Chapter Thirty
“Chrys.”
With a start, she realized her mother had said her name twice already.
“Sorry. Yeah?”
Her mom scooped up more scrambled eggs on her fork, failing to notice them sliding off as she gazed Chrys’s way.
“I asked what time you would be home.”
“Um, not sure,”
Chrys said.
“I’ll let you know if I have dinner with Lily.”
Samantha Quinn was looking at her funny. It wasn’t quite side-eye, but it came close enough for Chrys to lower her head and shove some eggs in her mouth.
“I’m glad you’re making friends with other witches,”
her mom said at last.
Chrys would have choked on her food at the very idea of it a week ago, but Lily had called her a friend yesterday. Lily had stuck up for her and bought her a gift. Lily, Lily, Lily.
“Some of them are … tolerable,”
Chrys said between bites. Some of them being Lily.
She’d just finished stuffing her dishes into the dishwasher when a message popped up in her group chat with Anushka, Isaiah, and Luke.
Luke: Forgot to ask yesterday, but did I really see you and Lily leaving Black Cat together, or is this island making me hallucinate again?
It was so very tempting to let Luke believe he’d imagined it, but that was rude. Before Chrys could decide how to respond, though, more messages followed.
Anushka: WHAT???
Isaiah: Is this why you didn’t audition for the musical? You’ve been sneaking around to hang out with Lily after school?
Luke: Maybe they’re both witches.
Chrys: Ha ha.
Chrys: We have to work on a project together for the Historical Society.
Anushka: I’m sorry.
Isaiah: Project?
Chrys: Not a fun one, but it’s fine. She’s …
Chrys’s fingers hesitated. Lily had called her a friend yesterday. Her description of Lily as tolerable was so weak in comparison. Worse, it felt like a lie. Lily was actually way better than Chrys had wanted her to be.
Chrys: I guess we’ve become friends.
Luke: lol! I told you she’s nice!
Shaking her head, Chrys packed a container with baked treats to share with Lily—apple-cranberry coffee cake with hazelnut drizzle and more of the chocolate gingerbread cookies that Lily liked so much.
If only Luke had a clue that his arrival in Thornhaven had precipitated all this, but she could never tell him that. Maybe one day, if he and Lily dated and got married, Lily could cast a spell that would make him resistant to Thornhaven’s memory-altering magic, and then Chrys could tell him the truth. Witches who married normies did it all the time.
But that was a big if. Lily and Luke weren’t even a couple, not yet, and Chrys had a hard time imagining that the Allertons would approve of their daughter marrying a normie.
Speaking of Lily, Chrys’s phone had been making lots of noise as more messages arrived, but the latest wasn’t Anushka or Isaiah demanding an explanation for her change of heart.
Lily: I’m out in the parking lot, but idk which building is yours
Although Chrys had been to Lily’s a few times now, the thought of Lily seeing her apartment was more than Chrys could handle. She wasn’t worried about Lily judging her, at least she didn’t think so, but the apartment was so small. Like, small-small. Having anyone over felt intimate in a way that Chrys wasn’t prepared to deal with.
Chrys wrote a hasty talk later in the group chat, yelled her goodbye to her mom, and dashed out the door. The sky was mottled with gray clouds that were just starting to drizzle, and they rumbled as Chrys jumped into Lily’s car.
Lily raised an eyebrow.
“Sunflower earrings? I knew I got you the right pin.”
Chrys shrugged, feigning carelessness, and touched the tiny silver flowers dangling from her ears. She hadn’t worn them in years, and wearing jewelry while painting was probably silly, but if putting more thought into her appearance because she was hanging out with Lily was silly, then … yeah, she was acting completely silly. She’d picked out the earrings precisely because she was hoping Lily might comment on them.
“Maybe I’m trying not to be such a cliché,”
Chrys said.
“You’re not a cliché. You only pretend to be.”
Chrys wanted to argue with that, but Lily wasn’t wrong, and she wasn’t sure how she felt about Lily having this kind of understanding of her.
