18. Jasmin #2
The kiss ended all too soon and without a word Linc was out the door.
What the fuck was that? It took me a moment to shake myself out of my Linc induced stupor and run out the door to watch my team depart.
I made it out the door just in time to watch the helicopter lift off the ground.
The whine of the engines roaring to full power was so loud I covered my ears and enjoyed the vibrations the noise sent through my body.
I always loved traveling by helicopter. The sheer power always amped up my adrenaline.
Fuck, this sucked ass. Watching my team leave left me feeling inadequate and weak, neither of which I was comfortable with.
Tom and Drew walked back toward me. Tom patted my shoulder and continued on toward the house, leaving Drew and I standing outside, watching the helicopter disappear into the dawn.
“You good?” Drew asked.
“I get to shoot guns and take out bad guys, life is good.” I tried to force some spunk in my voice. I did not want a postmortem of my relationship and that is exactly what Drew was trying to do.
“You think that bullshit works on me, girl?” He laughed .
Shit and damn. Since when did Drew want to do girl talk?
“It was worth a shot, there’s nothing to say, Drew. My life is fucked. I have lived a lie my whole life, I have an uncle that is the freaking president, and, oh yeah, I am married!” My voice raised a few octaves toward the end; it sounded shrill even to my own ears. What in the hell was that shit?
“Let’s start with your life is a lie. It sounds to me like you had parents that gave a shit and wanted you protected from the fall-out that was their life, not wanting you to grow up having to be followed and watched. Get the hell over it. You know now. Move on and get to know your uncle.”
I stood frozen. Get over it. What the fuck?
“Nice. Thanks for that very insightful outlook.”
“Jasmin, what is the alternative? What would your life have been like growing up if Tom took you? You would have grown up in a bubble. You would have been stifled. Bodyguards and all that other bullshit. Or if you didn’t have Noah?
Foster care? So, yeah, get over it, that simple.
You want a pity party, poor you. That is not the bad ass Jasmin I know.
The Jasmin I know pulls her shit together, gets square, and moves on.
So move on.” Drew threw his arm up in obvious frustration.
He was right, of course. I was not one to allow anyone to pity me or treat me like I needed to be managed
“Shit and damn. I hate it when you’re right. I’m good. Yes, just like that, before you ask. I just needed someone to set my ass straight. You’ve always been good at that.” I smiled at him.
I knew this was somewhat of an uncomfortable conversation for Drew. He did not do touchy feely. Oh, he always had my back and was protective, but he was all man. For him to bring this up to me meant I looked worse than I thought. Damn it to hell.
“You know, I worked with Linc on an op in Germany about five years ago?” he asked, his eyes guarded, looking more uncomfortable than he did a minute ago.
“We didn’t work closely; his team was the secondary.
We tracked a jihadist group to Germany and his team was already embedded so it just worked to use them. ”
“Yeah?” I was confused. Why in the hell would that make Drew so uncomfortable? “So you got a problem with him. Did the operation go to shit?”
“The opposite actually. Lincoln Parker is one of the best operators I have ever worked with. Before I knew his connection to you, I was relieved he was joining the team. I knew his shit was wired tight; he is smart with great instincts. ”
“And now that you know there is a connection, that he is my husband?” I asked, still unclear where this was going.
Surely, Drew knew I could handle myself; I had never given any of the guys any reason to think that I was some wilting flower that needed five big brothers to protect her.
Even though that is exactly what they did when we weren’t on a mission.
When we were in theater, they treated me no differently than they treated each other.
But when we were stateside, they acted like I was the little sister.
“Fuck! Now I am not so sure.” He shoved his hand through his short hair, clearly agitated
“The fuck?” I blurted out.
“Shit, damn. Look, Jasmin, I do not want to get into your personal sex life…” Drew started, but I cut him off before he could finish.
“The hell you say? Then don’t. You do realize you are like a brother to me.
I get all the rest of you talk about the ass you get, but you have always respected me enough not to ask me about my sex life, or lack thereof,” I hissed out, pissed as all get out he would have the nerve to bring up my sex life.
“God Damn, this is not easy for me. I am worried about you. I have seen Linc at a club.” Drew’s face pinched up in horror.
“What in the ever-loving hell does that have to do with anything? It was five years ago. Long before I met him. Who cares if he was at a club? We go to clubs to blow off some steam after a mission or to shoot the shit. Why does this even matter?” I questioned, getting more pissed by the second.
What was wrong with the men in my life? Were they all trying to drive me bat shit crazy?
