Chapter 17
Jana
“And now,with Mom’s health declining further, and…”
My eyes fought a losing battle with the onslaught of tears. Everything that had been going on became simply too much for me to deal with, even though I’d thought I’d be good for a bit after last night’s purge.
I hiccupped, attempted to take a sip from my tea, but the bubble of emotion in my throat prevented me from doing so. Setting down the cup on the side table nearby, I braced for what was to come.
Looking at Brycen was a complete and utter mistake.
The empathy in his expression broke the dam.
And my heart shattered.
“Shit!” I heard the man curse, and next thing I knew, he was at my feet, draping his arms across my lap, holding one of my hands as the other served at holding the throw around my shoulders, clutching it as if it were a lifeline, lest I unravel entirely should I release its hold.
Memories, old and recent, poured to the forefront of my mind.
My mother would never meet her grandchildren if Jason or myself were to have any, unless either one of us ended up with child, like yesterday. There would be no one to walk us down the aisle at either of our weddings. There would be no more family dinners, reunions with aunts and uncles, where Mom would be at the center of the crazy traditions and other such shenanigans.
Then anger replaced my sadness.
“All that fucking radiation. The chemo. A double mastectomy. And for what?” I screamed over the thunder ahead.
A large, warm hand began rubbing my bare thigh, as soothing words made their way to my ears.
“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I can’t even begin to imagine, or to know what you’re feeling right now. I?—”
“It’s not fair!”
“It’s not.”
“She hasn’t really lived her life.”
“No, she hasn’t.”
“She never found someone else to love.”
“No, but she loves you and Jason so much. Anyone with eyes can see it, sweetheart.”
“She’s always been there for us.”
“It’s what moms do, babe.”
The man had me vexed. “Would you fucking stop simply agreeing with me?”
His eyes remained soft with an undertone of confusion. “Sorry?”
“You’re agreeing with everything I’m saying. Why can’t you—” be angry with me?
Because anger was easier to deal with than the despair I was feeling. Then again, my tears weren’t letting off, despite the rage that burbled inside me.
“Sweetheart?”
I tore my gaze from his, setting it instead on the night sky. “What am I going to do?”
“Come ’ere,” he said, and next thing I knew, strong hands pulled at my ass—even though I was pretty sure he had aimed to grasp my waist—and I dropped from the egg chair onto his lap, where strong arms wrapped themselves around me, trapping me against his chest, my head on his shoulder, and arms tucked between us. “You can be sad. You can be angry. Hit something. Hit me. Cry. Scream. Rant. Vent. I don’t care what you do, because I think you need to feel all of this right now. Let it out, sweetheart. I got you.”
His words broke me down. Had anyone else said the same, they would have incited my fury. Like Jason as an example.
But Brycen isn’t your brother.
Oh, God no! No, he wasn’t. Far from that.
Taking in the strong muscular arms surrounding me, the warmth of his chest against my arms, the strength of his legs under my ass, I collapsed against him and simply let go.
Brycen
It could have been hours, seconds…probably closer to a few minutes later, I heard Jana whisper, “I still need her.”
It broke my heart, but instead of saying anything, I simply tightened my grasp on the woman. She relaxed farther into my hold, flattening the palms of her hands against my chest while sobbing softly.
She felt warm. Right, like she had every time before.
Fuck me! This was a new level of hell for me.
Being the little brother in a family of four kids had me at an advantage with the fairer sex and the multitude of exploding emotions that came with them. It didn’t scare me like most men would be put off by them. If I may say so myself, I thought I was pretty good at the consoling thing.
Until tonight.
When Jana asked me why I was so agreeable, I had a sense she was asking me why I wasn’t angry with her instead.
She’s not your sisters.
Nope. No, she wasn’t. She’d become so much more than that in the short time I’d gotten to know her. Beyond her looks, she had a fiery personality I couldn’t help but adore. Heck, as I sat here holding her on my lap, I wondered how she’d look furious. I knew her laugh, her smiles, the way she became almost despondent when trouble came her way. I now knew how she tried to hide her sadness behind frustration and bravery. And I wanted more. I needed to know all the nuances in between those emotions, so I could read her like a book. More importantly, I wanted Jana to know me, and not just flirty Brycen Matthews, computer savant and hacker extraordinaire. Me.
“Your legs are going to go dead,” Jana finally mumbled, her subtle body shudders having dissipated.
“Not a chance,” I said and kissed her hair, squeezing her to me.
“Let me?—”
“You’re fine right where you are, sweetheart,” I stated.
With a slight pressure to my chest, Jana pulled back to look at me. “Thanks.”
I gave her a sad smile. “Anytime.”
She looked confused. “Why aren’t you looking more freaked out?”
“Sisters, remember?”
Her lips crept upward ever so slightly at their edges. “Right.”
Our eyes held, and silence was filled with the sounds of thunder in the distance. The storm was ebbing.
When her gaze traveled to my lips, I subconsciously licked them, causing her bright eyes to darken to the most intense emerald green.
Cupping the side of her face, my other hand remained on the middle of her back to support her, I leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Better?” I asked as I pulled away to find her face looking peaceful, her once opened eyes now closed as if savoring the moment.
“Mmm.” When her eyes opened once more, they were clear of the darkness, trouble, and desire they once held. “Yes. Thank you.”
“We should go to bed.” My voice came out sounding hoarse. “It’s getting late.”
“We should,” she agreed, then proceeded to get up, offering me her hand, which I took.
In mere minutes, we were once again inside my home, the doors locked tight, and I had escorted Jana to her bedroom door before heading for my own.
“Brycen?”
“Yeah?” I turned to find that Jana, still enshrouded in that throw she’d been cuddling with, hadn’t opened her door.
She quickly came my way, placed a single hand to my chest, leaned up on her tiptoes and placed her lips to my cheek. “Thank you.”
Words evading me, I simply nodded my welcome.
“Goodnight.” As quickly as she’d kissed me, she disappeared behind the spare bedroom door.