Chapter 36
Chapter
Thirty-Six
BLAIRE
If I closed my eyes, the beeping could almost be a song I heard on the radio, the newest electronic mix. It could’ve been my heartbeat, keeping time with every memory I settled into now. It could’ve even been my alarm, reminding me I was late for work.
No matter what I tried to convince myself, I knew the reality. I stared down at Winder, lying in his hospital bed, monitors hooked up to every part of him.
“Hey, baby.” His voice was still raspy from disuse, but the emotions were there just the same.
I smiled, leaving my uncomfortable chair to stand next to his bedside. “Hey, you. How did you sleep?”
“As well as I could have, all things considered.” He struggled into a seated position, grimacing.
“Here, let me help.” I pulled the pillow out from behind his back, getting the bed set up so he could sit upright.
“Thanks.” He ran his gaze over me. “You look tired. Did you go home last night?”
“Yes, I slept. Don’t worry about me. Focus on yourself.”
When we arrived at the ER, the doctor told me it’d almost been too late.
The bullet had gone through several organs, and after he made it through surgery, it was anyone’s guess if he’d survive.
I’d sat by his bed every day and every night until they kicked me out, waiting for them to wean him off the medication keeping him sedated.
The day he was off it completely, I barely breathed until his eyes fluttered open, immediately locking on me. I nearly fell down with the oxygen rushing into my lungs because of how grateful I was to see his beautiful, stormy eyes once more.
Winder narrowed his eyes. “Any more nightmares?”
“You know as well as I do there won’t be any more.
” A small lie. My dreams were haunted by the memories of him bleeding out in front of me, but he didn’t need to know the specifics.
Those fears would disappear once Winder was next to me in bed, at home, where he belonged.
“The doctor told me you might be able to go home by the end of the week, if your progress keeps up.”
“He told me that, too, before you came back this morning.”
“Do you feel ready? I can talk to them if you think you need more time…”
He grabbed my hand, squeezing. “If they’d let me come home with you today, I would.”
“Okay, okay!” I squeezed back, our own language. I’m okay. I know.
I love you.
There was something to be said for love that found a way. For the dandelions growing in concrete, the lotus blooming in the mud. There was something special about the kind of love that blossomed in the dark, despite everything threatening their demise.
That was the kind of love between Winder and myself. The one that found a way, again and again, in this life, and the one before this, and the one after it as well.
We were the beauty that found its way in the dirt.
“The police chief came by to see me today,” Winder said interrupting my thoughts.
I perked up. “Did he? What did he say?”
He shrugged. “She said the dirty cops have been taken care of, and they’re now investigating Conrad’s operation from the bottom up.
I don’t know how much they’ll find, because I have to imagine most of them would’ve fled by now, but anything is better than nothing.
They’re pretty confident there won’t be a trial against either of us. ”
My dream journal ended up coming in handy more than either of us expected. The notes I’d made, while vague to me, helped break open cases dealing with Conrad that they’d been working on for a long time.
Conrad had been right, and not many people remembered me anymore.
Funny how quickly the truth can evaporate from our minds.
Those left hadn’t approached me because Conrad paid off the right people, and they all thought I was to blame.
He effectively made me a pariah without me ever knowing.
Not that he had much push back, since I hadn’t been a social creature even then.
With no family, and no real friends to speak of, it was easy for him to wipe me off the map.
I wouldn’t ever be able to go back to the force even if I wanted to, but I wasn’t too worked up about it.
I’d put my notice in with Harry, as well, feeling like a fresh start was in order.
There was bound to be a shitstorm once the entire story got out, and I didn’t want to hurt the company any more than necessary.
My savings were enough for the time being, and once I figured out what I wanted to do, I’d go from there.
I hadn’t told Winder my plans yet, still trying to figure out how to put the words in order.
Speaking of Winder, his eyes drifted shut. No matter how healed he thought he was, he still had a ways to go.
