Chapter 28
Chapter
Twenty-Eight
BLAIRE
My heart was raw, exposed, left to blister on the outside of my skin, but Winder’s words were a balm to my pain.
I leaned into his palm, letting him carry some of the weight, however briefly. “Who am I?”
Winder smiled, and unbuckled my seatbelt. “Come here.”
Shuffling across the console, I found myself straddling Winder’s lap. He rested his hands on my thighs. For a moment, we just stared at each other, a connection neither of us could explain stretching between us.
“You are…” he began, trailing off. His eyes never left mine, bluer than I’d ever seen.
“You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.
But that’s the easy way out, isn’t it? To tell you that you’re beautiful, I mean.
Because lots of people can tell you that.
What you’re looking for are the things most people can’t see. ”
I couldn’t look away, enthralled by the soft way the words left his mouth. “Can you see them though?”
“Baby, I can see all of you. The good and the bad. You’ve never been anything but transparent to me.
” He squeezed my thigh, sending a shockwave of electricity through me.
“You’re so much stronger than you think you are.
You’re smarter than anyone I know, and quick as anything with that damn mouth of yours. ”
“Thanks.” I rolled my eyes, and he lifted his hand, running his thumb across my bottom lip.
When Winder spoke again, his voice had lost the joking tone it held before.
“You’ve never struggled with your moral code.
You always know right from wrong, even if it doesn’t feel comfortable at the time.
Because you want to leave this world a better place than you found it, even if that means you need to make hard decisions. ”
My chest ached, knowing just how much Winder thought about me, despite everything. “Winder,” I whispered.
He cocked his head with a soft smile. “You’ve never treated me like I was lesser than you. Like I didn’t deserve to be in your presence, which I very much feel. To be completely honest, I still can’t believe you let me touch you.”
I took his hand from my cheek, bringing it down to rest on my heart, beating loudly in its glass prison.
“I don’t think I would still be here if you hadn’t touched me, Winder.
You don’t give yourself enough credit. You saved me, when I had no one else, when I didn’t even remember you.
You had no obligation to help me, and yet you’ve brought me back, time and time again. This…this beats today because of you.”
“No, baby. That beats because you’ve always been stronger than anything this world can throw at you.
” Winder’s eyes saw right through me, through everything I tried to hide on the inside, the mud and grit, the shadows and darkness.
He saw it all, and he didn’t care in the slightest. “I’m just grateful to have this chance with you.
To make things right. To show you how you deserve to be loved. ”
He moved his hand up, tangling it in the back of my hair, and pulled me a breath away from his face. “Kiss me, Blaire. Kiss me like you’ll love me until your dying breath.”
I kissed him like there was nothing separating us. No death. No destruction. There were no missing memories or chunks of time unaccounted for. There was just us, the way it was always supposed to be.
His cock was hard against my leg, and I ground into it. He moaned, holding me away.
“Don’t do that, baby. I’ll fuck you right here.”
“Maybe that’s what I want.” An orgasm might make me forget it all, leaving me peacefully numb. I ground my hips against him again, desperate for some kind of release. He was hard, and I was dripping. I wasn’t sure what the problem was.
Winder pulled back, staring into my eyes, even though I could already tell he was losing the fight against his desire.
“You can’t hide from reality. Not with drugs, or sex, or anything else you might think of.
I won’t be just some temporary fix. If you want me to fuck you because you want to feel alive, I have no issues with that.
But I won’t fuck you so you can pretend none of this is happening. ”
I sucked in a breath, knowing he was right. It wasn’t fair of me to ask that of him. But I could give him the other. “I want you to make me come.”
“Please,” he added. Mischief danced behind his eyes.
“Are you serious?”
“Completely.” He grinned.
I rolled my eyes. “I want you to make me come, please.”
“Much better.” He tugged me down to kiss me once more, sliding the seat back as he did so.
Wiggling out of my pants and underwear, he slid his pants down over his hips, his cock hard and ready.
There wasn’t a lot of room in the car, and Winder raised a brow at me. “What are you waiting for? Come fuck yourself on my cock already.”
I shuffled closer, until I hovered over the broad head, hands on the ceiling of the car. “Ask me nicely.”
Winder laughed. “You’re a fucking brat. Please, fuck yourself on my cock, before I make a goddamn mess.”
I inched my way down his thick length, both of us groaning as I took him in. Finally, he was fully inside, and we were both struggling not to move.
Winder cupped my face between his hands, quietly moaning with the movement. “Take what you need. It’s all yours, every last piece of me. If you need to fuck yourself, do it. Just don’t make me a temporary fix.”
“You could never be temporary,” I whispered. I rested my hands on either side of him, slowly moving myself up and down, rolling my hips against him. “Oh my God.”
