Chapter 18
Chapter
Eighteen
Igrimace when I hear the snick of the lock.
I love Tia, but she’s supposed to be at Riley’s now, and I just want privacy to revel.
And wonder what the hell I’m going to say to Chase when I see him.
Because Adric isn’t a secret I can keep.
And even though I’ve been above board about wanting both men, I’m not sure either of them really gets that I mean it.
“I’m crashing early,” I call to Tia as the door opens. I start to roll onto my side, only to sit bolt upright when I hear, “No, you’re not,” in that much deeper, all-too-familiar voice.
“Chase.” I sit up, pulling the blanket against me, suddenly aware of every inch of skin under the sleep shirt I’d just pulled on. “What are you—you can’t just—”
“The hell I can’t.” He shuts the door behind him with a control that’s worse than slamming it, then moves to stand at the foot of my bed and looks at me—just looks at me.
Except this isn’t a man I know. This isn’t Patient Chase or Tender Chase or even Dark-and-Broody-Pass-Cora-to-her-Betrothed Chase.
It’s like he hasn’t decided yet whether he’s furious or wrecked or something else altogether.
“Chase?”
His eyes are hard on mine. “How was it?”
My entire body goes cold.
“Dammit, Cora. How was it?”
Something snaps in me, and I grab the jeans I’d left balled at the foot of my bed and hurl them at him.
“Don’t you dare come in here all pissed and holier-than-thou and act like you caught me in some horrible crime.
You’re pissed because I slept with Adric?
Fine. Be pissed, but do it on your own time in your own damn place, because I told you to your face I wanted him, too.
And guess what? Like it or not, I’m engaged to the man.
And, oh, surprise, surprise, I’m still sleeping with you. ”
He takes a step toward me. “Don’t,” he says. “Don’t you dare pretend not to understand why I’m upset. Dammit, Cora. I love you.”
And there it is.
“I know,” I say gently. “I love you, too.”
For a moment, he doesn’t move. Then his body seems to sag, as if some of the pressure is being released. “And him?”
I shrug. “It’s different. I already told you I’m attracted to him, but it’s not love.”
He cocks his head, his eyes narrowing.
“It’s not,” I say firmly. Then, softer, I add, “but sometimes I think it could be.” I almost flash a grin. “He’s also insufferable at times, so sometimes I think there’s no way…”
To his credit, Chase laughs, and I take a tentative step closer, then another.
Then I reach out, grateful when he takes my hands.
“He is my fiancé,” I say softly. “And for what it’s worth, he knows I’m not giving you up.
But Chase—even though I kind of hate that it’s true—I really don’t want to give him up.
So please, if you value what we have, don’t ask me to. ”
He closes his eyes, then drags his fingers through his hair. “You know I hate this.”
I nod.
He looks down, and his shoulders rise and fall as he draws a breath. When he looks at me, there’s some emotion on his face I don’t recognize.
“What?” I say, fearing another spat.
Once again, he runs his fingers through his hair. “The truth is, I did know. Your attraction, I mean. Both of you for each other. And in the back of my mind, I think I always knew you’d end up in his bed. I even think that on some subconscious level, I’d made peace with that. But this…”
I frown as I try to parse what he’s saying. “But if that’s the case, then why did you just crash into my dorm room?”
He shakes his head, chuckling softly. “I’d steeled myself for you sleeping with him. And for you telling me as much. I didn’t think to prep myself for bearing witness.”
I take a step back, the room suddenly very cold. “What are you talking about?”
“Every caress, Cora. Every sensation. Every mind-blowing, cock-teasing, blood-racing, goddamn second of feeling. Just feeling. But I knew it was you he was inside.”
Heat scorches my face. “Wait. What?”
“I felt his hands on you. I felt being inside you. I thought I was losing my mind. I thought I was having the most vivid fantasy of my life. Then I came in my own apartment with your name on my lips and nothing in my hand, and I realized it wasn’t a fantasy.
I was in him. Or he was in me. I don’t know.
I don’t know how it works. I only know what I felt. ”
I can’t move. Can’t speak. For a moment, I’m frozen, my skin on fire as mortification settles into my bones, and right now I really just want to climb out the window and into another life.
Then another thing hits, and I can’t even believe the question is in my head. But it is, and dammit, I want an answer—Did Chase like it?
I shove that down so hard it almost cracks my ribs.
“Oh my God,” I say. Then, louder, because I can’t think of anything else to say and I have to say something—“Oh my freaking God.”
“Yeah.”
