Chapter 19 #3
I heard footsteps behind me, and then I felt Micah’s warm body against my back. He wrapped a blanket around both of us and held me in silence as we looked out over the mountains wreathed in fog.
“I’m sorry I freaked out last night,” he said into my neck.
“No, it’s my fault—the mushrooms took me to a really weird place. I didn’t even mean most of what I said.”
“Me too.” He pulled me in tighter. “I don’t want to do that again—get lost in another world. I like being in this one, with you, without make-believe problems.”
“I want that, too,” I said, hesitating. “I actually have an idea, but I don’t want you to think I’m crazy.”
“I won’t. Tell me.”
I whispered, “Let’s get married.”
Three weeks later at the end of the trail in Georgia, Micah and I were married at the top of Springer Mountain by a fellow hiker known as “Friar Tuck.” We were sweat salted and dirt streaked, and we wore the same clothes we’d used for the last six months, now forever scented with the baked, weedy smell of our insides.
When we kissed in the thin air of the summit, I swooned with a happiness that not even dread could penetrate.
Afterward, at our little reception of Ruffles potato chips and cheap red wine, all I wanted was to call Hess.
But I was afraid of what she would say. I knew it would seem quick, but Micah and I had revealed every piece of ourselves over the hundreds of hours of walking.
We knew exactly who the other person was in a way that usually took years to accomplish, so that our marriage felt like a natural progression—not rushed, but right.
A few days later, I broke down and called her anyway. I hoped she’d surprise me. With no family to tell, she was the next best thing.
When I said hello, she exhaled dramatically, her voice unsteady. “Oh, Rhea, I’m so glad you called. I’ve thought about you every day, wondering if you’re okay. Not that you wouldn’t be,” she added carefully. “I’m so sorry for how I behaved, honey. Will you please forgive me?”
I was giddy with relief, and I told her, “Of course. I’m sorry I was such a brat. But listen, I have some news.” I took a deep breath. “Micah and I got married.”
Hess was silent on the other end, and I kept talking. “It was this beautiful ceremony on top of a mountain in Georgia, and another hiker officiated, and it was just… magical. I’ve never been so happy in my life.”
“Well, that’s, um, that’s lovely, dear,” she said quietly.
“You don’t sound very excited,” I said.
“What do you want me to say? You’re only eighteen, and you barely know him.”
“That’s not true. I know him better than anyone I’ve ever met.”
“I’m sure it feels that way now, but what about in a few months? Does he know about your money? Did you at least get him to sign a prenup?”
I didn’t know what a prenup was, but it sounded offensive. “No, I didn’t.” Why had I called her? I had felt so good in spite of myself, and now she was making me feel like shit. “I was hoping you would be happy for me because I can’t tell my mom. But I guess that was too much to ask.”
She paused for a moment. “Honey, I’m sorry, but your mom would’ve agreed with me—”
“But she got married at my exact age,” I spat back.
“Because she didn’t have a choice,” Hess retorted coldly. We were both silent for a beat, and I wondered fleetingly what she meant. “But you do,” Hess added more gently.
“Exactly. And this is what I’ve chosen.”
“Rhea, please—”
“If you can’t support me or the person I love, then I don’t think there’s a point in us keeping in touch.”
“Wait, I’m—”
But I hung up before she could say anything else.
For the next few weeks, Micah and I stayed in Georgia and plotted what we would do with our lives.
He had seen a glassblowing demonstration in North Carolina during a day in town, and he wanted to apprentice at a hot shop.
I was interested in going to college now, though what I would major in still eluded me.
With my mother’s money, I could take my time.
After applying around the country, Micah was offered an apprenticeship in Arizona.
There were plenty of colleges there, and after our trek through the wilderness, I was intrigued by living a simple, brutal existence in the desert.
It was a series of decisions that we made together, and I saw that this was what marriage would be.
I imagined an alternate reality in which I’d never met Micah, and I’d completed the journey solo and now planned my life alone, according to only my desires.
The reality of marriage, that it was a decision that cut off all futures where I might be alone again, started to sink in.
I had been lonely for as long as I could remember, but I’d never been on my own.
I wondered if I was making a mistake, and if I should be chasing my freedom as my mother once had.
But I really loved him. And when he looked at me, he saw the best version of me—someone worth loving. Maybe through the force of his belief and my desire, I could actually become that person.
In that way, I would be free.