30. Chapter 30
Chapter 30
Lilly
K rysty, Rose, and I were on Rose’s back deck enjoying a glass of wine, while the girls watched a movie in the living room with Nolan, when Tonya, Ruth, and my mother joined us.
“Hello, ladies,” Tonya said as she took a seat. “Wasn’t today so much fun? Our girlies were so adorable.”
“I agree,” said Mom. “Seeing Madeline on the Orlinda Valley football field was exactly how it should have been. And she had so much fun. Her smile lit up her face the entire day.”
“I know,” I agreed. “I can’t remember the last time I saw her as happy and content as she was today.”
“It’s so good she’s here and going to grow up with our granddaughters,” said Ruth. “Now, if we could get Diane and Tom to move here, and Leila and Adler to follow. Then all the kids could grow up together.”
“Yeah, well, don’t get your hopes up,” Tonya answered. “Adler and Leila are quite happy where they are.”
“Yes, they are, but we didn’t come over here to talk about them,” Kaye said. “We came over to get y’all out the door to have a child-free night. Go to Jerry’s Pub and enjoy yourselves.”
“Find someone to take your minds off things,” Tonya said as she looked directly at me.
“Smooth, Tonya,” I said.
“Thanks. I know you had a long night last night.”
“How?” My face heated.
“He’s my son. We talk.”
“Yeah, well, if Lance would get his head out of his ass and stop being a jerk, it would be easier for Jamison and me,” I said, irritation attached to every word. “Mom, what’s his problem?”
She shook her head. “Don’t know, but if he doesn’t relax, I’ll talk to him. He’s probably just concerned about you.”
“Concerned? I’m interested in his best friend. He should know Jamison’s a good guy.” I stood and held up my hand, to show them the discussion was over. “You know what? I think I’ll go surprise Jamison. He’s at the pub. Let’s go, ladies.” I didn’t want to ruin a great night talking about my brother.
“Sounds like a plan,” Ruth said. “Make sure to grab Nolan on your way out. We’ll stay here with all the little princesses and babysit.”
“Yep, and I’ll take Maddy home with me later,” my mom said.
It didn’t take us long to get out the door and loaded into Nolan’s truck. Once we were situated in the back seat, Kristy poured some wine.
“Seriously?” Nolan asked as he drove.
“What? It’s not against the law for us to drink in the back seat,” Kristy said. “It’s also not the first time you’ve driven while we drank.”
“True,” I agreed. “But this is the first time he’s driven, and we’ve drank in the back seat since being of legal age.”
Kristy nodded. “True that, girlie.” She tapped her red plastic cup against mine, and we drank. “I got a sip for you, Rosie,” she said and took another. “It’s a good night to get drunk. Who’s with me?”
“Not Rose,” answered Nolan. “I plan on having some fun tonight, and if you get her puking drunk, I’ll be holding her hair back as she upchucks in the toilet. Not the kind of fun I want.” He reached across the seat and put his hand on her neck.
“I like your kind of fun,” Rose agreed.
“God you two, get a room,” Kristy said. “At least I have Lilly here. She won’t let me down.”
“I don’t know. If Jamison has his way, he might be wanting the same thing,” Nolan said, making eye contact with Kristy in the rearview mirror.
“He’s not lying,” I said with a shrug. “Getting drunk with you or spending a hot night with Jamison? I’m picking the latter.”
“I guess things are going well with you two?” Rose asked.
“So far. We both seem to have some skeletons to deal with. Trust is going to be something I struggle with for a long time.”
“You don’t have anything to worry about with Jamison. That’s not the kind of guy he is,” Kristy said. “And it’s awesome you two are back together after your fling so many years ago.”
I stared at Krysty. “That was really sweet of you,” I acknowledged.
Rose turned to face us. “Yeah,” she agreed. “How much wine have you had to drink?”
Nolan turned his head toward Rose. “What the fuck is she talking about?” He made eye contact with me in the rearview mirror. “You and Jamison had a fling? When? And why didn’t I know about it?”
“First off, trash the language, and second, I just found out myself,” Rose promised him.
Nolan pulled into the pub’s lot and parked next to Jamison’s truck. “For later, so you don’t have to look for your ride home.” Nolan winked, and we all got out.
“Did you send Jamison a text to let him know you decided to meet him here?” Rose asked.
“Nope. I thought I’d surprise him,” I answered as I followed them through the door.