I dragged my chair closer to his bed as quietly as I could, and dropped into it with my eyes closed. If he was going to nap, maybe I could catch a few minutes of sleep, too.
“Blaire.”
Winder was the only person who made my name sound like a demand, and it still made me smile. I opened my eyes. “What’s up?”
He shuffled over on his bed, patting the space beside me. “Come here. I miss you.”
“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Get up here before I come down there and drag you up myself, and then we’ll both be in trouble.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, I’m coming.”
I carefully crawled into bed next to him, my body settling knowing we were next to him once more; we were whole, we were okay.
I lay on my side, tangling my hand in his hair, and kissed him lightly.
Emotions churned in my core, demanding a release, and I couldn’t stop the tears from streaming down my face.
We were okay. We were going to be okay. Winder was here next to me, and we were both here, and we were safe.
“Hey, now. What’s all this about?” He wiped away the tears. “I’ll be out of here in no time. I promise, they can’t keep me here forever, even though I think the one nurse might be a sadist.”
Through my tears, I laughed. “I just… I’m just so grateful you’re still here. I thought I lost you for sure. I thought I was telling stories to a dead guy.”
Winder leaned forward and kissed me, the faintest brush of his lips against mine. “I just got a little lost. But I found my way back, and I’m never leaving again.”
I shuffled to curl against him, comfortable in this moment, in us. He wrapped his arm around me, and I reached for him, being careful of the IV’s and sensors stuck to his skin.
“Winder?” Something hit me, a question I’d forgotten to ask in the chaos.
“Yeah, baby?”
“Donovan?”
I could practically hear him wince. “Yeah, so Donovan is my real name. My legal name. No one has used it in years, though.”
I considered his words. “Winder suits you better.”
“Because I can get out of the awful situations I find myself in?”
“No, because you made the best out of the hand you were dealt. That’s something that deserves to be respected, not forgotten.”
“Thank you,” he whispered, an emotion lacing through it I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
“What do we do now?” I asked, holding onto his hand like it was the only thing keeping me on the planet. “Seeing as we have a lifetime to spend with each other.”
“Well, I did promise you flowers.” He smiled, and I laughed.
“I don’t like things I can kill.” I paused, realizing what I had just said. “Don’t start with me.”
This time, he laughed. “Okay, we won’t unpack the irony of that statement right now.”
I shook my head. Even recovering in a hospital bed he was ridiculous. “What do you want to do? I know you have your house, but I’d kind of like some privacy for a little while at least. Are you opposed to staying at my place?”
“I was…I was actually thinking someplace else altogether.” He hesitated.
“I know you want to change things, to make things safer for the school kids Conrad was targeting, but right now, I think this town has enough bad memories for the both of us. So, a change of scenery is in order, until we get back on our feet. I have a friend who works down on the coast, on a beach. Still in the state, in case anyone needs us, but far enough away we can focus on each other for once.”
“The beach, huh? What kind of friend is this anyway?” I’d never tell Winder to change, but the idea of the two of us selling drugs to spring breakers felt a little strange after everything.
“A legitimate friend, I promise. He runs a small resort.” He paused. “I’m not saying it has to be forever. I’m just saying as a next step, to get us off the ground, while we heal from everything. Then maybe we can come back and start to make the changes in the world you wanted to see.”
I didn’t speak, sitting silently with all my feelings. He had just said everything I’d been trying to figure out how to tell him. A fresh start, just the two of us. I didn’t care about my apartment. I only cared about him.
Winder rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand. “Baby? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want. We can stay here; I’ll do whatever you want.”
I shook my head, rolling back to lock gazes with him, his eyes brought back to life once more. “Winder, you’ve always been my home. Where we go doesn’t matter, as long as I’m with you.”
His grin split his face in two, and he pulled me into a close hug, ignoring all the wires and lines attached to him.
I didn’t know what would happen next. And for the first time in my life, it wasn’t a frightening thing. Because I knew I had Winder next to me. He was all I needed.
The moon was everywhere, but it was always whole, and that was something I would never forget.