“I work hard to project a certain image,”
she said, falling back on sarcasm to cover her confusion.
“How dare you.”
“Excuse me for telling you that you’re more interesting than a cliché.”
Chrys’s confusion turned to something that warmed her from the inside. That was twice in two days that Lily had called her interesting.
“Fine, but don’t tell anyone else. Only you’re allowed to know.”
Lily bit her lip at that, and she smiled.
Chrys got even warmer. She hadn’t been completely sure of herself when she put the earrings in this morning, but for the first time in a long while, the sunflowers felt like they belonged on her.
Wednesday evening, before witch school began, Lily arrived early because she and Chrysanthemum had to sneak back the books they’d stolen. They’d gotten lucky that no one seemed to have noticed they’d gone missing, but judging from the dust in the restricted room, perhaps that wasn’t so surprising.
They could have attempted to return the books on Saturday, but Chrysanthemum had insisted it was worth it to finish reading them in case they found anything else helpful, and Lily had agreed. Besides, meeting early was another opportunity to spend time together and review their plans for the weekend, and she wasn’t about to argue with that.
In fact, Lily was discovering that she would take any excuse to spend time with Chrysanthemum. After spending Friday and Saturday together, they’d spent hours chatting while doing homework on Sunday, too. At some point, Chrysanthemum had become the first person Lily thought of when she had something funny to share or needed to complain or just generally felt like talking. Chrysanthemum was very talkative when Lily got her started, and funny, and insightful, and … and … Lily didn’t know what exactly, but thinking about it made her excited.
She felt a little bad, like she might be ignoring Sonia, but Sonia hadn’t been as available since she and Evan got back together, so Lily told herself that Sonia probably hadn’t even noticed.
Chrysanthemum met her at the Book Nook, the bookshop down the street from the Historical Society. She’d brought more of her mother’s amazing cookies to share, and they ate while Lily ran through her to-do list for Saturday. It was not the fun, just-hang-out kind of conversation Lily wanted to have, but it was necessary.
Chrysanthemum made faces when Lily brought up her notes about who should do what for the spell, but she didn’t put up any fights. Like Lily, she’d seemed more cheerful over the last week, like a blackberry bramble that had lost some of its thorns, making it easier (and less bloody) to find the sweet fruit it usually held out of reach.
It made Lily feel special to have gotten to know this other side of Chrysanthemum.
Sneaking the books back into the restricted room was far less stressful than obtaining them had been. The first break-in had clearly made them pros, and the second went off without a hitch. Now they had ten minutes remaining before class began, and they idled in the hallway together, looking determinedly innocent.
She and Chrysanthemum had no reason to spend time together again until Saturday, when they’d be stuck together the entire day, painting in the morning and tackling the ritual in the evening. Considering they would probably finish with the painting this weekend, it was likely the last time they’d see each other outside of school.
Unless, of course, she simply asked if Chrysanthemum wanted to hang out sometime.
Lily was contemplating how Chrysanthemum would respond to such a suggestion when the main doors opened and Sonia and Evan strode in.
Sonia’s eyes widened, and Lily could see dozens of questions behind them—and she wasn’t the only one to notice. Chrysanthemum turned and headed for the stairwell without a word. Lily deflated.
Sonia nudged Evan toward the stairs and cornered Lily before she could take off as well.
“Together again?”
Lily shuffled into the library, stepping around the drop cloths and the neatly stacked cans of paint.
“We were assessing our progress. I think we’ll finish this weekend.”
Sonia didn’t look impressed by this attempt to evade, but she kept her voice neutral.
“About time. I can’t believe they made you two do all that painting, anyway.”
Was she really going to get off that easily? Lily doubted it.
“Right? The room will actually look usable.”
“I’m confused, though.”
Sonia raised an eyebrow.
“You hated her. You were obsessed with hating her, but I heard from Bethany Lord, of all people, that you’re friends now? Why didn’t I know first? I’m supposed to know everything first.”
“I was not obsessed.”
