17. Chapter 17
Chapter 17
Sloane
M aggie and I head inside and I figure I have a bit of courage since Tyler did sound like he was going to ask me something. I’m already rehearsing in my head what I should say to him to make it sound natural. The kitchen and great room are now pretty packed, and it appears the beer pong game was set-up in the great room, although it's hard to see the table through all the spectators. Jump Around by House of Pain is pounding through the speakers and there are more kids jumping and dancing around every inch of the great room. It's easy to find Tyler, though, since he's one of the tallest guys here. Plus, I swear my eyes are naturally drawn to him. He's at the far side of the beer pong table, facing out and oh my gosh, he just saw me staring at him and I look away as soon as I'm caught.
"Ugh, he totally just caught me staring at him," I tell Maggie as my nerves start to work overtime. "No way am I going to interrupt him while he's playing," I lean up against the case opening and fold my arms over my chest. “Plus, it’s too loud to talk.”
"Why can't we be like Sara and Wendy?" Maggie asks me, nodding to them. "Looks like they had no fear joining in."
I look at Sara and Wendy as they play with Amber and Lori, against Tyler, Brian, Jesse, and a guy I don't recognize. I wonder what it would be like to have the kind of confidence they have. I'm simultaneously jealous of them for a split second and mad at myself. Maybe that's why so many of my classmates drink? I think to myself. It probably makes socializing way easier than when you're sober.
"Yeah, but we’d have to drink beer with that game." I say as I watch two nice girls holding their own amongst the popular crowd. "I wish I didn't have a paralyzing fear of social situations. If I could catch Tyler one-on-one, it wouldn't be as hard to talk to him." I think back to running into him in the hallway. "Ugh, if Amber and Lori hadn't interrupted…"
We hang out in the kitchen, talking with Kurt and Shelly some more, but since it would take the entire bowl of Jesse's punch to give me the nerve I need to go up to Tyler in this setting, we decide to call it a night after a while and head to my house. Tyler is still wrapped up in the game and I can't stand watching Amber and Lori flirt with him any longer. Maybe on Monday, he'll ask me whatever it was he was going to ask me in the hallway?
As Maggie and I descend the steep hill and walk back toward my house, she says, "Snowball is coming up. Do you think you might ask Tyler?" Snowball is DHS's version of the Sadie Hawkins dance where the girls ask the boys.
"I don't know," I sigh. "I would have to be pretty sure he'd say yes to ask him. Not only would I be mortified if he said no, but then, I’d have to sit next to him for the rest of the year and that would be so uncomfortable." I squeeze Jesse's flannel tight against me as my still-damp sweater is tucked under my right arm.
"Yeah, I get that," Maggie says. "Just think about it. I can tell how much you like him and it sounds like you have a lot in common with your love of music and sports. Plus, from what you've told me, he kinda seems like you in that he's a free-thinker and doesn't just follow the crowd."
I inhale deeply and the cold air makes my nose tingle. "I know, he's like, so perfect." I toss my head back and see the pinpricks of tiny light against the dark sky. "I'll think about it, but I just don't know if I'm willing to gamble making things awkward between us, you know?"
"I totally do," Maggie says.
"Are you going to ask anyone?" I look at her and think that maybe if she can ask someone, it might give me the motivation to ask Tyler.
"Nah, there's no one I want to take."
"Not even a friend?" I ask as we turn the corner onto my street.
"Not really. Plus, my brother is going to the lake for the weekend and I don't want my mom to be alone."
"I'm sure she would be cool with you going to the dance for a few hours," I suggest. I don't know what's going on with her mom since her dad left, but it's not my place to say anything and I don't want to pry.
"If there was someone like Tyler who I liked, I might ask him," she says then looks at me with a smile. "Might."
"Yeah, it's so intimidating. I would be crushed if he said no. Besides, he probably already has a date."
"Well, I know it's easy for me to say, but you should totally think about it," Maggie says encouragingly.
"Says the girl who isn't going," I joke. "But yeah, I'll think about it." Just thinking about asking Tyler to the dance makes my stomach turn. I know I'll be thinking about it all night until I can fall asleep. That and standing so close to him in the hallway tonight. Maybe I'll work on Sloane's Senior Songs, Volume 2. I can put songs on it that remind me of Tyler, that'll help pass the time. I really wish I knew what he was going to ask me tonight and I wish I was brave enough to approach him to find out. I really have to stop letting life happen to me.