Chapter Eleven
Beau
Iwas getting too old for this. There was no other way to explain why I was so exhausted, grumpy, and moody during this road trip with the Terriers.
I just wanted to get back home to Boston, my son, and Dean.
No, not Dean. We weren’t a couple. We weren’t.
.. Well, I didn’t think we were anything.
But we were texting a lot more than we probably should have been.
And he posted a lot of pictures on his Instagram account that I liked even though I shouldn’t have.
I hardly used my own account. I posted an occasional photo around the beginning of the season, reposted things to my story from the official Terriers account, and a few odds and ends from time to time because it was something I was expected to do.
Yet now I found myself uploading pictures from our road trip.
Little things that caught my attention. Things I thought maybe Dean would like.
And ones that made me think of Dean.
“You good?” Jackson asked as we changed after the game. We had lost to Colorado, and I was starting to think it might be time to hang up my skates. Before I had no choice and was forced out.
I shrugged. “Tired.”
My gaze traveled over to where two of our teammates stood laughing and making goo-goo eyes at one another.
Like we didn’t know they were fucking. Wyatt Murray, our right defenseman and Asher Andrews, our left winger and alternate captain, were clearly more than just friends.
It was in the way one would smile at the other or how they found a reason to touch for no reason.
Something was going on here. Something that felt like it was going to end badly.
“You notice it, too?” Jackson murmured as he put on his suit. “They’re not exactly being incognito about it.”
Maybe I was a little jealous. Having that feeling with someone. Would it be that bad to let the world know I was bisexual? Maybe I should tell Cole first, just to see how my son reacted.
“They look happy.”
And I wanted that, too. Someone I could be myself with.
“Is this thing between Dean and you serious?” Jackson’s question caught me off guard. When I glanced up at him, he raised his brows. “It’s okay if it is. I know I was dick about it at first, but I really had no right to be. I just don’t want either of you to get hurt.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think what you’re trying not to say is that you’re worried that I’m going to end up breaking Dean’s heart. Which I have no intention of doing.” I held up a hand to stop him from interrupting. “We’re having fun. Isn’t that enough?”
“Mav said Dean hasn’t stopped talking about you since that night he met Cole. He likes your kid, too. Maybe this is your chance, Beau.”
My eyes suddenly blurred. “My chance for what?”
“At happiness again. I know what you’re going through. I thought I had lost Mav—”
“Maverick didn’t die, Jackson.”
“Shit.” Jackson sat back on the bench next to me. “Is that what this is really about? You’re afraid to get close to anyone, not just Dean, because of what happened to Trish? I know that you miss her, but maybe this is the universe telling you that it’s time to move on.”
“Maybe.” My nose stung, and I tried to blink away the tears.
It was suddenly eerily silent in the locker room.
When I glanced around, I realized we were the only two left.
“What if, and this is a big one, we do fall in love? And then Dean gets sick, and I can’t save him.
I don’t want to go through that kind of pain again.
Or put Cole through it. He was young when his mother got sick.
He’s not a baby anymore. I’d have to be strong for both of us. I’m not sure I can do that again.”
And there it was. I was terrified to fall in love with someone, only to lose them again.
Jackson stood up. “Come on.” He waved a hand at me. “Get dressed. We’re going to have a drink. You need to relax.” He slid his phone out of his pocket and sent off a text. “I’m serious, Beau. Let’s go.”
I didn’t say anything else as I did as he told me.
JACKSON GRINNED AT me as I tossed the shot back and winced as the vodka burned its way down my throat.
I wasn’t sure what number that was, but it was starting to make me feel a little better.
My head was lighter, and my body was all mushy.
Like my bones were made of liquid. I didn’t normally get loose like this.
I was the adult here. The captain of the team, and I acted like it.
“Better?” Jax chuckled as I grabbed the bottle of vodka, poured another shot, and downed it.
I nodded. “Much, thanks.” But the urge to talk to Dean hit me. “Would it be bad if I texted Dean right now? I haven’t felt this way about someone in a long time. I don’t want to be rude.”
“As long as I can text Maverick.” Jackson was already sliding his phone from his pocket, and his eyes lit up. It was nice to see my friend so happy again. Like he was finally whole. I hadn’t realized that was missing from his life until Maverick showed up.
I was surprised to find several texts from Dean when I unlocked my phone, and I couldn’t stop the smile that spread over my face. A weird tingling feeling buzzed deep inside my body. Was he thinking about me, too? Or was it just a happy coincidence?
Dean: Good game tonight. I wish I could have been there in person to watch.
Dean: Maverick and I watched together; in case you were wondering.
Dean: You’re probably out with the team now.
Dean: I told Helena about you. I hope that’s okay.
Dean: She won’t tell anyone.
Dean: Jesus, now I’m coming off like a stalker
Dean: I’ll stop now.
Beau: You watched my game, Pink?
Dean: Is that bad? Do you not want me to watch your games?
Beau: No, I like it. It’s hot, actually.
Dean: It’s hot?
Beau: So hot. A huge turn on.
“I’m heading back to my room.” I glanced up at Jackson as he climbed to his feet. “Don’t drink too much, or you’ll regret it in the morning. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the bill.”
I grinned. “Have fun with Maverick. Isn’t Wyatt your roommate? Don’t be too loud, or you might wake him.” Although I was sure he was spending the night with Asher.
“It’s not... You know what?” He shot me the middle finger, then threw back his head and laughed, leaving me alone.
Dean: I think Maverick just snuck off to his room to have phone sex with Jackson. He turned about a hundred shades of red as he made an excuse that he was tired and pretended to yawn.
I snorted and shook my head before my dick started to think about what that would be like with Dean. Would he even be interested in something like that?
Beau: I think you might be right. Jackson couldn’t get out of here fast enough.
Dean: Too bad we couldn’t do that.
Beau: We could. If you wanted. I could give you the code to my apartment. Cole is with his grandparents until I get back.
Dean: Really? You trust me in your place? I mean, I wouldn’t snoop or anything.
This was a bad idea. I really shouldn’t lead Dean on like this.
I was supposed to be breaking things off with him, not letting him into my apartment so we could jerk off together.
But the idea was now in my head, and my cock was so hard it hurt.
And the thought of him in my bed, moaning my name as he thought about me and maybe sleeping there was too good of a thing to pass up.
I would have the scent of him in my sheets when I returned home.
Beau: Yeah, Pink, I trust you. How about you head upstairs and into my room? Strip off all your clothes, and I’ll video call you once I get to my hotel room. I don’t have a roommate, so I can be as loud as I want.
Dean: Fuck.
Beau: Someday, yes, but not tonight.
Dean: I’ve never had sex with a man before. You’d have to show me how if we ever get that far.
Beau: And I will. Someday soon.
I texted him the code to my place, made him promise to be naked when I called him, and then headed up to my hotel room. Maybe it was the booze talking, but I didn’t care. The thought of seeing Dean Frost naked again was too good to pass up.