll my eyes. If I embarrassed easily, this would be the time. Fortunately, I don’t. “I think I would have preferred being told in private first.”
“Sorry you had to hear it that way. It won’t change things, but there are not that many people. Natalie kept the list on the smaller side. A few left, thinking it best to call it a night like Jackson and his date, a few co-workers of theirs. Look, Harrison, a lot can happen?—”
“A lot has happened.” My confusion wrinkles my brow. I’m not stupid. I say, “We’ve been driving this relationship at warp speed like we wouldn’t get a second chance.”
“This is your second chance. You’re in it.”
Looking down at the glass in my hand, I nod. “Second chance.” I glance over at him. “I’m not sure what Tatum will do . . . I just . . .” I take a long pull from the glass and rub my hand over my head as I swallow the liquor. “What do we do?”
“I’m no expert. I’m just some old married guy, but take it day by day, hour by hour if you need to. This isn’t about anyone but the two of you.”
“I don’t know if she’ll keep the baby or . . .” I empty the glass. Maybe I shouldn’t have had a drink when Tatum doesn’t have the luxury of numbing her thoughts the same way, but I’m considering another. “My heart is fucked up over this. I don’t want to be put in the position?—”
“Minute by minute if that’s what it takes, brother.” He stands, taking a sip of his drink before looking up at the night sky. “I think we should shut down the party.”
“It’s not my call.”
We go back inside to find Tatum holding a glass of water in one hand and a steak fry in the other while talking to Andrew and Juni. Natalie is bustling around with the remaining guests mingling, the conversations and laughter overshadowing the music playing in the background.
By looking at the scene, no one acts as though anything happened out of the ordinary. I’m struck by the casual mask everyone’s wearing as if they didn’t just find out Tatum’s pregnant at the same time I did.
Tatum looks back and sees me. A gentle smile graces her lips before she sets her drink down and comes over, her hand resting against my chest. She looks up, her cheeks slightly pink from the cry she had earlier. “Are you okay?”
Nick squeezes my shoulder as he walks through to the other room.
I cover Tatum’s hand, wrapping my fingers around hers, and then slowly nod. “I’m . . . confused.”
“So am I.”
Wanting to reassure her, I force a smile. “Surprise. It’s your birthday party.”
Her expression softens. “You listened to me gripe about that and didn’t say a word. You’re very good at keeping secrets, Mr. Decker.”
“So are you.” I don’t intend it as a jab, and nothing in my tone would say otherwise.
That doesn’t stop the slight cringing I see around her eyes and mouth. “I think we need to talk, and this,” she says, glancing back over her shoulder at the other guests, “this isn’t the place.”
“If you want to stay, we can.”
“I feel like a rain check might be in order. They’ll understand.” She pulls away to leave, but I keep holding her hand. It’s not that I only like the feel of it in mine. I need this connection. I need her.
Turning back, she gives me a smile. “It’s okay, Harrison.”
I’m not sure when the roles we played reversed, but I feel better as if we’re in this together.
I release her hand, but when she walks away, my gut twists, still unsettled.