Chapter 40
Chapter
Forty
“Ireally need to talk to you.” Hope held her breath as she looked longingly into Angelica’s eyes from the other side of the doorway.
She hadn’t even been sure that Angelica would still be awake this late at night, but it had taken her an extra hour to get Eva to sleep that night, and then to sneak out of the room.
“This really isn’t the time—”
“I mean it, Angel.” Hope’s stomach twisted hard.
Angelica sighed. “There is more to a relationship than just sex.”
“Ouch.” Hope furrowed her brow and stayed planted just on the other side of Angelica’s room, waiting to be let in. “But if you recall, I said talk.”
Angelica eyed her carefully before giving a single nod and holding the door open to let her in.
Once they were cloistered in silence, the nerves Hope had been avoiding reared their ugly head.
She was barely managing to keep her head above water lately.
Everything crashing down unceremoniously, which meant that each time she looked a new direction there was another fire she had to put out.
But this one… this one they could do together.
“What is it?” Angelica asked, sitting in the chair while Hope sat on the edge of the bed.
Where should she even start?
“Rex is going to have Eva sit with him tomorrow, since Rishal is out with the flu.” Hope brushed her sweaty palms over her thighs. Get the business out of the way, and then maybe Angelica would be able to focus better on the actual conversation they needed to have.
“Okay.” Angelica didn’t move. Her face didn’t change. Was she even affected by this? God, sometimes Angelica’s poker face was too damn good.
“I’m sorry about earlier today and Eva interrupting.”
“Some things can’t be helped.” Angelica narrowed her gaze. “I don’t think this is why you insisted on talking tonight.”
“No, it’s not.” Hope ran her fingers through her hair, head bent, and pulled at the strands on the top to shock some reality back into her. This wasn’t going to be easy to talk about, and they were both so exhausted.
“I’m waiting.” Angelica crossed her arms and continued to watch Hope relentlessly.
Hope sighed. She didn’t want to mess up the good thing they had going so far.
They hadn’t even had a chance to feel the bliss of a relationship yet.
And that was all she’d really wanted. Live in the honeymoon phase of the newness for as long as possible and deal with complications later.
But Angelica seemed to be the exact opposite.
Sort out complications now for an easy life later on.
And maybe she was right to do it that way.
“I’m really struggling so just give me a second.
” Hope sighed loudly and closed her eyes.
She had to get her thoughts in order, but she kept flipping between Eva, Cadence, Leanne, Angelica, Rachel, Josef, and this fucking hotel.
It was such a mess, and what she really needed was for someone to sort it out and put a priority order in front of her so she knew which thing she had to deal with first.
Angelica’s thick wall broke. She moved off the chair and came to sit with Hope on the edge of the bed, hand on her knee with a light squeeze. “What’s bothering you the most?”
“Eva!” Hope groaned. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her. She doesn’t act like this, but she’s been so clingy, and it’s been so difficult this week. I don’t know what to do with her to help her. Rex is out of ideas too. And we’re tag teaming everything, but I just… it’s so hard.”
Angelica nodded slowly and squeezed Hope’s knee again. “Have you thought about the fact that the last episode we shot last year was San Diego, when her world as she knew it fell completely apart?”
Hope stilled, a line of tension pulling her tight and straight. “What?”
She hadn’t thought about that. She’d been so focused on the here and now and how well they were doing, that she hadn’t even made the connection between the two.
“I know what happened between us in San Diego, and I know that Eva wasn’t really a part of that. But I assume you and Rex were struggling then. And you and Rachel.” Angelica left off there, no doubt wanting Hope to fill in the blanks for her.
“That’s when he gave me the ultimatum. Him or you.” Hope whispered those last three words because she hadn’t wanted to admit them out loud. Everything about filming in San Diego had been awry. It had been their complete downfall.
Angelica hummed, her lips pursed tightly. “And you made a choice.”
No condemnation could be found in her voice. Pain, yes. But Hope searched to see if Angelica still held a grudge toward her for that decision, and she couldn’t find anything.
“I’m so sorry.” Hope’s eyes watered. “I made so many bad decisions last year. I did so many things that hurt people, and not just you, and I—” she choked on a sob “—I can’t go back in time and do it over again.”