“Chase. I didn’t—I didn’t do that to hurt you. I had no idea.”
“I know.” His words are gentle, but his tone is still hard.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know yet.” His voice is very even. “I came here because if I stayed alone in that apartment one more minute, I was going to break something I’d regret. So I’m here. And you’re going to tell me whether you knew this could happen.”
“Of course I didn’t.”
He nods, then sits on the bed beside me, close, but not touching.
For a moment, neither one of us speaks. Then he begins, his attention on his hands, not me.
“I felt everything he felt. Every sensation he experienced with you. From the smallest on up. And now I have to sit with that. I can be reasonable about you wanting him. I cannot be reasonable about feeling him in my own body while he has you. Those are two different asks.”
“I get that.” What I don’t say is that I won’t give either one of them up.
“I don’t know what to do with this.”
“Neither do I.”
We look at each other. The anger has gone out of the room a little, and I’m afraid I’m about to bring it back. But I have to say it. “I need to call him.”
Chase’s eyes narrow, but I just shrug. “We need to know what he felt. And, honestly, if anyone in the five realms is going to have an answer about what just happened, my money’s on him.”
Chase rubs his fingers against his temples. “Fine,” he says. “Call the bastard.”
I start to point out that he may have the wrong attitude for a civilized conversation, but decide not to. It’s going to be a clusterfuck no matter what. Pun fully intended.
I slide off the bed and pull open the closet door.
“What the hell are you doing?” Chase asks.
“Calling him.” I glance over my shoulder. “Liminal space. It’s a cheat, but technically, he stayed out of the Real. Just like you told him to.”
Chase just shakes his head, but I think I see the tiniest hint of a smile.
A breath later, I see Adric in the sand, his focus not on me but on the man peering over my shoulder.
“Brother,” he says.
“Get your ass over here,” Chase retorts.
Adric’s eyes widen with false innocence. “Ah, but I cannot. I made a promise to not enter the Real.”
“Just get out of the closet,” I say.
He steps out, all poise and grace, his shadow coat fluttering as if there were a breeze. He looks from me to Chase, then back to me again. “I’m guessing my brother is feeling less than kind about the loophole we exploited.”
I start to say that he exploited it, not me, but that would be a lie. “Pretty much,” I say, instead.
For a moment, Adric eyes Chase, and then the amusement that had been dancing in his eyes spreads to his entire face.
“Oh,” he says, taking a step toward Chase.
“I see. This isn’t about the liminal space at all.
You felt it, brother. When Cora and I were…
” he gestures casually, as if referring to the weather. “I thought perhaps you had.”
“What?” I say, my voice rising with mortification. “When the hell did you think that?”
“Throughout,” Adric says. “On and off. I thought it must be Chase. Apparently, I was right.”
Chase’s hands close into fists at his sides. “You thought what was me?”
“A presence.” He shrugs casually, as I gape at him.
“And you didn’t think to mention it to her?” Chase snaps.
“I did not wish to assume,” Adric says, casually leaning against my desk.
“And, brother, in candor—I rather hoped it was you. The bond between us has been the deadest thing I carry. Tonight was the first time it has flickered to life in an age. I would be a hypocrite to pretend I’m sorry it has come back to life. ”
The room goes very still.
“You’re not sorry,” Chase repeats.
“I’m not.”
“You’re not sorry that you used the woman I love as a conduit.”
“I did not use her. I made love to my betrothed.” His voice is mild, as if he’s chatting at a cocktail party.
Honestly, I don’t know what to make of either of them. But I fervently hope they don’t kill each other, if for no other reason than that Tia would force us to get another room. Two immortal beings dying between our beds would leave gallons of bad mojo.
Chase turns to me, and I stiffen against whatever words he’s about to throw at me. But before he can manage a single one, Adric speaks again.
“And as long as we are being honest, brother, the entire encounter was not unwelcome to me.”
“You really have lost your mind.”
“Hardly. I’ve spent millennia upon millennia cut off from the only other piece of myself that ever existed. But with this bond rising between us, I was not alone in my own skin. I liked it. I am not going to pretend otherwise to spare your feelings.”
“I’m going to put you through that wall,” Chase says, his voice low and hard.
“If you must.”
“Stop it.” I’m between them before I have a plan, one hand flat on each chest. “Stop it. Both of you. Sit down.”
Neither of them sits, of course.
But Chase steps back—one small step. Apparently, that’s the most he’s willing to give me, and I take it.
“You felt it,” I say softly. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know that could happen.”
“Cora—”