Had she been that obviously obsessed.
“She was my nemesis, and now she’s not.”
“Was? What changed?”
“I don’t know,”
Lily said, closing her eyes.
“Me, I guess. She’s actually smart and funny, and …”
And trying to put her jumbled thoughts into words shouldn’t be this difficult, should it?
She’s clever and brave, and a lot sweeter than she pretends to be. She buries herself in her shirt when she gets uncomfortable, a bit like a turtle, and she scrunches up her nose when she’s reading. I like being around her. She almost never smiles, so when I can make her do it, it makes me happy. I like making her happy.
Breath caught in Lily’s lungs, and she exhaled slowly while her heart beat faster. This was all sounding mildly alarming. No wonder she was having a hard time admitting it.
“So you are friends.”
Sonia tilted her head. “Amazing.”
Yes, friends.
Just friends.
Like she and Sonia were friends.
Only not at all like that, because there was something else about Chrysanthemum. Something that Lily had never felt around Sonia. It was in the way Lily was still obsessed with Chrysanthemum’s eyes, and was constantly looking for excuses to touch her, and kept noticing how soft her skin looked and wondering what it would be like to nuzzle her cheek, and oh shit, the room was spinning around her.
Funny. This felt an awful lot like getting nervous in close spaces with Chrysanthemum, which made her skin tingle and her heart race and …
Lily grasped the doorframe.
Had that fluttering in her stomach, that electricity in her blood, not actually been nerves?
Oh no. She’d always thought attraction—from the way other people described it—meant something else entirely.
Lily had opinions on people’s appearances, naturally, but they were rational, thought-based things. Not emotions. No different than the opinions she might have on whether a painting was pleasant or a dress was pretty. She’d certainly never looked at another person and wanted to kiss them, no matter how objectively attractive she believed them to be. Even admitting that Chrysanthemum had beautiful eyes, a disconcerting thing to acknowledge, hadn’t made Lily think about kissing her. Although, now that the idea was in her head, she realized she wasn’t opposed to it. It might be nice. And so would touching her hand, and making her laugh, and putting her head on Chrysanthemum’s shoulder …
All this time, all these years of watching her friends develop crushes—Lily had thought she was too busy for it, too focused on more important things. But she’d never been focused on anything more important or daunting than the horrible curse, and here she was, fixating on a girl.
Was this just how she liked someone, then? Not with the wow, the new boy is hot lusty kind of attraction that Sonia and others seemed to feel, but with this quieter, I want to be near her craving that was taking over her brain?
It had to be, because Lily also liked hanging out with Sonia and their group of friends, but she’d never once looked for an excuse to touch Sonia’s hair or felt the need to be the center of Sonia’s attention. With Chrysanthemum, she almost couldn’t stop herself. And now that this understanding was dawning on her, Lily could tell that this longing for connection had been buried inside her awhile. When it had started, she couldn’t say, but over the past couple of weeks, it had sprouted like a seedling that had been waiting for the sun to shine on it.
“Lil?”
Sonia snapped her fingers.
Lily startled and sucked in a deep breath.
“Um, what was the question?”
“You’re freaking out.”
“I am not.”
The response was reflexive. They both knew it was a lie.
Sonia crossed her arms.
“We’ve been best friends since preschool. Do you think I don’t know what a Lily freak-out looks like? You panic more than any person I’ve ever met, including Auntie Marina, and she loses her shit every time Mercury goes retrograde.”
Lily covered her face with her hands.
“Okay, yes, fine, I’m freaking out. It’s just … I don’t know if we are friends.”
And I don’t want to just be her friend. I want to be her sunlight. If she wants to kiss someone, I want to be the person she chooses. And oh God, why couldn’t she stop thinking about what kissing Chrysanthemum would be like? Especially on her neck. Chrysanthemum had this beauty mark on the left side of her neck, and Lily was sure that spot would be soft and warm and smell of the faintly spicy incense that clung to Chrysanthemum’s skin.
“I mean, I like her,”
Lily said, desperate to break this train of thought.
