Chapter 3 Nick
three
Nick
“So, what’s the latest body count?” Avy asks as soon as I sit down at the table with my friends.
I roll my eyes and look around for the waiter so I can order a drink.
These are the people I’m closest to, the ones I’ve known since elementary school and who know me best. Most of the time, it’s great that we’ve stayed so close, getting together as a whole group at least once or twice a month.
Having people who share my history, who know who I am and all my stories is fantastic, but sometimes it feels like I’m stuck in the role I filled as a teenager, and they won’t ever see me any other way.
Not that I usually mind because it’s true more often than not, and I can be counted on to share enough details of my escapades to let the more pedestrian members of our group live vicariously.
But not tonight. It’s been two weeks since my disastrous failure, and I still can’t shake the sting of it or the fear it will happen again.
My last regular fuck buddy went and fell in love with his housemate about a year ago, and then there was a total trainwreck of a relationship that ended with my ex in handcuffs because her idea of breaking up was to trash my car.
So, I’ve been finding people through the apps.
Only, I haven’t been able to bring myself to hook up with anyone just in case I have the same issue I had before.
Avy nudges my shoulder and raises an eyebrow at me. I sigh and give him what he wants.
“Still impressive,” I say. “And getting bigger.”
It’s the first time in my life I’ve lied to my friends about my sex life, but Avy high fives me and says, “Of course, it is.”
Thankfully, the waiter shows up so I can order the first of what I know will be several beers.
Talk goes on around me, but I’m only half-listening.
Ty and Cam are, of course, sitting so close together at the other end of the table they might as well be the same person.
We’re waiting for them to announce their engagement any day now.
Min tried to organize a betting pool for when we think it’ll happen, but every one of us chose Valentine’s Day because that will be Ty and Cam’s one-year anniversary, so Min gave up.
I mean, it has to be, right? They’ve got the best meet-cute story, having ended up seated next to each other for jury duty on a trial that ended on, you guessed it, Valentine’s Day.
From the night we all met Cam, it was obvious Ty was head-over-heels for him, and that was before they’d even gotten to know each other.
I figure we’ll all get the ring pic from Ty in a few months when the hearts and flowers day rolls around again.
Knowing the two of them, it’s going to be one of those adorably cute proposals I’ve seen on Insta where they both try to surprise each other with rings and wind up pulling them out at the same time, then crying and hugging and telling each other how perfect they are for one another before professing their undying love and saying how happy they are.
Roman slides into the seat next to mine and unwinds the scarf from around their neck before shrugging out of their jacket. “How’s it going?” they ask, and I tell them that it’s the same old, same old.
“Work, fuck, sleep, and eat,” they say and nod in understanding. It’s my own mantra coming back at me from Roman’s mouth.
“The four main food groups of a balanced life,” I say, and we both laugh.
Despite being the quietest of our group and a direct contrast with myself in terms of relationships and sex—I don’t think Roman’s ever even dated—Roman is the friend I’m closest to in our group, someone I call my bestie because they’ve always gotten me in ways the others don’t. Case in point…
“You doing okay, man? You seem a bit…off.” Roman’s dark eyes meet mine, and their brows crease a little.
I’d tell them in a heartbeat what happened, but I honestly don’t know how Roman would react.
They came out as nonbinary in our senior year of high school, something that surprised no one in our friend group, and have said a few things since then that lead me to believe Roman is ace as well.
So, while Roman might be sympathetic, it’s not the same thing as being able to walk a mile in my shoes.
Honestly, I don’t know if there’s anyone in this group to whom I could confide my failure.
“Yeah. Doing fine,” I say with a shrug. “Just a little stressed at work.”
“I hear that. Christmas shopping has already begun.” Roman owns a bookstore in the Castro.
As much as IT can be a nightmare of dealing with people who don’t understand computers—seriously, how can someone not know you have to plug a computer in?
They run on electricity!—some of the stories Roman tells about entitled, asshole customers make me thankful I don’t work in retail.
