9. Maddy
Chapter 9
Maddy
I stood there, mouth hanging open, as Niko stormed out of the room. What the hell had just happened?
It took me a solid minute — okay, maybe closer to five minutes, if I was being honest — to gather myself and follow him, but by the time I entered the hallway, he was long gone. I crept out towards the kitchen, just as Jax was making a bee-line to his office at the end of the hall in the opposite direction.
“Looking for Niko?” he asked with a curiously knowing smirk.
“How did you know?” I replied, throwing him a small smile of politeness.
“Fucking or fighting — you two aren’t exactly quiet,” Something in his gaze told me he knew more than he was letting on. So, like a dog with a bone, I about-faced and followed him as he skirted around me towards his office. Or — what did the guys call it? Oh right! His tech cave.
“Hey, wait a second! Can I talk to you?” I called after him. He began to close the door to his cave, but I quickly threw my hand in the way, grasping the door and pushing with all my might to stop him from shutting me out. I was not about to be shut out by yet another one of these men. Not today.
He sighed heavily, his eyes meeting mine.
“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?” That smirk was back, and that was my moment.
“I work in tech, just like you. You tell me.” With one brow raised, I stared him down. After a solid ten seconds, he finally broke, laughing as he opened the door wide.
“Man, Niko is going to have his work cut out with you, isn’t he?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” I asked, following him into the room as he made his way towards the rear wall, where a huge, comfy chair sat behind a literal wall of monitors.
“Uh… well…” he sputtered, and I quickly picked up on the fact that he must have said something he should not have.
“No way, dude. Out with it.”
“Not going to happen, sweetheart,” he shot back, leveling me with a gaze that mirrored my own.
I growled at him, narrowing my eyes.
“Listen, you and Niko are cut from the same cloth. That’s all I can say,” he shrugged.
“No, you are physically capable of saying much more. And you should. Right now.” I pressed my finger down onto the table emphatically.
“Physically capable does not mean in my best interest,” he said with a smile.
“Why would telling me this not be in your best interest?”
“Have you ever thought about joining the police force? You’d be great at interrogation. You have a million questions.”
“Pfft. Like you don’t? Please, I picked up that you’re some kind of boy genius on my first day here. You don’t get to that kind of status without asking endless questions of your own. So cut the bullshit.”
“You’re right on that account, but it still doesn’t mean I’m going to tell you anything.”
“Why not? At least tell me that much.”
“Because I value my life, for one!” he cackled, shaking his head as he straightened a few things on his desk. Busy work, keeping his hands moving so he didn’t have to answer my questions. Or so he didn’t give away that he was lying. Yeah, I knew that move, too. I’d spent long enough with fucking Bryce-the-Cheater, I knew the move all too well.
“And who would come for you if you told me? Niko? Please, he’s just a softie underneath it all.”
“The hell he is! Niko can be terrifying. Trust me, I have seen him in action. Literally.” The smirk that lifted the corner of his lips as he pretended to read some of the papers on his desk gave him away.
“Seen him in action ? Something tells me you’re not just talking about your work in the military.” My brow furrowed, trying to read between the lines of context he had given and uncover the truth.
Suddenly, it dawned on me. “You’ve seen him in action action, haven’t you?”
His face gave away nothing.
“I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t lie to me. You’re too smart for that shit and I know it. What is going on?”
“If you want answers, you’ll have to talk to Niko,” he said as if it were a script that he had recited so often it was second nature to him now.
“You and I both know that Niko isn’t saying shit to me, and that’s the motherfucking problem, now isn’t it?” I spewed my frustrations towards him like a torrent.
“My lips are sealed, Maddy.” He refused to look at me, busying himself with more fake work to dissuade me from my mission. But I was not one to back down from a challenge.
“Oh, I see,” I said, changing my tone and nodding my head with faux understanding.
“Do you?” His brow lifted as he gave me a side-eyed glance.
“Of course. He let slip that he’s a Dominant, but I had no idea he was your Dominant. That makes so much more sense now!” I chuckled to myself.
“Wait, that’s not—”
“No, I get it. I just had no idea that Niko swung both ways. But if you’re Niko’s subby little bitch boy, then who am I to interfere? I truly meant no harm, Jax. I can promise you—”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait a second. I am not Niko’s subby little bitch boy. We are both straight, for the record, but regardless, it’s not cool to degrade someone for being submissive. Those of us in the lifestyle take that kind of shit really seriously. So don’t ever say something like that again.” His eyes turned to me, shooting daggers through his blue-eyed gaze as he pointed his finger at me in a warning.
“So, he’s like into the whole kinky Fifty Shades of Gray shit, huh?” I said, delighted I had hit my mark. Instantly, regret washed over his face, but I didn’t care. The truth was out, and I was not about to stop now. “Just how into it is he?”
“I’m not telling you any more than that, Maddy. I’ve already said too much.” He began fiddling with papers once more, refusing to meet my gaze.
“Jax, come off it. You’re a legit genius. Stop acting like you don’t know what you’re looking for, or busying yourself with fake work to avoid the conversation. It’s beneath you,” I scoffed.
“It’s not my story to tell, Maddy,” he said, finally meeting my gaze. “Hell, I wasn’t kidding when I said I valued my life too much to tell you. Niko would have my head.”
