Chapter 26 Into the Wild
into the wild
ROXANNE
Something warm brushes my face and also …
Is it raining?
Ewww.
Nope, that’s drool, someone is drooling on me.
Someone with fish breath.
“Yuck, Jameson,” I croak, flinching back as his massive tongue swipes across my chin. He lets out a playful grunt, and though I try to push him away, he moves in to lick my face.
Once I get him settled down, I blink away the sleep still hugging my eyes.
Where am I?
The morning light filters through a window I don’t recognize. The ceiling’s too high. The sheets are too soft. I’m in a room with an antique dresser and a fresh glass of water on the nightstand.
I’m still in Duke’s house.
I’m waking up in his home, and I didn’t brush my teeth last night. I’ve always brushed before I come over for the night, but ugh, what if Jameson’s breath is somehow fresher than mine? Maybe I can sneak out. Hopefully, Duke’s already gone and he won’t see the untamed madness that is my hair.
My last scruffy mountain-grown boyfriend smelled like stale weed and campfire twenty-four seven, so me not brushing my teeth if we were hiking through the wilderness never bothered him.
But Duke seems to always look so good. He smells like fresh soap even when he comes back from a long day with dirt smudged on his face.
Now, waking up in his house, I’m overwhelmed by wanting to look good and smell good for him too.
What the hell is happening to me?
I must leave immediately. I slip out of bed hoping I can make it down the hall before he—
“Mornin’.” The word leaves his mouth like a slow roll of thunder.
I freeze. Duke’s standing in the doorway, a coffee mug in hand. If rugged Colorado charm were a weapon, Duke Faraday would be a walking open-carry violation.
I immediately start to comb through my hair. “Oh, uh, good morning.”
“How did you sleep?” he asks as he crosses the room and hands me the cup in his hand. “Hope Jameson didn’t bother you too much. I couldn’t get him out of here.”
He plops down on the bed and scratches Jameson. I sink back into the bed, unable to hide my smile. Playing house with this man is dangerous, but I suddenly want to savor this moment. Waking up to him … in a way. Greeting the dog, drinking coffee on a soft bed.
Could it always be like this?
“Thank you for letting me sleep up here,” I say. “It was definitely more comfortable than waking up to my arm numb from falling asleep at the desk.”
“Well, you were snoring like Jameson’s long-lost cousin so I thought I’d carry you up here so you didn’t wake the rest of the ranch.”
My mouth drops open. “I’m not sure I’m awake enough for this type of character assassination.”
“I’m just foolin’. I was actually hoping that Jameson didn’t keep you awake with his nightly sounds.”
I rub Jameson’s head. “He was a perfect gentleman.”
“Anytime.” He blurts out as his eyes soften. “Uh, I mean, you can stay here, anytime. When you’re too tired … the guest room’s yours.”
I gulp. Of course, it makes sense. Instead of going back and forth, I can stay here where the Wi-Fi is strong and the temptation of the man sleeping down the hall is even stronger. This is a horrible idea, which is why I seriously consider it.
“I really appreciate it, as long as my being here doesn’t bother you in any way.”
Good. Yes. Give him a chance to take it back.
“Nope.”
I guess that’s an answer.
“I’ve made some breakfast if you’re hungry.”
Damn this man. Bringing me coffee and now making me breakfast? This is obviously a trap to get me to never leave, which is why I accept and go downstairs. He sets a lovely plate in front of me—eggs, sliced avocado, sausage, and caramelized Palisade peaches.
“This is amazing,” I say between bites. “I don’t understand though … you’re a yoga instructor, you know how to cook, you’re Mr. Fix-It, a lounge singer … how are you not married with ten kids?”
“Ten kids?” He flashes a quick smile.
“Unless … Mary-Kate …”
“Uh, no. Well, we went on a couple dates a long time ago, but I realized right away that she wasn’t for me.
Now, she’s just a friend. Anyway, when I started this ranch, I knew I wanted to throw myself into any and all activities that might help others.
I could always carry a tune, but it was Rusty who taught me how to fix anything.
Topper found a yoga teacher from Denver studio who was able to help me get certified, and though Thatcher helped me refine some skills, I really learned to cook from my mother. ”
“I hope I can someday compliment her on what a fine son she raised. Will she be back before the end of summer?”
Duke leans back in his chair. “I don’t think so. My sister, London, is going through a pretty nasty divorce. It’s almost final, but they are trying to work out custody of my niece. Mom is helping with Bristol while London gets settled in a new job.”