It was a typical Saturday night at Jerry’s Pub. The country music floated to us from the outdoor patio, and voices were loud. The crowd was thick when we entered, and we made our way to the back patio. Kora, Darlene, and Summer were seated around a high-top table.
I gave Kora a hug. “It’s so good to see you.”
“It’s good to see you,” she said. “Are you ready for tomorrow?” Tomorrow we’re heading to Nashville to have a girls’ weekend and dress shop for the wedding. October would be here all too soon.
“I am. I haven’t had a girl’s weekend in. . . I can’t think of when I’ve ever had a girl’s weekend,” I said.
“High school graduation we went to Florida,” Kristy said.
I nodded. “Yep, and that was probably my last time.”
Summer poured us drinks from their pitcher of margaritas, and my eyes wandered around.
“Looking for someone special?” asked Darlene. “Like maybe, my brother-in-law?”
It was dark, but I know I blushed. I could feel my face heat. My eyes rolled to the ceiling as a slow song started. I can’t lie. A bit of disappointment filled me as I continued to look around for Jamison. I would have loved to feel his arms around me as we danced.
My eyes halted and my stomach churned.
I found him. On the dance floor with his arms around a woman.
“Who’s Jamison dancing with?” Kristy asked.
Leave it to Kristy to understand what I was thinking.
“That’s Ella Raye. A teacher from the school.” Kora answered quietly.
I remembered Lance talking about her. “Lance was trying to fix Jamison up with her. He mentioned it last night at the cookout.”
Just then, there was no mistake what I saw as everyone at my table’s eyes went wide and Kristy’s hand went to my arm.
They kissed, right there on the dance floor.
My stomach fell and twisted in a knot.
Bile rose in my throat. “I gotta go,” I whispered and ran from the table, pushing my way through the crowd.
I ran out the door and around the corner of the pub away from the door and any windows. I leaned on the wall and dry heaved, but nothing came up. The last time I felt this way was when I found out about Anthony’s cheating the first time, then again the second. I swore I wouldn’t put myself through this again.
“Hey, you okay?” Kristy asked.
When I turned toward her, she was blurry from the tears I had yet to shed. I shook my head. I couldn’t say anything. My voice wouldn’t work.
“Lilly,” she wrapped me in her arms.
“You want to go?” It was Nolan’s deep voice. Great, just what I needed, an entire audience as my heart was torn out again.
“Talk to us, Lill,” Rose said.
I sniffed and wiped my nose on the back of my hand, but refused to let the tears fall. I stared off into the darkness. “I don’t know what to say. I shouldn’t be upset. It’s not like we ever said we were dating or exclusive or anything. It’s not like he hasn’t broken my heart before.”
“Lilly,” Rose reached out and tried to pull me toward her, but I pulled away.
I raised my hand in front of me to keep them away. “What am I doing?” I asked, as I turned my gaze to the stars. Every muscle in my body tensed as my heart pounded in my chest. “This is bull shit,” I yelled. I made eye contact with Rose and Krysty. “Maybe we didn’t say that we were exclusive, but we did say we liked each other and wanted to see where things went. I won’t let a man get away with treating me like garbage again.”
I needed to face him now. Let him know what I saw.
I pushed past them and headed toward the door. I flung it open and pushed my way through the crowd. Adrenaline pulsed through my veins and propelled me forward.
Kora hollered at me, but I ignored her. I was focused and found what I needed as my gaze fell on Jamison across the bar. Ella Raye was standing with her friend. Good for her. She doesn’t need to get in my way.
“Lilly,” Jamison said, concern in his voice as I approached his table.
I stared at him. His face was filled with possibly guilt and surprise, yet a smile didn’t quite meet his eyes. He needed to explain what the hell it was I just witnessed.
“Hey.” A hand was placed on my arm.
I turned and saw Darlene and Bryson standing there. It was Darlene’s hand. “I’m okay,” I told her as I brushed her hand from my arm.
I turned all my attention on Jamison. “I saw you on the floor with her.” My gaze left him for a split second and fell on Ella Raye who was still with her friend, not far away. “You’re an asshole.” I tried to keep my voice calm, but my blood was pounding in my head, and it was getting more difficult to keep calm.
“Lilly,” Jamison began as he reached toward me. “It’s a misunderstanding.”
His eyes begged me to listen. I gritted my teeth. I didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. “What? Do you think I’m blind?” My voice was filled with bitterness and anger. “I know what I saw.” I couldn’t do this. I turned to leave.
“Please,” Jamison said as he grabbed my arms. “Bryson and Darlene told me you saw Ella Raye kiss me, and I know it sounds ridiculous, but I didn’t kiss her back.” His voice pleaded with me.
