Chapter 18 Magnolia #3
“God, I don’t even know where to begin with Singapore.
” Iris buried her face in her hands, and for a few moments, the only sounds in the room were our breathing.
After a while, she heaved a long sigh and said, “I’m going to bed.
” She picked up her wineglass, then the bottle, and trudged out of the kitchen. “Good night.”
I watched helplessly, hating that there was nothing I could do.
In the end, I retired to bed myself, pretending I was asleep when Parker finally came home, though sleep was the furthest thing from my mind.
I listened to Parker’s gentle snores and thought of how I should be grateful that my husband wasn’t like Erik.
Then I thought: You stupid bitch, what a dumb thing to think.
· · ·
The next few days, Iris didn’t bother going into the office.
She stayed home and barely showered, which, in a tropical country, was quite the decision to make.
Even Hazel avoided her, slapping her away whenever she tried to come in for a hug.
I hated seeing Iris like that, and not just because of the smell.
For as long as I’d known her, Iris had been a fighter.
This was the first time I’d seen her so deflated, that brilliant fire of hers snuffed out.
And there was nothing I could do for her.
“How long is she going to be like that?” Parker muttered one night as we got ready for bed.
I very nearly snarled at him. “I don’t know, however long it takes to get over the fact that her abusive husband has assassinated her career, I guess.”
Parker sighed. “It’s not that I’m not sympathetic, but…she needs to get over it, you know?”
I looked at him, my handsome, patient husband, and I wanted to hit him. “Would you get over it if you were her?”
“I would,” he said with the confidence that only someone who could never see himself in her situation could muster.
There was no use continuing the conversation.
I shook my head and went to brush my teeth.
Another sleepless night, wondering what I could do to help Iris.
Another night spent silently railing against the patriarchy, feeling hopeless, feeling useless.
It had been so easy back at Cal, my mind burning with the voices of feminists before me who poured their rage into moving essays.
But what good were essays here? How could I, trapped as a glorified housewife, put any of what I’d learned into use?
Never before had the futility of existing as a woman in my culture been more apparent.
I should’ve known that Iris, with her brilliant, busy mind, wouldn’t allow herself to be beaten by the system. Not for long. One morning, I woke up and found her revived, her face shining once again. Hope fluttered in my chest and I placed Hazel in her high chair.
“Good news?” I said.
Iris handed me a cup of freshly brewed coffee. “Yes, actually.”
I couldn’t keep the excitement out of my voice. “Did you find an investor?”
“No.” Her smile faded a little. “And I don’t think I ever will here. But it doesn’t matter, because I got a job!”
“A job?” The coffee mug hovered just below my mouth. Something was off, I could tell.
“It’s…back in LA.”
“What?” I had to put down the mug before I spilled coffee everywhere. “But—how? What?”
“Trust me, I know how crazy it sounds. But I couldn’t spend another day wasting away here. I overheard you and Parker talking, I know I’ve long overstayed my welcome—”
“No, Iris. No. Not at all. I want you to stay.”
“I know you do, but I don’t want to come between you and Parker. It’s not going to be healthy for your marriage in the long run. Trust me.” She patted my arm. “Now, let me make you some breakfast, and—”
“No!” I cried so loud that Hazel jerked up in her high chair.
She looked back and forth between me and Iris, then her little face screwed up and she began to wail.
“Oh, sorry, baby.” I scooped her up and hugged her to me, and the proximity of her little body only fed into my desperation.
I couldn’t lose her or Iris. Not now. When Hazel finally calmed down, I said, “Can we please talk about this?”
“It’s a great job, Magnolia. It’s a medium-sized tech company run by women, making apps for women. I would get health care. It even includes childcare. I can’t pass it up.”
It did sound amazing, even I had to admit that. How selfish would I be to talk her out of it, especially when all that awaited her here was a burning pile of rubble? “Would Erik be okay with you taking Hazel out of the country?”
Iris grimaced, and I hated myself for even bringing it up.
But it was a fair question, it wasn’t just me grasping at straws to try and make my sister stay.
“Honestly? I don’t know. He hasn’t really asked about her, and last I saw on Facebook, he’s dating somebody.
So I’m kind of hoping he forgets her existence? ”
As absurd as it sounded, I could see that being the case with someone like Erik.
I’d seen his Facebook posts too, although I hadn’t shown them to Iris.
Picture after picture of him with a woman who looked like she would make most Chindo parents happy.
A woman who was much like me—straight shoulder-length hair, slim build, pale skin.
The anti-Iris. I wondered if she knew about his past. Part of me itched to warn her.
The other more selfish part of me thought: Maybe if things got serious with her, then he’d want to divorce Iris.
“Where would you stay?” A stupid question, I know, but I was running out of questions that would make her realize she was making a mistake. Except she wasn’t making a mistake, was she? She was doing the best thing for her and Hazel.
“I’ll rent somewhere,” she said easily. Then she took my hand, her eyes softening. “I wish you could come with me.”
The thought of LA, that bright, endless Californian sky, took my breath away.
I knew then, all of a sudden, like a lightning strike, that I had to go with them.
Left behind, I would die, I was sure of it.
It would be a slow death, unnoticeable on the surface at first. I would continue playing my role as a good Chindo wife while I withered quietly inside.
And at some point, I would give in, bear Parker a child, then another and another.
Or maybe I wouldn’t. Maybe I would snap, and the jagged shards of me would slice into everything I had built until it fell apart in shreds around me.
“I’ll come,” I said.
Iris gave a confused smile. “Huh?”
“I’m joining you in LA. I don’t care what it takes. I’m going to figure it out,” I promised. It was the first promise I’d made to my sister, and I would be damned if I had to break it. One way or another, I was going to get to LA.