Chapter Ten #2
“Whoa! I am so damn proud of you.”
Charlie stepped into a sandwich shop and joined the line. “Proud?”
“Yes. You not only stood up to Simon, but you went after what you wanted with Donnie and got it.”
Yes, she had. But she’d been questioning her decision and what it said about her all morning.
“Does it make me a terrible person? I was an engaged woman the day before. Within hours I’m in someone else’s bed. What if Donnie thinks I’m some kind of... hell I don’t know... lush.” Charlie shuffled forward in the line.
“Charlie, don't do that. There was nothing wrong with what you did. If you were a guy, men would be slapping you on the back. Besides, Donnie isn’t some stranger.”
“I know. But I loved Simon. Or thought I did. Maybe Donnie was right when he said I needed to take time to process the breakup.”
“Things haven’t been right with you and Simon for a while. After what you just told me about his behavior at the hotel, you know you did the right thing ending it. He didn't deserve you. Have you spoken to Simon?” Maddie asked.
“One sec.” Charlie covered the mouthpiece of the phone and ordered a salad for take-out. “Sorry, just ordering lunch. No. He’s called, left messages, texted. I guess he went back to New York.”
“Wow, way to fight for the woman he’s supposed to love.”
“I know.”
“Do you miss him? Have you thought about calling him?”
Charlie sighed. “No. I’ve barely thought about him at all. But when I do, like now, it does make me sad. We were together for a year, and we did have some good times. I’m disappointed in him. Angry. Hurt.”
“It’s OK to remember those good times and be sad that it's over. You were going to marry him. And you have every right to feel hurt and angry. But it’s also OK to know you did the right thing and to move on. If for you that was getting laid – you go, girl!”
Balancing the phone between her shoulder and ear, Charlie paid for her salad and walked out into the sunshine.
“I was nervous as hell, but it did feel great telling Donnie I wanted him. And I didn’t actually get laid,” she admitted.
“But you had multiple orgasms. And I bet if he had more time, he would have done a whole lot more.”
Yeah. She’d felt Donnie’s hard cock pressed against her back and that had been the biggest turn on ever. To know she made him that way.
“He tried to stop me. Told me it wasn't the right time.”
“That tells me that he cares. Probably why he didn’t go all the way. Most men who have a woman in front of them asking for sex would not have hesitated. Makes me forgive him a little more for hurting you before.”
Charlie turned back onto University Avenue toward the embassy. “I still don’t trust him, but it doesn't matter. I told him it was a one-time thing, and he’s back in Coronado now.”
“But he’s calling you later?”
“Yes. I’m not sure what to say to him. I don't want any awkwardness. I still want to be friends.”
“Yeah, right. You want much more than friends. Come on, Charlie. If he was open to a relationship, are you telling me you would turn him down?”
She stopped outside the embassy, sitting down on a bench.
“Charlie? You still there?”
“Yes. I’m here. I don't know what I want. How can I trust him when he just left like he did after Nate? I know he regrets it, but it still happened. It still hurts. But he makes me feel... alive. Special. Wanted.”
“And he rocked your fucking world in bed, right?”
Charlie blushed just thinking about all the ways he’d rocked her world. "Yes. I’ve never experienced anything like it.”
“Want my advice?”
“Always.”
“Stop thinking so hard and take one day at a time. Talk to him tonight and see where it goes. I have a feeling Donnie is going to want more with you, but there’s no rush.
You did just break up with Simon, and maybe you should take a little time by yourself.
It doesn't mean you and Donnie can't talk. Get to know each other again. If it’s meant to be, it will be.
Just promise me you won't push him away.”
Tears welled in Charlie’s eyes. The last thing she wanted to do was push Donnie away, but what if she already had?
What if he didn’t want anything else? What if he did, but she couldn't give it because she didn't trust him?
Forgiving him and being friends was one thing.
Forgiving him and being in a relationship was something different.
“Your mind is already running away, isn’t it?” Maddie interrupted her tirade of thoughts.
“Yes. I really like him, Maddie.”
“I know you do,” Maddie said softly. “You always have. Even when you thought you hated him. Deep down you’ve always had feelings for him.”
“What if I’ve ruined it?”
“He left you a note. You've texted and he’s calling you later. He could have walked away like he did before if he didn't want to talk to you again. You haven't ruined it.”
Charlie stood up. “I have to get back to work.”
“OK. I’m here. Call me later, let me know how it goes?”
“I will. Love you.”