“Fuck, baby,” Winder murmured, grabbing my thighs. “You’re so goddamn tight. Fuck me just like that, just like that.”
He held onto my skin, steadying me as I rode him, his cock hitting deeper and deeper inside me, until I was left gasping and panting as I fucked him. “Winder, Jesus.”
“You wanted to make yourself come, now do it,” he ordered, squeezing me tighter. His hips rose to meet me, both of us inching closer to our release. “I want to watch you fuck yourself until you cry, Blaire. Don’t disappoint me.”
“Oh!” I cried, slamming myself down on him. I fucked him harder, desperately chasing my orgasm just out of my reach.
Winder released my thighs, twisting my nipples through my thin shirt.
I fell forward as my orgasm rocked through me, feeling everything at once. Winder grabbed me again, forcing me down on his cock over and over, even though I wasn’t through my first orgasm.
“Good. But you can do better. I want to see you cry.” He drove his cock into me, making me cry out with overwhelming pleasure.
He picked up speed, grunting and thrusting, and before I knew it, I was tumbling over again. Tears streamed down my face, unable to control the intense feelings ripping through my body, too much for any one person to hold.
“Mmm, yes, baby. I knew you could do it.” Winder dug his nails into my skin, fucking me until he found his own release. He cried out my name, pulsing inside me as he came.
I collapsed onto his chest, trying to catch my breath. Beneath my face, his heartbeat kept an erratic beat, which made me smile.
“Are you okay?” Winder tilted my head up, propped a finger under my chin so he could stare at me intently.
“I’m absolutely fine.” My body still shook with residual pleasure, but I didn’t see how that could be considered a negative. Winder had a way of making me feel things I didn’t even realize were possible.
He smiled at me, wiping away a stray tear. “You’re kind of pretty when you cry.”
I laughed. “Has anyone ever told you you’re kind of weird?”
“Once or twice.” He picked me up, shuffling me back to my seat. “You like it, though.”
We got dressed, and Winder started the car again.
I stared out the window while he drove us back to his house, watching the city roll past. None of these people knew who I was, or what I had done. The same went for Winder. As far as they knew, we were two people out for a drive, two people who’d never experienced heartache or death.
Looking over at Winder, who stole a quick glance over to give me a smile, I realized he was right. He saw right through me, broken bits and all.
I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful thing.
I was dreaming. Or at least, I was fairly certain I was dreaming. There was a glimpse of something green. Grass, maybe.
Something red flickered into view, and my heart nearly stopped.
No. Not again.
But my vision shifted, clearing, and when I looked down it wasn’t blood at all. A red dress floated around my knees. Anger still filled me, but I didn’t think I was about to kill someone. Maybe irritation was a better word.
The smell of a barbeque filled my senses, but something sickly sweet overpowered the grilled burgers.
Behind me, someone laughed. I didn’t turn. I was fixated on the dark shadow through the glass door, a quiet flutter in my stomach. For the first time in my life, I wasn’t afraid of the shadows.
Instead, I called for them.
Winder’s worried face was inches away from mine when I finally opened my eyes. “Are you okay?”
I smiled, grabbing his cheeks with both of my hands, and bringing him down for a kiss.
He briefly kissed me back before he pulled away, examining me. “Seriously, are you okay? You were calling out for me in your sleep, and I got worried. I didn’t want you to sleepwalk or blackout again.”
“Winder, I’m okay. I promise.” I sat up, touching his shoulder. He relaxed, and I pulled him back down to lie with me. Explaining what happened felt impossible.
We faced each other, Winder’s eyes still filled with concern while I struggled to find the words.
“I remembered you,” I whispered, the words nearly unbelievable even as I said them.
“What?”
“My dream. I was calling out for you, because my dream was about you. But I think it was a memory. There was a barbeque. I had on a red dress, and you were late.” I closed my eyes briefly, trying to cling to the vision.
“Oliver’s birthday party.”
I opened my eyes, Winder staring at me in disbelief. “It was real?”
“Oliver’s last birthday party before you two went undercover.
I didn’t want to come and showed up late.
I almost turned around when I got there, but you saw me through the door, and called for me to come outside.
I never could say no to you.” His face held a thousand emotions. “Do you remember anything else?”
I shook my head, curling closer against him to feel as much of his skin as I could. “No. I can only remember how I felt.”
“How was that?” Winder’s voice felt like a lullaby I never wanted to let go of.
“Safe,” I murmured, sleep carrying me off wrapped in his arms. “I knew as soon as I saw you I was safe.”
He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “Where have you been?”
I don’t think he meant me to hear it, but I had an answer all the same. “I just got a little lost, but I’m finding my way back.”