I arch my brow. “Bristol? Wow, your family really sticks to that British tradition.”
“We call her Byrdie.”
“Cute. Well, I’m sorry for her and your sister. Where does London live?”
“Brooklyn Heights.”
I set my fork down. “I live on the Upper East Side. Allie lives in Brooklyn Heights, though. Have you been to visit your sister there?”
Have I passed him somehow on my way to visit Allie? As soon as that thought enters my mind, I delete it. Duke is not the sort of man you see in passing and forget.
“I’ve been to see her a few times.”
“And what did you think of New York?”
“It has certainly qualities I don’t mind. Love the little bodegas and markets, Central Park is nice, but there’s too much stimulation there for me. I feel like I’m always checking for enemy fire over my shoulder with all the sights and sounds. I need a slower pace.”
This hits me harder than it should. Maybe with a sister in New York, Duke might be willing to spend more time there. Like maybe if I let myself have a summer romance with him, it might not have to end.
Damn it, Roxanne. Shake it off and finish your eggs.
“Thank you again for breakfast.”
Duke clears my plate. “I’m glad you enjoyed it. In truth, I thought if you had a good meal to start your day, it would soften the blow when I tell you what’s happening tomorrow.”
My stomach twists. “What? What’s happening tomorrow?”
He’s silent for a beat as he loads my dish and starts to clean up. Then he dries his hands and leans on the kitchen island. “Our summer camp out with the residents … in the woods.”
My blood turns to ice. “Noooo. No.”
Before I can spiral further, Duke grabs the keys and ushers me outside. A few minutes later, we’re rumbling down the path toward Emerald Lodge in his golf cart.
“Listen, if you really don’t think you can handle it—”
“Oh no.” I climb out of the cart, turn, and wag my finger at him. “Don’t you start that nonsense again.”
“What nonsense?” Duke asks.
“The nonsense of telling me I can’t handle something knowing I’ll get pissed and accept your challenge and then next thing I know, I’m being thrown headfirst into freezing whitewater.
You challenge me to do this camp out, even though it terrifies me, and I’ll end up wrestling a bear or having to rotisserie cook a squirrel or something. ”
Duke tosses his head back and laughs. “Bear wrestling only happens before they hibernate, so you’re safe.”
“I don’t need to camp, thank you.” I turn to leave, but I feel a tug on my arm. His gentle, but commanding touch instantly fires my fight-or-flirt reflex.
“Roxanne, it’s part of the program. Ten residents sign up at a time. Stedman and Millie are leading. It’s two nights, not far from here. We take the Razors out as far as we can, hike in, sleep under stars, have group meals, a campfire circle, the whole thing is very therapeutic.”
“You’ve actually just described the seventh circle of hell for me.”
“It’s not just about tents and sleeping bags. Being outside reminds some of the vets what calm feels like. Sometimes it’s easier to talk around a fire than in a circle of folding chairs.”
My shoulders relax. “Stop, stop doing that with your eyes and your … your mouth.”
“Um, what about my mouth?” A smirk plays on his lips. “Didn’t realize it had such an effect on you.”
“Never mind.”
“No seriously, I’m intrigued.”
“Enjoy your campout.”
The golf cart peels away, and I head for the lodge, half laughing and half horrified at the idea of sleeping under the stars. I spot Allie and Leo by the pool glistening with so much tanning oil they could grease a cake pan.
My feet move on autopilot while my mind stays miles away, turning over Duke’s words. Camping still sounds like my personal version of purgatory, but it’s also something I need to face. Maybe even something worth understanding.
By the time I reach Allie and Leo’s chairs, I’m so deep in thought I don’t realize I’m just standing there, staring into space like a malfunctioning robot.
“Hello?” Allie says, waving her hand.
I blink back to life. “Oh. Hi.”
“Are you okay?” Leo asks. “Oh, no, you didn’t eat a Rocky Mountain Oyster for breakfast did you?”
I laugh as I plop down on the end of Leo’s chair. “No, it’s much worse than that.”
“What is it then?” Allie asks.
“I was just informed that we’ll be leaving for a campout tomorrow.”
“Oh, yeah, Topper mentioned, when we first got here, that this is something they look forward to doing with the vets,” Allie says.
“But, I gather you’d rather go for the bull testicles?” Leo asks.
I chuckle again. “Well, I’m not exactly ready to scamper off into the woods.”
