12. Lincoln
Lincoln
After I got Jasmin out of the shower and into bed, she curled right into me and started tracing the tattoos on my chest. I knew the questions were coming about the meaning of my tattoos that sprawled across my chest. Some of them were easy to tell her about.
Others I tried to skim over, not wanting to get into details about their morbid meaning.
Thankfully, she did not push when I gave half assed answers.
Her fingers traced over the three night Jasmin flowers I had tattooed on my left rib just to the side of my heart.
My body started tingling just from her touching them; those were the only tattoos she did not ask about.
Those three flowers meant more to me than almost any other tattoo on my body; my trident was the only other tattoo that held just as much meaning .
Once Jasmin finally fell asleep, I could not stop staring at her beautiful face.
There was just enough moonlight coming in from the windows to make out her features.
She looked so small and innocent when she was totally relaxed.
So different from the strong, feisty woman she was when she was awake.
It was hard to believe this small woman in my arms was actually deadly when awake.
There was no better feeling than Jasmin’s small body wrapped around mine.
It had been two long years getting back to her.
Two years dreaming about this very moment.
God damn, I had missed this woman every day.
My only solace was that she did not remember me.
More than likely, she never would. She was able to go on with her life, never remembering the pain.
My inner musings were interrupted by Jasmin’s body twisting and kicking. I felt a hard punch to the side of my jaw.
What. The. Fuck!
“ Stop, don’t touch him! I’ll fucking gut you! Stop!” Jasmin screamed out in her sleep.
“Jasmin, baby. Wake up.” I tried to shake her awake.
“Fuck you, you’ll have to kill me first! Don’t touch him, mother fucker!” Her screaming grew louder.
Shit. She was going to wake up the entire house .
“Jasmin!” I grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her with such force her shoulders came off the bed.
She struggled and kicked, trying to buck me off of her. I used my sizable weight to stop her from thrashing around. Mother fucker, this woman was strong.
“Fuck you, I will kill you! Ghost, help me!”
I froze. She had called out my name. Zane confirmed she did not remember the time when she was held captive. What the fuck? She was not supposed to remember.
I jumped off the bed and scooped her up in my arms, cradling her small body. She kicked and fought but I held her as tight as I could, not wanting her to hurt herself. I sat on the floor with my back against the bed, rocking her body.
“ Sweet Jasmin, wake up, baby, you’re safe. I got you, it’s okay now,” I whispered in her ear as I continued to rock her.
Her screams turned into tears. I kissed the tears as they streamed down her face. Fuck, this was gutting me, my sweet girl still remembered, if only in her dreams. She was not supposed to remember.
“Lincoln?” Her voice sounded so soft and broken.
“Yeah, baby.” I kissed the side of her head.
“Why are we on the floor?” Her eyes tried to focus on me in the darkness .
I must not have answered fast enough because her body went tight and she lowered her head. “It happened, didn’t it? I had a nightmare?” She started to cry again and covered her face. “I am so fucking tired of being weak. I just want to remember. I have to remember.”
“You’re gonna be okay. I’ve got you, sweet Jasmin,” I whispered again.
I stood up with Jasmin still in my arms and placed her back into bed.
“Do you want anything, a glass of water?” I asked as I smoothed her hair off of her face.
“Yes, if you wouldn’t mind.” Her small smile broke my heart.
I wanted to go back in time and make each and every mother fucker who touched her pay again.
Rage was quickly taking over my body. I had to get the fuck out of this room and calm down before I let something slip that I shouldn’t.
The last thing she needed to see was me angry after that nightmare.
They all should have suffered. Instead, their end was painless.
A quick slash of their throats was too kind. No pain, no torture, easy.
“Be right back.” I kissed her forehead and made my way out of the room.
I must’ve paced this fucking kitchen a hundred times; I was no closer to composing myself.
As a matter of fact, the longer I was away from Jasmin, the more pissed off I got.
Visions of those pieces of shit punching Jasmin while she was strung up by her tied arms had my blood boiling.
Nightmares! Fuck me, she was having nightmares about a time she was not supposed to remember. God dammit!
