16. Jasmin
Jasmin
I skipped lunch and dinner with the team; instead, I hid in my room like a coward.
I could not face them yet. Eric and Zane both tried to come up and talk to me.
I sent them both away. I was not fit for company.
Either I was sobbing or angry as hell. I had watched the rest of the video; now I was wrecked with grief and regret.
I wished I could go back and change what I had done.
I would take the memories of my torture and the seizures if it meant I could remember the Lincoln in that video.
He looked at me with so much love. I ached inside to have that again.
I did have that again. I had it yesterday. I saw the passion and love in his eyes last night. I just didn’t understand it. I ruined everything.
I needed to get the hell out of this room, out of this damn house for a while.
I quietly opened my bedroom door and checked to make sure the hallway was empty before I tiptoed down the hall, making my way to the stairs.
Looking down to make sure no one was blocking the front door, I silently descended the stairs and opened the front door. Freedom.
I strolled down to the water’s edge, enjoying the silence when I heard footsteps behind me. Christ Almighty, I was going to have to shoot someone. I just wanted peace.
“Jasmin.” It was my uncle Tom.
“Mr. President,” I joked back.
“Don’t Mr. President me, Laura Lee.” My heart sank at the use of my given name.
The name that my mother and father named me, the parents I do not remember.
“Tell me about them,” I asked.
With a sigh, my uncle motioned me to follow him. “Let’s sit down.”
We sat in two perfectly placed Adirondack chairs that gave a beautiful view of the Bay.
My uncle shook a cigarette out of his pack and lit it before he continued.
“My sister Erin was a handful. You remind me so much of your mother.” He smiled wide like he was remembering something fondly.
“She was stubborn and always right, but she loved with her whole heart. She met your father when Robert and I had just gotten back from a mission. We were all still in the Navy. Zane’s father, Rick, and Noah were as well.
Anyway, us guys were all at a bar celebrating being home after another successful mission and in walked your mother.
By the look on Robert’s face, you would have thought the sky had parted and an Angel of God had appeared before him.
I warned him to stay away from my sister.
You see, your father had a bit of a reputation with the ladies.
” He stopped again to give me a wink. I wasn’t sure if it was gross to think of my dad as a player or if I was happy for my mom that she had landed such a desirable man.
“In the end, it was useless; your mother was relentless. From the second she laid eyes on Robert, he was hers. No one was going to change that. Hell, Robert fell just as hard. By the next month, we had been called up for another mission. Robert insisted on marrying Erin before we left. A few days later, your parents got married. Noah, Rick, and I stood up for them at the courthouse. Robert promised her a big wedding when they got home, but she would not have it. She joked and said that she was happy to have a seventy-five-dollar courthouse wedding, because the wedding was not significant, the marriage is what is important. She was right of course, and their marriage was strong. ”
We sat in silence for a few minutes, my uncle staring blindly into the water. I wondered if he was thinking about my parents, too.
“When they found out they were pregnant with you, their whole world was alight with happiness. They were over the moon. They had tried for three years to get pregnant. They were looking into adoption when your mom found out about you. I will never forget how happy I was to find out I was going to be an uncle. When your parents were drawing up their will and told me they had named Noah as your guardian, I was not happy. I was your blood and could not understand why.” He stopped to take a drag of his cigarette.
“My sister thought she was doing the right thing for me and for you. I knew that, but it still hurt. Noah wanted to leave the CIA. I, on the other hand, had political aspirations. I was already being groomed for a cabinet position. I begged Erin. I explained that if something, God forbid, ever happened to them, I would gladly give up the CIA as well as any political dreams. She would not hear of it. She also did not want you raised in the spotlight. Needing bodyguards. She wanted you to have a normal life. They chose Noah to give that to you. After Noah died, I desperately wanted to go to you, but I promised Erin on her death bed I would not disrupt your life and I would wait until you were thirty before I ever approached you. Stupidest fucking promise I ever made. Even more stupid that I kept that promise out of some sort of misguided loyalty. They were gone. My loyalty should have been yours alone. I should have come to you sooner. I deeply regret that and I am sorry.” He took another drag before he snubbed it out.
