27. Chapter 27
Chapter 27
Jamison
I t was early morning when I made it home. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d slept so soundly and woke so refreshed. It had been a while, I was certain. Waking with Lilly beside me was something I could get used to.
I grabbed the half and half from the refrigerator and shut the door much harder than necessary. Darcie’s picture fluttered to the ground. I picked it up, and my legs became weak. I slid to the floor and leaned on the kitchen bar.
My gaze was fixed on the woman above the rainbow.
Carly. My throat became thick with emotions.
“I miss you so much, Car,” I whispered.
Becca, always loving when someone was in her territory, pushed her fuzzy face to mine and gave me a lick. I pushed her away, so she laid on my lap. Nothing like a dog to comfort you.
Her fur was soft, and I thought back to the day Carly and I picked her up at the animal shelter. She was a furry white ball, so tiny. Carly named her and held her all the way home. They were two peas in a pod. “You miss her, too, don’t ya, girl?”
Becca’s large brown eyes stared up at me, and she let out a little whine. I placed the picture on my lap, scrubbed my hands over my face, and stood.
I paced the kitchen as my insides clenched and tightened.
Carly was gone. I was tired of being alone, and finally, my heart was open to someone again, but it was my best friend’s sister and a girl from my past. I glanced at the picture I gripped in my hand. Darcie’s words came back to me. Did I believe God’s promise that he wanted us happy? Damn if I know.
I rested my hands on the kitchen island, leaned on my arms, and hung my head low. “Lord, if you’re really watching, and still care about me, why would you have put Carly in my life if I should have just been with Lilly from the beginning? We had a good thing so long ago, but I fell in love with someone else and moved on. If you want me to be happy, you could have put anyone else in my life now. Anyone but Lilly.” I clenched my hands into fists. “Why her? Why now?”
Rage, hurt, heartache, I don’t know what it was, but it welled up and exploded. I punched the wall. My hand went through the drywall, and pain shot through my fist and up my arm. “Fuck,” I shouted and shook my hand. Becca came to check on me. “I’m taking a shower, Bec.”
I stomped up the steps. I had to get ready for the jamboree.
I pulled into the parking lot by the field house a few hours later. I’d called my mother and asked her if she would get Darcie to the jamboree today.
“You’re late,” Lance shot at me as soon as I entered the field house.
I rolled my shoulders back and stretched my neck to each side. I didn’t miss the irritation in his words. This was not the place to do this. “But I’m here.” I pushed past him and met with the other offensive coaches who were talking with the line.
It was time to head to the field. Lance fell in step beside me. “Stay up late last night? You look like shit.”
I’ve known Lance all my life. We’ve been best friends since preschool, and we’ve had more arguments than I’ve ever had with my brothers, and because of how close we were, I didn’t miss the edge to his words. But now wasn’t the time to discuss it. “Yeah, I did. I was up most of the night. You don’t want to hear why though, do you?”
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that.
His gaze narrowed, and his nostrils flared a bit. “We’ll talk later.” He stalked away.
“Hell yeah, we will,” I muttered under my breath and trailed behind the coaches and team. One good thing about being a volunteer—they couldn’t fire me for not being one hundred percent involved.
“Daddy.” My gaze fell on Darcie as we passed the sideline, and my heart lightened a bit.
She was in her blue sweatpants and a gray T-shirt with tigers on it. Her hair was in a ponytail wrapped in a blue, gold, and gray ribbon. She looked like a beautiful, yet miniature, Carly. “You look just like your momma, princess,” I told her as I swept her into my arms.
Her tiny hands held the sides of my face. “That’s what Grammy said, too.” She puckered her little lips, and I placed a kiss on them.
I pulled at her ponytail. “I like your hair and your bow. It’s perfect.”
“Thank you. Lilly met us at Grammy’s and put all our hair in the same ponytails and tied these ribbons around it.” She felt the bow. “Me and Lena and Madeline all have the same ribbons.” Then she cocked her head. “What’s wrong, Daddy? You look mad.”
I took a deep breath and tried to relax my face muscles. My issues did not need to upset her. “Nope. Just focused on the game and watching you at halftime.”
She squinted her eyes like she did when she was scrutinizing my words. I guess she was okay with what I said because she gave me a kiss and wiggled out of my arms. “Bye, Daddy. Make sure to watch me.”
“Of course, princess.” She skipped away toward Madeline and Lena, and my eyes met Lilly’s. My heart raced. She waved, and I met her at the fence.
The smile she gave me lit her face. “Good morning, again,” she said.
I really wanted to kiss her, but this wouldn’t have been the right place, and certainly not the right time. “Good morning, again. Thank you for doing Darcie’s hair.”
“Not a problem.” She swiped her hand through the air.
She placed her hand over mine, and when she gave it a squeeze, pain shot through my hand and up my arms. I winced and jerked my hand from her grip.
“Jamison.” She grabbed my hand gently, turned it over, and passed her fingers over my red and swollen knuckles. “What happened?”
“Trust me,” I said as I pulled my hand from hers and gently flexed my fingers. The pain wasn’t as bad as it was earlier. “It’s not worth the story.”
She gave me the same scrutinizing look as Darcie. “Are you okay?”
I chuckled. “I must look like shit. First Lance said so, then you and Darcie both asked me the same question.” I put a strand of hair behind her ear, and the warmth of her skin calmed my racing heart. “Trust me, I’m fine.” Our gazes held for a beat, and she brought her hand up and covered mine.
“Good. I’ll see you after the game?” she asked.
I didn’t miss the question in her tone. I smiled and nodded. “There’s nowhere else I’d want to be.” Then I walked across the field. It was time to get my mind on the game.
“Good job so far, guys.” Lance concluded his after-quarter pep talk. The team had played their first game well. It will be a good year.
“The coaches are heading to Jerry’s Pub for pizza and drinks when we’re finished here. You’re planning on joining us, right?” Robert asked me.
“Well . . .” He caught me off guard. I know we usually go celebrate and talk about the season, but I wanted to be with Lilly. “I don’t know. I was planning on taking Darcie for ice cream with Lilly and Madeline.”
“Seriously?” Lance entered the office, and his tone was edging on irritated. “You’re going to break with tradition to take your daughter for ice cream with my sister?”
“And Madeline. You know, they’re best friends.” I wanted to focus on the girls, not on Lilly. Well, not totally true. I wanted to focus on Lilly, on everything Lilly, but I didn’t think that’s what Lance wanted to hear. Especially after how he left last night.
“Can’t break tradition. Wouldn’t be good juju.” Lance slapped my shoulder. “Come with us. You know your mom will take Darcie.”
“Yep, the team doesn’t need any negative vibes going into the season,” Robert agreed. “Hang with us for a bit, then go do what you need to do. With whomever you need to do it with.”
“Fine. I’ll go for a little bit. Ella Raye better not be there. I’m not a bit interested in her.” I made eye contact with Lance. “I’m going to go find Lilly and watch the girls’ halftime routine. I’ll see if she’ll watch Darcie. That way I can see her later.” I left the office. Two could play this game. If he was going to be childish about me seeing his sister, I’d just have to shove it in his face because Lilly was exactly who I wanted to be with.
We were adults, and he had to grow up.