Chapter 11
RAFE
I cannot believe I just asked Juniper if she wants to spend the night with me.
I’m not that sort of man, and I know she’s not that sort of woman, and yet I feel her slipping through my fingers. She’s never been mine. I’ve never made a play for her, but now that it’s quite obvious to me that she’s no longer happy being single, I can’t imagine her coupling up with another man.
She stares at me wordlessly as we sit there in the car.
I feel like I’m losing my mind, I feel like I’m going out of control, and I can see a million different expressions running through her mind as well because Juniper has always been transparent in the way that she thinks and feels about life.
And I can tell from the expression on her face that she’s extremely taken aback.
“Did you just say what I think you just said?” she says softly, her eyes looking down at my lips and then meeting mine again.
“I think, if I’m correct, then yes.” I know my words don’t make sense, but I feel like I’m losing my mind. I feel like I don’t know what to say because I don’t know what she’s thinking in this moment.
“Did you just ask me to have a one-night stand with you, Rafe?” Her jaw drops. “Like, seriously?”
“I wouldn’t say a one-night stand.”
“But you just asked me to spend the night with you.”
“I didn’t say it only had to be one night.”
“So, what? Two nights?”
“I mean, whatever you want.”
“I don’t want to spend the night with you. I’m not that sort of girl.”
“I know you’re not that sort of girl. I never said you were that sort of girl.”
“I just …”
“You just what?”
“I just wanted to make it clear that I think there’s something between us, and I think there has been some sort of …”
I pause because, as I continue speaking, her eyes are growing narrower and narrower.
“I think you’re very attractive, and I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings many years ago when I told you it wasn’t going to go any further. And I’m just saying that while we are now adults, we can pursue …”
I rub my forehead. I’m feeling nervous, and I know I’m not making sense.
“How’s Lani?” I say quickly.
“Lani? My dog?” She blinks rapidly and tilts her face.
“What are you talking about? Why are you asking about Lani? You were just asking …” She pauses.
“You know what, Rafe? I don’t really understand what’s going on and why you’re asking me this.
Is this some sort of test to make fun of me, or are you just trying to prevent me from being on the reality show because you want to be on the reality show?
I don’t care about being on a dating reality show.
I have zero interest in that, and I think you know that. ”
“I have an interest in you.”
She blushes deeply then. “What do you mean, you have an interest in me?”
“Do I have to repeat it? I find you extremely attractive. I find you to be beautiful.”
“Yeah, but …”
“But what?”
“I thought you weren’t interested because I was Mia’s best friend.”
“Mia is an adult. You’re an adult now. I don’t feel like I’m crossing any ethical boundaries by seeing if you’re interested in pursuing something with me.”
“Oh, so now you want to pursue something with me?”
“I don’t know,” I say, absolutely flabbergasted by the way this conversation is going.
I can tell by the look on her face that she’s as confused as I feel.
All I want to do is kiss her again. All I want to do is feel her soft lips on mine. I want to take off her top. I want to see her naked breasts. I want to suck on her nipples. I want to pull her panties down. I want to taste her. I want to be inside of her.
And yet, as I stare at her, I know I can’t tell her the depth of the depravity that’s in my mind because it makes me feel almost guilty. How can I tell her that I need her? That I need her badly? That my body aches for her? That my cock is twitching in my pants as we speak?
I grunt, and she stares at me with a teasing expression on her face.
For a few moments, I think she does know what’s going through my mind. She’s a woman after all, and she can sense in me the passion that I have for her. I’m not trying to hide it. I’m done trying to hide my feelings. I’m done trying to put my attraction to her to the side.
“You want to fuck me,” she says, shaking her head. “You want to get in my pants.”
“I don’t know why you would just assume that,” I say.
“You’re not that sort of man … are you? You don’t want to take off my panties right now, Rafe?”
“Is that an offer?”
“What do you mean, is that an offer?”
“What do you mean, what do I mean? Are you asking me if I want to take off your panties right now? Because if I say yes, you will say, Go ahead. Or are you asking me just because you want to tease me?”
“I don’t need to tease you.” She licks her lips slowly and leans toward me. “Or is that something you want from me? Do you want to be teased?”
“Do I want to be teased?”
I lean closer to her again. I reach out and touch the side of her face. I stare at her trembling lips, then move my lips to hers and lick her bottom lip before sucking on it.
Her entire body shakes as her eyes gaze into mine.
“Is this because I’m going to be on a reality dating TV show?” she says softly as she pulls away.
“It has nothing to do with that.” I stare at her.
“Last night, when I touched you and kissed you …” My fingers move up under her shirt, tracing the silkiness of her skin up to her bra.
“Last night, I knew nothing about the dating show. But last night, you left, and tonight, I’m asking you to come with me,” I say softly.
“I don’t mind staying, but I don’t know if you want your cousins to hear us, to see us, to … ”
“To hear us what?” she says, blinking at me rapidly.
“I don’t know. You seem like you might be a screamer.”
She throws her head back and laughs. “You really think I’m going to let you fuck me tonight, Rafe? Do you really think that’s the sort of woman I am?”
I stare at her, gobsmacked, because she just shakes her head.