“Are you going to stand in the shadows all night, Eric?” I clocked him the moment I stepped foot off the bottom stair.
“Just thought I’d give you time, brother,” he replied. The normal joking tone was out of his voice.
“You know she has nightmares?”
“Hard to miss when we’re out on a mission. But Jas doesn’t share much. She never talks about it and we pretend we don’t hear.” He shook his head.
“Mother Fuck!” I needed to calm my ass down and get back upstairs to my woman.
“She good?” Eric took another pull from his beer and stood up, walking into the kitchen where I was still pacing.
“No, but she will be. You good?” I now saw what Zane was talking about, why he was so worried about Eric. His eyes held nothing but pain. “You know there was not one single, fucking thing you could have done differently. What those animals did is not on you; it never was.”
“Wish that was true. Glad you’re home, Linc. Go take care of your woman.” He slapped my shoulder.
“We’re going to have to tell her,” I said to his back as he walked toward the back door.
“I know.” The door clicked shut behind him.
I grabbed a bottle of water and headed for the stairs. I needed Jasmin back in my arms. I needed to feel that she was alive and safe.
Opening the door as quietly as I could, I stepped back in the room to find Jasmin sitting up.
She was leaning against the head board, staring out the big picture windows in front of the bed.
I slipped into bed next to her and handed her the bottle of water.
She took the bottle wordlessly, lost in her own thoughts.
“What’s going on in that head of yours, baby?”
She blew out a breath and looked at me. The sadness and confusion clearly written all over her beautiful face.
“I am fucking tired of being weak. Two God damn years and I still cannot remember. I dream about it almost every night. It is right fucking there. I just cannot pull out the memories when I wake up. It feels like… I can’t explain what it feels like. I just need to remember.”
Fuck, I did not want to have this conversation now.
I needed to find a way to shut this shit down quickly.
This was neither the time nor the place to tell her, in the early dawn hours when she should be pressed against me enjoying the post sexual bliss.
I was not prepared to lose her so soon after I finally got her back in my arms.
Pulling her down into me, I kissed her with all the passion, lust, and love I had for her.
She needed a distraction from all the hurt and memories still plaguing her mind.
She kissed me back with the same intensity.
I could feel myself lengthening and hardening for her, my need growing by the second.
Pushing my hard on onto her stomach, she returned my fervor by thrusting her hips forward.
“You are the strongest woman I know, my warrior princess. I am going to fuck you long and slow, you’ll be so far gone with want, you’ll think of nothing but me.” I kissed her lips slow and hard.
“Yes, Lincoln,” she cried out when I tested her readiness.
The sun peeked in through the open curtains, making sleep impossible.
Watching Jasmin sleep had very easily become my favorite diversion.
I could pretend the outside world was not waiting just out that bedroom door.
I could pretend that I was not going to destroy Jasmin.
In these early morning hours, the calm before the proverbial storm, I just watched her sleep.
Knowing these might be the last moments she would allow once she knew the truth.
I regretted nothing. Everything we did was to protect Jasmin.
She would not see it that way. She would see it as a betrayal.
Allowing myself one more small pleasure, I kissed her forehead before pulling the sheet up to cover her beautiful, nude body.
Taking a mental picture, I made sure I would never forget this moment.
Slipping out of bed, I found my clothes and dressed as quietly as I could, not wanting to wake her.
There were conversations that needed to be had before she came downstairs.
Just one more touch. I stroked the soft skin around her neck. Fuck, I hoped she could forgive me. The thought of living without this woman gutted me.
She nuzzled my hand as I pulled away. “Love you, Ghost.” The words were barely audible, but I felt them in every part of my body from my heart and straight to my hardening dick .
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I had to get the hell out of here; I needed to think all this shit through.
The door closed with a click behind me and I practically ran down the stairs like the hounds of hell were nipping at my heels.
That is what it felt like. I was in fucking purgatory.
I waited to see if I would be drug back into hell or if Jasmin would take me to heaven.
“Shit, dude, the place on fire or something?” Leo asked as I passed by him on my way out back.