Chapter Nine
Dean
Iwas sitting in a booth with Cole as he asked me a million questions about Mulligan.
Did we really all grow up together? Were we all still best friends?
What kind of a brother was Maverick? What were my parents like?
Did I like touring? What was it like living in California?
I didn’t mind. Cole was a great kid. He reminded me a little of myself when I was his age.
And now that he seemed to have gotten over his shyness, he wasn’t holding anything back.
“You and Maverick look like you could be twins,” Cole commented as he scrolled through my IG feed on his phone, occasionally stopping to take a sip of his soda. “Even more now that you dyed your hair back.”
I wondered if it would be weird if I followed him back. That would be something I’d have to talk to his father about. People might notice, and I didn’t want to bring any unwanted attention to either of us.
I smiled. “He’s two years older, but yeah. We look exactly like our mom.”
I didn’t talk much about my parents. That was something Mav and I both agreed on when the band blew up.
To keep that part of our lives private. The religious shit that they shoved down our throats and what our father did to Maverick.
.. Goosebumps broke out over my skin, and I rubbed my hands over my arms to push the memories out of my mind.
“We had a falling out, but we’re cool now. I hope we become as close as we used to be growing up. Maverick was the best brother.”
“That means you’ll be around more, right? Now that Jax and Maverick are together?” Cole chewed nervously on his bottom lip as he watched me with wide blue eyes. He looked a lot like Beau, but I saw a little of his mother in there, too.
I nodded. “I hope so. I’ve missed bonding time with him, and we have a lot to catch up on.
I had no idea that he and Jax were a thing back then.
But everything makes so much sense now.” Guilt niggled into my brain.
If I had known, could I have helped my brother?
Would he and Jax have been able to work things out? Would Maverick have been less angry?
“Cool, maybe we can hang out or something, too.” Cole blushed and glanced back at his phone. “So, uh, do you date much?”
Oh dear. I had a feeling Cole had some sort of crush on me. “Not really.” I glanced across the table to find Beau watching with a small smile on his lips. “I don’t really have time for it. Though I suppose if I find the right person, things could change.”
“That makes sense,” Cole agreed. “I’d like to find someone. I mean, when I’m older. You know, someone who’s a friend first. Someone who makes me laugh. Who I can be myself around. Who wants the same things in life that I want.”
I felt a foot rub over my shin, and I knew it was Beau. “Anyone at school you might have that with?”
“Nah, all my bros are already seeing someone. And the girls are just... I don’t know.
.. They all want to hook up in hopes that they can hitch a ride on my coattails when I get drafted, you know?
Or meet my dad.” Cole’s cheeks burned crimson as he reached for his glass.
He took a long sip before he gave me a shy smile.
“It’s fine. I’ll meet someone when the time is right. ”
Beau nodded. “There’s plenty of time for that. You have your whole life ahead of you. But when you meet the right one, you’ll know.”
“Or maybe I’ll be like you, Dad, and be a bachelor for the rest of my life,” Cole teased.
I was happy when the waiter brought our food over, and we all dug in to eat.
I wondered a lot what might have been if Helena hadn’t pushed me away.
Would we have stayed together? Gotten married?
She was happy now, too. She had met someone who truly loved her, and that was all I wanted.
He seemed nice, and Helena deserved the world.
But what about me? Didn’t I deserve the world, too?
“Dean?” I glanced over at Cole. “Are you okay?”
I nodded. “Great, perfect.”
“Is this Killian’s sister?” Cole was looking at my IG again. “Were you two together? There are a lot of pictures—”
“Cole, that’s enough,” Beau warned, and even though I knew he was trying to help, I didn’t mind. Helena and I were still very close.
I waved a hand at him. “It’s fine, really.” I flashed a smile. “Helena and I were together for a little while, but it didn’t work out. We’re still really good friends. We talk and text all the time. And yeah, she’s Killian’s sister.”
“I didn’t mean to upset you.” Cole’s brows dipped, and he picked at one of the fries on his plate. “I’m sorry.”
I looked at Beau, who was staring down at his plate, his foot still running up and down my shin.
“You didn’t upset me, really.” I patted Cole’s arm lightly. “Hey, can I follow you back in Instagram? Dad, is it okay with you?”
“Please?” Cole’s eyes went wide as saucers. “Dad, please?”
