Chapter Fifty-One
Dean
The first mistake I made after leaving Boston was letting someone else touch my hair.
I thought dying it pink was a great idea because, well, Beau called me pink, and I thought he would get a kick out of it.
It wasn’t a good look for me. It washed out my skin, and I hated it. Sam was going to be so mad at me.
The second mistake was going with my brother to surprise his new best friend for Christmas.
Ezra was... Wow. Extra. He was bright, loud, and very cuddly.
Not that there was something wrong with that, but he kept touching me.
Holding my hand. And he called everyone boo.
Like all the time. Ezra was very nice. Overly nice, even.
But he was a whirlwind of excitement, and by the time Christmas was over, I was exhausted.
All of Mav’s new friends were great. Ezra’s friend, Seth.
Ezra’s fiancé, Carson, the NASCAR driver.
And his friends, Holt and Watson. And Andy’s boyfriend, Leo, and his brother, Noel, who was also a NASCAR driver.
I was pretty sure something was going on with Wyatt and Noel, but I wasn’t sure yet.
Now we were all sitting around the house that Killian and Matthias had rented, nearly everyone coupled up, and I was regretting leaving my boyfriend behind.
I knew it had to be done. I knew taking a step back from our relationship was a good idea, because it had made me realize just how much I loved him.
I was furious at Beau for asking me to marry him the way he had.
Who does that? And I missed Cole. I loved them both, and I wanted them in my life.
Watching the way my brother fussed over Andy was enough to make me realize I wanted a child of my own, even if he was a broody seventeen-year-old who was going off to college next year.
“Like we all don’t know the two of you got married,” Jackson blurted out. “Matthias told the WAGs. Maverick keeps nothing from me.” He leaned his head back, and I watched as my brother combed his fingers through his curls.
My stomach dropped. Killian and Matty got married? And he didn’t tell me. That kind of felt worse than me not telling him about Beau.
Killian huffed as he narrowed his eyes. “Really, babe?”
“It just slipped out, Kill. Besides, I want to be able to call you my husband. Everyone else gets that.” He pouted as Killian leaned forward to kiss him.
“Like I could stay mad at you,” he murmured. He climbed to his feet to pull his phone from his pocket. “Merry Christmas, Josie.” He started to walk out of the room.
Everyone’s eyes immediately went to Matthias. “Josie?” Ezra asked.
“She’s a friend,” he assured us. “Don’t give me that look. I trust my husband. Finally! I can say that now.” A dreamy look appeared on his face, and even though I was upset, it was nice to see him so happy. He had waited a long time for Killian. They were so happy together.
Ezra leaned forward. “Who is she, though? You’re not worried that—”
“Sometimes you are the biggest troublemaker.” Killian pointed his phone at Ezra when he stepped back into the room. “If I didn’t like you, Ezra, I swear...” He sounded pissed.
“Watch it,” Carson growled.
Killian’s blue eyes flashed angrily. “Josie is a woman I met in rehab. She’s my friend, and she’s married. And she’s agreed to be our surrogate.”
“Wait, seriously?” Matthias was off the couch and in Killian’s arms in a flash.
Killian cupped his face in his hands. “Babe, we’re going to be parents.” He kissed him so softly, so lovingly, that my heart nearly melted at how sweet it was. When Matthias buried his face in Killian’s neck, you could feel the angry glare burning from my singer’s eyes.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know,” Ezra murmured.
Killian hugged Matthias closer. “Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure? Because I was a bitch, and I love you guys,” Ezra said softly.
Killian smiled. “We love you, too. LD. Really, no hard feelings.”
“Can I call you Daddy now?” he teased. Which only made me think of Beau.
“Absolutely fucking not,” Kill growled, but when Matthias lifted his head and murmured something in his ear, a flush slipped up his neck and over his face. Then he kissed his husband so hard, I thought he might hurt himself.
I coughed softly. “Wyatt, you seem like you’re holding up all right.”
“Yeah, well, as best as I can, since Asher broke my heart,” Wyatt muttered. “How are you and Beau?”
I dropped my gaze to my lap. “Can we talk about something else?” I made a horrible mistake. I shouldn’t have come here.
“You.” Killian pointed at me. “And me. Now.” He motioned for me to follow him. “I’m not kidding. We need to talk.”
I rolled my eyes. “Says the guy who got married without telling me.”
