Chapter Fourteen #2
Charlie’s hands cupped his face, turning it back.
“I can’t begin to understand what you’re feeling, but you don’t need to hide it from me. I blubbered over you enough times. I’m guessing you won’t cry on your teammate's shoulders, so cry on mine. I’m right here. Let it out, Donnie. Let me be here for you this time.”
Her words undid him, and the tears came again. Her arms went around him, and he pulled her closer. Burying his head in her neck, he let the tears fall that he’d been fighting.
For several minutes, Charlie said nothing, just rubbed his back as she held him.
Her arms were warm, her softness soothing.
She triggered every one of his other senses in the best possible way.
His eyes might be broken, but his cock wasn't. Memories of her body beneath his, her soft skin, her low moans, set his heart racing.
Before he embarrassed himself, he pulled away and leaned back on the sofa.
“Sorry,” he mumbled.
“Don’t you dare apologize. You might be some big, tough, Navy SEAL but you’re still allowed to be scared.”
Donnie closed his eyes. God how he wanted to see her. See that beautiful face. It would be the best medicine right now.
“What can I do?” she asked quietly.
“Nothing. I can't believe you came here. It was sweet of you, but you don’t need to stay. Mackie has got me covered.”
Charlie snorted and Donnie’s mouth quirked.
“I did not fly here for five minutes. I’m staying. At least for a few days, so get used to it.” The defiance in her voice made him smile. He hadn't done much of that lately.
“Bossy, aren't we?” He was starting to like this side of her.
“Donnie. I’m here for you. If Nate was alive, he’d be here for you, too. You are not alone in this.”
Charlie’s hand entwined with his and that small gesture spread comfort through him.
“Thank you.” It was barely more than a whisper.
“You’re welcome. Now I’m going to make a drink, if that’s OK with you. Would you like something?”
“Sure. A coffee would be great.”
She stood and moved away from him. He heard her moving about his kitchen, opening cupboard doors.
“Mugs are to the right of the stove. Pods are in the drawer below the coffee machine,” he said.
“Yep. Found them. Black, right?”
“Yes. Thanks. Who told you I was hurt?” he asked.
“Your mom told my mom who told me. I saw your folks before I left. They’re worried, Donnie.”
“I don't want to tell them yet.” His voice was a little more sharp than he intended.
“I won't tell them because you should. But I need to call them. I promised I would.” Charlie was handling this very calmly, but his mom would fall apart if she knew the truth. He couldn't handle that. Not yet.
“I’ll call later. You can talk to them then. Where are you staying?” he changed the subject.
“Erm...not exactly worked that out yet. Came here from the airport.”
She really had jumped straight on a plane and come to him. He loved that she cared that much. That kind of worry was more than friends. And God, how he wanted more than friends. But not now. He was not going to be a burden to Charlie or anyone.
“So, can you tell me anything about what happened?” Her voice sounded really close. Then he heard her place cups on the table.
He sighed and reached out, feeling for the coffee cup. He found it and took a sip before replying.
“My team were tracking our target. We’d spread out to surround him. We didn’t know he was wearing a suicide vest. He clicked it off. I was closest. It blew me off my feet, and when I landed, my head hit a rock and I passed out. I woke up in the hospital. Blind.”
Charlie’s hand covered his. “I’m so sorry. Are the rest of your team OK?” Her voice held shock and concern.
“Yes. They’re fine.”
“Is that... normal? I mean... what you were doing? Suicide vests?”
Donnie sipped more coffee, Charlie’s hand still on his.
“We’re a special operations team. It’s always dangerous. And yes, there can be suicide vests among other things.”
“Have you ever been hurt badly before?”
“I’ve been shot once. A couple of small knife wounds. I guess I was lucky up till now.”
“Lucky?” Charlie scoffed. “I don’t call being shot and stabbed lucky.”
“In our line of work, injuries are a given, but my team are the best in the world. We know how to protect ourselves, but once in a while, things go to shit.” Donnie turned his head toward her, even though he couldn't see her. “I have to say, you are taking this all very calmly.”
“I wouldn't say I’m calm. But I’ve learned over the years to try and focus on the here and now.
