Chapter 15. #3
The pavilion is still set up with rows of white chairs cut down the middle by an aisle.
Since it’s covered, we take a break from the sun and sit in the front row, staring up at the big empty stage.
It’s there that we lose ourselves in conversation—as well as any sense of time.
It isn’t long before our feet are kicked up on neighboring chairs—and at times, each other—while he shares funny stories about some of the craziest shit that’s happened to him during his shows.
I hear about the bras that have landed on his head or his guitar.
Women who have climbed up onto the stage.
This one time when someone threw a shoe at them and it landed so perfectly on top of their keyboardist’s synthesizer that they just left it there for the rest of the show.
Austin still can’t say if it was a heckler or a fan wanting to get their Reeboks autographed.
During a lull in conversation, we both notice the sun’s shifted. I can’t believe the whole day passed like nothing. Is this what time is always like with Austin? Cherishing every minute so much, they just pass right by like a breeze?
“How many shows you got left in Texas?” I ask. We’re nearly sitting in the same chair. I dared to rest my head on his shoulder since the house is far away and no one’s nearby.
“Two more. Tomorrow n’ the day after that.”
“Then you’re out to Louisiana next?”
“Wow,” he says teasingly. “Memorized our tour schedule?”
“No. Yes. I’m just good at memorization. Numbers. Dates.”
“You should meet Raj. Oh, wait, you already know him.”
“Too well, in fact,” I agree, reminded of the Hulk dildo.
He turns his head slightly, cheek pressed to my hair. “I guess we’ll be on the phone a lot over the next couple of weeks.”
I try not to sound sad. “Of course we will.”
“I’ll call you every night after the show. And before, too. How else am I gonna be at my best if I don’t hear the sound of your voice before I go on?”
I give it a thought. “Y’know …”
“Hmm?”
“I’m just, uh … thinking …” I bite my lip.
“Uh-oh. Sounds like you’ve got a wicked idea.”
My eyes are on the stage, imagining him on the road. I smirk. “Maybe, like … I could … y’know …”
“Uh, can you give me an actual sentence so I can follow you?”
I sit up and turn to him. “I can afford to fly out to you.”
He stares at me. “Wait. Are you tellin’ me …?”
“Louisiana. Mississippi. Tennessee. I can be a groupie. Get my own room at your hotels. Be there. I mean, not all the time. You need your space to do your Chase stuff. And I know I should keep my distance, since no one can truly know about us. Except Raj.”
“Except Raj,” he echoes, eyes drifting as he thinks this over. “I can’t believe I’m actually considering this.” He drops his arm from the back of the chair, his hands going to his lap. He sits forward, looking pensive suddenly. “But … TJ …”
“What? It’s a great idea. The best idea I’ve ever had.”
“It sounds … fun. Lots of fun. I can’t deny how amazing it’d be to have you there with me …” He sighs. “But I can’t ask you to do that. What about your parents? I can’t let my life uproot yours.”
“They’ll be fine. I wasn’t even supposed to be home ‘til July.”
“They don’t even know about your road trip thing. I only just met your mom. She basically adopted me today. And if I go and become the reason her only son’s runnin’ off to—”
I cut him off with a kiss, hands gripping him by the shoulders.
He melts against my face, unable to resist for five and a half beautiful seconds.
Then I pull away. “I cannot go for weeks without feeling your arms around me. Or your lips on mine. I refuse to let all that time slip by when I’m only just now starting to see what life can be like when I let myself have what I want.
Don’t you feel it, too?” I take his hand and place it over my chest. He must notice my heart racing, the way his pretty eyes react.
“Isn’t it nice? To have what you want? Let me do this.
Just a few shows while you’re gone. Maybe three.
I’ll pick the best ones to come to, ones where you’ve got a day off. Let me be your secret boyfriend.”
His eyes snap to mine. It doesn’t even hit me, what I just said.
Then it does. And I panic. “Uh, s-sorry … I meant—”
“Don’t you dare take that back.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
He takes hold of me and comes close, face hovering in front of mine, eyes alight with excitement. “You went and said it, Timothy. TJ. Secret boyfriend. Don’t you dare give me that gift, then go take it away from me. Nah. It’s mine now, what you just said.”
I stare back at him, spellbound, all the breath knocked out. “So … is that a yes …?” I finally squeak out.
He answers by returning a kiss right back on my lips.
And then I put a kiss right back on his, right here in the front row of the McPherson Pavilion among an audience of no one.
I guess that about settles it.
And when I stand at the front of my house not much later, the sun slipping out of the sky as I watch Austin hop into his car and drive off, I’m exploding inside with a sensation I’ve never once felt in my life before.
I feel like anything is possible.
Everything is possible.
My mom catches me at the stairs. “Your friend left already? I didn’t even get to say bye. When will he be back?”
“He’s not going anywhere,” I answer her, too caught up in my feelings to care what that sounds like, or this: “If I can help it, he’s not going anywhere at all.” Then I carry my delirious self and my spilling-off-the-side-of-my-face grin up the stairs and to my room.
It’s at my windowsill that I flip open a book I haven’t touched since I’ve been home, a pink-and-red book I was tempted to burn to ash. I flip to the last page. At the bottom of my list—Things I could be instead of Timothy “TJ” McPherson—I add one more entry:
Chase Holt’s actual fucking boyfriend.
Circled ten times. With a heart. And a doodle of a duck named Little A and his shaggy feline friend Kit-Cat.