5. Chapter 5
Chapter 5
Lilly
I tried my best to ignore the heat that lingered on my lower back from Jamison’s hand on my skin. I had been back for less than ten hours and my feelings for the amazing Jamison McKendry were back and stronger than ever. So much for my promise to Gianna just last week that I was off the market until further notice.
I downed my now lukewarm margarita and shivered as the sour drink burned my throat. I wasn’t one to drink much. Anthony didn’t like when I did, so I was used to one or two glasses of wine—wine was the proper choice for women, according to my ex.
I’d almost ordered wine tonight but quickly changed it to have margaritas with the girls. But now I was second-guessing that decision. Tequila was not my thing.
“Well, that looked hot,” Kristy said as she sat next to me. The man she danced with walked away with a shrug.
I giggled. “I think he was expecting a little more time with you.”
Kristy swiped her hand through the air. “Whatever. It was just a dance.” She wiggled closer to the table and leaned in. “What was it like when Jamison grabbed you to keep you from falling and pulled you tightly against his strong, muscular chest?” she asked in a seductive voice.
My eyes went wide, though I tried to act like his touch hadn’t caused my insides to heat up in a way they hadn’t in . . . well . . . a long time. I failed miserably.
I tried a different approach. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” To avoid her glare, I concentrated on filling my glass. Even though the alcohol was far from what I wanted, it gave me something to focus my attention on. “Need a refill?” I asked as Nolan and Rose joined us again at the table.
Kristy placed her hand over Rose’s glass and lowered her eyes to mine. “Don’t ignore me. I asked you a question.”
Rose’s brows perked up. “What did we miss?”
“I asked Lilly how it felt to be held close by Jamison.”
I met Kristy’s gaze and shot her a go-to-hell look, but of course, she didn’t get the hint. She hadn’t changed at all.
“Come on, Kristy,” Nolan cut in. “Give Lilly a break. She just got home, is fresh out of a shitty marriage, and doesn’t need you to try to get her all worked up over her high school crush.”
I cocked my head toward Nolan. He was our year in school, and because he and Rose started dating junior year, he’d been around a while and was part of the group. But I couldn’t decide if I should thank him for siding with me or tell him to shut the fuck up.
“Nolie,” Rose cooed. I cringed at the pet name Rose has called Nolan since . . . well, forever. “That’s sweet of you to support Lilly, but we shouldn’t talk negatively about her marriage.”
“Are you fucking shitting me?” Kristy blurted out. “Pointing out the obvious can’t be avoided. Her shitty marriage kept her from us for how long? Let’s not forget she had to hide our weekly FaceTime call.”
Rose sighed, “I know, but still . . .”
The two of them would go on all night talking about me like I didn’t exist, just like all the FaceTime calls that went the same way. I know they cared, but enough was enough.
“Y’all.” They didn’t hear me and kept going back and forth about how shitty my marriage was and how much of a dick my ex is. As if I needed the reminder.
“Y’all.” I raised my voice. “Dammit.” I slammed my hand on the table, and our drinks sloshed everywhere, and of course, just then, the band stopped playing, and my voice echoed over the now quiet outdoors of the pub.
A few eyes turned toward us, and even Lance and Jamison cocked their eyebrows. Luckily, my friends also got the message and shut their mouths.
“Damn. Y’all.” I seethed after the moment had passed, and the music started again. “I don’t need any reminders about my ex or my failed marriage. I live it every day, but y’all have to remember I left him in December and had been out of my marriage emotionally way before then, and the divorce was finalized in March. Just because I just got home doesn’t mean it all happened yesterday.” My blood was boiling, and I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks. I didn’t want people to think I was upset and having a hard time with this. My marriage was over a long time ago, and I was ready to move on. I needed to move on.
I held up my hand to stop Kristy from continuing her ridiculous onslaught of Jamison inquiries. “And I agree with Nolan. There’s nothing between Jamison and me. We danced, and he kept me from falling on my ass. As always, he’s watching out for me. I’m still his best friend’s little sister.” I held Kristy’s gaze and hoped she would drop it. “I just got home. I need to spend my time figuring out what I’m going to do next. I need a job, but I have very few skills and no desire to get another desk job.”
“You have your associate’s degree. Your major was nursing. Have you thought about that anymore?” Rose asked.
I sloshed what little ice was left in my drink around in my glass and shook my head. “No. I’d have to finish my degree, and right now, that’s not something I want to spend time on.” I stared in my glass and watched the ice. I hadn’t thought about nursing in forever. I shrugged. “I didn’t work my entire marriage. I became little Susie homemaker, then when I had Maddy, I was the perfect mother. All I can do is cook, clean, wash laundry, and organize a house.” I looked up and made eye contact with each of them in turn. “With my limited office experience, I can add answering phones and taking messages to my skillset. It’s not the best credentials, but it’s better than nothing.”
Everyone avoided eye contact with me for a bit. We sat in silence. Then Rose finally broke through the quiet. “Do you enjoy organizing and cleaning?”
I glanced at her. She was serious. I chewed on my bottom lip. Did I enjoy it? I’d never thought about it. I just did what was expected of me and what came naturally.
Rose continued, “I remember back in high school when we shared our lockers, you always made sure our books were separated. ‘Easy in, easy out,’ you always said.”
“God, and your room.” Kristy scooted to the edge of the stool. “Everything had a place. It was so overly organized. Well, except for the clothes you always threw on the floor, but your closet and drawers were annoyingly organized. I’d move something around just to irritate you.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I remember that. It was irritating. But why does it matter?”
“You can clean and organize people’s houses,” Rose said.
“You could.” Kristy shrugged. “I pay good money for someone to come in and clean up after me once a week.” She took a quick drink. “If you like it, why not?”