“She’s nice and funny …”
“You already said that.”
Sonia narrowed her eyes, scrutinizing Lily in a way that made her shrink. Then she gasped.
“Oh wait, you mean you like her, like her? That explains so much!”
“What?”
Lily glanced down in the hallway, but they were alone. Still, she motioned frantically for Sonia to lower her voice.
“How did you figure that out?”
Sonia huffed.
“You were always obsessed with her—shut up, you were—because she’s every bit as nerdy and talented as you are. Spending so much time together, learning to appreciate each other, learning to talk and not to fight … It’s only natural that you’d develop feelings for her. You’re two sides of the same coin—day and night.”
Lily didn’t disagree, but she didn’t like it, either. She’d managed seventeen years without developing feelings for anyone (or, well, feelings she’d been aware of), and it had made life simple. She did not want to be a Sonia and Evan, constantly stressing over the status of a relationship. That looked exhausting and took time away from the important things in life, like studying.
“What do I do?”
Given Sonia’s chaotic dating history, she might not be the best person to ask, but she was the only one Lily trusted.
“What does Chrys think?”
Sonia asked.
“I don’t know.”
I don’t actually like Luke—Chrysanthemum’s comment reverberated in Lily’s skull.
“How do I tell?”
“I think it depends on the person, the kind of signs they give off, whether they’re trying to hide their feelings or not. If we’re not talking about outright flirting, that is.”
They were definitely not talking about outright flirting. Lily could no more imagine Chrysanthemum flirting with her than she could imagine trying to flirt herself. She’d never done it before in her life.
Unintentional flirting, though …? Was that how she came across every time she found an excuse to touch Chrysanthemum?
Lily rubbed her eyes.
“I never really looked for signs.”
“Then you’ve got to start.”
Right. Because splitting her attention when they had to destroy a freaking curse was such a wise move.
A chime snapped Lily’s thoughts back to the present. She’d set a five-minute alarm for class.
“We need to go. But wait.”
She grabbed Sonia’s arm.
“Is this weird? Are you okay with this?”
She wasn’t even sure what she was asking, specifically. There was too much to wrap her head around. Did she only like girls, or now that she knew what the signs were, had she ever had these kinds of feelings for a boy? And for that matter, what else did that say about her—was she asexual, demisexual, something else? She vaguely knew what all these terms meant, but applying them to herself was going to be an ongoing project. Given her love of organization and clarity, Lily foresaw much frustration in her future.
Sonia’s brow pinched.
“Weird that you like Chrys or weird that you like girls?”
Lily just nodded, her thoughts too muddled to recall what she’d intended to ask.
“If Chrys deserves you, then it’s all good,”
Sonia said, apparently deciding that was the only question worth responding to. She appeared completely unfazed by everything. Which made one of them.
“If she hurts you, I will be first in line to kick her ass. But if she’s your date for the Halloween ball, I’m officially pronouncing you two the oddest but most brilliant couple ever.”
“Okay.”
She hadn’t thought Sonia would be weird about it, especially considering Sonia’s auntie Amelia was trans and married to another woman, but the reassurance was good.
“Honestly, I’m just mad I didn’t figure it out sooner.”
Lily rolled her eyes.
“I just figured it out.”
“You can’t be smarter about everything. I’m the relationship expert.”
“The frequency with which you and Evan break up and get back together is practically in sync with the moon phases,”
Lily said dryly, heading to the stairs. She didn’t know what to do about her feelings for Chrysanthemum, but accepting them for what they were made it clear what she had to do in a more general sense, what she should have done from the beginning—make Chrysanthemum feel welcome at witch school.
“We do not break up thirteen times a year,”
Sonia said, just as dryly.
“You wait. You’ll learn that relationships are hard. It’s why you need me.”
“I do need you.”
With Sonia at her side, Lily felt stronger, more confident about what she had to do. Because what she was about to do would surprise a lot of people, Chrysanthemum among them.
“And I need you to meet Chrysanthemum, for real.”