“Disagree,” Allie says. “You have been doing so well, Roxanne. You’ve been writing, emerging from your sadness cocoon, you even did better with Goose when you tried another round of equine therapy the other day.”
I think back to the other morning when I tried to approach Goose again. He didn’t quite shy away from me, but he still didn’t want to walk with me, either.
“Wait, sadness cocoon?” I ask. “What … I … I was never in a sadness cocoon.”
“Going camping will be good for us,” Allie says, ignoring my comment. “Although, I hope that guy Garrett isn’t going with us. He seems pretty hot-headed.”
“Well, you’ll maybe get to learn why he’s struggling,” Leo says.
“He’s struggling because maybe walking around with a horse twice a week isn’t what he needs,” I say.
“You’re still not convinced Firebird Ranch is worthy of the money?” Allie asks. “You need more proof of how it does help vets, don’t you?”
“No, I do, I do think it’s worthy … it’s strange. I’ve had no problem writing about the ranch or the residents, but when I think about how to make my pitch, I’m still completely blocked.”
My thoughts start wrestling with each other. Do I really think this place is worthy? Or is it that I keep catching myself thinking of a certain mountain man who’s running it?
“What’s still holding you back, Rox?” Leo asks.
I rub my eyes. “I don’t know. I mean, the people who are the lifeblood of this place are exceptional, but I know the ranch is competing against so many worthy causes. How can I make them believe if I’m …”
“Still a skeptic?”
“I suppose so, yes. I’m trying to be as objective as possible.”
“Maybe that’s your issue,” Allie says, swinging her legs around so she’s sitting on the edge of her lounge chair. “You should fully surrender and let thine own self be healed.”
“I’m sorry, but no amount of camping—or walking in an arena with a horse—can heal me.”
“Then, Firebird Ranch has already lost,” Leo says with a heavy sigh.
My lips part and my eyes widen. “What are you saying, that, that if this place can’t heal me, I won’t be able to make my pitch?”
“That is exactly what we’re saying,” Allie says.
“But I’m not a veteran,” I protest.
Leo shakes his head. “Doesn’t matter. When you go to pitch this next month, you will be in a room full of skeptics that are, well … you. You need to become the living proof that Firebird Ranch is changing lives.”
“So go forth, walk with the horses, sleep under the stars, fall in love with a mountain man!” Allie shouts.
I chuckle. “A mountain man who still hasn’t signed his interview consent form. How can I tell the story of the ranch without the experience of the man who helped grow it?”
Allie wipes more sunscreen on her arms. “He’ll come around, but don’t let that be another roadblock for you.”
I lean back in the chair and let my gaze drift toward the mountains in the distance.
The peaks are hazy in the afternoon sun, steady and unmoving, like they’ve seen a thousand people wrestle with themselves and still keep standing.
Maybe that’s the point of this place—it doesn’t demand belief, it just waits for you to find it.
For the first time, the thought hits me that maybe this campout isn’t a punishment. Maybe it’s my chance to see what everyone else already believes. If I’m going to tell this story—their story—I need to step into it myself.
I blink back to the present, to Allie and Leo sprawled across their lounge chairs, looking at me with so much patience and love that it hurts. “I don’t deserve either of you,” I say.
“Probably true,” Leo says, winking and reaching for my hand. “We love you anyway, darling.”
“I know, but I feel like you didn’t sign up to be my life coaches twenty-four seven.”
“How many times have you coached me through bad times?” Leo asks.
“You were my rock when Stewart left me for his boss, Amanda,” Allie says. “Remember how I never stopped crying for a month? After John slapped me across the face, you took me in immediately.”
I smile when she puts her arm around me.
“Rox, have you forgotten, I wouldn’t even be working at World Explorer if it hadn’t been for your recommendation?
” Leo asks. “You also introduced me to Marcus. After my breakup with Troy, I basically became a shut-in—if you hadn’t dragged me to that fundraiser, I’d never have met the love of my life.
We owe you. Full stop. Now, go cook a trout and pee in the forest!
My loving arms will be waiting for you when you get back. ”
“Wait, you’re not going with us?” I ask.
“I’m staying behind to film in the kitchen and need to start some editing,” Leo says.
My eyes widen as I open my mouth to protest, but he puts his hand up. “You’ll have Al, and Rusty said I really couldn’t film much during the camp out. It’s a fairly private experience.”
“Okay. Fine,” I say. “Ugh, I don’t even know what to pack.”
“A little courage and all the bug spray you can find,” Allie says.