Beau nodded. “Of course.”
“Oh my God. My friends are going to be salty af,” Cole whispered.
I chuckled softly. “How about a selfie, too?”
“Yeah. Yeah! Wow, this is literally the best day of my life.” Cole’s eyes were still big and round as he moved closer to me with his phone. When I noticed his hand was shaking, I helped him and took the picture. “Can I tag you?” he asked.
I nodded. “You better.”
I glanced up to find Beau watching us with a look I couldn’t figure out. Was he mad? I hadn’t meant to overstep.
“Thank you,” he mouthed, and I smiled, warmth sinking into my belly. I never thought I would want to please someone as much as I needed to please Beau. “We should probably think about heading home, Cole. It’s getting late, and you have school in the morning.”
Cole nodded. “Right.”
The ride home was quick, and I desperately wanted to kiss Beau goodnight.
I couldn’t, though. I gave Cole a fist bump with a promise to come by again before I left, and Beau gave me a smile and a nod, but nothing more.
A feeling of sadness built inside of me as I waited for the elevator, until I heard the door of Beau’s apartment open, and then he was kissing me, pushing me against the wall and shoving his tongue inside my mouth, his big hands cradling my head.
“I don’t know what you’re doing to me, Dean Frost, but I don’t hate it.” He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. “Promise me you won’t go back to California without saying goodbye. The team is going away for a few days, but I just... I need to see you again.”
I carded my fingers through Beau’s soft, dark hair. “I promise.”
And then he was gone again, leaving me with my thoughts and a boner I tried to force down. I quietly made my way into Jackson’s apartment. I grabbed myself a bottle of water and went to sit down on the couch, only to find my brother watching me from the doorway.
“Jesus Christ, you can’t just sneak up on me like that.” I dropped my hand over my heart as it thumped wildly against my chest.
“Mm, can’t I?” Maverick popped a brow at me. “Have fun tonight?” He giggled and then hugged me, like he hadn’t seen me in months. “You like him.” He cupped my face in his hands, the coolness of his skin making me break out in goosebumps.
I nodded. “Probably more than I should.” It was on the tip of my tongue to bring up Cole; but did Maverick know about him? I decided not to say anything.
“And? How does Beau feel?” My brother dropped onto the couch and patted the spot next to him.
I sighed softly as I joined him. “He’s not ready for a relationship.”
“And you are?”
“I think I am.”
Maverick stared at me, his emerald eyes searching my face. “Have you tried talking to him? Maybe tell him how you feel and see what might happen? Maybe he’d consider it if Beau knew you were interested in pursuing this thing between the two of you.”
“Beau isn’t ready to come out yet.” And honestly, I didn’t care. If my sexuality was a problem for people, that wasn’t because of me. “I have to respect that.”
Maverick twisted his small frame toward me and tucked his legs under his bottom.
“And he has a son he’s trying to protect.
” He chuckled softly. “Don’t look so surprised.
It’s not exactly a secret that Beau has a son.
He just doesn’t parade him around in front of everyone.
I’d probably do the same if I was a father. I’d want to protect my kids, too.”
“Me, too.” Not that I ever planned on having children. “You look happy, Mav.”
And he did. The light had come back into his eyes, and the permanent scowl he usually wore had been replaced by a shy smile.
The tips of his ears turned pink. “Because I am.”
“I wish you would have told me. About Jackson and what you were going through.”
“I should have. I was so fucked up over what Mom and Dad had drilled into my head that I was terrified to be myself.”
Maverick’s eyes went wide as his nostril’s flared. “Look at you now, though.” My eyes dropped to the ring on his left hand. Would I ever find what he and Jackson had? A friend and a lover?
Footsteps echoed down the hallway, and we both turned as Jackson appeared. His auburn curls were a mess on top of his head as he approached Maverick with the air of sleep in his dark eyes.
“Sweetheart, it’s late. Come to bed.”
“We’ll hang out tomorrow, okay?” Maverick assured me and gave me a quick hug when we both stood up. Then he squealed with laughter as Jackson hauled him up into his arms. “Goodnight!” he called out to me.
It felt like it took forever for sleep to find me that night once I settled in on the couch. And when it did come, I dreamed of a big house by the water where Beau greeted me at the door when I came home. Where we were both happy together.