“All you want me for is sex. I don’t know if it’s because now you’re seeing other guys interested in me, and some sort of power play has come along, and you want to prove to yourself that you can still have me, but this girl don’t play.
I don’t have one-night stands, and I certainly don’t just sleep with men. ”
“I’m not interested in you just for sex,” I say quickly. “I want to show you what it’s like to be with a real man. A good man.”
“What?”
“I want to be your dating coach so you know what to expect when you go on these shows so you don’t put up with jackasses.”
She recoils back in shock, and I have no idea why I said what I said because it’s not true.
I don’t want her to fucking go on the show. I don’t want her to date anyone else. And, yes, if she said yes to me, I would fuck her right now in the car, but I’m not going to admit that.
“I can prove it to you,” I say softly.
“What do you mean, you can prove it to me?”
“Spend the night with me, and we’ll just lie there and talk, and I’ll give you advice.”
“Give me advice on what?”
“Anything you want.”
“So, you want to lie in bed with me and chat, and you don’t want to do anything?”
“I mean, if my lips happen to meet yours or your lips happen to meet mine or your fingers happen to touch my chest or another part of me, I won’t say no.”
“I see,” she says, a twisted smile curving up on her face. “And I suppose you expect that to be okay the other way?”
“I mean, would you mind if my hands touched your neck?”
I reach over and run my fingers down the slender line of her neck, and she shakes her head.
“Would you mind if I slowly undid your shirt like this?” I say as I unbutton her shirt.
She’s breathing rapidly now, and my breath catches at the curve of her breasts.
“Would you mind if I did this?”
I slip my hand down onto her thigh, bringing it up closer and closer toward her mound. I slide my fingers down the inside of her leg and then press higher.
She has on pants, so I can’t slip my fingers into her panties, but I would love to see if they are wet. I’d love to see if she is as turned on as I am right now.
“I don’t know,” she says, breathing rapidly now as she leans back into the chair. “I just don’t think this is …”
She pauses as I lean forward and kiss her again.
She moans slightly, and I run my fingers through her long, dark hair. She grabs my shoulders and squeezes.
I want to tell her I think she’s the prettiest girl in the world. I want to tell her when she looks at me with those big, wide brown eyes, my heart melts. I want to tell her I want to take care of her, that I want to make her scream. I want to see the way she reacts in the throes of passion.
And yet I know I can’t. I know it will seem odd. I know it will just reinforce in her what she already believes—that this is just about sex for me because I’ve never shown her anything else.
“Spend the night with me,” I say, pulling back and running a wave of her hair behind her ear. “Spend the night with me, and let’s just talk.”
“I’m going to do the dating reality show,” she says.
“That’s fine,” I say, though my heart is racing rapidly. “If that’s what you really want to do.”
“It will help me with my book,” she says quickly. “Plus, I’m looking for something real.”
Her eyes search mine, and I don’t know the question she’s asking me. Or maybe I do, and I’m just not ready to answer it.
“So, my place or yours?” I say, completely changing the subject.
She licks her lips and shrugs. “Come into mine. I’m sure Sage and Rosie would love to see you. Mia is at Luke’s right now, so you don’t have to worry about seeing her.”
“I’m not worried,” I say, though I’m grateful my sister’s not there. I’m not sure exactly how I would have explained to her that I was spending the night in Juniper’s bed.
“You don’t mind that Sage and Rosie will know?”
“They already know,” she says, laughing. “Plus, let’s see if you’ll be a gentleman with my cousins in the apartment.”
“I’m always a gentleman. You’ll see.”
“Sure you are, Rafe.”
“Tonight, I’m going to prove myself to you. In fact, you can put me to the test.”
“What do you mean, I can put you to the test?”
“I’ll wear whatever you want me to wear, and you can wear whatever you want to wear, and I’ll still be a good boy.”
“Oh, really? So, if you were naked and I was naked, you’d be a good boy?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t do anything you wouldn’t want me to do,” I say honestly, but I don’t tell her how hard it would be for me to resist her if we were both lying there, naked.
“Okay, Rafe,” she says, a little smile on her face. “I’m going to put you to the test tonight.”
She winks at me.
“Let’s go inside. I’m sure Rosie and Sage are dying to hear what this conversation was about.”
“And what are you going to tell them?”
“I’m going to tell them you want to be my dating coach.”
“Because that’s what you said, right?”
“Uh-huh.”
“And when they ask why I’m sleeping in your bed?”
“They are twenty-first-century women,” she says, laughing. “They won’t care if you’re in my bed.”
“That has nothing to do with you being on the reality dating show.” I want to tell her that she needs to turn down the offer and leave the show. I want her to tell me she no longer wants to be on the show. I want her to tell me that she only wants me.
“I’m a modern woman. I can do what I want.” She shrugs and the movement makes my heart ache.
“And I’m a modern man,” I say. “Let’s have some fun.
” Maybe my actions will convince her of things that my words can’t.
Maybe my love language is through touch.
Maybe being with me will tell her all the things my tongue can’t verbalize.
Maybe the beat of my heart will be like morse code and she can decipher just how much she means to me.