“I’m not fucking around, Dean. Stand up, or I will carry you. Better yet, I’ll have Jackson do it,” Killian warned.
Jackson wrinkled his nose at the thought. “Don’t involve me in your weird friend rituals.”
“Fine.” I climbed to my feet and dragged a hand through my hideous pink hair before I yanked the elastic off my wrist to pull it into a messy ponytail. “But I’m not talking about Beau.”
“The hell you aren’t.” Killian grunted before he nearly dragged me down the hall and outside into the backyard. “Spill.”
I folded my arms over my chest. “It’s cold out here. Can’t we do this inside?”
“Start fucking talking. Right now. What did he do?” he hissed through clenched teeth.
I felt my eyes burn with tears. “I don’t want to talk about it.
How about we talk about you and Matty becoming dads?
That’s awesome. Or that you didn’t tell me you got married?
Why didn’t you, huh? Were you planning on it?
I’m your best friend. Remember how mad you were that I didn’t tell you about Beau?
This is ten times worse.” My voice cracked, and I turned away so he couldn’t see me cry.
“Shit, man, what happened?” Killian gripped my shoulder.
I brushed the wetness from my cheeks. “Nothing, it’s stupid. I overreacted, and now I regret it.”
“It’s not stupid if you’re this upset.” Killian looked serious when I met his gaze. “Does it have something to do with why your hair is this horrible pink color? Because I have to say, it’s not working for you.” He grinned when I gasped.
I pulled on the elastic, so it fell out of the bun. “It is pretty bad, huh?”
“Green is your color.”
“I thought I would try something new.”
Killian raised his brows. “You should stick with the green.”
“I thought Beau cheated on me,” I blurted, then grimaced when Kill’s eyes went wide and flashed with anger.
“He didn’t. I just jumped to conclusions and made it worse by leaving.
At Christmas. But not before he proposed to me, but I think that was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.
And I just... Shit, I miss him. I miss him, and I feel like part of me is missing.
I fucked up. I fucked up so bad, Kill, and I just.. . I need to fix it.”
He placed both hands on my shoulders. “Take a deep breath, man.” He smiled at me with softness in his blue eyes.
“Better?” I nodded. “Okay, you’ve talked to Beau, right?
Told him how you feel? That you’re sorry about how you thought he cheated and that you know he didn’t?
Good, so maybe go home, right? Go back to Boston and talk to him in person.
Tell him just what you told me. That you love him. ”
“But it’s Christmas,” I reminded him.
Killian chuckled. “And you want to be with your man. Take a god damn red eye, Dean.”
“It sounds like a great plan,” I murmured.
Going home to Boston and running into Beau’s arms sounded like the best idea in the world. I could have Mav send my things back to home. Or grab them at another time. The faster I got to the airport, the better everything would be.
Killian smirked. “Sometimes I have good ideas. Give me a hug before you leave.” He opened his arms. “Come on, come on. Don’t even think about it. Just do it.”
“Fine.” I rolled my eyes but stepped into his arms. He squeezed me so tight I swear I felt a rib pop. “Jesus, dude, are trying to break me?”
He laughed loudly. “You’re my best friend. I want to make sure you know that. And make sure you tell your man that it was my idea that you went home to him.” He squeezed me tighter. “Did he really ask you to marry him?”
“Yeah,” I muttered as we broke apart.
Killian raised his brows. “And if you had thought he was serious? What would have said?” When I didn’t say anything, he broke into a big dimple-revealing grin. “Fuck man, we’re all going to be married soon, huh?”
I said goodbye to everyone and hugged them before I left.
I had a little moment with Maverick, who pulled me aside and told me he loved me and that he would always be here if I needed him.
I wished everyone a Merry Christmas, promised Watts and Holt, I would see them next week at their wedding, where Mulligan would be playing, and then I was gone.
Heading to the airport in an Uber, my stomach twisted in excited, angsty knots at the thought of seeing my boyfriend in a few hours.
The apartment was only lit by the Christmas tree when I let myself in, and I stopped for a second to take it all in. There were still gifts beneath it, and my stocking hung on the wall. I hurried to the bedroom to find Beau sleeping, and I crawled into bed next to him.
“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry,” I whispered over and over again. “I made a horrible mistake. I never should have left.” I wrapped my arms around him and sobbed against his shoulder. “Please forgive me.”
And that’s how I fell asleep. Crying next to my boyfriend, begging him to forgive me for something I never should have gotten upset with him in the first place.