Chapter 18 #2
Hope pulled Angelica up so she was standing on one leg. They held each other, Hope staring down into Angelica’s eyes, lowering her gaze to Angelica’s lips. Their bodies were pressed together tightly, skin to skin in places where Hope hadn’t been touched since Angelica had touched her there last.
“I, uh…I have a seat.”
“Yeah.” Hope helped Angelica shuffle into the walk-in shower and sit down.
She lifted her hand over the shower head to block the cold spray as she turned it on and waited for the water to warm up.
Cold water flowed down her arm and over her side, wetting the clothes she wore and hardening her nipples in the process because it was so fucking cold.
Why did it always seem to take hotel showers forever to warm up?
Finally.
The water tinged with heat, and Hope slowly lowered her hand as she looked toward Angelica, who held her hands out and waited for the water to hit her.
Hope stepped out of the shower and snagged a washcloth and Angelica’s body wash.
She needed to make this shower as quick as possible.
She stepped back inside, her foot slipping on the wet tile.
She flew backward, crashing down onto the shower floor with a loud thud.
“Hope!”
The water beat down on her back, soaking her shirt and underwear and hair. She closed her eyes, the laugh burbling up in her chest before it left her lips. She pressed her forehead against Angelica’s knee and closed her eyes as the laugh echoed through the shower.
“Hope?” Angelica asked.
“I’m fine,” Hope answered. “A little butt hurt, but fine.”
Angelica’s laugh joined hers, and it was music to her ears. Angelica’s hand landed on her head; she stroked Hope’s hair before she cupped the back of her head. Hope breathed in Angelica’s scent, the tension, the lightness, the hurt.
“I don’t know what to think of anything right now,” Angelica murmured.
“What do you mean?” Hope asked as she pulled back and climbed her way back to standing. She poured the soap onto the wet washcloth and handed it over to Angelica so she could get to scrubbing.
“You’ve been so warm and yourself one minute, like tonight, but then the complete opposite.” Angelica set the washcloth in her lap. “Like in the kitchen—”
“Yeah,” Hope agreed, sobering instantly. She held her breath, settling her fingers on Angelica’s shoulder.
Angelica turned and looked up into Hope’s eyes. “Why?”
“You said you love me, Ange.” Hope bit her lip and shook her head. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
The air thickened, steam filling the confined space. Angelica reached up, taking Hope’s hand and threading their fingers together as she moved Hope’s hand from her shoulder and pulled her back around so that they were facing each other.
“I do.”
“Not loved,” Hope said, trying to make it clear what she was saying. “Love. Present tense. You didn’t say that you loved me last year.”
Angelica nodded, but she didn’t say anything else. Nothing to clarify the statement. Nothing to discredit it. Hope stared down at her, completely at a loss.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” Hope asked, her voice sounding so small.
“You never would have chosen me.” Angelica shook her head, her damp hair moving with her before sticking to her skin. “I was never going to come out of that on the right side.”
“So you held back?” Her tone held an accusation. Hope didn’t have to say anything else.
Angelica squeezed her fingers tenderly. “Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because it was easier that way, for both of us.”
“No. It wasn’t.” Tears stung Hope’s eyes. “It wasn’t at all. I didn’t have all of the facts, Ange. You didn’t give me a fair chance. How was I supposed to navigate every complication and decision if I didn’t know that?”
Angelica let go of her hand. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”
“It does!”
“No, Hope. It doesn’t. You made your choice.”
“It wasn’t a fair choice!” Hope’s voice rose.
She bent down, getting as close to Angelica’s face as she could because she needed Angelica to understand what she was saying.
“Rex is the one who forced me to make a choice, not you, but Ange…Angel…” she corrected at the last second “…it’s not a fair decision if I don’t have all the information. ”
Angelica reached up, cupping Hope’s cheek. Her fingers were wet against Hope’s skin, warm and damp. Angelica moved her thumb across Hope’s lips tenderly. “We can’t go back in time.”
“No, we can’t,” Hope agreed. “But we have a whole future in front of us that hasn’t been written yet.”
Angelica shook her head slowly. “No, Hope. We don’t.”
“But we could.” Desperation etched its way into each of those three words, and Hope hated hearing them.
The silence lingered, and Hope finally moved away. She was here to help Angelica, not have serious conversations with her. When Angelica was done scrubbing her body, Hope helped her to turn around and wet her hair completely. She took a dollop of shampoo and scrubbed it into Angelica’s hair.
The bruise on the back of Angelica’s arm was still a deep purple. The one along her hip was much darker, though, and looked far more concerning. Hope wanted to ask, but it wasn’t her place. Angelica had shut her down quickly before.
They rinsed the shampoo and Hope started on the conditioner. She took the comb and started to brush through Angelica’s hair, pulling the tangles from it as she went. This was one thing she didn’t miss about having long hair. The amount of time and energy it took to keep it clean and healthy.
As she combed, Hope broke the silence. “Rex sent another recording of Josef to Logan.”
“What?” Angelica opened her eyes and turned to stare back at her. “Why would he do that?”
“Because we all care about you.” Hope furrowed her brow. “And Josef’s being an ass.”
“To me, not to anyone else.”
“You are someone,” Hope answered. “You deserve to have a healthy work environment, just like anyone else.”
“No.” Angelica shook her head. “No, I’m not worth it. Tell Rex he doesn’t need to bother.”
“Ange…” Hope stopped. She flicked her gaze from the top of Angelica’s head to her shoulder and back again. “Ange?”
“Hmm?”
“When we broke up…” Hope swallowed hard. This wasn’t easy to say. “When we broke up, I told you that I couldn’t risk my family.”
Angelica hummed but that was the only response she gave.
“Did you think that I meant you weren’t worth it?” Hope pressed her fingers to Angelica’s shoulder, stopping all of her motion. When Angelica turned to look up at her, Hope looked at her directly in the eye. “That you weren’t worthy?”
The look on Angelica’s face was pure pain. And she didn’t mask it. She held Hope’s gaze firmly, locking their eyes together.
“Angel…” Hope breathed deeply. “I never meant that. I never even thought it.”
“You didn’t have to.” Angelica clenched her jaw. “Let’s just… finish up. Please.”
Hope nodded, an unsettled feeling filling the pit of her stomach. She had to fix this. She had to find a way to rectify the mistake she’d made. She finished rinsing out Angelica’s hair and turned the water off.
Snagging a towel, she wrapped it around Angelica’s shoulders and helped to dry her off, putting a second towel in her hair.
She walked side by side with Angelica until she was sitting comfortably on the bed with clothes next to her.
Hope took her dry clothes and went back to the bathroom to clean up and change.
Everything about this broke her, shattered her into a million little pieces.
Angelica had been right all along.
She was so selfish and wrapped up in what was happening to her that she refused to look and see what was happening to those she loved the most. Hope stared at herself in the mirror and shook her head. She wouldn’t let that happen again.
She would be better.
Do better.
Because Angelica deserved it.
She was worth it.