Chapter 28 Lincoln
LINCOLN
@theanswerisno:
Wanna play?
@pancakesareelite:
theanswerisyes
@theanswerisno:
You’re agreeing and you don’t even know which game.
@pancakesareelite:
Link, by now you should realize I’ll play anything with you, at any time
@pancakesareelite:
Except DotA
@theanswerisno:
Well, now that’s all I want to play
@pancakesareelite:
ffs
At some point, the pleasure started to feel like pain.
Wanting Elizabeth to touch me when it felt like I may die because of it was masochistic.
“Do you want to turn around? I could do your chest.” Her voice was filled with the playful flirtation I dreamed of. Or imagined.
“No.” The word came out clipped and fast. I couldn’t look at her. She’d see the flush of my cheeks, the craving in my eyes. I didn’t need her to see that. Not at all.
Her hands pressed against my lower back, sliding down to my sides where her fingers applied a pressure that nearly had me combusting.
“That’s enough.” I panicked and shifted away ever so slightly. My heart raced, and my thoughts were fuzzy. I could not do this with my intern. No. No. No. “Luis should take you home now. It’s getting late, and you need to be in the office bright and early with those corrections.”
“Um…” She stumbled on her words. The mattress dipped as she moved away. “Okay.”
I wouldn’t dare look up. Never in my life had I felt this way. I didn’t know I could feel this way.
As soon as she was out of the room and I was sure I’d heard the door close, I hopped up and sat upright. I grabbed my glasses off the bedside table and put them on so everything could come into focus. Maybe it would help focus my brain too.
The pain in my back had been helped by the meds and her surprising set of skills, but it still threatened to return.
I had to take more medication and sleep it off. But not in these jeans. I undid my pants.
Elizabeth burst back into the room. “Lincoln, I’m sorry if I—”
“Elizabeth!” My hands frantically wrenched the zipper up. I spun around. My skin burned. My chest tightened. Everything was impossibly hot.
“Sorry!” she yelled, and swung the door closed with a loud bang.
I collapsed onto the bed and remained there unmoving, wondering how difficult it may be to find a new job and never return to my old one.
“I wasn’t expecting you,” Claire said when I walked into Rose and William’s apartment. “You’re usually running or working extra hours no one’s asked for.”
“Took a personal day” was all I said. They didn’t need to know that I was scared of seeing Elizabeth after yesterday. Mixed in with that anxiety was knowing Lily was scared of seeing me. I needed a distraction. “How can I help?”
There were keyrings, stickers, coupons for the Overpower video game, and themed T-shirts scattered across the floor. Rose sat in the center with a bunch of gift bags.
“For me?” Rose glanced upward. “You’ve never taken off work for any reason. I won’t flatter myself into thinking it was to come over and get a head start on Overpower promo.”
“Does it matter why I’m here? Or does it only matter that I’m here and your bags will get packed?” I sat on the edge of the circle, and Rose tossed a bag at me.
Claire’s eyes narrowed. “William said you two were playing DotA all night. Which is why he’s still asleep. You don’t have kids, you should be asleep.” Her expression turned to concern. “Something’s off. Are you sick?”
“Everything’s okay,” I said. A lie. Everything was not okay. “I, um… needed some time off.”
“Tell me the truth.” She sighed, dropping her gift bag in her lap.
“No.”
“Tell me.”
“No.”
“Lincoln.” Claire crawled over and poked my ribs. “I’m your best friend. We have no secrets.”
I shoved a T-shirt into the bag, and the truth spilled out of me. “Elizabeth gave me a massage; then she left the room and wasn’t supposed to come back but she did, and I was busy taking off my pants…”
They gasped.
“Because the pants were uncomfortable!” I groaned and dropped my head into my hands. “I was going to sleep, and I can’t sleep in jeans, but I don’t know how much she saw or what she’s thinking. I panicked, and she panicked, and I…”
There was a beat of silence before shrill laughter surrounded me.
“I hate both of you,” I said. “You tell me that I never open up, and now I’m opening up, and I don’t know what is and isn’t appropriate to share. That’s why it’s easier not to.”
“I, for one, am happy to know you get as flustered as I do when I have a crush,” Rose said as she composed herself, only to start giggling again.
Claire dropped her hands from her mouth. “Oh my goodness, wait, what? Backtrack. She was giving you a massage?”
“Uh, yeah. My back was hurting.” My face was hot and I was deeply uncomfortable, but a part of me, for the first time ever, wanted these two to weigh in. To help me make sense of… their own kind, I suppose. I don’t know what women want. I never cared but now… I did.
With this one woman, at least.
“So, you’re worried she saw your hobnob. That’s not so bad.” Rose lifted the oat cookie she was eating.
“I had underwear on, of course. Who doesn’t wear underwear?” I said, and that made everything worse. Did she see my boxer briefs? “She’s my intern.”
“Who willingly gave you a massage.” Claire folded her arms across her chest. “Unless you instructed her to do that, which would be creepy. Please say you didn’t do that.”
I grabbed an empty gift bag. “No. Of course not. She offered.” I inhaled a deep breath. “Because of my back. I think she felt guilty because she thought it was hurting after I’d carried her.”
Rose squeaked. “Carried? Lincoln Carden, go back, go back, go back.”
“What?” Claire’s jaw dropped. Had we been in a nineties cartoon, I’d have had to lift it up from the ground and reattach it.
“She fell.” I groaned. “Never mind. Forget I said anything. I’m going to resign. It’s fine. I don’t need that job. There are others.”
Rose laughed so much that she leaned against Claire for support. But it was no good because Claire was laughing too. I nearly joined in.
Claire cleared her throat and reached out to squeeze my arm. “Personally, I wouldn’t offer my boss a massage unless I was attracted to him or I was like… a masseuse or something.”
“She is a masseuse,” I replied, and pulled the paper gift bag over my head.
They may never stop laughing.
One of them pinched me. “Listen,” Rose said, “if she came back into the room, it means she wanted to see you, and that probably means she was looking at your face. I bet she didn’t see anything.”
Another pinch. This time softer. Must be Claire. “Lincoln, I swear, she’s not going to make a big deal out of it unless you get weird. Don’t get weird. Taking off work after that is a little weird.”
“I panicked, and I think it may have come across as mean.” I removed the paper bag so I could attempt to breathe.
Claire and Rose both sat with their arms crossed in front of me. “Apologize, then.”
I stared at them for a second. Was it really that simple?
Claire nudged me. “So we weren’t wrong? You do have a crush on her?”
“It’s not a crush,” I choked out, and considered hiding in a gift bag again.
“It’s more?”
“It’s everything.” I stood, the admission knocked the stupidity out of me. “I have to get back to work. I have to see her and apologize.” I grabbed my keys and wallet. “I’ll see you tonight.” Panic zoomed through me, and my hand shot up to my face. “Oh no. Tonight. The LAN’s tonight.”
“Whoop. You’ve just remembered Lily, haven’t you?” Claire asked.
Fear set my bones in place as I thought of her last message. She was scared of meeting me. And I was chasing after another woman on the day I’d be meeting her?
This wasn’t right.
I nodded.
“Oh,” Claire said.
“Oh,” Rose repeated.
“Go, go,” Claire said. “Go and see Elizabeth.”
“But Lily?” I choked out.
“One at a time, player.” Rose threw herself around my neck for a tight hug. “Good luck. If you miss the launch because you’re confessing your love to someone, I’ll forgive you.”
“I’ll be there.” I paused and mumbled to myself, “I have to be.”
“Hey, Lincoln,” Claire called as I reached the door. “Take a breath. Follow her lead. Be yourself.”