I tried to ignore his words and refused to look him in the eye. My gaze fell instead on Lance. He was at the next table with Ella Raye, and the one, I guess, was Jayla, the girl he was seeing. Our gazes locked and he raised his brow . Why doesn’t he stick up for Jamison? Why doesn’t he tell me I was mistaken? I flicked my eyes to Ella Raye. She had a smirk on her face and twirled her hair around her finger as she leaned in to talk to Jayla. What an absolute bitch.
I had a sudden desire to gouge out her eyes and punch that damn smirk from her face, but I wasn’t that person.
“Can we please go outside and talk?” Jamison’s pleading brought my attention back to him.
I closed my eyes and took a deep cleansing breath. “Fine.” I turned away not waiting to see if he followed. I ignored everyone at Kora’s table and the concerned voices I heard as I passed. As soon as I was outside, I walked around the corner where, just a little while ago, I thought I was going to puke. Now I just wanted to hit something.
Jamison touched my hand, but I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest, bit my bottom lip, and leaned against the wall. Act cool, like this is irritating and a waste of my time.
“I sent you a text,” Jamison started. He was nervous. His hands reached out to me, then he stuck them in his pockets. “But I didn’t hear from you. She was bugging me to dance, and I told her I wasn’t interested, but agreed to a dance. One dance turned to two. She kissed me, and I pulled away as quick as I could.” He leaned over and made eye contact with me. Even though I tried to ignore him, the pull of his gaze held me, and the anger I felt lessened a bit.
Jamison continued. “She pissed me off, and I walked away. I was having words with your brother when Bryson and Darlene got to me.” He grabbed my hands. “You’re the only one I want, Lilly. I told you that, and I meant it.”
My heart clenched. I pictured his lips on hers, and bile churned in my gut again. I swallowed down a lump of emotion. “I want to believe you, Jamison.” My eyes welled up with tears and Jamison became blurry. I blinked quickly to clear my vision. “I can’t. . . no, I won’t let a man do this to me again.”
I pressed my teeth together and pushed my shoulders back. I held his gaze. I had feelings for Jamison, and I believed what he said, but this was too soon, and my heart was still raw. I shook my head. “I believe you, Jamison. But I don’t think I’m ready to feel like this or put my heart out there again. I need more time to figure things out.”
Jamison’s shoulders slumped and his face fell. My heart cracked.
“Fine,” Jamison said. His eyes slowly met mine, and his glistened. “If you want time, I’ll give it to you, but please know, I didn’t kiss her. The only mistake I made tonight was not leaving the minute the meeting was over. I should have gone straight to you, and this wouldn’t be happening.”
“Maybe I needed to see this, though.” I held up my hand to stop his objection. “How do we know these are real feelings, and not just left over from whatever we had?”
“Because I know.”
“But I’m not sure, Jamison.” I squeezed his hands. “And I need to be sure.” My gaze traveled over his face. His eyes filled with unshed tears, and the muscles in his jaw twitched. My heart cracked some more, and I had to will my gaze to stay on his and not look down to his lips. The hurt in his eyes made me want to give in.
A part of me needed to kiss him, but I also needed to be sure he was not only the one I wanted, but the one I needed. It wasn’t just my heart on the line. I had Madeline to consider, and our families.
“Okay.” He nodded. “I care for you enough to give you any time you need.” Our eyes locked and he opened his mouth to speak, but then clenched his lips tightly together and walked away.
I heard his truck door close and watched as it pulled out of the parking lot. I leaned my full weight on the brick wall and covered my face with my hands.
“Lill? You okay?”
I dropped my hands and Rose and Kristy were there. I nodded.
“He didn’t want her to kiss him,” Rose said in a soft voice.
“I know,” I nodded. “I believe him. But I told him I needed time for myself. . .” There was more I wanted to say, but my voice cracked.
Kristy wrapped her arms around me, and I cried.
I felt Rose place her arm over my shoulder. “You know what I think?”
“Yeah, we do,” said Kristy, her voice uncharacteristically soft and caring. “And you might be right this time.” Kristy pulled me away. “If you and Jamison are meant to be together, you will be. If the time is right, it can’t be stopped.”
I laughed a bit, wiped at my face, and glanced from Kristy to Rose. Rose always said those exact words and believed it with her heart. “I’m going to have to believe it, too. But now, I need to focus on me and figure out what I want and what Madeline and I need.”