“I hope one day you can find it in you to forgive me. I want nothing more than to be your uncle.”
Tom stood up and made to leave. Before he could go, I stopped him. “Uncle Tom, did you know that Lincoln is my husband?”
“Yes,” he said with compassion in his voice.
“I was there after your final treatment. That man sat by your bed for days and refused to leave. He refused to give up hope on you and when you opened your eyes and did not remember him, he was gutted. I have never seen a man in so much pain. He loves you deeply.”
“Why don’t I remember him if he was there when I woke up? Or you? Wouldn’t I remember being at the hospital?” I questioned, curious as to why I did not remember anything from that time.
“The doctor explained that the cocktail he had given you would cause you to have memory loss even after you woke up. You were confused and scared; Zane was the only one who could calm you. You seemed to remember him. The doctor explained it was because you had known Zane for years, not just a few months.”
“I screwed up.” That was an understatement.
“You have to give him time. A man like him does not stop loving you because of a few words. He sat by your side and waited for you. If you love him like I know you do, you being your mother’s daughter, nothing will stop you from getting him back. You just have to wait.”
“Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me my mom and dad.”
“When this is settled and the op is over, I know your aunt and cousin would love nothing more than to have you over. They have been waiting to meet you.”
“Is that an invitation to the White House?” I joked. It felt good to smile. Maybe everything would work out.
I jumped out of my seat and gave my uncle a hug. The first hug I could ever remember giving him.
“Thank you, Laura Lee, I love you,” he said in a gruff voice, quickly pulling back and walking away.
I saw a shadow pass to my side. My heart rate sped up, hoping it was Lincoln. I desperately wanted to talk to him .
My disappointment must have shown as Zane approached. “Expecting someone else?” He laughed.
“Expecting? No, hoping maybe,” I answered, feeling unsure of myself, a new feeling for me. “So you’re my brother-in-law.”
“I’ve waited a long time to hear you say that. You are always my friend first, never doubt that, Jas.”
I needed Z’s reassurance more than I cared to admit. My normal snarky attitude was nowhere to be found; in its place was this insecure person I didn’t recognize. I am blaming it on information overload.
“I think I fucked up, Z. Well, I know I fucked up; it’s just a matter of how FUBAR my marriage is.”
Holy shit, my marriage . I was married to a man I could not remember. A man that I broke and pushed away just because I was scared. A man that saved my life, stayed with me through my recovery, and waited years to come back to me.
“He’ll come around, Jasmin. I tried to warn him to take things slowly, but he did what he always does when he wants something. He took it.” Z smiled at me.
I was not going to discuss my sex life with him, and the smirk on his face told me he had heard it all.
“Why didn’t you tell me what happened? I am not mad anymore. I just want to understand why?”
“Truth, you were not ready. ”
“Says who?” I scoffed. Who the hell was he to tell me I wasn’t ready?
“Jasmin, you spent seven months recovering from a brain injury. We didn’t know if the treatment would work or if you would start having seizures again.
When you wanted out of the CIA and your Army contract was up, it was perfect timing.
I needed an operative at Z Corps and I could keep my eye on you. ”
“What the hell? You hired me so you could babysit me? The fuck!” I started pacing back and forth.
“Shut the hell up, Jas! You know damn well that you earned your place in my company and on my team. I hired you because I knew you could handle your shit; you saved my life. You are one of the best operatives I have. And before you spew some bullshit like you are quitting to work at McDonald’s or some smart ass shit, I will not accept your resignation.
You’re not leaving.” He grabbed my arm to spin me around as I paced by him.
“You hear me, Jasmin? I will not let you leave. I need you at Z Corps.” He pulled me into a hug.
I don’t ever remember hugging Z, and I would remember. He gave good hugs. Not as good as his brother, but good, nonetheless. When in the ever-loving hell did I become a hugger?
“Thanks, Z. I am gonna head up to bed. Your op was pushed back until six-hundred, right? ”