“You let me worry about Niko. He won’t talk to me, so I need someone to just tell me the damned truth at this point. You have no idea how hard it is to be in a strange place, with strange people, and not be able to get the truth. It doesn’t feel good.” My moment of candidness seemed to do the trick. His posture relaxed, and his eyes softened with pity as he sighed heavily.
“Okay, I can understand that. Fine. What is it you want to know?” He gestured to the chair behind me, bidding me to take a seat. Something told me this would not be a short conversation, and fuck if I wasn’t more than ready for the truth.
“Finally,” I sighed, pulling up the chair and making myself comfortable. “So, Niko admitted he’s a Dominant. What does that mean exactly? Like, he’s into beating women for kicks, or how does that work?”
“That’s a big question, and pretty much everything you just said was wrong. It’s about way more than that. Essentially, what you need to know is that everything that happens in BDSM is consensual and pre-negotiated.” He answered, leaning back in his chair.
“Pre-negotiated? So you talk everything through beforehand? That sounds kinda boring if you ask me. Plus, it’s not like Niko negotiated shit with me last night,” I scoffed, immediately losing a bit of respect for the man. If pre-negotiating was so important, why was nothing discussed between us?
“Well, it’s not that simple. What you two did last night wasn’t BDSM,” he explained with a wave of his fingers.
“Felt pretty kinky to me,” I pouted.
“Kinky sex and BDSM are not the same thing. Did Niko do anything to you that you didn’t like?” Jax asked, one brow lifting in question, as though he already knew the answer.
“No, but—”
“Did he hold you to any rules you didn’t accept?” he interrupted. I thought back to the events of last night. Sure, he told me to be loud, refusing to let me muffle my sounds, but that was hot as fuck.
“I don’t think so. I mean, he was pretty commanding.”
“Let me rephrase, then. Did he punish you if you did not obey?” he asked pointedly.
“No. He didn’t punish me. It was more like… I don’t know. We pushed and pulled each other. There was more goading than anything. It’s hard to explain. But he didn’t punish me. And he didn’t do anything I didn’t want.”
“I have a feeling that if he had, you would have clocked him!” Jax barked out a laugh.
“Fuck punching. I would have ripped his balls off. There’s no way I’d let someone do something to me I didn’t want,” I said, joining him in his laughter.
“Exactly. What Niko did last night was read you. He didn’t hold you to anything, because you two did not agree to anything. And that is the key with BDSM. What you did last night was kinky, hot fun, sure. But it wasn’t BDSM. There’s a huge difference.”
“So, it’s like doing fun shit in the bedroom versus something more serious and predetermined.” I knew I was basically parroting back what he had previously said, but this time it was with understanding.
“Exactly. And with the fact that you are both brats…” he trailed off with a shrug.
“Niko is a brat?” I asked, surprised. Jax simply pinned me with a look. “Yeah, you’re right. He’s a total brat. I would have said ass, but I see your point.”
“It’s kind of his thing, but you’re going to have to get any other information you want from him.”
“Can I ask one last question?” I knew I was pushing my luck with Jax, but I had to at least try .
“Possibly? Depends on the question.”
“He told me that what happened between us last night was a one-time deal. That he couldn’t continue with me, even though he wants to. Something about not mixing business with pleasure. Why is he so stubborn about it? We’re both consenting adults, and I don’t understand why we can’t just be adults about the whole thing. It’s not like I don’t understand the situation we are in.” I knew I was being whiny, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. I just wanted to understand. And to be understood.
“I’m sorry, Niko is going to have to be the one to answer that question. But I will say, I hope he does tell you. I hope you two can talk this out and come to some kind of understanding. Mostly because this place will be a madhouse if you two can’t come to terms with things. But also because you two sounded like quite the pair last night,” he said, waggling his eyebrows at me with mischievous delight.
“Oh, poor Jax-y-poo! Jealous much?” I teased, throwing him a wink as I stood and returned the chair to its place.
“A little, yeah! What I wouldn’t give to have a pretty girl tied up and hung from the ceiling, making all those glorious sounds you made last night,” he shot right back, leaving me standing there, jaw slack and shocked.
“Jax, you kinky bastard! Tying a girl up and hanging her from the ceiling?! That sounds like you’re trying to kill her.”
“Kill her with pleasure and pain, maybe, but that’s it. Trust me. It’s a rush! Having hung from a ceiling like that myself, I can say it’s not for the faint of heart,” he cackled, his eyes losing focus for a moment, obviously lost in a memory of playing out that particular situation.
“Not for me. I can’t imagine being restrained like that. No way.” My face screwed up in distaste. But he only laughed harder.
“Well, then, that’s a limit for you. And good on you for having limits! It’s always good to know your boundaries.”
“I guess I have a lot to learn. Too bad I don’t have my laptop to do some research,” I muttered, hoping that this just might be my way into getting access to a computer or phone soon.
“No can do, dear. No access to the outside world for you. It’s safer that way. But might I suggest an alternative?” Reaching into one of his many desk drawers, he pulled out a well-used book with a yellow cover. “This book will give you more accurate information than some random place on the internet, anyway. It’s my personal copy, so ignore the notes in the margins.”
“Notes in the margins? Jax, how unexpected. I had you pegged for keeping books pristine.”
“Nah. Not me. I like notes,” he shrugged me off as I headed towards the door. “Oh, and Maddy?”
I turned, pausing at the doorway.
“I reserve pegging for special occasions.” He tossed me a wink, leaving me more shocked than before as I exited his tech cave and closed the door behind me.
What the fuck was I getting myself into?