Living in fear, worrying, is wasted energy.
You can’t see, but you are still healing.
I refuse to spend this time scared about what might happen if it’s permanent because we don’t know if that's true yet.”
“I don’t remember you being a glass half full kind of girl.”
“I wasn't back in high school. Being bullied doesn’t make you feel very optimistic about life. When Nate died, I got really down for a bit, and my folks made me ...”
When she paused, he prompted, “Made you what?”
“I was serious in Toronto, when I said I had a therapist. I know it’s lame. But the bullying, Nate’s death. It was a lot. Therapy helped. I started looking at things differently. Tried living in the moment instead of in ‘what if’ land.”
She hadn't said it, but his leaving had probably added to her suffering.
“I’m sorry for what you went through at school. And I’m sorry if my leaving contributed to how you were feeling. Seeing a therapist isn’t lame. I see one regularly.”
“You do?” The surprise in her voice made him smile.
“Yeah. Even big bad Navy SEALs need a little help. With what we do, it can take its toll, mentally. After every mission we see a therapist to talk and get cleared to continue to operate.”
“Wow. I had no idea.”
“There have been too many men and women who have taken their own lives after serving because they can't deal with what they've seen or done. The military made it mandatory a while back for us to have regular psych evaluations. At first, we all scoffed at it. But now we see the benefit and we don't complain. In fact, I know some guys that go voluntarily for more sessions. It’s not lame and nothing to be embarrassed about.”
She squeezed his hand and he gently rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, pleased when she didn’t pull away.
“Have you seen a therapist since you got back?”
“No. Not yet,” he admitted. “I will though.”
“Maybe you should do it sooner. I can take you while I’m here, if you like.”
“We’ll see.”
“When do you see the doctor next?”
“Tomorrow. Sophie is the head of ER at Westside. She's also the girlfriend of one of my teammates.”
“That’s nice. Must be a little easier with it being someone you know.”
“Yeah. Sophie is as much a part of my team as the guys. Family.”
“Will you tell me about them?”
He did. He told her about all of them, including Ryan’s Sophie, Steve’s wife Diane and daughter Megan.
All were people he called family. Charlie asked questions, made noises, and squeezed his hand every now and then to show she was listening.
He talked a little about his job, giving no specific details.
He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but he felt hungry.
“What’s the time?” he asked.
“Just after five. Why?”
Damn. They’d been talking for hours. For the first time since he’d woken up in the hospital he hadn’t been dwelling on his blindness.
“Getting hungry. Would you like something to eat?”
“If that’s OK, then yes, that would be great. I haven't eaten since the dried-up sandwich on the plane.”
Oh, man. He should have offered something sooner. “Sorry. I didn’t think. Not the best host right now.”
She laughed. “You get a pass, this time. To be honest, I didn't think about it until you mentioned food, but now I could definitely eat. How about I cook something?”
“I don't think there is much here to cook. Plus, you’ve been traveling. We can order in, or Mackie can pick us up something. I should probably call him. I think he was worried about leaving you here,” he admitted with a tinge of embarrassment.
Charlie let out a small laugh. “Alright. Shall I dial him?”
“Please. What do you fancy?”
“I don’t mind. Perhaps not pizza. I had that last night. It’s ringing.” Charlie handed Donnie the phone.
“Go ahead and put it on speaker.”
“Miss me?” Mackie’s voice held humor.
“Yeah, like a thorn in my side. You’re on speaker, so watch your mouth,” Donnie said dryly and Charlie giggled next to him.
“Really? Watch my mouth after what you said earlier?”
“Yeah, OK. I’ve apologized.”
“Did he, Charlie?”
“Yes, he did. We’re all good.” Charlie’s smile was evident in her voice.
“Good. So, what do you need?”
“Was going to order in. Want to come join us?” Donnie offered. It might be nice to let Charlie get to know some of his friends. Mackie would be a good start.
“Sure. I can pick something up. Any requests?”
“Not pizza. How about some Chinese? Charlie?”
“Sounds good to me. I’ll eat pretty much anything.”
Mackie chuckled. “Alright, I’ll go grab a selection and be over shortly.”
“Thanks, man.”
“You bet.”