“Jasmin,” he spit out, annoyance evident in his voice, “a kink club.” At least he had the decency to look embarrassed.
Oh! Oh, shit. It became blindingly clear what he was trying to tell me.
My face flushed red, giving away my embarrassment.
We all knew Drew had a particular taste when it came to sex.
He had never hidden the fact he was a Dom.
His kink, from what little I knew, was extreme.
He liked to dish out a side of extreme pain with his sex.
I, for one, never cared what two consenting adults did behind closed doors, or in front of a room full of likeminded people, if that was their brand of kink.
“Why… why are you telling me this? Does he… um was he… shit, why can’t I say it? Is he hardcore like you?” I stammered out, feeling my body heat up and flush red with memories of Linc ordering me around and spanking my ass in the shower.
I had never been so turned on or felt more at peace than I did when I gave up my control and gave it over to Linc.
I could let go and relax, knowing he was calling the shots, but I didn’t know how much more pain I could take.
I think my entire body might have shook at the images my mind was conjuring up.
Holy shit, Drew turned crimson and looked away again when he noticed my visceral reaction.
Drew quickly recovered and schooled his expression. “No, he had a sub in ropes using a deer skin flogger for light impact play.” He looked like he wanted to crawl out of his skin as he uttered the words.
When the hell would I learn to stop asking questions I did not want to know the answers to? The thought of Lincoln with another woman had my heart rate spiking and rage flowing through my body. What in the actual fuck was that? Was this what jealousy felt like?
“And?” I squared my shoulders, showing more confidence than I felt.
“And? Jesus Christ, I just told you. Linc likes to tie subs up and flog their asses, isn’t that enough?
A man like Linc cannot just turn off who he is, Jasmin.
I needed to make sure you knew what you were getting with him.
” Drew eyed me up and down like I was some puzzle he couldn’t work out, trying to fit all the pieces that made me into a neat little rectangle .
“Why are you looking at me like that?” My back shot ramrod straight under his scrutiny.
“You gotta know it pisses me right the hell off that I am feeling like I am being judged here. By you of all people, mister ‘I like to throw a whip and see my welts on the ass of my wife’. What the hell, Drew? Does that make me weak in your eyes now? I will not apologize for who I am or what I like.”
“Fuck no! It takes a strong woman to fully submit to her man, to give all of her trust over to him, and allow him full control. Every time Julie submits to me, it is a gift and one I do not take lightly. I just never took you as a sub, Jasmin. I thought you would cut Linc’s dick off at the slightest hint of dominance.
” He looked away again, shaking his head as if he was trying to shake away an unpleasant image.
Good. The fucker wanted to talk about my sex life.
I hope that image is seared in his brain forever.
God knows, I could not unhear this conversation, and I wished I could.
“Thanks for the concern, brother .” Condensation dripping off my tongue. “But I am five by five.”
I started to walk away. I was so over this uncomfortable conversation. What the hell? How damn embarrassing!
Drew stepped in front of me. “I am sorry, baby girl. I should not have gotten in your business. I was just worried about you and about Linc.” He waited to continue until my eyes met his.
A look of hurt flashed in them. “I know what it is like to have, shall we say, certain tastes. And when someone you care for does not share in those tastes it leads to heartache.”
Shit and damn. How could I stay mad at Drew when he had obviously opened himself up to me and was just trying to look out for me?
“I know. Really. I’m cool.” I gave him a loopy smile and a wink, earning me a chuckle. Drew had a great laugh; it was straight from his gut, full and gruff. Hearing it made me smile bigger. Damn, I loved my family, uncomfortable sex talk notwithstanding.
“So my girl is a sub. Who knew? Here I had always figured you as a Domme. I was waiting for the day you asked to borrow my flogger. Shit Dom I am, huh?”
FML! Just kill me now. Serious as shit, my face felt like it had caught on fire and I looked around for the nearest hole to crawl in and die.
“Nope. Just waiting for the right man to come along. You know, one strong enough to overpower all my sass and bend me to his will. You know all the spankings are just a bonus. It makes the…”
“ La la la… I get it. Stop, there is not enough ear bleach.” He covered his ears.
I smirked at him, trying my hardest not to blush a bright red. “Right. Are we done with this heart to heart?”
He barked out a laugh and pulled me into a hug. “Yeah, baby girl, we are so done. Let’s grab our shit. Transport to the White House will be here in thirty.”
“Love you, Drew man, even if you’ve gone all soft and shit with a case of the feels.”