Roman signals to the waiter and orders a vodka rocks when he comes over.
I ask for another beer, and we settle in for our friend evening.
Conversation flows freely between us all, side discussions forming between various members of the group—Min and Avy are the worst offenders, especially when they’re seated next to each other—before returning to the topic at hand.
As we’re tucking into our entrees, Min turns to me and asks if I know anything about the guy who’d gotten murdered a block from my building about two weeks before.
I shake my head as someone asks what happened.
Min shrugs her shoulders. “Don’t know. There was just a guy handing out flyers near Philz in the Castro asking if anyone had seen his brother the afternoon of the twelfth, said it happened in Hayes Valley.
I looked it up on my phone after, and all I could find was that someone had gotten killed in the alley.
From what the guy said, it doesn’t seem like the police have a lot to go on, so the family’s trying to find anyone who might have witnessed something. ”
Murmurs of “how horrible” float around the table, and I nod in agreement even as I’m remembering the sirens and flashing lights the night of my embarrassing performance issues.
Am I an asshole for finding a tiny bit of comfort in knowing that someone had a worse night than I had?
Probably. But, as quickly as the thought surfaces, I push it away because my issue is irrelevant alongside what this guy’s friends and family must be going through.
A few days later, I’m meeting Ty for coffee so we can go over some stuff for his webcomic.
Ty’s been drawing shit since we were kids, turning all our adventures into comic strips and storylines and making up fantastic worlds and creatures.
He’s insanely talented and the way his webcomic Undercover Ops has been blowing up lately, he’s not going to have to keep working as a graphic designer for much longer.
As our friend group’s resident IT guy, I’m only too happy to help him whenever he’s got a technical or computer issue to figure out.
It’s already earned me a recurring minor character in Ty’s current storyline and a signed print of Cypher X, the character Ty drew for me, which I promptly framed and hung in my bedroom because who wouldn’t want to be a badass and built special ops guy with mad hacking skills?
Since Ty moved in with Cam, he lives within walking distance of my neighborhood, so we’re meeting at Loquat because he cannot get enough of their salted chocolate babka.
I don’t begrudge him because it means I can indulge in the pine nut and bay leaf tart along with some of the best coffee in the city, in my humble opinion.
I get there early so I can grab a good table, then order my coffee and open up my laptop to answer emails until Ty gets there about ten minutes later. He stops by the counter to place his order, then joins me at the back corner table.
“Nice spot,” he says as he slides his messenger bag off his shoulder. His cheeks are pink from walking in the brisk morning air, but I know the sparkle in his eyes can only come from Cam.
“You look happy,” I say as he sits next to me. “Wake up on the right side of the bed?”
Ty’s cold-blushed cheeks turn a darker color, and he bites his lower lip as he ducks his head. “I always do,” he says, but there’s no tease in his voice, no smugness. He’s dead-set serious, and I feel a tiny stab of envy that Ty’s the first of us to find what looks like a permanent thing.
If I’d had to place a bet, I would have chosen Dan to be the first. He had a girlfriend all through senior year in high school and another his sophomore and junior year in college.
I don’t think he’s ever had a hookup. The question is out of my mouth before I can think, and Ty flushes all over again, but this time he shakes his head at me.
“Jeez, Nick, is that all you ever think about?” The server places Ty’s order on the table in front of him, and Ty takes a moment to savor his first sip of coffee. “And, for the record, I don’t think so, but it’s not something we discuss that often.”
“But, you do discuss it.” I wink at him. Teasing Ty has always been one of my favorite things to do because he gets flustered so easily.
“You’re a pain in the ass.”
“Most of the time,” I say and laugh when Ty sputters on his next sip of coffee.
“Asshole.”
I hold out my hands in surrender. “You’re making this too easy, but please note the restraint I’m showing.”
“Noted.”
“And, for the record, hookups are not the only thing I ever think about.”
Ty fixes me with his big, blue eyes. “You haven’t told us about any dates lately,” he says. “Are you having a dry spell?”