Charlie walked back to her desk and opened up her salad. The chopped lettuce looked particularly uninviting. What she wouldn't give for a burger. Comfort food. Her phone buzzed.
Donnie: What’s for lunch?
She smiled, taking a picture of her salad and sending it to him.
Donnie: Well that looks very boring, lol.
Her smile widened as another text arrived. A picture appeared of what looked like a steak sandwich. Her mouth watered.
Charlie: OK, you win. That looks delicious, but isn’t it mid-morning there?
Donnie: Had an early start. When you come visit, I’ll buy you one.
She typed “Can’t wait.” then erased it. What was she thinking? She had no plans to go to Coronado. Instead, she typed.
Charlie: Lol. Enjoy.
The texting had been lighthearted and fun, but neither had mentioned yesterday. Perhaps he wasn’t going to?
She put away the phone and got stuck into work, welcoming the distraction.
The afternoon flew by and before she knew it, she was making her way back to the hotel.
The fifteen-minute walk was over too quickly, and she was soon in her room alone.
It never bothered her being in hotels when working away, but today she felt lonely.
The thought of going out by herself, even for dinner, held no appeal.
It was almost six. She had no idea what time Donnie would call.
She missed him. How crazy was that? She’d been with Simon for a year, but she had never felt this way when they were apart.
She'd been with Donnie one weekend and already she missed his smile, his voice, his attention.
You haven't just missed him since last night. You’ve missed him for the last ten years.
***
IT HAD BEEN A LONG fucking day of talking.
Reborn soldiers had been making their way through local villages in Daram, demanding any fighting age males join their cause. Threatening their wives and children if they did not.
No one knew exactly what Reborn’s plan was in Daram, but it seemed likely they were going to start a civil war. Onyx wanted to stop them before that happened and even more people died unnecessarily. This might be personal to Onyx, but thousands more lives were at stake if a civil war erupted.
The increase in activity was unnerving and even the good old CIA couldn't predict when the brothers might make a move. Because of that, the op had been moved up. They had spent the day reviewing maps and fine-tuning their plan.
“Alright. Go home, get your affairs in order and get some rest. Wheels up 0800 and you will be there for as long as it takes to end this. Understood?” Sam said in his no-nonsense tone.
Donnie didn’t hang around. He got back to his condo in record time, eager to speak to Charlie. He had been focused today, but she was never far from his thoughts. Grabbing a beer, he sat on his couch and called.
“Hi,” she answered quietly.
“Hi, babe.”
When there was silence at the other end, he asked, “So how was your day?”
“It was good. You?”
Shit. She sounded uncomfortable. Not happening.
“Can we talk about yesterday?” he asked softly.
“We don’t have to. I mean, it was great. Thank you. But I know I kind of pushed you into it, and I don't want you to feel bad about it. Maybe it’s best if we pretend it didn't happen. I want to still be friends.”
She was rambling. Nervous. Uncertain. Different from the confident woman who had strolled into his hotel room asking him for sex.
“We’re both adults and—”
“Charlie. Stop.” She went quiet. “Do you regret what happened?” He held his breath.
“No.”
Thank God.
“Good. Because neither do I. You didn’t push me into anything.
I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you again.
But I lost you. I hurt you. You were engaged.
I never thought I would ever be so lucky for you to want me again.
” He sighed. “Shit. I should have woken you and had this conversation face to face. I’m sorry. ”
Truth was he hadn’t been sure what he was going to say until now. The guilt of Nate’s death still weighed heavily, but his feelings for this woman were too strong to ignore.
“I care about you, Charlie. I think I always have. Yesterday was beautiful. Amazing. I’ve never felt that way with anyone before.”
She sniffled and he cursed. Damn, he needed to see her. “I’m going to call you back on FaceTime.” Before she had a chance to protest he ended the call and initiated FaceTime. When her face appeared, it was clear she had been crying.
“Babe, please don’t cry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I’m sorry I left the way I did.”
She shook her head. “I’m not upset about you leaving. I knew you had to. I’m just... a little overwhelmed.”
“By me?” he asked with concern.
“By everything. Donnie, I care about you, too, and I swear I don’t regret it.”
“Good. And I understand. A lot happened this weekend.”
“You can say that again.” She gave him a small smile. “My life has been turned upside down and I need to work out where I go from here. Christ, I don't even have anywhere to live when I get back to New York. Seeing you again. Nate. I need to get my things from Simon’s apartment. It’s just a lot.”