I listened as they both, again, went back and forth about me starting a cleaning business. I was only half listening.
I could do that. It wouldn’t be difficult, and helping others organize their lives might give me something to be proud of while also giving me something to do and put money in my pocket. “You’re both right. Things being organized and clean makes me feel better and in control. I guess I could get the word out that I’m available and see if anyone would like some help.”
“I’m sure if you say something to your mothers, they will get word of mouth going at Shear Perfection,” Nolan added. “They know everyone and everything that goes on in this town.”
That’s the truth. The book club gossip group are the women who know all there is to know about the town and the people in it.
I entered my mom and Charles’s house around midnight. I don’t remember the last time I was out so late and had so much fun. I tiptoed into the kitchen and about lost my last margarita when I turned on the light, and my mother was there. I jumped back and placed my hand on my racing heart. “Mom, you scared me. What are you doing sitting in the dark?”
She chuckled and got up from her stool. “It’s not dark when you’ve been sitting here as long as I have. The light over the stove is just enough.” She got out a mug. “Let me get you a cup of tea.”
Hot tea. My mother’s medicine for everything. The flu, a sore throat, a broken heart, or just needing to talk in the middle of the night. I took the mug and sat on the stool next to the one she just vacated.
“How was Maddy?” I asked as I took a sip of the hot liquid.
“She was an angel.” My mom’s face lit up. “I took her to Tonya’s to meet Darcie and James. They hit it off and became fast friends. They got along so well, she asked to spend the night. I hope it’s okay; I said yes.”
That was great news. I hoped Maddy would make friends. She didn’t have many in New York. Yet another issue with having a controlling father. “I think it’s awesome she wanted to stay. Thank you for letting her.”
“Oh, of course. It was so wonderful seeing her play and laugh with the grandkids.” She blinked rapidly.
“Mom, come on,” I placed my hand over hers and squeezed. “Don’t cry.”
She patted my hand and wiped her eyes. “Oh, honey. This is how it should have been all along. It’s too bad these babies needed to wait almost five years to become friends.”
“I know, Mom. I know.” My heart clenched. My mother couldn’t realize how true her words were. It was time to explain.
“Mom, things with me and Anthony were pretty crappy from the beginning.” She started to say something, but I stopped her. “Please let me finish. I need to explain.” I placed my hands around my mug. The warmth of the liquid gave me courage.
“The first year in New York was fun. We went to all these parties and had an amazing life. I didn’t have to work and went to lunch at the club and the spa with the women. Anthony and I had fancy dinners at home or in expensive restaurants. I thought I was living this amazing life.” I took a deep breath. “Then he started traveling more and more for business. When he came home, he would question me about what I did and explain what the expectations were for me as his wife when he was gone, as if I didn’t already know. The second year, I became pregnant, and it was instantly an issue. He had no time for children or for ‘his wife getting fat.’” I enunciated those words. “Luckily . . . God, that sounds awful . . . the pregnancy didn’t last long before I had a miscarriage.”
Mom’s eyes went wide.
I glanced at her with tears clouding my vision. I’d never told anyone about that except Gianna. She knew because she was the one who took me to the doctor. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, Mom. But it wasn’t something I ever talked about. During the few months of my pregnancy, things with Anthony became really rough. He started yelling a lot. I thought if I wasn’t pregnant, things would become better. Then I had the miscarriage, and a part of me was glad and thought he’d be happy again. But things never changed, and I realized then he didn’t love me.”
“Honey. I wish you had said something.”
I shrugged and shook my head. I didn’t have anything to say that could change anything. I took a sip of my tea.
“Lilly, please answer one thing. And be truthful.” My mom held my hand tightly. “Did he ever hit you?”
I chuckled. “No, Mom. He was never physical with me. That was always my fallback when Gianna would mention his behavior. In my mind, everything was fine because he didn’t hit me; now I know he had control over me mentally.” I paused, took a sip of my tea, then continued quietly and thoughtfully, “Until he started cheating. I should have left him then, and I wanted to. When I came home for the funeral, I wanted to stay. I didn’t want to go back, but I had to, or at least I thought I did. The day before I left New York, I found out I was pregnant and decided I needed to give our marriage one more shot, for the baby.” My mom squeezed my hand. I smiled and wrapped her hand in mine. “It didn’t go well, as you know, and once Maddy was born, he became so much stricter and more stressed. He hated her crying and hollered at me for being a bad mother and not knowing how to keep her happy.”
Tears started falling down my cheeks. I wiped them away. “Gianna was there for me, and gave me the name of a divorce lawyer, so I started to plan how to ask for a divorce when Maddy was one. It just took a long time for me to work up the courage.”
“Wait, you were pregnant when you came home?” Tears streamed down my mom’s face. Shoot. I didn’t want to upset her.
I nodded.
“Baby girl.”
“Mom, I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. I was scared and knew I needed to tell him first. Gianna was with me when I told him. She was my rock, Mom.”
“I know she was. When Charles and I visited, I could tell she was a good friend. She was such a sweet person.”
My mom sat up straight and jutted out her chin. “Baby, all that is just water under the bridge. You’re home now. You and our sweet girl. Now, you get to live the life you deserve and surround yourself with people who love and care about you. About both of you.”
“Mom, thank you so much.” I gave her a hard hug. We held on to each other for what seemed like forever, and when we let each other go, everything was better. I sat up taller. My confidence had returned. “Now I need to find a job, and the girls helped me think of something I can do.”
I filled her in on my discussion with Rose and Kristy about starting a cleaning service. She thought it was a great idea and asked me to come by the hair salon on Monday. They could get me started and put the word out.
Home was a wonderful place to be.