“No, you can’t.” Angelica rocked back on the bed slightly. “But as much as you’ve dealt with Rex and your problems with Rex, there’s still Eva to consider. And I suspect she’s having problems this week because of San Diego.”
“You’re probably right.” Hope bit her lip and ran her fingers though her hair again. This was all so out of her wheelhouse. She was in over her head with drama she’d created a year ago and was still dealing with. “Rachel called me last week.”
“What?” Angelica tensed.
“She said she wanted to work on reconciling. I told her I didn’t have the time to deal with it right now because I feel like my head’s going to explode, but I can’t stop thinking about it.
She’s my best friend—well, she was. But in San Diego, I saw a side of her that I’d never seen before.
And afterward?” Hope trembled. “I’m not sure I can trust her again. ”
“Trust is earned, not just given.” Angelica played a gentle design on the outside of Hope’s knee with her thumb, just a sweet tender touch that reminded Hope that the two of them had been through so much and yet they’d continued to work on their relationship—consistently and slowly.
“I broke so much trust,” Hope whispered.
Those words were still hard to admit, but she needed to say them out loud.
“With Eva, with Rex, with you.” She turned then, locking their gazes together.
Reaching up, she brushed the backs of her fingers over Angelica’s cheek and down to her chin at the echoing frown she saw. “I’m so sorry.”
Angelica nodded slowly, her eyes downcast and her face impassable. “We’re talking about Eva.”
“Yeah, we are. But what I think we’re really talking about is reconciliation, and I’m sorry, Angel.” Hope said it again, needing to make sure that Angelica had heard her. “I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
“I knew you’d choose him.” Angelica looked at her directly, tears brimming the edges of her eyes. “I knew you would.”
“That doesn’t mean it hurt any less.”
“No, it doesn’t.” Angelica looked down, a single tear spilling over her cheek.
That sight ripped straight through Hope.
So much damage done, and all she could do was attempt to rectify it now and pray that Angelica would allow her a single chance to prove she understood and had changed.
Reaching up, Hope brushed the tear away.
She raised Angelica’s chin up and leaned in to kiss her gently. “I’m so sorry.”
“You need to apologize to Eva, too.” Angelica looked at her squarely. “She’s just as hurt by this.”
“She is,” Hope agreed. “I’ll talk to her in the morning when she wakes up, and mention it to Rex.”
“Good.” Angelica relaxed, and she leaned into Hope’s shoulder slightly.
“But we do need to talk about something else.” Hope gripped Angelica’s hand. “And you’re not going to like it.”
She felt Angelica tense, the muscles in her body tightening, but also the air thickening. She hated to do this. When they seemed to just be figuring things out, just barely.
“What?” Angelica asked.
“Cadence pulled me aside, confidentially, to tell me that she saw us kissing in the hallway when we were at Riverside.” Hope’s mouth went dry. She hated this. The bubble they’d attempted to build around their relationship so far had been shattered almost instantly.
Angelica stood up sharply, leaving a cold empty space next to Hope. “What do you mean she saw us?”
“I didn’t exactly ask for details, and she didn’t offer them up. What I know is she saw us.” Hope wrung her hands together.
“And you’re just telling me this now?” Angelica clenched her hands tightly into fists.
“I haven’t had a chance to talk to you alone before now.”
“A phone call! A text!” Each word was pointed and louder than the previous one.
“It’s not a huge deal. Cadence hasn’t told anyone.”
Angelica let out a wry laugh. “Hasn’t told anyone… The best kept secret is one that no one knows. No one. If Cadence knows, then it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the crew knows.”
“And what would be wrong with that?” Hope stood up, trying to keep as calm as possible, but the fact that Angelica still didn’t want the world to know about them hurt. “Why can’t we tell them?”
“This isn’t…” Angelica stopped. She took a deep breath, stretching her fingers out before closing them into fists again—trembling fists. “This isn’t going to end well. There will be questions. Josef—”
“—is as good as out the door.” Hope furrowed her brow. “We don’t have to worry about him.”
“Don’t underestimate that man. Just because he’s been quiet this week doesn’t mean he’ll stay that way.
And if Logan does end up removing him as showrunner, you can damn well be sure he’ll come after me with everything he has.
” Angelica’s cheeks paled. “You don’t understand the depths of his hatred. ”
“Maybe I just like to think that there’s some ounce of goodness in him. He wasn’t always this way.”